Hell is a basic fact of life now.

Even when I’m in a crowded room,

Loneliness comes anyway.

Please, get me out of here.

My strength is wearing out. Can I

Even hold out to the end?

Oh well. It’s only emotions.

Unless I cut.

Then it becomes more than sadness.

My small body quivering,

I slip under the worn wood table

Clutching my ragged teddy bear tightly to my chest,

I peer out at the scene before me,

My eyes squinting and wanting to close

Outside my safe little shelter,

I see Mama and Papa facing each other,

Their arms swinging widly

As words are flung back and forth

I don't understand everything said,

But the bits I'm able to decipher,

Are angry and harsh

Not at all the way Mama and Papa usually speak

The words are loud, scary, carving into my tiny ears

I don't want to hear anymore

I curl up on the cold tile floor,

Holding teddy against me

And as the screaming goes on,

I eventually drift into a fearful sleep

A while later, I wake up to Mama plucking me out from my shelter,

Her hands gentle, her blue eyes red and puffy,

As she softly murmurs, "I love you,"

A tired, weary smile is on her face

Hate

It's such an awful feeling

One I never want to experience

Yet, I'm swallowed up by its wicked temptation,

Time and time again

I know it's wrong, that hatred is not the answer

But with time, I've found it's so much easier

To hate than to love

With hatred, all vulnerability melts away,

A mask of ignorance to block out all the shame

As long as it's worn, you can never crack,

Never really be hurt

It's the much simpler path

With love, there's no guilt,

None of the self loathing festering deep down

Instead, a warm, lovely sensation resides there

But love leaves you open,

Your emotions laid bare,

If you're damaged like this, it's impossible to cover back up

There's no running, not a sliver of yourself hidden

With love, you're left wide open

It's so much easier

To give into the hate

Than to foster the love

I send a text

I wait, wait, and wait some more

Anxiously checking my phone,

I keep searching for a reply back

When that response doesn't come,

The doubt sets in, flooding my mind

Deep down, I know you probably just forgot

Like you tell me all the time

But there's a part of me,

A dark fragment buried underneath

That frets and worries,

Feeling hurt, thinking it's all just a ruse

That this friendship isn't real after all

The possibility terrifies me

I don't have many friends

You're one of the precious few I've managed to acquire

If you leave, who'll I have left?

As time goes on, I question more and more

Is it all an illusion?

Do you really care?

As I stare at the blank screen,

Waiting for a single reply to light it back up,

I wonder,

Am I even worth your time?

Furious father demands the ring you gave me,

convinced that you’re “only after one thing.”

We share the age discrepancy

of Shakespeare’s star-crossed lovers,

So everything you say must be

Sinful lies, you slithering snake.

I am bent over the bed,

being beaten with a belt across my back,

A slave in my own home.

My tears slide down slowly,

hoping that this salty sea

Will carry me back to you in its current.

Four years passed,

Furious father replaced with

another abusive ass.

I kissed the town goodbye

and rode off into the sunset with you,

My Romeo.

I crept along the moonlit path in the rain, wet leaves sticking to my shoes, eventually blowing off in the biting breeze. I dreaded autumn. It's the season of gloomy days and finger numbing chill. Most people are happy when it arrives; they get to cozy up next to their loved ones and sip on hot tea, watching some sappy movie in front of the heat of glowing embers in the fireplace. Not me. Not since the accident exactly one year ago that tore apart my heart and my sanity.

She was my home, my once-in-a-lifetime love. Her glossy auburn hair complemented the changing leaves perfectly. Her face radiated joy, emerald eyes alight with excitement at all the possibilities life had to offer. She smelled of cinnamon and warm vanilla, my favorite scents. Penelope was the light calling me back to shore in the raging sea that was my mind. She died last Halloween, killed by a car full of drunk teenagers. They weren't punished by the judge, ruling that "one little accident shouldn't destroy their lives." Instead, they had to send me apology letters. How cute.

It would have been better to send them to jail. At least they were protected behind all the gates, guards, and bars. It was time for their "little accident," and trust me, it would ruin their lives.

I had followed them to the old house that stood in the forest clearing, trailing them as silent as a shadow. The boys carried candles and a Ouija board, and the two girls with them clutched brown paper sacks. There was no doubt in my mind that the sacks held more liquor; my chest blazed with the white hot fires of hatred. I decided to let them have their fun. They would be nice and frightened when I exacted my revenge.

"Xander, what are we doing here?" one of the girls whispered. "This house doesn't look structurally sound." Hah! That would be the least of their worries in the end.

"Shut up, Tonya, everything is going to be fine. Some of the guys came here last year, remember? We'll be fine. Just relax," he replied. Yes, please do relax. Everything will be juuust fine... for now.

I watched from the broken window as they lit the candles in the dusty, abandoned den. For a while, they just talked and drank. After about an hour, Xander unpacked the Ouija board from its box and the foursome placed two fingers each on the planchette.

"Spirits of the night, we call to you! Speak to us, commune with us this night!" they called, slurring their words a little. A little dramatic, but I had to appreciate their dedication.

Nothing happened for ten minutes. Just as they were about to give up, the little planchette slowly started moving.

H-E-L-L-O

Tonya gasped and almost took her fingers away before thinking better of it.

"Who sits among us?" She asked. A pause, and then...

M-U-R-D-E-R-E-R

The other girl started trembling a little, and I chuckled. Good; serves her right. The two boys were grinning and asking the others which one of them was moving it. Both asserted firmly that it wasn't a prank. They asked more stupid questions, wondering if the spirit was a murderer or was murdered. Tonya offered to help it "cross over." There were no more replies, so they gave up. None of them remembered to say goodbye. Pfft, amateurs.

Xander stooped down to pick up the board when a strong breeze blew the candles out and plunged them all into darkness. A strange energy swirled, making me shudder. What was that?

Just then, a female voice floated up from the portal of green light breaming from the floorboards.

"Why did you kill me?" she moaned, and a sorrowful sob followed.

My breath caught in my throat, and my legs threatened to buckle underneath me.

Penelope?

On Earth where mammoths roam no more.

I watch as the immortal beauty of the trees dance in the wind.

The colorful leaves twirl as they welcome the Fall.

By the ocean I watch as the sleek seals play and do their dance.

I shed a tear and it falls into the grass.

But as I finished crying, my last tear falls on the petal of a rose like dewdrop in the rain.

I look up and all I see is gold

They fall like raindrops but with such beauty and grace

Golden colored leaves fill the sky

It was like watching the sunset for the second time

They make a golden trail that lives up to the phrase of “follow the yellow brick road”

I wonder where it could lead me

Hopefully somewhere warm and beautiful

A place filled with laughter and joy

A place I call home where the coldness of Fall brings us all together.

I welcome Fall with open arms and a warm hug

It brings a smile to my face as I see this golden wonderland

I dance along with the leaves as they twirl and twist in the air

Fall, the most beautiful season of all.

You’re so far away

I want to see you today

I want to go your way

I want you to hear these words I have to say

Just three little words

Yet I’m a bundle of nerves

My heart hurts

With the way it burns

Just three little words

I love you

Hi hi! It is I: FreakyWeeb! I have come today to share a message with my lovely, lovely followers!

Okay, enough with the dramatics.

So, I just wanted to explain my absence. I have been moving quite a bit and I moved to a new city in the state I was already living in. I have traveled south! But some things have happened that have cut down on my activity quite a bit (obviously). It's probably none of anyone's business, but I'm going to share anyway.

So I had moved because of bullying at school. When I moved, things got better, then the semester reset. I was being bullied again and was taken out of public school to be homeschooled. In that period of time, I was also attacked by my now-ex boyfriend. Things got better, though. I graduated school a year early! I have applied for my first college here in Georgia. I also have made a ton of internet friends to make up for the ones I don't have because I wasn't in public education, and I even found a wonderful girlfriend who will always be my biggest fan.

That said: yes, this is a happy ending, but there's still lingering problems. I am now undergoing therapy for trauma and social skills, and I also have had no will to write. I'm restarting some things, however, and starting some new! So, I really hope everyone enjoys what I can come up with! <3

What is poetry?

Some words

A medium

Music without song.

An army of ideas in my head

Choice noise

Option overwhelm.

My place to be real with myself.

Because no one cares.

I have finally arrived

All these years pushing

and I am finally alone

Ever an outsider.

So I whisper to Prose through my phone,

Admissions, confessions, regrets....

Because these are not things that people want to hear.

Poetry.... heartsong.

Poetry... evidence of emotion

Poetry... fate in form

Poetry is magic.

Spell(ing) out our truth.

Words are a chance to see.