my awakening
I’ve been thinking.
I want to die.
I'm so done
Done living in this awful nightmare
Sometimes
When it breaks into a dream
It flits away
Broken
By the monsters
Who return to claim me
I want to wake up
SOMEBODY
Please.
Shake me,
Pinch me.
I’m trapped
There’s so escape
I imagine the jailer
He must have an evil grin
A spoiled and yellow one
He must be squealing
Cackling with pleasure.
'You will learn'
Honestly, will I?
I feel myself slipping
The horizon comes nearer
Every day
I hurt.
I ache
I long for my awakening
-----
I’m tired of being trapped
Inside my head
I long to let go
Maybe I should start
Writing notes
Saying my goodbyes
Wishing the best
To those who can stay
I’m down to the last sip
Hope
Has lost its savor
Now it’s a bitter word
Not meant for me
Buried too deep under layers of sand
Heavy sand
Suffocating me
I don’t mind me
I hate where I am
I hate what I do
I’m sick
And Tired
Very Tired
I’m Tired of this ‘dream’
When will it end?
A storybook
Is what I am
Plots twist
Dragons around every corner
Torture
Forbidden feelings
Longing
Joy
Loneliness
I want my story to be over.
I can end my story.
I can put down my pen
And let it end
Ugh
I will always wonder what sort of sequel
There could have been.
Lost
Take a life lesson
from the twist of life
a path
that you strayed off of
and wondered
if you should go back.
Too late now
the bridge
has crumbled
and the bricks
were swept away
by the raging river.
You stand by the shore
wondering
thinking
pondering
on life.
There is no way to get back
to the path
you once were on.
The woods behind you
are deep
and untraveled.
You would get lost so easily.
You go anyway.
In this forest,
you feel alone.
So alone
and lost,
lost in thought,
and lost in this dark trap
that hides the light.
You stumble and fall
over
and over
and over
again.
Stuck
in this somber place,
where there is no hope,
no chance of escape.
Bleak,
forboding,
sinister.
Head down,
arms folded.
A chill
washes over you.
A cry
an aching
stuck in your throat.
Emotions
colorful and sharp,
slice your heart.
Suddenly,
the world around you
falls.
Silence,
and you are pitched to the ground.
Worthless,
not needed.
Intoxicating thoughts
poison your head.
You search
for hope.
It seems as if
all is
lost.
Suddenly,
you are drowning.
Gasping
for air,
stuggling
against the powerful current.
The battle
rages.
Just when you think
you can last no longer,
a wave
carries you,
gently,
to the shore.
You lay there,
stunned,
your breathing rough
and bedraggled.
You get up,
cold,
wet,
and shaking.
Ahead of you
there is a clearing
surrounded
by tall birch tress
that stand tall
against the roaring wind.
As you walk towards them
they sky’s dark
and gloomy
cover
cracks.
An unfamiliar thing
filters through the thick barrier
of clouds.
Light!
It dances with the leaves
and the wind.
It brushes your cheeks
like butterfly kisses.
Joy,
pure joy,
wraps your heart
in a soft embrace.
A smile
plays on your lips
and grows bigger.
Laughter,
hesitant at first,
and then confident
and bubbling,
spills from your mouth.
The wind is no longer
shoving
and pushing,
so you stand up
straight.
You look up
at the now clear sky.
Warmth
from the sun
caresses your face.
So this,
is happiness.
Having gone
so long
without it
You’ve forgotten
how much you need it.
How much you
wanted
to be happy.
This is what it feels like,
To be lost.
And then
Found.
#Benz