I was 11.

I didn't know any better.

But I said yes... I allowed it to happen.

It's all my fault, I should've said no.

Now I am scarred and so are my relationships.

I was 12.

I tried to say no.

You seemed angry so I let it go.

I allowed you to do it, instead of taking control.

And now I'm stuck saying the fault is my own...

I was 13.

Terrified to say no, but too uncomfortable to say yes.

I did what I was told, I let myself stay in that mess...

You were pleased and I was scarred.

Now I'm wondering, if I should have told them all.

I was 14.

I finally got my own voice.

I told you know, knowing it was my choice.

I saw the anger in your eyes and my body shook, and I prepared to cry.

You left me alone after that for awhile.

I was 15.

You tried again.

I said no, never again.

You went silent and I still feared.

And on that day, I told someone of what happened.

And now I cannot bring myself to forgive the little 11 year old.

Even though I know, they didn't know better.

I trusted you and you betrayed that trust,

Now that iron trust has turned to dust.

Now, there is nothingk left to say that can repair the brokeness in me.

You knew better, you knew I wouldn't know it was wrong.

You knew it was against the law, and you did it anyway.

You knew it may scar me, and you didn't care.

You knew, and you knew, and you never thought twice...

And now I'm stuck living on a prayer, hoping God will forgive me.

And now I'm stuck, never able to fully trust.

Now I'm stuck carrying the weight of the past.

Now I'm stuck hating the 11 year old who was innocent.

Now I'm stuck, hurting all the time...

Now I'm stuck wishing I had never been born...

Because if I'd never been born, I couldn't have said yes...

what if we fell in love?

is that a crazy idea?

I already look at you like you are a planet

and I am your moon.

you give me light and I give you admiration

in this vast sky we navigate by happenstance.

what if we took a trip?

tomorrow? are you free?

no? how about next week?

it'll take hours to get there. I'll show you around.

we can drink wine by the pool and share

our deepest darkest secrets to each other.

what if we got a cat?

I want to love something like I adore you

something for which I can care

fulfill my motherly instinct

create an ecosystem of comfort and responsibility

an outlet for an age old desire.

what if we robbed a bank?

we look like a pair who could pull it off,

like bonnie and clyde or some other infamous couple

we could be them if we wanted to

we could be anything

you and me

I know it's impulsive but...

is it a crazy idea?

An ACT score of 20,

multipule mental disorders,

and a obbsession over The Office

Shouldn't all fit

in a thriteen-year-old's brain.

I guess i'm an exception.

She’s that girl who sits

in the coffee shop

and talks to the man

she loves

like the fool

she is

only to find out

he’s breaking up

with her

like she knew

he would

She goes home and

cries

and asks herself

why

but it was

her the whole

time

like she knew it would be

rinse, and repeat

and there are others

for whom

she’ll do it all

again

and

again

and

again

and again

I'm a blind idiot that can’t be dragged down no matter how many things go wrong or how many times it becomes obvious that they. don’t. like. me. back. because I’m on cloud 9 and on the rare occasions I get there, it’s nearly impossible for someone to get me down to Earth and back to reality.

It doesn't get better. We live in a broken world of decay that will slowly and surely wear you down. You will have health issues that get worse as the years pass. You will lose people who are near and dear to you along the way. As you grow older you will more plainly see the insanity of the mob, the hypocrocy of leaders, and the sheer stupidity of the uninformed. You will continuously grow weary as the days drag on until, one day, you will long for the exit from this world. You will, however; endure it all, because you will find joy in the little things and in the ones you love. You will hold fast to memories that are precious, friends who are dear, and hope that springs eternal. There will be moments that you ask yourself if it is all worth it, and you will endure. There will be moments the world will make you sad to be a member of the human race, and you will endure. There will be moments you feel ready to depart, and you will indure.

It doesn't get better and it doesn't get easier, but YOU WILL ENDURE.