I give up.

It’s not that I don’t care,

Life isn’t fair,

But it would of been easier with you.

I wish this worked.

I really though that we could last,

But found out that you need to remain in the past.

I wish you hadn’t called.

I was fine with out you.

I’ll be fine again.

I just wished you had given us a chance to begin.

But now it’s over before it truly started.

I don’t want to forget you.

But for now I have to.

I wish I could erase the memories,

Because it would of been a love lasting through the centuries.

But I give up.

You aren’t standing by my side,

You aren’t along for the ride.

So I have to give up.

When you come around,

Everything starts falling down.

I can't see straight,

I am left to wonder if it's worth the wait.

All I ever wanted was your love.

All I ever wanted was your touch.

All I ever wanted was you.

No one knows me like you do,

Even with your disappearing acts,

I will always accept you back.

Why?

Because you let me be me.

I can tell you almost everything,

And you to me.

There will always be a connection,

Even though our lives went different directions.

You will always have a place in my heart,

Despite our never ending time apart.

I am starting to think,

That I am the only one...

Who treats you like this.

I push and push you away.

Then you pop up,

Blink of an eye,

When I am least expecting it.

You left me alone for five years.

I was finally free.

Well I thought I was,

Then you.

Back at it again.

I can't trust you,

At all. 

So I don't understand why....

You still seem to try.

Always leaving me slightly confused.

You don't call or text.

Instead I get Instagram messages,

Damn near professing your love.

But you don't call.

I don't understand this.

I just want to feel free from you again.

I hate all men at the current moment... Why can't the modern man just come out and say what he means?  You like a girl? Tell her. MAN UP!! No more of this sissy-la-la running around waiting for the girl or woman or female to tell you that you are being an idiot.  I am so done with all of it.  The confusion, the waiting around to see if he is going to respond to your message, the way it hurts when you can see that he read such message and didn't even take the time to reply.  Ugh.... If this is a common occurrence... RUN, I mean book it and find some one who appreciates YOU.

I am done being nice to these guys who don't deserve it, they don't have a future and think that they are hot shit while still living with mom and dad.  I don't get it.  And no thank you I would rather be single.  I am so over the pretentious educated men too.  Sorry. I didn't graduate from college, I went I got into eight out of the ten colleges I applied to.  Should I have taken a year off, yes.  After 15 years of private school, I should of taken some time to really learn who I was before joining the ranks.   I'll admit it. I wasn't ready.  However I am very luck to be successful in my own way.  I was able to by a condo at the age of 25.  Most people my age cannot say that so I must have done something right.   Oh ya, worked two jobs or three jobs at a time and busted my ass.  

Every single time I date, am interested in, actually commit to, all have the same end result.  They all turn out to be pathetic losers that want to just stay at home all day and watch TV, not even attempting to function like an adult and find a job.  Or worse yet you are my exes that have come back into my life.  Crazy assholes when I dated them and now both successful in their own ways.  But here is the problem with them.  They live in different states and neither are making appropriate efforts to see me.  One claiming that he wants to see if we still have a chance, the other wanting my friendship back but if we are with in three feet of each other its on like Donkey Kong.  

So lets continue to talk about these exes, notice I don't say ex-boyfriends, because like the modern man....  They never completely committed to me in a relationship.  I don't know if it is me and my inability to not be attracted to this type of asshole douche bag or if their mothers are to blame for not teaching them how to properly be a gentleman.  I don't know.  Something needs to be figured out and someone needs to let me know how to remedy this disaster we call modern day "relationships".  Now most people say I should just cut them out of my life, the whole they are exes for a reason.  But you don't know these two assholes, they are pushy.  They would of looked at old phone bills to figure out which number was mine and contacted me that way.  (Yes, that did actually happen, no it wasn't the two I am currently talking about.)  

I guess it is the guilt that overwhelms them, and they have to reach out to me.  They have to apologize for being an asshole and me being the nice person I am, I forgive them.  Then I think that hey they will probably leave me be, in peace.... Nope.  Big fat fucking nope, then I start to wake up to the 'Good Morning Beautiful' text messages, the funny memes sent during the day.  All of a sudden you guys are calling each other babe and now sending emojis back and forth.  And you are right back where you started... why????   Because he has a perfect picture 6 pack and makes 80 thousand a year and can make you cum like you never have in your life before.  Now are we clear why one of the exes is back???  My god, I know I am pathetic.  He actually thinks I waited for him.  But truth be told, I really didn't.  I just choose not to date anyone because to me it wasn't worth the pain and heartache anymore.

Then let's actually talk about the last boyfriend I had.  Yes, I used the word boyfriend, we were in a committed relationship.  AND HE LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING.  When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Including his first name.  I had to go through his wallet to find out what it was.  I was shocked and sadly that wasn't the first time it happened to me ex in the paragragh above did the same thing sort of.... His nickname is what I knew him by and it was a spin off of his last name.  Still he lied about his name technically.  It was like being a kid and finding out your parents had first names.  

Anyways, back to the boyfriend, he is now in jail in the state of Florida.  Then he will be expedited out to California to face murder charges, yep, you read that right.  Murder charges.  How do I know this you ask?  Oh, no big deal just had a LA Homicide Detective call my phone and ask to meet me in person.  So of course I comply.  They proceed to tell me that my ex had a three some with two other guys and somehow in the middle of all of the action strangled one of them either on purpose or accident that is what has yet to be determined.  Yes, you read that right,  he also told the officers that he was only two percent gay.... IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!!?!?  

This is my real life and this is why I am single. 

For the billionth time I broke my own heart again. 

I let go of a loved friend. 

I hurt you and I didn't mean to, 

I wish I could take it all back and start a new. 

You got to me. 

And I pushed you away the only way I knew how,

Throwing caution to the wind like a fool.

Now left to suffer threw what is left behind.

I never knew you to be this unkind. 

I should of never gone there with you, 

Carelessly dreaming of a future I know would never be true.

I just wish I wasn't the one that fucked up so bad, 

Yet again breaking my own heart in to another billion pieces. 

I don't know,

Is this all for show?

Just like the last time,

Will the past repeat itself?

Or will I be safe this time?

So many questions,

And time seems to pass so quickly.

Does he really love me?

Will he really be there?

So many doubts.

Can I trust that he is the man he says he is now?

Or am I just an idiot falling back into the same trap?

I wish someone could just give me the answer.

The confusion he leaves behind, 

Causes her to press rewind. 

Remembering all of the reasons she left him behind. 

Now he is back in her life and mind.

She has so many questions to ask. 

Or does she want to wear the same mask?

And end up at the bottom of a flask.

Or more likely the bottom of a cask.

He drives her crazy in the worst of ways.

Like a cat and its prey.

Her self confidence sways,

She looks into his eyes and says... 

I don't know.

What happened to catch my eye?

Another damn Gemini.... 

Why can't they just leave me alone?

With their beautiful smiles that quickly turn to stone.

The push and pull drives me wild, 

And there is nothing good behind the way they smile.

Hell is nothing compared to the torture, 

At first they are your number one supporter.

Now they won't come with in three feet, 

Once again I am left flat on my seat. 

A beautifully demented mind... 

Is betrayed all of the time. 

Lost in a world of confusion, 

Always wonder what is real and what is an illusion. 

The hell of your own insanity, 

Is the downside of humanity. 

So pray for an serene last breath,

Because there is only peace in death.