It was a beautiful Sunday Morning, the sun shining bright, i felt a cool breeze along my face as i stood outside. I decided to go do yoga by a park on Shoreline Dr. where you once took me. While I was down there I laid my yoga mat on the grass, put in my earphones and set my music to shuffle and began to relax. I spent an hour stretching, switching to different yoga poses and working on my breathing technique. After my hour was up, I grabbed a can of Mike's Harder lemonade and began to walk down the hill and climbed over the rocks to get to the sand and finally i walked into the water, just enough to get my feet wet. The song "Blue Jeans" by Lana Del Rey came on, those relaxing sounds of the waves were so calming, I took a sip of my drink, it was all so perfect and it made me think of you.

I understand now what it means to love someone and not be loved back, you taught me that. I was young not sure where my future was headed but you already started yours. We knew it would be hard, me going to school and you being part of the military. living miles and miles apart but having our hour long phone conversations were the best times, when I heard your voice it made me feel comfort.

My life sucked and talking to you gave me the strength to push past all the crap in my life. The downfall happened when the military became your whole life, blocking out me and your family, going weeks without speaking to me. I was worried and afraid however, i knew that was part of your job. We would not talk for weeks at a time and i missed you dearly but when you would finally respond its as if nothing changed. The arguments you said i would start were a stupid way to get your attention. I tried to be there for you and listen to your problems but it was not enough to keep you in my life. You were being sent on leave and i was hurt. So i cried myself to sleep and missed your last phone call. The next morning i woke up and listened to your voice message you had left for me. It was an angry and hurt one, ranting how i never cared for you and how you never loved me like i loved you. I still to this day think to myself, “where would we have ended up, if i wouldve just answered.” I cried myself to sleep almost every night for about a month or so. You completely fell off the face of the earth, distancing yourself from me, friends, and even family. Fast forward seven years later, and i still think back to my first love. You are my “what if” Marc and I want to tell you that i don’t hold any hate in my heart for you breaking it.

xoxo,

Liv

I bet you did not think the title would be so simple as the word, Relax. It took me awhile to think of the title for this story of my experience with alcohol.

I have had quite the experience with drinking but none i regret well, except for this one time i drunk texted this guy i really really liked and basically ruined any chances I had with him. Aside from that night, i want to share a story of drinking with one of my best friends Dean. He is in his late 20′s, gay, from a small town and full of life. He had been through a lot, such as myself and maybe thats why we got so close.

I will never forget when we went to this tiki bar on the beach and he and his then boyfriend did karaoke. I personally do not like singing karaoke but he just jumped at the chance with no fear and lots of confidence. One would think, “Wow its probably the alcohol making him so this.” but nope that just how he is. fearless. The tiki bar was just where we started from there we decided to bar hop downtown. We had so much fun, dancing, taking shots, having many laughs with each other. Obviously we had lots to drink but my intolerance is pretty high for my size, I could still function. We went to use the bathroom in this one bar me, Dean and his boyfriend. I went into to the ladies and by the time i came out. Dean nor his boyfriend were in the bar nor outside. His boyfriend found me and was asking me if i had seen him which i replied no. I had him go check the bathroom but nope, he was not in there. We were kind of freaking out because Dean can get a bit rowdy when he is drunk so we begin walking all of downtown and in the bars searching for him. I called his phone several times and no answer. We even walked back to where we had parked to see if maybe he was there but he was not. Finally, we decide to just get in the car and drive around downtown to see if we spot him. We drove to the bar where we left him at and looked out the window and there he was walking back to it so we yelled out to him. At this point, he was intoxicated of course so he believed that we had left him and things got a bit physical. He was very angry mainly with his boyfriend they had a huge arguement. I told him to relax and explained that we went everywhere looking for him. He was upset, crying with his face so red like a tomato from all the anger he had. I talked him down the best i could, because i am that friend. No matter how much alcohol I have had, no matter how things get. I relax.

That night i noticed something more deepening inside was wrong with him. You know people assume alcohol brings out the worst in a person but I noticed it brings out what people are scared to talk about or show. Real emotions. That night he had mentioned something about being beaten and left. So at first, i was shocked when we found him he had reacted in a way i had never seen but his immediate reaction all made sense. People are scared to come to face with their past that they take on drinking. Drinking alcohol for recreational use is fine by me but using it as an escape to not have to deal with your personal problems is where I don’t agree with it.