"I dreamt about that girl again, I wish I knew who she was."
I say pining over a person I have never met. though they say you cannot dream of someone you never seen before. though id truly hope id remember her. but alas I have forgotten and maybe I have passed her once on the streets without realizing. but it feels more than that, it feels real, like memories being replayed.
"again? you need to get out there and start looking for potential dates. or even to get laid, Rae. you need it."
we continue walking to the dinner we always go. that's my best friend Kelsey, we have known each other since we were 4. I roll my eyes at her response.
"that's your answer for everything."
I chuckle softly and shake my head, she truly did tell me I needed to get laid as an answer to anything I said. its been a year since I started dreaming of this girl, the last six months it became more frequent and the last month its been every day. we continue to banter playfully until we are almost there. as we turn the corner I run into someone and land flat on my back hitting my head lightly. i groan but freeze as I realize there is a body on top of me. my eyes widen in panic
"I I I I I I'm so so so sorry are you okay?"
I ask as I gently try and lift her up from me. I take a deep breath in and I'm intoxicated by her cent. I knew this scent, but how? it was safe and warm, made me feel all giddy and wrapped in a warm blanket. she giggle and starts to get up but she too freezes as our eyes lock onto each other. but then she gets this sweet knowing smile on her face and said
"I finally found you again. I missed you Raven!"
she leans in and kisses me softly, warm soft lips of magic as all of our past lives memories flood my brain. i smile in the kiss breaking it
"About time." i say softly
An Angel with a shit job
If you really think of it he’s a child of a father thaleddidn’t want to do the hard job. God himself didn’t want to be ”the bad guy” he sent his son who he didn’t know what to do with down to hell as a punishment. God takes all the glory and let’s Lucife, an Angel to be villainised for doing a dirty job. He punishes the bad people in their afterlife the way the bad people messed up when they were alive. Luci punishes the guilty. Remember, he's an angel. Someone has to do the dirty work of his father's creations. If he didn't the guilty would be set free upon the innocent once again. So no, he's not the “bad guy” he's just someone to blame. The worshipers who kill for him or do wrong for him will be punished by him because that is not what he wants or is about. The same for the ones that give hate, hurt others mentally as well as physically and killing in the name of God will be going to hell to get punished for their crimes. God wants nothing to do with them. That's why he threw his son down to hell so he didn't have to deal with it.
A psychosis based in uncontrolled narcissism, inflated arrogance and a perceived need to subjugate and/or ridicule other individuals deemed to be inferior or unworthy.
That is a description of a person who has a God complex.
Yes there is a devil complex but that is based off of the image of him being this evil monster when he's not.
Some villains are proud of the fact they're villains, fully admitting they're evil and boasting about it. But some go even further, by claiming to be who many consider the ultimate villain, the Devil himself. Or a God of Evil, or a high ranking demon or demon king. In short, they have a Devil Complex.
That's not who he is at all. He's doing what he was forced to do because his father disowned him and threw him away. A fallen angel. A child of neglect of not ever being forgiven but sees his very father giving everyone else the chance to get forgiven.
Lucifer is not a bad person. He just has a shit job.
Mental illness at its finest
For everyone it’s different there is no right or wrong and there in never just one explanation on what it is or one definition. But I can tell you about my bipolar and what I have learnt from in these last 6 months now that I understand somewhat of it. though there is a twist I also have adhd and asd. I’m still learning more about those everyday as well. But just for example what has happened these last few months.
have you ever seen vampire diaries and how the vampires can just turn their humanity switch off? Well I have found I have a similar switch. I don’t go all bat shit crazy hurting or killing anyone. I just simply have no feelings or emotions. No reactions or sensations. to be honest I even lose my voice because what’s the point? Why be heard or seen when I’m a void?
it doesn’t just happen all at once. It just starts with a bad day, a little bad news. It drags out to be a bad week, 2, 3 and next you know it’s a month. But then you have another bad thing on top of that before you have healed on top of it. You can’t ask for help because “everyone has issues and can get through it without help”. So you pile it on your back and mask so everyone is fooled thinking you are fine. you keep going with these but you’re getting tired, oops you can’t rest ”because everyone else keeps going”. Then boom another bad thing his and you start losing yourself under all this bad. Your light is dimming. It’s getting dark. You’re trying to reach out and grasp Onto anything but you fail so you try again. YOU GRAB SOMETHING but it’s just in your grasp. Your hands are slipping and BOOM your hit with a few more bad this and you lose your grip. You’re falling in slow motion in this black abyss. Yet you’re getting crush with pain, anger, guilt, sadness, even rage like blinding rage. while you’re mentally falling you physically have chest pains, body aches, even to the point you cannot move.
then one morning you wake and you’re okay. Well you think youre okay but you can’t trust yourself because have you fooled yourself with your own mask of lies?
BOOM, one more bad thing. You start to shatter and cry but in a split second you’re null in void of any emotions or feelings. It’s all gone. But that also means no joy, no spark, no happines, no laughter, no light. It’s a dark dark dark abyss.
it’s sad how easily no one notices when someone is this broken. It’s sad that they can’t see through the mask even when the mask isn’t there. When the mask has been removed out of felling safe. But getting hurt once it’s off. Or it’s taken off and put back on when people don’t like it when it’s off. It’s hard trying to fit in. It’s hard finding a place where we are not weird or different. So we mask and mirror.
it can be a really dark place and it’s not all the same. The switch will turn back on and we will reset. We just don’t know when or how. But major losses are a killer. I have lost everything and I’m not okay. Also bipolar isn’t as crazy and messed up as they play it out on the tv. That’s just not okay. The same with adhd and asd.
Mental illness at its finest
For everyone it’s different there is no right or wrong and there in never just one explanation on what it is or one definition. But I can tell you about my bipolar and what I have learnt from in these last 6 months now that I understand somewhat of it. though there is a twist I also have adhd and asd. I’m still learning more about those everyday as well. But just for example what has happened these last few months.
have you ever seen vampire diaries and how the vampires can just turn their humanity switch off? Well I have found I have a similar switch. I don’t go all bat shit crazy hurting or killing anyone. I just simply have no feelings or emotions. No reactions or sensations. to be honest I even lose my voice because what’s the point? Why be heard or seen when I’m a void?
it doesn’t just happen all at once. It just starts with a bad day, a little bad news. It drags out to be a bad week, 2, 3 and next you know it’s a month. But then you have another bad thing on top of that before you have healed on top of it. You can’t ask for help because “everyone has issues and can get through it without help”. So you pile it on your back and mask so everyone is fooled thinking you are fine. you keep going with these but you’re getting tired, oops you can’t rest ”because everyone else keeps going”. Then boom another bad thing his and you start losing yourself under all this bad. Your light is dimming. It’s getting dark. You’re trying to reach out and grasp Onto anything but you fail so you try again. YOU GRAB SOMETHING but it’s just in your grasp. Your hands are slipping and BOOM your hit with a few more bad this and you lose your grip. You’re falling in slow motion in this black abyss. Yet you’re getting crush with pain, anger, guilt, sadness, even rage like blinding rage. while you’re mentally falling you physically have chest pains, body aches, even to the point you cannot move.
then one morning you wake and you’re okay. Well you think youre okay but you can’t trust yourself because have you fooled yourself with your own mask of lies?
BOOM, one more bad thing. You start to shatter and cry but in a split second you’re null in void of any emotions or feelings. It’s all gone. But that also means no joy, no spark, no happines, no laughter, no light. It’s a dark dark dark abyss.
it’s sad how easily no one notices when someone is this broken. It’s sad that they can’t see through the mask even when the mask isn’t there. When the mask has been removed out of felling safe. But getting hurt once it’s off. Or it’s taken off and put back on when people don’t like it when it’s off. It’s hard trying to fit in. It’s hard finding a place where we are not weird or different. So we mask and mirror what p
anyways it can be a really dark place and it’s not all the same. The switch will turn back on and we will reset. We just don’t know when or how. But major losses are a killer. I have lost everything and I’m not okay. Also bipolar isn’t as crazy and messed up as they play it out on the tv. That’s just not okay. The same with adhd and asd.
It’s not physical pain
Freeze
Can’t speak
So much pain
Safety taken away
Don’t speak
Cover up
Don’t draw attention
Freeze
Can’t speak
So much pain
Safety taken away
Don’t speak
Cover up
Don’t draw attention
Don’t wear make up
Don’t trust anyone
Freeze
Can’t speak
So much pain
Safety taken away
Don’t speak
Cover up
Don’t draw attention
Don’t wear make up
Don’t trust anyone
Make myself undesirable
If I hate myself maybe they won’t hurt me over and over
Maybe if I keep changing who I am they will leave me alone.
Who would believe the broken soul hiding behind a smile?