I never intended for this to happen. You were never supposed to waltz into my life the way that you did. You see, I was completely content wallowing in my self pity and lonesomeness. I had already decided that the whole love thing wasn’t for me and that I would never been entrapped by a silly boy who pretends he’s a man.

Who are you to have taken me captive the way that you have? As much as I hate to admit it; you’ve caught me. You’ve caught me with those deep blue mesmerizing eyes that I’m just sure are filled with the ocean. I hate the way that you convinced me that I need you in my life. I don’t need you in the way that I couldn’t survive without you, because I assure you silly boy, I’d be just fine on my own. But I need you in the way that you make life just a little bit brighter on a gloomy day, and for that reason I want to keep you and I want you to want to keep me.

There I was again.

Lying awake, missing you.

My brain wouldn’t shut off from the memories of what we once were.

You said we weren’t meant to be, but how can you be so sure?

How can what we had not have lasted?

We loved so good and so hard for so long.

You were my heartbeat, and I was your song.

You drove me crazy to the brink of insanity.

Your words cut like knives but your touch burned like fire.

Turns out, all you were was a liar.

What I thought was love was just a figment of my imagination.

I’ve learned that I actually don’t miss you.

I just miss what I thought I knew.

Where are you?

Where is the little girl that never stopped smiling?

The one with roses in her hair and bare feet on a summers day.

I’m looking for the girl who didn’t have a care in the world.

The young woman who danced and sang like no one was watching.

The brown eyed girl whose eyes didn’t work so well but she could see everything so clearly.

The girl who was only 5’3 but stood as tall as a giant.

I used to know you in and out.

Did the world get to you?

Did you let the devils lies steal your smile?

Did that stupid boy break your heart even though you told yourself you wouldn’t let him?

You feel so close, but yet so far.

I can’t quite seem to find you.

I get out of bed and pick out my outfit for the day. I decide on a black pencil skirt, a white blouse and a pair of red heels. I do my makeup within 15 minutes and dab on some red lipstick to make myself feel extra sexy and confident today.

I grab my coat and head out the door. I cannot be late on this very important day. I get in my car that you bought for me and drive to the lawyers office. I walk in and there you are, looking handsome as the devil. You smirk and expect me to shy away like I have for all of these years.

But today I am wearing red lipstick and I stare you back in the eyes which makes you visibly uncomfortable. The lawyer explains our rights and agreements in order to finalize the divorce. You try to argue with the lawyer about a certain thing he has a said just as you have argued and belittled me on every little thing I said in our 10 year marriage.

You do not win the argument because you are arguing a lawyer whose very job description is to win at arguing. It is time to pick up the pen and sign away our past and future. I do not feel sadness , only relief and pure bliss.

I rise from my chair and head to the front door. You come after me and catch my wrist like you have so many times before. You ask me if I feel anything for you anymore. You ask me if I feel any sadness towards throwing our relationship away. I respond to you by saying that for the many years to come I shall mark this day as the day that ended an era. I snatch my wrist from your hand and walk out the door embracing the new life I have just received.

To not believe in God is like saying you do not believe in light and darkness. Darkness is merely the absence of light. Darkness does not exist when there is constant light to illuminate the abundance of the unknown.

To not believe in God is like saying that a book can pick up a pen and write its own pages from beginning to end.

To not believe in God is as if saying that putting a dynamite to a house and watching it explode then fall back together in complete order is rational. Order does not come from chaos.

To not believe in God is like a person creating a piece of art only for someone else to take credit for it.

To not believe in God is missing out on the most amazing love that is to ever exist.

To not believe in God is a decision that has eternal repercussions.

Look up.

A man who hangs on a cross, is sipping from the cup.

His head hangs low.

He reaped what we sowed.

Arms spread wide.

They plunged a spear deep into his side.

Water poured out.

Hell let out a celebratory shout.

Only if they knew..

It was all a coup.

Three days later, Jesus arose with the keys to death.

He created in me a new breath.

No longer a slave.

In Him, I can be brave.

My loving savior died for me.

So that I could be set free.

This is true love.

That Christ bled and died for us.

Here she comes again. This is her 10th time visiting me today. Oh look, she put on more makeup.. again. She stands in front of me with her hands on her hips. Peering deep.. looking for something she can criticize herself about. I can only imagine the kind of thoughts she is thinking right now. I can see the disgust written all over her face.

I must confess, I have a history of lying. People come to me as if I have all the answers they could ever need. They stand before me waiting for me to tell them the things that will satisfy or destroy them. The truth is, I don’t know what is deep down in each persons soul. I don’t know what makes them who they are and what makes each of them uniquely beautiful. All I can see is skin deep.

I only have as much power as you give me. Stand before me and perceive what you might. It’s not that I want to lie to you, but you must be stronger then my lies. Look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself you are beautiful and much more then your reflection.

I sometimes envy the birds in the sky. They can go wherever they want, whenever they want. I am like a tree instead. Planted in the soil of the town I was born into but did not choose. I pray everyday for someone to cut my roots so that I may become a bird and fly away into the beautiful unknown. I am bored. I am bored of standing in this same place looking at the same things every single day.

Trees reach a point in their life when they stop growing and they begin to die. If no one is going to cut my roots for me, then I must set my own self free or I will surely become a dying tree who is no longer growing. So I will take the knife and cut myself free from the roots that have for so long kept me captive. Instead of growing roots, I will grow my wings and jump out into the world that I have always wished to explore. Maybe someday I will want to grow roots again if I found the right place. But as for now nothing can hold me down.

The snowflake landed on her nose. All I wanted to do at that point was tell her how incredibly pure she looked. As her eyes darted wildly trying to look at every snowflake that danced from the sky, I couldn't help but wonder how anyone could see anything other than innocence in this girl that stood before me. Sure she's been through a lot. She's experienced things that no other person should ever have to experience. Did that make her damaged goods? No, not at all.

It makes me sad knowing that she belives the lies people tell her about herself. She doesn't think I notice how much it hurts her, but I do. As we stood there in the freezing cold, I had never seen her eyes light up in pure joy before as they did in that moment. I think that she looked at the snow in the way I look at her everyday. She saw how it made the earth look so beautiful and innocent which is what I see in her. I wish I could make it snow everday just to make her smile. The very thing that usually makes people freeze up, was actually causing the ice around her heart to thaw.

Don’t do it.

Do not go back to him.

I don’t care if this is the first time it has happened.

Trust me.

It will happen again.

Whehter he hurts you with words or his hands..

Run.

You are right.

He may change.

But you can not stick around long enough to see if he does.

You are worth more.

More than rubies.

He will try to appologize and get you to stay.

If you wish.

Forgive him.

But do not go back to him.

You must look foward.