“Can you keep a secret?” 

“Nope.” 

… 

“Are you really my friend!?” 

“Sometimes I question that myself. In all honesty, if our mothers weren’t best of friends, I doubt I’d even associate myself with you.” 

“Wow! Talk about dropping the ball!” 

“Sorry, I really don’t get your baseball terminology Logan.” 

“That’s why you’re not on the friggin team!” 

“Correction my meat-headed friend. I chose not to run around and hit balls just to have a bunch of nobodies cheer for me.” 

“Gosh. How can you have such a terrible personality that contradicts your name Eun?”

“How can you have your brother’s looks and not his brains Lo?” 

“Shut up! I’m handsome, smart and way better than Liam!” 

“Yeah, I’m going to have to disagree with you on all of that.” 

“Ji-Eun!”

“Logan~” 

“Duncan!” a voice bellowed. We froze and turned to look down and saw Coach Grant giving us the death glare. 

“Co-coach. Haha. What nice weather we’re having today, huh?” Logan stuttered beside me. I just shook my head. This pathetic idiot. 

“Oh, I’ll show you nice weather. Now get your ass down here before I drag you down myself!” 

“Ye-yes sir!” 

“Pff.” I didn’t even try to hold back my laugh and it earned me a glare from Logan. Can you blame me? The interactions between the coach and Logan are just so hilarious. A great source for comic relief. 

“Stop it you idiot.” 

“Sorry, I just can’t-pff-help myself. Your face literally spells ‘I just pissed my pants’ pff.”

“Sh-shut up! I did not.” 

“Did too.” 

“Did not.” 

“Did too.” 

“I did not you baka! Maybe a little.” he said the last bit in a quiet voice. 

“Sorry, wrong Asian language region. Korean not Japanese. Also eww.” Logan’s face was flushed and he started throwing light jabs at me on my side. I laughed and looked down and saw Coach looking towards me now. He had a hard look and I knew what that look meant. I just shook my head and saw him sigh. 

“I’ll give you 3 minutes Duncan to get your ass out on the field!” 

“Sir yes sir!” Logan stood and saluted. Coach just shook his head and walked back to the other side of the field. He’s lost all hope for this idiot and so have I. 

“Geez Lo. Why don’t you go on and say ‘Why grandma, what big ferocious looking teeth do you have?’ dumbcan.” 

“But he does Eun! I mean those totally look like they might just bite my head off and don’t call me that!” 

“Not much to chew off that brain of yours though.” I said cracking my neck.

“Shut up.” Logan was totally fuming and pouting at this point. Then I saw his expression change and him looking all goo-goo eyed at a group of girls that were near the front of the stands. More specifically at one girl in particular. 

I sighed. “Are you seriously staring at Allison again? You’ve really got it bad for her huh dude?” 

“Shut up! She might hear you.” he wailed. 

“I’m pretty sure the entire school, including her, knows that you’ve got a crush on her.”

“What!?” 

“Seriously man. You’re terrible at being in incognito mode. That’s why you always strike out when you go up to bat. Open book much?” 

“I’m not an open book and I can hit the ball too!” 

“Yeah, like once in a blue moon.” 

“Whatever. You’re just jealous cause I like her.” 

“Ah, so you admit it?” 

“I guess I have to act manly once in a while. I admit though that she has indeed piqued my interests.” 

I clapped my hands. “Big words for a small mind.” 

“Screw you.” 

“No thank you. Anyway, what gives? Why don’t you ask her out before someone else makes the move?” 

“That’s what I’ve been wanting to tell you.” he huffed. He placed his hands on my shoulder and looked me in the eye. 

“You have to keep it a secret and not tell anyone. Especially not to Liam.” 

I blinked. “Lo. You do know both you and Liam are twins right. Even if I didn’t say anything, your brother would like, totally be able to read your mind.” 

“That’s why I hate him so much! Why does he have to use his telekinesis on me!?”

“Telepathy you mean and it has nothing to do with your twinning powers. You’re just…” I trailed off. 

“Just what?” he said in a worried tone. 

“Do you really want to know?” He nodded his head. 

“Alright. You’re just…” 

“Just…” 

I leaned in and said in a low deadpan voice, “Just...you.” 

“...What?” 

“Logan Duncan people. One in a million. A slow-paced idiot who can’t land himself in a relationship unlike his brother.” 

“Why you little!” He started ruffling my hair. 

“Haha.” 

“Come on Eun! I’m being serious here.” 

“And so am I Lo. Love you. Now tell me what’s this great big ‘secret’ you want to tell me about.” 

“I’m seriously having second thoughts about this.” 

“Don’t you always?” Logan crossed his hands and made a show of thinking whether to tell me or not. I just prompted my head up with my hands.

“Hmm. Oh, alright. After the game tonight, I’m really gonna do it?” 

“...Do what?” 

“I’m gonna ask Allison out, that’s what.” 

I blinked. “Good luck with that bro. Lucky has never been part of your name.” 

“Eun why do you always have to be such a big meanie!?” Before I could open my mouth to respond, I saw an arm go around Logan’s shoulder. We both looked behind him to see Liam standing in his white baseball uniform. 

“Tell me little brother, do you want to get punched multiple times in your solar plexus until you vomit up all your internal organs or be strangled in my headlock? Hm?” 

“Uh...neither. Cause I’m pretty sure I’d end up dead in both cas-TIME! Time, time. Uncle. I give, I give Liam. Stop it-I’m tapping out now. Tap, tap. Li!” Liam used his death grip on Logan who in return was struggling to get out of it. Are all twins like these two? No, I think the Duncan twins are the exception. 

“Idiot. Coach is gonna put you through the wringer.” Liam said exhausted and let his brother go. 

“But, it hasn’t even been 30 minutes yet!” 

“Dude. Coach said 3 minutes, not half an hour.” 

“And this is why this dumb-nut is failing his Calculus class.” 

“I am not!” 

“Yes, yes you are now, get out on the field before I drag you down there butt naked. Wouldn’t want those groupies to post it all over social media now do we?” 

“You wouldn’t dare!” 

“Try me. You’re already an embarrassment. Don’t make it worse for yourself.” 

“Eun.” Logan looked at me all puppy eyes. 

“Now, now Lo. You’ve already sun tanned long enough here as is. Now, go do some actual baseball stuff so people will know that you’re in the club and not just a problem child who’s trying out to be the school’s mascot. Baegchi.” 

“You-you baka! I hate you both!” He said and turned around and bounced down the benches. 

“I’ll show you up tonight!” He stuck out his tongue and headed out to the field. 

“That idiot really irritates the hell out of me. I’ve already got my hands full dealing with the team. I can’t deal with his antics too.” Liam said, taking off his cap and running a hand through his blond locks. 

“Why is being captain too much for you big man?” I jeered. 

“Don’t push it Ji-Eun Soo. You know I was born to be a leader.” 

“Yep. Big whoop. The king of a bunch of high school baseball players. What’s next? World domination?” 

“Jee how’d you know?” 

“I won’t bet my money on that plan succeeding.” 

“Never wanted your small pocket change either. I wouldn’t be able to use it for anything.” We looked at each other and burst out laughing. We then stared at the field and saw Logan getting scolded by Coach. He’s definitely gonna make him run laps. 5 at most. 

“You know that idiot would really do well in matches if he focused in on practice and not horse around.” 

“He would, but he’s got his head full with other thoughts.” 

“Let me guess, girls?” he scoffed. 

“Dead on. One girl in particular.” 

“Allison Moore.” 

“Dude. Twinning much.” 

“There’s no such thing as Twinning too much. Plus someone’s gotta keep the little brother in check.” He said putting on a smile and waving to the girls below on the side. I heard them squeal and giggle. I rolled my eyes. 

“Ever heard of privacy?” 

“Nope. Not when it concerns you two.” 

“Such a busy body.” 

“Yep. Love being busy and this damn fine body. Girls and guys just can’t seem to take their eyes away from it.” He smirked. That was definitely aimed at me. 

“Idiot.” 

“This is kinda why I hate Twinning. I catch some of Lo’s stupidness.” 

“Might do you some good.” 

“As if.” We went back to staring at the field. It was a bright sunny day. The weather wasn’t too hot either and there was a gentle breeze blowing. I took in a deep breath. I missed this. The feeling of throwing the ball. The sound of it being caught in the pitcher’s glove. The metallic ring when the batter hits the ball. Everything. Just everything. All the tiny little details included. I missed it all. I missed playing baseball. 

“You know...” 

“Hm?” I glanced up to look at Li. He was watching the others out on the field with that look in his eyes. A look I knew all too well. A sense of pride and fulfillment. 

“Logan’s not the only one who could improve his skills in bat & ball.” And there it was. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t know when he would bring it up. He hasn’t brought it up in a while though. 

“Did coach put you up to this?” 

“He doesn’t need to Eun. I’m always thinking about it. No, we all are. Even Logan. Though that idiot doesn’t bring it up much cause he knows it’ll hurt you, he still wishes you’d come back and play ball. It might actually motivate him to do better and improve his skills.” 

I laughed. “I wonder about that?” 

“It’d help me...” Liam turned and looked at me and I was immediately captivated. How can anyone not with that look on his face. His eyes were practically pleading. 

“Come back Eun. I need you. The team needs you.” I furrowed my brows and forced myself to look down at my hands that were now collapsed tightly together. 

“I...I can’t Liam. Not yet. I-I just can’t...” My voice was strained and hardly sounded like mines. 

“It’s already 3 years Eun. 3 years. They’re not coming back and you can’t let that drag you down any longer. I can’t see you like this anymore.” 

“I know...I just-I-I just need some more time that’s all. It’s not easy to get back on the mound after a 3 year long blank. I just...I haven’t even held a ball in all that time.” 

“I know, but—” I looked up and saw Liam sigh and grip his neck. He then closed his eyes and looked as if he was in deep thought. 

“Sorry.” he said at last. “I didn’t mean to rush you.” 

I shook my head. “No, Liam I should be—” 

“Eun no. You have nothing to be sorry about. That incident was never your fault. You need to know that and I’m gonna keep on saying it till it gets through that thick ass skull of yours.” 

I huffed. “Thanks for calling me thick skinned.” 

“Anytime...take as much time as you need Eun. Just know that I’m here for you and always will be. I just...I just want to see you on the mound again...” 

“Yeah…” I did too. Taking the mound. Being at the center of it all. The feeling of a worn out ball between my fingers. What I wouldn’t give to feel that rush once again. Throwing the ball with all my might and seeing it soar through the air. “Strike!” I want to experience that feeling once more. Just once more. I want to be the ace once more. But...I can’t, because I can’t get that day out of my head at all. The game, the rain, the crash. I’m frozen at that point and no matter what I try to do, I can’t get that memory out of my mind. I can’t forgive and forget. I can only just remember and suffer through that pain all over again... 

“Well, I better get back down there—” I broke from my trance upon hearing Li’s voice. “Wouldn’t want Coach to come after my sorry ass now too.” 

“Pff. Can’t have the Captain be dragged away by the ear in front of all his fans now can we?” 

“You wish. You’re coming to the game tonight right?” 

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Your brother’s finally got the guts to ask out his long time crush.” 

“Shit. For real? You’ve got to be joking?” 

“I wish. I’m planning to film the whole thing and make it into a documentary. ‘The End of Logan Duncan’s Long Time Love’ here he now lies a wallowing mess. RIP.” 

“How extraordinary.” 

“Right?” We laughed. 

“But if that fool is planning to get his heart broken, I don’t think tonight’s the night.” 

“Why not? Better to get it over and done with.” 

“True, but he won’t have a chance after tonight’s game.” I raised an eyebrow confused and Liam gave me a small smile. 

“Remember who we’re up against?” It took me a second before I realized and my eyes grew wide. 

“No way. McKinley?” 

“Yep.” 

“Damn.” 

“Damn it is. We’re gonna get our asses handed to us.” 

“No you won’t.” 

“Eun you know we totally will.” As much as I hate to admit it, Liam was right. McKinley was a renowned school. Geeks in academics and beasts at sports. Their teams were on a whole other level, especially baseball, and for some stupid reason McKinley and Hayden High were always at each other’s throats. It was always a war zone when it involved the two schools. God, it’s like something straight out of a ridiculous fictional book or movie. 

“I just hope we don’t have an embarrassing score difference.” 

“Agreed.” 

“You know—” Liam said, turning to me. “We might have a fair chance if we had our old ace back.” 

I gave him a look. “Don’t let Miller catch you saying that. He already hates my guts as is. Don’t make it worse Li.” 

“Whatever. It’s the truth and everyone knows it.” 

“He’s a good pitcher Liam.” 

“Yeah he’s good I’ll admit, but he isn’t you.” 

“Liam—” 

“I know. Anyway~ Times a ticking. Gotta go over and plan our defense.” 

“No offence?” 

“Too risky.” 

“Whimp.” 

“Shut up. Oh, Emily’s gonna save you a seat. So, sit with her and the others. The least you can do is cheer for us.” 

“Sure. It’s all for charity right?” 

“Sometimes that mouth of yours is really something.” 

“Right. Real kissable-Ah! Hey!” Liam slammed his cap on my head. 

“Yeah, yeah. Totally. Love you.” 

“Dude. This level of bromance is so gonna make Em jealous.” 

“As if. Her Fujoshi ass would love it.” 

I laughed, “That’s true.” 

“Alright.” Liam turned and started to head down the bleachers. “Wait for us after practice? We can go chill at my place and I’ll drive us over for the game.” 

“Sure. Can I stay over for the night?” 

“Obviously. Someone’s gotta comfort Lo for his heartbreak.” 

“Pay me?” 

“You wish.” Liam said waving his hand and jogging down to the field.

Logan had finished running his laps and looked tired out. He still had a long way to go for practice. I saw Liam ruffle his hair and Logan try to swat his hand away. I chuckled and spent the rest of the afternoon watching the team practice with a jumble of thoughts running through my mind. I want to play...I want to play baseball again...I sighed. Let’s just hope nothing worse happens tonight…

You know. I seriously think karma has it out for. I don’t know what it’s deal is, but by the looks of it, it seems I’ve got a target on my back and it’s out to get me. The game was over and just as Liam and I predicted, it was McKinley’s win. We lost badly with a 5 point difference. As if the night couldn’t get any worse, it did. I found myself slammed against the wall by Hayden’s baseball team’s number one enemy. McKinley’s baseball team’s Captain and Ace, Spencer Hoffman. How did I find myself in this situation well, long story short, I saw Spencer Hoffman and Allison Moore making out, ravenously if I may add, behind the bleachers and well here I am people. About to get beat to a pulp. 

“Well, well what do we have here? A Haydian sneaking off after getting his ass beat in a little baseball.” 

Shit. 

“I’ve got a party to catch so let’s make this quick. Can you keep a secret?” Two people from rival schools making out in secret. Especially when one of them is on a sports team where dating was apparently “forbidden”. I saw them and could possibly tattle at the cost of getting beat up. You know, I never liked being intimidated or told what to do. Also, I’m not great at keeping secrets, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I choose to do the smart thing. I stared him dead straight in the eyes. At those green orbs and said in a calm, clear voice, “No.”

#Baseball #PlayBall #Bat #Ball #Captian #Ace #Friendship #Trama         

From ashes to ashes, from dust to dust. A phoenix rises and soars above. Over the vast trees and tallest mountains, it soars high into the endless blue skies free for all eternity from the hands of man. From the shackles that bound it in their grasp. It soars high and burns its flames above the azure blue skies and into the starry night. Guardian of the mountains, protector of the forest, teller of the seas, keeper of the skies. It has many names and duties that it plays, but one thing shall forever remain the same, from ash to ash, from dust to dust, a phoenix is born anew. A myth to some, a hope to others. Tales of this great creature passed down from generation and generation. Like a torch that is lit and passed down, the phoenix lives on for all eternity. Even if none can see it now or hope to obtain it’s eternal fire, it is of no consequence. For even if this great bird can no longer be seen, it’s fire lives on burning eternally. The fire now passed down and lies in the hearts of man who have once tried to bound the bird in chains and seek its power. The phoenix saw that the humans and it were more alike than it thought. From this endless cycle of pain they are reborn anew and hope ensues. The phoenix has passed it’s fire to humans and it’s eternal flames lies in the hearts of man. Giving them hope. Giving them pain. Giving them freedom to live for another day. From ashes to ashes, from dust to dust. A human rises and soars above on wingless feet. Free from the shackles that bounded them for all eternity. To reach towards the sky. To reach towards the stars. To find their freedom that needs no cost. Nor a life.

#Phoenix #Ashes #Dust #Rebirth #Sky #Wings #Humans #Freedom #Hope

I don’t understand emotions and because of that, I don’t understand my own feelings. Emotions are far too complex and abstract. Certain criterias need to be met for each emotion. For example, if you’re happy, you need to feel happy. You need to smile and be laughing. If you’re sad, you need to feel sad. You need to be crying and lonely. If you can’t follow the rules for each emotion then you, you’re not normal and if you’re not normal...then you’re something else. You’re abnormal and because you are different from everyone else around you, you’re sometimes called names that dehumanize you. Monster. Demon. The devil. Bloody bastard. Trash. Garbage. Skum. Beast. Animal. Gross. Disgusting. Die. Disappear. Go away. Liar.

You should never have been born…

Maybe...maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m all those things and much, much more. Maybe I’m not like you all, but that doesn’t mean I have to be. I don’t need to fit in. It’s alright. We are all different and unique in our own ways. Maybe a bit too much and because we are, because I’m a bit too unique than what most call unique and different, I’m the outcast. The reject of society. But I don’t mind it at all. Because, no one really taught me how to fit in. How to be ordinary and not different. That’s why I don’t mind being an outlier. But…sometimes...just sometimes...when I’m starting to grasp at these complex emotions. I start to feel, or at least I think I do, overwhelmed. It gets hard to deal with all their indifference. That sometimes I get a little on edge. And if I’m pushed off the cliff, then it’s best if you keep your distance from me, because I don’t know what I might just do. And even if I do, do something unthinkable, I won’t regret it because I don’t understand what emotions are.

That’s why I think it’s better to fit in amongst everyone who’s normal. Or, at least pretend to. That way it won’t really matter. Whether I’m different or not. That, I’m not normal, because if I pretend that I am, that I’m like one of you, then, you won’t know that I’m different. That I’m indifferent to you all. That way, you won’t see me coming. Coming to steal your emotions away and make them my own. So I can become a bit more human. A bit more like you and see, whether it’s better to be different and inhumane, rather than be a human being with these multitude of complex emotions...

#Complex #Emotions #Human #Inhuman #Psychopath

One day is not enough to express how important you are to me.

Nor is a single word.

You are more than a mother to me.

You’re my friend. My family.

You’re my mother whom I care for dearly.

We fight, we quarrel, we have our tiffs.

Big or small we always make amends.

We always forgive.

You’ve always been there by my side, throughout my entire life.

Picking me up when I’m a mess.

Giving me hugs which I detest.

We always yell at the top of our lungs,

But that’s how we are and it’s real fun!

Hard and kind is what you are.

To sum up what I feel in one word is truly not enough.

But if I had to pick one word, then I guess this will do just fine.

I’ll say it now, and again, and a 100 more times!

Till you actually believe me and don’t just wave it aside.

I love you and I’m glad to have you by my side.

Mom ♡

#Mother #Family #Friend #Love #Poem

~To get what you want, you have to know exactly how much you are willing to give up.

I had heard many times of the self sacrificing speeches of those around me. Lines saying how they would give their all, their everything up, for the one they love...however, I never understood why one would say such things for when the time comes, they hesitate and refuse to give up what they swore they would have before. Now they let go of it at a moments notice. I have learned from all of this that human beings are very selfish and that they lie. I am no exception of that natural fact. However, I have come to understand that, to get what I want in life, I must know exactly how much I am willing to sacrifice in exchange for it. There is nothing free in this world. We live in a society with a give and take relationship established. That I understand. Human beings...truly are incredible beings. There is no other being in this world that are as complex as them. If someone says, “I understand how you feel.” or “I know everything about you.” One must come to understand that, those words are nothing but absolute utter lies. No one can ever truly understand another. Humans are so abstract, containing an uncountable number of emotions and personalities that, being able to define one trait of their characteristics is nothing but a lucky guess. That is why I chose not to trust the words of others easily or at all in fact. For humans are very foolish, greedy, and say things they do not mean in order to achieve what they want. But, that is how they survive. That is how we all survive. We will do anything to get what we desire...even if it means the inconceivable…

“Everything I did was for my own sake...I did nothing wrong, but at the same time, neither did I anything right. Yes I know...this deed can never be forgiven and that is why I’ll carry this burden with me to my grave.”

I said aloud to the silent audience that lay before me. An audience which can never hear the words I spoke or even come to understand the meaning and intent behind it. The reason for that is what lay before me was nothing but lifeless bodies dropped one atop another and spread out in ways humans could not easily bend. Bodies tangled with one another and stained with a deep dark red. A red that smelled so acidic and strong that it stung my eyes and made me want to heave over and pour out everything that was inside of me. But I didn’t. I held it in, including my tears because I didn’t want to defile this place anymore than I already have done so.

“...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.”

I said in a tiny whimper. I had to say something, I had to apologise even though I knew it was useless. I had to say something to the innocent lives I have taken. Lives that I had no right to steal in the first place. Maybe what I said was to put my mind at ease, but I wanted to think of it as a small prayer. A small prayer spoken by a sinner…

Suddenly I heard in the distance the cries made by the sirens of police cars. In my left ear I heard the static noise of my ear piece coming to life.

“...019...report on statis...I repeat...agent 019...report on the mission.”

The voice was hard and stern but for some reason I couldn’t respond immediately. After a couple of seconds, I put my hand to the ear piece and said,

“This is 019...the mission...has been completed.”

I didn’t bother to really hear the rest that was said through the comms. I knew that what was being said were instructions on how to leave the scene of the crime and the next assignment. But all I could hear in the background was the incoming sires that grew louder and louder and I knew the police were approaching closer and closer. I didn’t have much time left but still, I was unable to move from that spot. I was frozen in place, being held there by the bloody Hell that lay before me. I turned my gaze towards the clock on the wall and saw the clock broken and the time stopping at 3:15.

“...I guess that time works.”

I said under my breath...then I started to walk straight through the bloody bodies that lay before me. Careful as to not step on any of them.

“It was the perfect time that marked the end...or rather should I say beginning of the sin I have committed...the time that I have died...where I have killed myself over and over again.”

I thought and came to a sudden stop. I was standing in the middle of the cathedral and looked above me and saw the mural of the heavenly sky, with angels flying around and humans and animals. I saw paradise and I knew, I would never be able to enter it and see it with my own eyes. Suddenly I heard the entrance to the front doors burst open behind me.

“What the...what is this?!”

I heard a young man yell.

“I need to leave.”

I thought.

“Or another life might be taken away by…”

“Stop right there! This is the police! Don’t move!”

The young male police officer called out from behind me.

“Tch...I’m too late.”

“Don’t make any sudden movements! Raise your hands up slowly and turn around and face me!”

“...Please...leave and pretend that you didn’t see me and I might just spare you.”

“Sir, did you not hear me?! Raise your hands above your head where I can see them!” “I’m...begging you.”

“This is your last warning! Turn around with your hands behind your…”

“And this was my last warning to you too…”

I slowly turned a bit to the side and saw how shaken the young police officer was. Even his voice sounded so terrified.

“I…”

“Raise your Goddamn hands…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Bang!”

The sound of a gunshot. The smell of gunpowder. The sickening sound of a body drop lifelessly to the cold marble floor. I raised my head towards the ceiling once more. The noise of static in my ears. The sound of wailing sirens. I tried to burn the image of paradise into my mind. Then I closed my eyes.

“When will this nightmare come to an end?”

#Murder #Killer #Crime #Police #Death #Blood #Sinner #Prayer #Humans

I’ve always been on the run. Running into the endless night. Away from those prying hands. Hands that have bound me in chains. That have always kept me hidden and away from the light. I’ve been locked inside their cold dark grasps and I refuse to stand it any longer. Humiliated, tortured, stripped of all my rights. I was nothing but a little song bird kept in a cage with its wings clipped. Now, no longer being able to fly towards the sky and having lost the will to sing, I take it upon myself to still rise. For I will, will myself to. To keep rising even if I’m being stepped on and pushed into the muddy ground. Even if they keep on giving me scars, scars that cover my body in its entirety, I will show them how those scars define me. That these scars are proof that I have survived all those long harsh years in their grasps. However, I refuse to let them give me any more of their marks. I know, I am strong, but there is just so much that I can take. I have always tried to escape from those bloody hands, only to find the attempt to be futile and be dragged back in their midists but now...now I finally have a chance. A chance to escape this Hell. A chance for freedom. Real freedom. Freedom not given to me but the choice of my own freedom and I won’t let anyone take that away from me. I won’t let that chance escape me.

That’s why for now I must run. I must run into this endless night. Into this sea of darkness. Running through the forest as branches brush against my bare skin, giving me more scars. As I run bare feet, stepping on broken twigs and the cold damp ground. I will keep on running and let these legs become my new wings. Wings that will lead me to my freedom. Freedom that I rightfully deserve. I could hear not far off behind me, the sounds of the hunting dogs and the Hunters who want to take me back once more. This time for good. Dead or alive, they will take back what belongs to them and I cannot accept that any longer. My lungs burn and I feel like I could faint any moment now, but I keep on pushing forward. Suddenly the trees start to clear and that scares me. If I reach a clearing with no way to hide in the shadows of the trees, I will be shot dead in an instant. I come to a sudden stop and look ahead at what lies before me. In an instant all my remaining strength drained out of me. I was standing at the edge of a cliff and what lay before me was a vast sea. A sea that stretched on for miles out and the pale white glow of the moon.

“No way...After everything that I had to endure. After going to such lengths...I’ve reached a dead end once again!” I cried aloud gasping for air and trying to keep the tears from trying to consume me. “Where is that bitch!” I heard one of their voices yell. It was near. They would find me soon. What do I do? Should I let them drag me back? Should I put up a fight? Heh. As if I possibly could. What do I do then? Someone please tell me what to do?

“Run.” But there’s nowhere left to run! “Then fly.”

I sat there on the ground for a second longer and then I got up. I walked to the edge of the cliff and saw the dark waves crashing against the rocks below. I turned around and started to walk back into the forest only to stop at the edge of it. “Never again will I let them define who I am. Never again will I let them do what they please with me. I am me and I will not let anyone take that away from me ever again!” I suddenly turned around and pushed myself to the limts to make this run. With the last of my withering strength, I jumped off the cliff with my hands spread outwards. “If I can’t run and seek my freedom, then I’ll fly and choose my own freedom.” Away from the hands of these murderers. These cruel beasts. Away from the darkness that chooses to keep a firm hold on me while I choose to thrash my way out of its grips. That’s why…CRASH!"

I will choose to fly away from their darkness and let the darkness of the sea engulf me instead. At least I get to choose my own darkness. At least I’ve finally run away and let my wings fly.

Even if only for a short while...

Dear David,

I’ve always been honest. I never really liked telling lies. I felt guilty and it hurt me. That’s why I always told the truth and I was right, Honesty is always the best policy. That’s why I hope someday you can forgive me for telling you that lie. Now that I’m gone and your reading this, I’ll be honest with you. I love you...I always have and I always will. Forever and ever. I’m so glad we had that unfaithful meeting. Haha or should I call it faithful. You may hate me and never come to forgive me but I know one day you will. You have to if you want to move forward. I’m sorry, I never told you about my illness. But those 7 years meant so much to me. Especially those 7 remaining days I got to live. I’m sorry for hurting you on the very last of our Fridays...I went to the sea afterwards. I wish you could have seen that beautiful sunset. That was the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. It was just as beautiful as the sunset was back then when we first met. The tears kept on falling as I sat at the sea shore and recalled all the times we had spent together. I swear I'm such a crybaby at times. Now I’m at home trying not to fall asleep as I write this but, this is the last time I get to say this to you...Goodbye. We may not meet again for now but I’m sure we will soon someday. Goodbye my first love. I have no regrets. I love you…now and forever.

Always.

~ May

#Love #Letter #Lies #Sunset #Memories #Forever #Always

Tears fall like Rain

Heart shattered into Pieces

But I still loved You...

Broken Promises

Forgotten dreams and wishes

Loving you kills me…

Love is a mistake

Still I chose to take the risk

And suffered instead

I loved him dearly

He told me I was his world

A barren world, lost

Stargazing with him

Laughing under the night sky

It was all a dream

#Haiku #Hearthbreak