typing on the empty side

of an abandoned letter

but you will not see

the mistakes and laziness

-just the finished product

of another

motherfucking

poem.

My mind is lost

In this world full

of beautiful words

ideas and thoughts

Raw

Full of emotions

My mind is so full

Yet I can't seem to

weave them together

you boarded up my chest

with planks and nails

(you missed my heart by only

inches, mind you)

enclosed my soul behind

brick walls like jails

(kept my feelings captive

for a favor or two)

you tacked my throat under

new hard-wood floors

(yet you cried at the sight

of the excess blood stains)

and strangled me as you

struggled to slam the door

(too much to handle,

you continued over my remains)

you're my pollution,

the smoke in my skies and the

sludge in my rivers

you blocked out the sun

and left me to shrivel up.

i faded to black

you took my colors

away from me and used them

to your advantage

the funny part is,

i still wish you luck, even

if you loathe my soul

i guess i died a long time ago

i guess i didn't notice that blood was no longer flowing through my veins or

that i was no longer breathing

i guess i didn't notice when i bit my fingernails down to the quick or when i stopped blinking to refresh my eyes

i didn't even realize when my body turned from glorious green

to raging reds and yellows

now i'm dead and i've lost my leaves

you have a way of doing that to me

She replaces her blood with fine wine and pills

Slowly dripping inside her heart

Shriveling her insides like a dying rose

Withered and sagging

Dark are the circles under her eyes

Deep are the valleys of her skin

Cigarette smoke is her only halo

A false promise made to a fallen angel

Who sped up the hands of time

Bringing her closer to her dreams long forgotten

Lost in the outskirts of her mind

Following a path never meant for her to travel

A lost soul journeying toward her end

But refusing to let go

My worst nightmare is violence. No question.

Violence begins as a conversation normally, what then follows is an argument, after that comes shouting, after shouting comes yelling, after yelling comes verbal abuse, after verbal abuse comes violence.

Slapping and pushing at first, it quickly escalates into clenched fists and punching, then blood appears, and tempers flare, and reason goes out of the window, and then weapons appear.

Before long someone is injured.

Violence, oh did I grow up with it all and boy, do I recognise violence in its infancy.

Even now, as an ex infantryman am I wise enough to detest violence in all its forms.

I know how it starts and I know how it ends, and it proves zilch. Nothing.

Violence is my worst nightmare.

I grew up surrounded by it.

It is my worst nightmare.

I am five

Learning how to waddle

Mama hates me

Everyday she reminds me why

I am ugly

Faded, no yellow furry feathers

My mama says

"You are ugly as sin"

I see myself

A repulsive reflection in the pond

Mama tells me

To go drown in the pond

Sister was ugly

A sinner drowned in the pond

I often wonder

Could I forget how to swim?

I'm not brave

But Mama made me see

Worms consumption

Still feeding; still helping her rot

I see my image

Her face trapped in a scream

On the quantum level, particles act differently when observed and when not observed. It is believed the observed differences is due to what the observer believes is going to happen influencing the behavior of the particle. These experiments show how we subconsciously control our environment.

When an event occurs that we do not understand we try to explain it within the realm of our understanding. An example would be the spread of illness. Prior to the knowledge of bacteria it was believed that illness was caused by an angry God for your sins or because you were cursed by someone wicked. We now know this isn't the reason but at the time it made perfect sense to those claiming this was the case.

Therefore, I believe it is us who search for reasons to what happens in our lives. In an attempt to make sense of things we do not understand, bring closure, find peace, and nurture hope for the future. There is something reassuring in the thought of karma - someone bad getting what they deserve, eventually. Just as there is something comforting in finding a reason that something bad happened to someone who is a good person.

Finding the reasons that something has happened gives the illusion that it happened for a reason.