Snowflakes drift through still, cold air.

Resting, huddled on stones and rooftops.

Gusty winds rouse them, beckoning the weary flakes into the night.

Pausing and taking flight again against their will.

A cycle which ends on some long awaited sunny day.

The day the flakes can rest.

Fear is a cuckoo bird

and my heart its stolen nest

planted there to make sure

I'll never get any rest

Violent and hungry

it stirs in its cage

rattling my bones

with anger misplaced

Fear fears without reason

Fear fears for the sake of being afraid

Fear is an adopted child

with a mother estranged

I raise it as my own

unable to recognize that it's an imposter

It's learned to imitate me

and I've learned to foster

the anxiety it brings,

the imaginary threats

I tend to its wounded wing

and it fills up my head

with nonsense and worry

always telling me I have to hurry

or I'll be left behind and die alone

Hurry to what and to whom?

It never knows

but it's always watching,

always anxious,

always full of itself.

Fear is growing too big for my chest

and I want to push it out

the same way it's pushed out everything

except hopelessness and self-doubt

Rather than fattening it up

with jealousy and misery

I should let this little cuckoo starve

until finally,

finally,

my heart is free.

sonder - n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

When you finally open your eyes and see that they are not just supporting characters made up in your imagination to stop you from feeling alone. That other people; you family, your friends, that women that talks way too loud on the bus, and the cab driver that charges too much; that they are all living a scintillating life. That they all have cried, and laughed, and felt loss and pain. That they have a family or feelings just as you do. That they don't simply fade away once you walk off. That the people in the background are the stars of their own life. That you are not the only person who feels, and loves, and cares, and hates, and hurts, and cries. That you are not the only thing keeping their luster glowing. That they keep shining and living long after you've gone. That you are just a supporting character within their life. That you were once a background character walking by with your phone in one hand. That you fade away to them once you have left.

Sonder - the realization that you are not the only person who lives.

oh no, not again

I've realized my existence

I've remembered my small life

I woke up this morning and something was wrong

now I realize exactly what it is

my life, my story, my plot in this life

I've been happy for too long

I've laughed too loud

and now its back

the dark cloud that follows

its here to remind me

that my life, my sad pathetic life

is it really worth living?

each day the same

alone, mindless, unimportant

I accomplish nothing

I do nothing

I sit on a couch in front of mindless tv

what is the point?

what is my life?

the black cloud of goop crawls closer

asking questions I've been running from

who would care? who would mind?

if I simply stopped existing

my breathing is heavy its hard to pull in air

the black cloud is choking

I feel I'm not that rare.

each day I keep busy

I clean and do little things

I try to make plans

for a future in my life

but sometimes I see a reality

my life is boring and pointless

should I pack up and leave?

or simply cease to be?

what does it matter my mind tells me

I stare blankly out the window

my thoughts are in a knot

and I need to turn off

because if I don't

if I don't stop this spiraling downfall

something bad could come following

though it wouldn't seem bad

a temporary way to get rid of this cloud

that hovers and squeezes, chokes and covers

I need to get a grip but I don't know how

my life seems so pointless

what do I do now

I'm alive and living

but I'm not living life

I'm sitting stationary, I'm not moving forward

I need something more

or else i'll go insane

ive turned myself off

I cant even feel

theres nothing and nothing and nothing anymore

i'll stare out blankly unable at all

my smile will stretch to empty eyes

but i'm fine, yes i'm fine

I repeat this mantra

this mantra of mine

i'm fine, I have to be fine

i'm fine and alive, what more could you want

my mind is insane trying to kill me

but I'm fine in my suicidal mind

telling me that I'm alone

but I'm fine

I'm fine oh so fine, its all I can say

fine, fine, fine

I have to be I have to be I have to be

I have to be fine

because I am alive

and if I'm not fine I might as well die

The blue tide rolls in with resigning despondency. The waves moan with a caving hollowness. The sad undertow pulls me into its darkness, and I relinquish myself to its corrosion. In the distance, I hear Mother Earth on the breeze. She howls for her young, and I fall into nothingness. I am cognizant of her loss, and my misery deepens with the absence of innocence.

I am carried away.