Because... Seriously, who has time to cook around the holidays?! lol

Twelve Days Of Fast Food

(To The Tune “Twelve days of Christmas”)

On the first day of Christmas,

my drive through gave to me:

a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the second day of Christmas,

my drive through gave to me:

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the third day of Christmas,

my drive through gave to me:

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fourth day of Christmas,

my drive through gave to me:

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the fifth day of Christmas,

my drive through gave to me:

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the sixth day of Christmas,

My drive through gave to me:

Six chocolate milkshakes,

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the seventh day of Christmas,

My drive through gave to me:

Seven pints of cole slaw,

Six chocolate milkshakes,

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eighth day of Christmas,

My drive through gave to me:

Eight bowls of chili,

Seven pints of coleslaw,

Six chocolate milkshakes,

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the ninth day of Christmas,

My drive through gave to me:

Nine polish hot dogs,

Eight bowls of chili,

Seven pints of coleslaw,

Six chocolate milkshakes,

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the tenth day of Christmas,

My drive through gave to me:

Ten baked potatoes,

Nine polish hot dogs,

Eight bowls of chili,

Seven pints of coleslaw,

Six chocolate milkshakes,

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

My drive through gave to me:

Eleven pounds of blubber,

Ten baked potatoes,

Nine polish hot dogs,

Eight bowls of chili,

Seven pints of coleslaw,

Six chocolate milkshakes,

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

My drive through gave to me:

Twelve bags of Pepto,

Eleven pounds of blubber,

Ten baked potatoes,

Nine polish hot dogs,

Eight bowls of chili,

Seven pints of coleslaw,

Six chocolate milkshakes,

Five onion rings,

Four Egg McMuffins,

Three Biggie Fries,

Two Happy Meals,

and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

:)

Dear Applicant,

We regret to inform you that your Application for a Licence to Remain Terminally Self-Hating has been rejected.

Seeing that you have performed hundreds of thousands of loving and compassionate acts over the years, affecting people around the world with positive moments, no matter how small, we cannot offer you the applied-for License, in spite of the fact that you are fascinatingly human and have made many wonderfooly* cringe-worthy mistakes. In place of the License applied for, we are pleased to offer you a License To Forgive Yourself And Keep Moving Forward, herewith enclosed in pocket-size format. Please keep it near your heart at all times, and refer to it often.

Also included, as an additional consolation prize, is our free Invisible Wrist Tattoo that says “Stop,Think, Act” in our brand new Developer font. We recommend that you apply it immediately and glance at it whenever you’re feeling the urge to do something cringe-worthy from this moment onwards.

We wish you all the very best in your future endeavours. Please write to us again whenever the mood strikes, and we’ll see what we can do for you.

Sincerely,

Your friends and fans at

the Bureau of Universal Development (BUD).

*wonderfooly: /wun’ der foo lee/

Adv. with a wonder-inducing foolishness often regretted after the fact, clearly displaying one’s perfectly imperfect human quality.

#challenge #rejectionletter #self #selflove

We at [company name] regret* to inform you that you will not be receiving "a cushy job that pays great," to quote from the objective line of your resume.

We here at [company name] take great pride in our own work ethic. That's why we harp about it so much in our advertisements. "Trust us. We're working." Not a bad motto, right? We were less than enthused when you told our phone screen interviewer--and remember, I'm quoting you here--"Only three weeks of vacation time a year? I'm going to need at least seven, and that's just so I can make it to all my 'cons." Yes, you really said that in a professional job interview.

But our fears didn't end there. In fact, we looked past that first comment as a joke that maybe didn't play well over the phone. So we had another interviewer--a fresh, unbiased opinion--take you to dinner. And that went far, far worse, Mr. So-And-So. When the server asked you for your order, you began verbally accosting them and threatened to put the place out of business. You even implied you had committed acts of arson.

Again, we couldn't tell if you were joking, but several of us on the recruiting team had a growing, unsettling hunch you were actually crazy. So we brought you in for an in-person panel interview, the final step in the recruitment process. You proceeded to ask out two of the interviewers on dates... and I can't stress this highly enough--*during*--your interview. The same interview! You asked one woman out, and, when she replied that the request was inappropriate and unprofessional, you literally turned to the next woman at the table and asked her out as well. That is not only inappropriate behavior, it is inconsistent with our corporate values here at [company name].

Well, it's been a wild ride, Mr. So-And-So. We here at [company name] honestly wish you luck in finding a job opportunity elsewhere, because we really don't think you've got a chance.

Sincerely,

Izz Not-Important

[Company Name]

*Not really.

We regret to inform you,

You will no longer exist.

Your qualifications

Were deemed insufficient

The board determines

You became a threat

To our ideologies

Politicians

Profit.

Common good.

Your diploma in idealism

Is essentially worthless.

Creativity degree

Became a simple basic

You are no longer unique

You no longer surprise

Even if our cooperation

Will be remembered pleasantly

We snatched all we could

Now

It's time to leave the stage

Botox and scandals

Can save you no more.

The public is bored.

You're wasting their

Time=Money=Value

Dear art, we hope you

Accept the board's decision

Please pack your influence.

Regards, Capitalism.

We found your application to be quite impressive at first, but when we attempted to contact you for further information, something I might add that we tried to do fifteen times over the past week, we were unable to even locate your psionic resonance, let alone transmit the request.

After further investigation it appears that you possess no psychic powers at all, so, as any attempt at telepathic communication is impossible, your application has been denied.

Our agent may not have been recognised by you as he walked past you as you stacked shelves in your local Tesco, but I assure you, his mind probe was quite thorough and I regret to inform you that not only do you not possess the mental capacity to acquire such abilities, you lack even the most basic education required to even try.

Please do not contact us again. I warn you now, if such an attempt is made the next agent you encounter will wipe you, not just probe.

Absent Father,

We regret to inform you that your application for "Belated Fatherhood" has been denied. This decision was made after thorough reviewal of your application as well as substantial research into your history as a father.

You're application lacked several of the necessary qualifications for "Belated Fatherhood" acceptance. These qualifications include:

- emotional support provided to child for 5+ years

- explicit desire for regular visits with your child

- sincere remorse for shortcomings during child's younger years

- actual love for the child

As well as an incomplete application, it appears the child for which you wish to enroll in "Belated Fatherhood" for is over the age of eighteen. Our records indicate the child is twenty-two years of age. In this case, you are required to not only file an application for "Belated Fatherhood" but to also jointly file an application for "Inadequate Childhood Involvement". Our records show you did not file an application for "Inadequate Childhood Involvement".

If you wish to resubmit an application for "Belated Fatherhood" along with a joint application of "Inadequate Childhood Involvement", you may do so no sooner than 60 days from the date your original application was filed.

Board of Insufficient Parental Re-Entry