I am me
I am so deeply and thoroughly myself
I am so incredibly complicated and so awesomely complex
It’s one of my favorite things I have grown to see inside of myself
And yeah
Without a shred of doubt I know that it is too much for most people
I know that I am too much for most people
Which used to make me so sad
So very sad for the way it felt
To feel so completely separated from the world around me
To feel so completely misunderstood by the people that surrounded me
I grew to acknowledge and accept that people didn’t understand me, and that they probably never would
It’s alright with me because it has to be
I need to start exploring and adoring the parts of myself that MAKE ME this way
That make me so AWESOMELY complex, and messy, and messed up, and crazy
I need to stop trying to shove certain parts of myself away and out of the sight of others, and trying to cover up the parts of me that I’m afraid they won’t like, or that they may reject.
I need to give myself credit where it is deserved, and accept the fact that I am UNDENIABLY human..
and that there HAS be room for error
There HAS to be room for flaw....
I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
Because I am brilliantly unique.
And because I am brilliantly me.
the breaths taken between pauses of bruised feet (&heart)
• Saudade;
the presence of absence. a longing for someone or something that you remember fondly but know you can never experience again
.
.
.
there's a longing you can't name, you can't describe — it presses against you, in the spaces where the scent of his fingers lingers. it aches in those spots. but you can't do anything but let time pass as flowers bloom and wither and you take your last and first step into the breath of spring. the stain deepens in your heart, a weight lodged in your chest that will not lessen nor go away. a heartburn of memories of his laughter and tender warmth embracing you.
it hurts so much you can't cry, only let out a heavy breath and let the small moments of brightness slowly build up in those spots and hope it will cover the pain.
there's no cure for this longing that blackens a heart and withers it from within. there's only time. and that -- can never be trusted.
It only runs forward and never waits for anyone.
(small hands trying to grab the darkness between the stars. smaller bodies trying to run forward as the world pushes on their shoulders.)
(you are — but a wandering soul (drowning) in a heavy ocean with a broken lighthouse to guide you home)
Feel That?
don’t you ever just feel the need to run away?
to fall into another life, where people dance in the rain and smile at neighbours just cause.
to go on a road trip to the end of the earth and find yourself at a beach looking out into the never ending waves or in a forest filled with no one but you.
to enter a foreign country where no one knows who you are or what has happened in the past.
to watch sunsets on the roof of a car and gaze up at the stars with absolutely no light pollution except for fireflies.
to go camping and watch a camp fire die out while just thinking about anything and everything.
to meet the love of your life where you can be yourselves without any worries.
to jump on a tour bus and learn all the quirky things about a country with all the tourists in another language.
to watch people from the window of a small hidden cafe with a coffee or hot chocolate in the rain.
to work in a bakery, or a pasta shop or pick oranges as a living with people who do real, honest work.
to discover real magic and the real reason for being alive.
to drop your responsibilities and live by the seat of your pants, day to day, in the moment.
to let go of today and live for another today, another day and another time.
do you ever feel that?
