There’s a pain that comes

With knowing that the past

That you’ve stuffed in a box

Under your bed

Has turned into a monster

That screams faintly in the dark

When you’re hiding under the covers

But one day you may decide

To open the box

And release the contents in the lake

While you watch the pain

Float away

(AKA my parents’ house, where the Hallmark Channel’s Christmas movie marathon provided ambience for our weekend) **Disclaimer follows playful rant**

1. Home is where the heart is. Home is never, ever a metropolitan area.

2. America faces a serious mental health crisis; cases of amnesia are on the rise.

3. Travel snafus are infinitely more effective than OKCupid or match.com.

4. Balsam Hill produces the only real Christmas trees; Charlie Brown’s was bullshit.

5. Omaha Steaks are aged at least 21 days, and everyone on my Christmas shopping list needs them.

6. If you have optimized your life for the possibility of real happiness, your collection of Christmas ornaments should be color-coordinated.

7. White people, white people, white people, white people – token! – white people white people… (so American society is like structurally racist duck duck goose, but charming)

8. Hallmark Corollary of the Friends Paradox: no matter what financial difficulties they discuss, other people can live in a Manhattan apartment or country home much nicer than you can afford.

9. Hardworking career women just haven’t learned the value of family yet.

10. “Maudlin” is both an aesthetic and an ethos.

**DISCLAIMER** My parents are actually lovely people; moreover, my values and theirs largely align, which is more than many of my elder-Millennial compatriots can say of their own Boomer parents. If you, like my parents, happen to like Hallmark Christmas movies, it is likely that you, like them, are not actually responsible for social, cultural, or moral decline, except insofar as you inflate the ratings of subpar television programming :)

Warmth fills that hole he left

As I take another swig.

Poison dances on my tongue

And a self-deprecating

Smile spreads across my face.

Numbness outlines the circle,

And my liver mumbles

Sweet nothings to me again.

Doors are playing hopscotch

And music is making sense.

His image is fading as are memories,

Stupid thoughts and feelings,

Unobtainable wants and foolish desires.

Smiling stupidly, I finish happily

And watch myself blink as the sun

Comes up to watch over me.

I stopped breathing for a while

Because I thought that

The air should be preserved

For those more deserving

But when I met you

You taught me

That the air we breathe

Is meant to be shared

Because we all deserve

To have our lungs filled with life

You breathed out a sigh of relief

And I breathed in your life

Which filled me with your love

it’s the summer of sweet escape

let’s forget everything and everyone

and run away

from our small town

of small dreams

we can wander forever and forget what we left behind

we can lose our minds

no one leaves this town.

summer’s slipping away

let’s give our hearts a holiday

jump start your car

turning the music up

buy some cigarettes at a convenience store

make some new clichés of our own road trip

we ain’t got no place to be

hotel rooms and memories

driving around town

breaking glass and blaring sirens sounding off in the distance

drinks and cigarettes

smoke staining the air

and bright lights flashing through the dark skies

silty ash dusting onto our jeans

speeding through red lights into paradise

i don’t really feel like thinking

lost in my mind

just want to listen to our heartbeats

your hands on my waist

with stars on the ceiling

lying on hotel rooftops

your head next to mine

soft breath on my neck.

tangled eyelashes

brushed with stars

gazing at the midnight sky

breathing halos into the air

the sky’s falling and i hold you tight

damn, every night i die a little with you

barely breathin’

can’t get out of my head

where did love go?

hearts sinking

sticky summers

staying up till sunrise.

long nights, day dreams

we’d never have to say goodbye

if the world was ending,

right?

i’d do it again.

that summer of sweet escape

all of the nights and all of the days

watching it all fade away.

i need you here with me

by my side

we should do it all over.

it’s too late now

for summer nights in the town of nowhere

running away from our lives

strawberry kisses and cigarette halos

sticky honey margaritas and pink lemonade

watching the sun set then rise

holding onto each other like we’ll fall

forgetting everything and everyone

wish we could it it all over again.

another summer in the town of nowhere.

*this is the shortened poem of my submission “eunoia” https://theprose.com/post/317613/eu-no-i-a, where it was a bunch of random thoughts and lyrics i wrote down while listening to one of my favorite playlists. i thought it’d be fun to put the fragments all into one poem:) it’s a rough draft so it’s a li’l messy; i’ll probably go back and edit it. i also added a lyric or two from if the world was ending by jp saxe and julia michaels*

songs:

icarus by jeremy zucker

falling like the stars by james arthur

need you now-acoustic by dean lewis

sinking by jeremy zucker

dreams by bazzi

drugs and the internet by lauv

do re mi by blackbear

there’s no way by lauv and julia michaels

honey by nathan benjamin

all the kids are depressed by jeremy zucker

superhero by lauv

stay with me by ayokay and jeremy zucker

all of the stars by ed sheeran

day dreaming by jack & jack

hate u love u by olivia o’brien

strawberries & cigarettes by troye sivan

my my my! by troye sivan

youth by troye sivan

for him. by troye sivan

older by sasha sloan

#summer #forget #smalltown #fall #everything #sunrise #songs #breathing

Deathly

by BCCJ

There in the corner stands death, a preppy fellow at that,

Just happy being death, kinda fucking jaunty

And he is really the only one at the gathering that I didn’t want to strangle so I walked

Trying to reach the corner, that intersection where walls meet

but either my legs were failing me or I had underestimated the distance.

He had a match in his hand, picking its teeth with the raw conclusion

Wine so thick, a viscosity akin to oil, yet Reach him I could not—

The vino

in a cup without a saucer. From where do you come sir?

But no noise.

Then I must be asleep

Stopping at the bathroom which fortunately was gender fluid

I had a find a place

a place to find a cup: to look of him.

The glossy second three was the best

In a wardrobe or closet

But it’s the best when one

Can here the snorting life in and around you.

One, two, three, four, quick check, then come the frenzy

For which my Dolce Gabbana keeners would not make the cut.

Oh, the man. I screamed silently and happily walked toward him a more

“I long recognized the ghoul. It was I

And Hope is written

across the side, in a faded Gothic script.”

And Death cannot abide Hope.

So, we belly crawl toward the man who won’t be

The juxtaposition of walls that won’t come

And the trail of lovers behind my lurching

And it seems another common

Another lovely day

Spend not your days in cool retreat my love

But ride the bitch hard,

Put veins in her eyes

You were a born the right color.

I always thought of myself as smart,

Intelligent and wise.

But once I began to wonder,

My lack of knowledge took me by surprise.

As I began to notice, what people have never known,

The one thing I learn is that humans tell too many lies.

I try to find the solutions.

My brain craves the answers.

But that's hard when you're followed by the delusions

Of not being as smart as you thought.

I can't settle for this!

Instead of knowing what this is

I only know a few things that it's not.

All from the questions.

These questions.

What, when, how, who, where?

To question things- who would dare?

What we’re taught is always a fact,

Not agreeing is just an act!

I try to learn

About things no one has known,

But my knowledge still

Hasn't grown.

Will it ever,

Or will I be stuck like this...

Forever?

[A parody of "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore]

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the night

The elves feverishly labored for Santa's big flight

The toys were all packaged with ribbons and flair

In the hopes none would break on the long journey there

The reindeer stayed nestled all snug in their shed

While last minute safety checks were run on the sled

And the Boss in his suit and the elves in hard hats

Had just had a break for a quick union chat

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter

They rushed to the scene to see what was the matter

When what to their bloodshot little eyes did appear

But a miniature van with snow-treading gear

With a quirky young driver all bundled in wool

They all thought the same - that he must be a fool

With a grind and a hiss the van plowed through the snow

And at the flip of a switch came words all a-glow:

“LATTE! CAPPUCCINO! AMERICANO! ESPRESSO!

MACCHIATO! MOCHA! AFFOGATO! RISTRETTO!”

“With milk or with creamer! With sugar or foam!

Double or quad shots! Brought straight to your home!”

As a tank on a mission through the drifts it did bore,

Skirted a snowbank, then parked by their door

Down from the cockpit the odd driver did jump

And shook off the snow from his van with a thump

With the crank of a wheel he transformed his small van

As the window rolled up like an old sardine can

The aromas - how pungent! The counter - so clean!

The elves' noses were tingling - but what could it mean?

As he set up his stall and went round through the back

He started his machines with soft clicks and a whack

"Come one, come all!" he said grinning with glee

"From venti to grande - and all sizes between!"

As the elves all moved forward, their faces alight

They crowded the diesel oasis of light

With a hiss and a simmer, he poured each a cup

And soon they all realized how long they'd been up

When Santa himself reached the front of the line

The merry man smiled, "It's just about time!"

"For you my good sir I've the strongest of beans!"

"A sip and you'll see - one night's all that you need!"

As the jolly old elf took a sip through the steam,

His face lit up like an old movie screen

"I forgot how tiring this is," Santa said.

And together they drank till the dawn's rays glowed red

Then the odd little man folded up the small shop

And returned to the wheel with a quick little hop

And they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

“Hot coffee for all, on this very long night!"