All of the saddest things are here. They fill the walls and spill out from under the pages. They cover the darkness and hold open your eyes. There’s nothing but black. There’s an absence more immense than the darkness. You’re holding on and letting go, and you’re not sure which. Stumbling and floating. And it’s all numb. And it’s all pressure. You can feel the energy of all of the memories. You may have broken it. You may not fix it. And you can feel all of the wrong choices. You can feel your heart touching the air when it should be in its cage. It’s being swallowed. It’s smothering. It’s drowning. It’s razing. It’s an ebb and flood. There is darkness. There is sadness. There are wet eyes and dry ones. There are closed lungs and torn apart hearts. And there is darkness. And there is sadness. Dancing. And growing. And in the distance, a deep glow. If you could only reach it. There is ebb, and there is flood. And that glow. If you could only reach it. Until it is smothering. And if you could only reach it. The glowing ebb of a flood. Strangling your breath. But for the glow. If you could only reach it.

I am stuck

looking at your eyes

looking at you wanting

to kiss you.

wanting to hold you tight

and never let go.

but looking back

thinking of your cold eyes

when I got hurt

and now I am left

with the scars to heal

but memories that just hurt

and to put me into a depression

feeling like right now,

that leave me falling to my death

something that is just so wrong

you let him fall.

You’ve got darkness. It curls around you like a shadow and drapes itself across your shoulders, pulling the corners of your ever-smiling, laughing mouth down. You keep it quiet, on a leash - I don't think anyone else would see it, especially since no one seems to look. But I watch it when you play with the pocket knife you keep in your locker, the one you say calms you down; I hear it when you joke about your miseries being unleashed on the world; I feel it when your fingers tick-tick-tick on the side of a box every time you’re forced to stand still on a particularly rough Monday. I'm almost jealous of how present it is for you, how well it seems to know you, how intimately you keep it in your back pocket. I wish I knew its name and where it came from. I want it to come greet me and tell me all about itself, and after that crawl into my purse to live so you can be as bright all the time as you become now when it gets distracted. I would take it for you, if that were an appropriate thing for me to do.

Since it's not, I hope She is able to help hold it at bay for you. I can see your arms shaking sometimes.

#freeformprose #knowingsomeone #shadows #comfort

I love watching you drive away. The window on the side where I always park warps your face a bit, like maybe you’re a different You. And by different, I do of course mean exactly the same, just without Her. I’m better at talking to your brake lights than I’ve ever been at telling you anything important. Sometimes, when your car starts and you’re still picking a radio station, I think about throwing open my door and pounding on your window; you’ll roll it down and push up your dorky transition lens sunglasses and ask me what’s wrong, and I’ll finally tell you that I can feel you in every single heart beat I’ve had since the day I saw you. I’ll finally tell you that I’ve never had blood the color of someone else’s eyes pump through my veins before, and that that feels important. In this fantasy, you’ll turn the radio up and yell at me to get in, and we’ll drive off into a sunset unfettered by the ever-increasing smog that seems to envelop our town these days.

In that reality, you would get a restraining order, and the smog is still there.

In actual reality, I just stare at your car five days a week and wish I had met you a long time ago.

#mildhumor #unrequitedlove #freeformprose #imagine #smog

There is stagnant, noiseless still.

It is a silent, internal chaos that I am barely managing to control.

I need to know what comes next.

I need to know if it was just a momentary dream turned reality.

I can’t find my next step.

I don’t know which map I’m trying to follow.

I don’t know if I’m trying to make a home of an island or take to the skies.

Am I flying or stalling.

I know that I’m falling.

Slipping.

Missing.

You and me.

Missing you.

Missing me.

But mostly just tripping.

Mostly, I’m missing.

Me.

Like mostly I’m missing.

Like mostly.

You make me miss you and me.

And is it the skies or is it the sea.

She takes a deep breath...

He moves with stealth..

Her date leans in for a kiss

She turns her head rapidly

He steps back~

blinks for a moment-

And she blushes.

He nods his head~

She is not going to make this easy,

They´ll have to move steady.

He leads her to a table...

once she is seated she pulls out a book,

from her handbag,

He pulls out one too, from his briefcase..

They soon have their dinner

He takes her back home at the end

She gives him a kiss on the cheek

He smiles and waves goodbye

Then he sighs, now he feels nervous...

Would she say yes to another date?

#Naturalistic.

Some days I remember how I tattooed you across my lungs.

It’s then that I know why I can rarely breathe.

It’s then that I know the oxygen never hits my bloodstream.

Stops just short,

catching on your fingertips.

Burning and branding instead of filling and spilling.

It’s then that I remember how you’ll be choking me from inside, eternally.

Never letting me catch my breath.

Always just shy of full.

And now I breathe shallow,

just like you.

Diamond dew earrings

strung on blades of damp grasses

dressed up for morning.

* * * * * * * * *

Don't let getting one object control your life

Find happiness in what you want to do in your life

Don't follow people that don't deserve you

Succeed in your lifetime without people or objects holding you back

"If you want a happy life, tie it to a goal, not people or objects."

~Albert Einstein