Maybe this is how it was always supposed to end

No closure. 

Maybe I am supposed to create my own closure. 

To teach me that

If something comes

It can leave

Without reason.  

It was when I left

You spoke to god

The god you thought didn't exist. 

And when I came back

It was then you believed in him

Even more than you believed in us. 

Holding your little hands

Protecting you from this world

Looking into your eyes

And falling in love over and over with something only 2 created

I mourn your loss

I wonder what you would have looked like

A little fighter

A hero of my mind

A saviour of my love

A teacher, I would have learnt more from you than you would have from me.

I hope your little soul is dancing amongst the clouds

Like a beautiful angel watching over me

I wish I could have watched over you.

I feel you, I think of you

My little love

I feel like I know you.

I have become delicate 

Carrying all your weight

With the little strength I had

But I loved you,

I really did;

And that is why

Your pain was mine

But mine was never yours

I am listening

Am I?

I look at you

But my thoughts are

Far away

My eyes are blank

I can feel

How empty I must look to you

You ask if I am okay

I respond

"Better than ever"

How easy for me to lie through my mouth

Though my eyes tell a different story.

I am here

But I am far away.

She was walking past the house where it all happened. A house that no one now lives in, almost eerie as though it was haunted. Grass bending from the length, you could almost feed every cow in the world with it. Glass still shattered from escape, graffiti all over the wooden front. 'Pig' 'Evil' 'Devil'

It was haunted, a different haunted, haunted with cringing memories and evil actions. Flash backs hit her like unexpected high beams from incoming traffic.

Ropes, whips, blood, sex, torture, vulnerability.

She could still remember the pain from the punches she got when she screamed "No!"

The scars from cigarettes he used to put out on her skin, like a permanent reminder.

"If your mother was still alive, this would've never happened, sweetheart...it's just a shame for you that you look so much like her."

They say when one door closes

Another opens

"Hold the door!"

I scream

To who, I do not know

Maybe God...

"I'm not done yet.

I am not ready to enter another door

But please

Hold the door.

Let me find my own way there."

And he listened.

But

Finding my own way there

Meant that I had to get lost.