Half a bottle of cologne

Someone broke into my car the other day.

They must have been desperate. I don't have any tint on my windows, my seats were dirty and covered with dog hair. It's been a couple weeks since I got it washed, I guess all of us are going through some struggles. I had half drunken water bottles all over the floor, (I swear I was going to drink them later). I didn't have much inside my car. Just the usual change in the middle dashboard (couple quarters, pennies, and nickels), They took that too. I checked my middle console where we all rest our arms whenever we feel tired after a long day’s work (I guess I didn't have anything of value to them), but they must have liked the way I smelled, so they took my cologne (It wasn’t full, less than half). I guess I can’t be that mad, almost feels like a compliment.

Pick

"You know...she told me what you fucking did," I say as I look down on him, standing and clutching the bottle. He is tied to the chair, unable to move.

"And I mean EVERYTHING." I raised the bottle to my lips, and the instant fire rushing down my throat makes my jaw clench and eyes shut.

"But... PLEASE! All that was years ago, you know I’ll never do that now" that asshole says to me. "Please! I never do it again!" he begs again. I lean in close to him and put my lips next to his ear. "Yeah... is that after the first time... or the tenth time you put her outside?" I spat at the side of his face. "More than once, am I right? Outside?" I asked him as I reach towards the table picking up a toothpick. "Yet that isn't the worst of it, is it?" I asked him as I put the pick in my mouth. The snot begins to run down his mustache like the disgusting fuck he is. "IT WAS YEARS AGO!" he screams at the top of his lungs, hyperventilating after each breathe.

"Yeah, I'm sure she felt the same way you do now, right? Scared, wanting it to end? Not knowing what the fuck I'm going to do?" I get the pick out of my mouth and pick up his head with my hand so I can stare at his eyes. "See, I don't get it though. You keep doing everything you told her not to. Why do you keep shutting your eyes as if you don't like, this?" I grabbed the toothpick with my right hand, held it between my fingers, grabbing his left eyelash with the other hand, pulling it just enough for the inner lid skin to show. "NO NO NO NO," he begins to scream. I positioned the toothpick just under his top eyelid. "I don't know why you keep hoping for a miracle? She waited for one and it never came... well then again, in a way it did, now am I right?" I laugh.

"AHHHHHHHH,"

That glorious, beautiful scream he lets escape is something out of a dream, a dream she imagined every night if she could.

I lift the toothpick just enough for it to be poking through, but not breaking his skin. "DAMN! That must hurt, but like I said, I wouldn't want you to close your eyes or else you wouldn't like it!" I laugh as I place the bottom end of the toothpick on top his upper cheek bone while the other end fights to break the skin underneath his lid. "Now, don't blink, or at least try not to so hard... you wouldn't want the toothpick to pierce through, now would you?" His eye began to turn bloodshot red, as his head began to shake, fighting the urge to shut his eye.

"See, here's the thing..." I pull up a chair and sit in front of him. "You keep talking about how you've changed, blah blah blah." I slap his knee, and with one quick violent twitch, the toothpick tip pierces right through.

"AHHHHH!" he screams in agony, but I swear it's an accident.

"To be fair, you should have seen my hand. Your eye was open." I laugh. A shitty excuse for a shitty person who deserves it. "Now” I looked at him, staring at his eyelid. It's fine; its twitching enough to close a little. "You can tell me all day and night how you've changed..." I pull the chair closer until both our knees are inches away from each other. "... but there really is only one way to see if that's the case." I get up from the chair and reach behind him.

“Here it is.”

Shining like a water oasis in a desert, his eye began to widen. A crystal-clear bottle shines from the light of the only lamp in the room. He tries looking away, but I slap him where the pick is, and the bottom half of the pick pierces into his cheek like a needle. Nothing but the air escapes his lungs, holding in every ounce of pain, his chest started convulsing as he breathes in and out. Under his breath, he whispers, "I won't." And I tilt my head in confusion, not quite sure if he understands the situation he's in. But that doesn't matter. I raise the bottle closer to his face and begin to take the cap off.

"MMMMMM, smells good, don't you think?" I ask him as drool begins to run down from the corner of his lip. Running the glass underneath his nose, his mouth began to twitch. "Damn, even your body is forcing itself to drink some. It remembers the taste, and I'm sure that side you say ‘isn't there’ still is." I take a quick swig from the bottle before placing it down between his legs, his eyes peering down as if a puppy looking at dropped food.

"If you don't want it, why do you keep looking at it?" I ask him. Shaking, he just stares at the bottle.

"So, the deal is..." I walked towards the other side of the lamp. "... I can place the bottle on the table with a straw, and you can drink to your heart's desire while you tell me everything from your mouth... and then I kill you..." I move into the corner, engulfed in shadows, and roll out an IV with an empty plastic bag attached. "Or... I tie this around your neck and the needle in your arm and make you tell me and watch you die slowly from the poisoning." I grab the bottle between his legs and cross my arms. "Your choice."

That piece of shit tries spitting on me.

"So be it."

He tries to wiggle out of the chair, but he isn't going anywhere. I made sure he had to feel powerless, just like he made her feel. I get the bottle and pour it into the IV. "What are you doing?" he asks me, freaking out. "NO NO NO! PLEASE, I'LL DRINK IT!"

"Too late. You should have taken the chance when I offered," I laugh as I roll the IV behind him and begin wrapping the plastic tube around his neck, piercing his veins with the needle.

"See, the thing with injecting alcohol directly into the bloodstream..." I tell him as I'm pouring a shot glass into the bag. "... is once it hits the bloodstream, it works a little more differently... Well, at least according to Google, anyway..." I put a clip on the tube to slow the drip. "... so, I thought I'd try to slow the drip and see if we can slow the process down just a bit so I can see you change in front of me, and well, if that doesn't work, then it doesn't work. Either way, you're dead, and that's all I really want in the end." I walk back in front of him, sat down, and looked him in his eyes.

"Now... she told me she used to sleep outside whenever you came home... rain, winter... Hell! She said one night she had to use plastic trash bags to keep warm while she heard you snore from the outside." He started to cry, trying to find any words he can. I looked at the IV; a couple of drinks in here and there since we started, and it's still going pretty well. "She told me one time you locked her in the shed because you were just mad one day. Now, is that really true?" I ask him, he doesn't say anything. "Well, so much for Google being right, huh? I guess it doesn't work as fast, but that's fine." I get up and stretch out a little. "I'm not going anywhere," I laugh.

About five minutes go by while I'm in the restroom, and I can see it starting to hit him. "How are you feeling, huh? Doesn't it feel good again? Remember this feeling? You barely feel the toothpick, right?" I laugh as he begins to lick his lips, the toothpick moving little by little with every expression he gives. But that doesn't matter since he can taste the alcohol now. His eyes look glazed and lost. "Yeah, it's been a while. Give it a few minutes; I'm sure you'll be back to your original self." I can see the change happening. He has heavy breathing, a deeper voice, and a look of nothingness to his eyes. "That's it. Feel it coming back, don't you?" He begins to tilt his head up from the chair, wobbling, and he laughs. "Yeah, you remember..." He just smiles and laughs while looking at me.

"You remember THAT night, don't you?" I asked him, but he just can't stop smiling at me, his eyes burning red. "... the one night you promised she was fine, and it was OK for her to be inside." He just smiles and looks at me. "... you came home that night... promised she would be fine..." He lets out a little chuckle, "... what did you do... tell me..." I lean closer. "Tell me!" I began to raise my hands and open my palms to wrap around his throat.

"We wouldn't be here now if I didn't," he whispers and laughs, opening his legs as wide as he can. The sick fuck sticks his tongue out.

I wrapped my fingers around his neck, feeling every muscle tighten between my fingers as the blood rushes through my palms. I squeezed until his eyes are out of their sockets, his face bloated and swollen. He starts to shake as I watched every ounce of life leave his body.

Then he was still, quite,

lifeless.

Yet, I still feel as if he is smiling at me.

“We wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.” still haunting my head.

A couple of hours go by, and I'm finally home. Nothing more I want to do than just go to bed. I take off my shoes as I hop into bed and roll over. A few hours go by, and there is a knock on my bedroom door. "Mom?"

She opens the door.

"Can you come downstairs, please?" I see her eyes are red, holding back tears. "I mean, is everything OK?" I ask her again. "Just please come downstairs," she tells me again as she walks back down the hall. I turned around to put on my shoes and begin to walk down the hall, passing by my grandmother's room.

There she is, just looking out her window, sunlight creating a radiant glow around her. She turns to look at me and gives me a smile and I smiled back. I turned back around and headed downstairs, where my mother is sitting at the table. "Please sit," she tells me, holding a tissue to her face.

"Is everything fine?" I ask her, already knowing what the answer was.

"The police came... they found..." Here it is I thought. "They found... your grandfather. He's gone," she says crying into my arms.

“Mom…” I say looking at her, but before I can say anything else my grandmother walks in and places her hand on my shoulder.

So, I stayed silent for her.

Anti-Social

Who are we? If not what we post on social.

Our dreams and fears, wrapped into one.

The angles, the flash. Everything to show those

who we never met, how life is

beyond a screen. Is it our fault technology became so addicting?

or phones replaced the apple that was once given to us in the garden.

How does the metal tastes as it drips down your mouth?

Is it as sweet as the chocolate you ate as a child?

Do the hateful comments bring you the same joy your parents did

When they said they loved you?

Or does it take little hearts to show you what your worth?

If there is a god, I pray

Not to Jesus, buddha, or even Yahweh

But to the child staring at their screen

Living a lie, and caught in a dream

Forgive us, when death becomes serene

Martyr

No matter how many stops I make

The road will always call me home

The endless asphalt winds into dirt

Leaving a trail less traveled by man

Like Icarus galloping towards the sun

I fall the closer I get towards home

A curse and gift it is to leave the ones I love

My curse be lifted as I leave the one I love

Time slows the further away I am

Trapped in a purgatory

As faces grow old around me

The dirt, now a path of bones

As life no longer exists this close to the sun

The dust from crushed skulls now become clouds

Raining once more

A curse it is to bring the ones you love to tears

Yet the garden has never blossomed as lovely

As when you cry

Cursed be thy life

Cursed be thy pray

An endless cycle till one meets the ocean

And is now swimming in an open abyss

Now I whisper this prayer past these waves

“Forgive me mother,

For I have sinned. I have learned my lesson.

And changed within. Im no longer the boy I knew.

My evil ways are gone and through.

In your eyes you see my father.

So here I lie, life of a martyr.”

Architect

Do you remember the power you had

When you crushed an Ant with your finger?

To know the life of something once living

Was taken away by your very hand.

You once killed something that was,

Lesser than you.

Beneath you.

You were God

In that moment.

You Were god.

Death.

Life.

All in your palms.

Following the paths you have made.

Association

Birds of a feather, flock together.

So why do you hate when people compare you to the others?

You hold your head high

Originality is key

You follow the same steps layed out in front of you

Created by those you desperately seek approval from

You sell the ink that drips from your veins

The sludge that darkened your blood to the bone

Are you holding onto your past?

Or slowly suffocating your future?

Yet, its not your fault

Just everyone else’s around you

Anxiety

It’s the worry at the back of your head.

You don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bothering you.

It looms over you like a angel demon at night

Waiting for the moment to steal your body.

It burns your throat like the lie truth you never told.

Yet, you don’t know what it is.

It’s nothing.

It’s peace.

It’s everything you pushed deep deep down.

Hoping to never surface much like yourself

From that dark dark hole.

Rock of Madness

Have we descended into a world of madness?

Where the only escape is a realm of drugs.

Breathing in the burning euphoria,

choking as it grasps your throat.

Death knocking with every flame.

Home has become the hydrant at the corner.

Water in the gutters fit for a king,

a Kingdom of sticks and stones.

Fallen from the heavens,

burning rock as bright as morning star.

Lost boy

His feet were bloody

His soul’s in two

He walked towards

The bright blue moon

Forgotten and alone,

Wandering the road.

Searching for a home

he will never know.

A child lost,

He has shattered his cross.

Looking for a love he was never shown

Suspended

There’s something about being high in the cold night air that just blends together. All I could do was smile as she was pulling my arm to follow her. I had no idea where the fuck we were, but I loved every moment I was spending with her. She was just what I needed with this high, she kept it going. She stopped and turned to me to hold me tightly in her arms.

"Just before anything..." she whispered in my ear "I just... I really like you and this is something that... I just hope you understand about me when you see it."

I took a step back and her emerald-colored eyes were staring back at me. I could see the worry wash over her eyes, as her wall of vulnerability begins to fall.

"Look I told you at dinner... fuck it... you promised not to hold back your love then neither will I." she hugged me as the words left my lips something told me she never wants to let me go.

"Ok, Ok..." I comfort her as I look up at the fogged lights and damped warehouse buildings "... so apparently this part of LA means a lot to you, so go ahead, show me why! Remember I'm up for anything as long as I'm able to smoke a bit more when I'm in there."

She laughs and kept pulling me to follow her down the alley till we reached this rusted sliding door on the side of an abandoned building. She turned to me and gave me one last kiss on my cheek before turning back around and inserting this key into a hole in the wall.

Just as I hear the lock turn my heart skips a beat with it. I took another hit just before walking across the rail, and she slid the door closed right behind me. I took a deep breath as the darkness surrounded me, and just like that, as soon as I exhaled this glowing black light appeared above a white door. She began to walk quickly with excitement, she was overjoyed. I just couldn't understand what it all was exactly, but I was drawn with fear… and lust. Yet, I undoubtedly trusted her. I took another hit, and she laughed, "You'll be fine I promise!" she said happily as she squeezed my arm tighter.

The door was like an entrance to another world. It led down this hallway with multiple doors on both sides, lights wrapped around each of the frames, each one with a different color. The most beautiful rainbow anyone has been able to capture below the clouds, trapped down in a hallway in some warehouse somewhere in shit filled LA.

She began to spin and twirl her way down the hall. Her fingertips gliding across each door. She stops and looks at me.

"I figured since you told me about yourself over dinner and were open about a lot, that you might enjoy this." My heart began to skip a beat with every step I took. My hands shook as I reached down my pocket to find my pen to calm my nerves. She was standing in front of a pink door. "Close your eyes." she told me, but I was frozen and couldn't move.

"Close them." She whispered to me, and like a stage curtain they fell. I felt her hands on my shoulders and she began to move me in front of the door. I felt her lips against mine one last time and heard the door open.

Even with my eyes closed, I felt her hands wrap around to cover them. She was behind me pushing me forward. All I could hear was the background noise, some sort of low beats mixed with people's whispers. My hands were shaking, sweating, and she kept pushing me forward, each step becoming shorter than the last. Then she turned me around with my eyes still closed.

"Don't worry you can open them. You're only going to see me." She whispered as I felt the warmness of her touch leave my face. My eyelids felt like a ton each, slowly, one after the other, they opened, and she was standing right in front of me. The wall behind her lit up with the same pink lights as the door frame outside.

"Just trust me." She told me as she began turning me around. Instantly the pen falls out of my hand. There were a few groups of people sitting, just hanging around having a few drinks, some on their phones talking about their day at work. Almost purposefully ignoring what I was seeing.

"This is what I wanted to show you." she said as she wrapped her arms around my body. Her hands felt the heart attack beating inside my chest.

In the middle of the room was this brunette. She was suspended in the air. Hands tied behind her back, and her legs wrapped in beautiful white scarfs keeping her thighs open. Another scarf hiding the rest of her beauty below her eyes. Some artistic form of Shibari.

She was staring at me without making a sound, but I feel her talking to me through her scarf. I looked underneath and couldn't believe what I saw, a "Caution When Wet" sign. My body was frozen. I couldn't register what it was I was seeing, yet I couldn’t look away. I began to feel her arms leave my body as she walked towards the woman floating in the middle of the room.

"I just wanted to show you... I am into things too." And her hands began to move between both their thighs. Her fingers began to move back and forth, and the brunette's eyes began to close.

Silence started to creep around the crowd. Soon all we could hear was the breathing and moaning coming from the middle of the room where we stood. Both their eyes were focused on me while everyone was looking at them. The scarf around her mouth began to move in and out with every breath. Then with one loud gasp, drops began to flow down the brunette’s thighs, dripping on the floor, next to the sign.

Just like that she started walking back towards me, licking her fingers. "Come!" she waves at me, and again she is pulling my arm to follow her back out the room. The people in the back murmuring with approval as they were lowering their decoration suspended in the room. She laid on the ground curled, legs shaking.

I opened the door and again it was like stepping into another world. She started walking down the hall to a different shade of color. I already knew to follow her.

As we walk down the hall, she opened another door. Red

"This is my favorite color." She says to me as she walks inside the room.

I walk in after her and close the door. It was just the two of us. We walk into the middle, and she starts taking off her clothes.

"This is what I like, and I thought… I could show you." she said as she began unbuttoning her jeans. They hit the floor, and the door opens behind me. It was the brunette from the pink room. She walked towards me and laid me down on the floor, wrapping her scarf over my face. She got on top of me holding my arms together above my head, tying them together so I wouldn’t fight back. Another female walked through the door, this one I had no idea who she was. She was wearing a white masquerade mask, and her silk robe matched.

The brunette slowly turns my head back towards her till I’m staring in her eyes again. Her hips began to move faster, back and forth as she leaned in close to me, biting my lips. The woman in the mask slowly stepping closer behind my Deity who brought me into her reality, her world.

I watched as my savior got on her knees, one hand between her thighs. Again, the brunette turns my head towards her, and leans in once more,

"See me." She whispered as she moves her hips quicker.

Then a loud gasp comes from the side, but the scarf held my gaze,

"Look at me." She says again as her hips move faster.

Another loud gasp, and the brunette reaches down and puts her hands around my neck.

Another, but I can't stop staring at the angel in front of me.

Then she turns my head towards the middle of the room.

The woman in the mask standing with blood on her hands.

My goddess, naked, licking the blood from her lips as she forces one hand deeper between her thighs, moaning with each punch she is given. The girl in the mask kicks her back against the ground, watching me as she moaned. Suspended no more, the brunette squeezes her thighs tighter.

Her hands never letting go from my throat.