“You frighten me”

       Not the most romantic of words, but if she understood why I say them, she would forgive me. (That’s why I only let the words fall on deaf ears.) In this moment, horror and beauty look the same in my heart: her head is rested on my chest, and my bicep supports her back. My arm bent at the elbow so my wrist can reach to scratch her scalp, lulling her to sleep in her favourite way. I calculate my position for her every night I get the chance, making sure my legs can be her blanket and my breasts can be her pillows. I give the illusion that *I* hold Her, that *I* keep Her safe; but it’s her that is my protector. And my destroyer.

       She’s been gone a few weeks, and while she’s away she takes my heart with her. She leaves me with a promise though, the promise that she’ll return; and it’s just enough light to keep me warm until she does. It’s just enough light to remind me that my broken pieces are still just that - broken. The shade between the cracks holds the darkness of my past; but she makes a fire that casts dancing shadows in and out of everything I know. She makes my demons dance, they forget who they are. They only know that they are loved, by this strong and beautiful creature laying on my skin. My insecurities feel comfort. My anger feels calm. My sadness feels welcome; Because she accepts everything that I am, and creates everything that I’m not - and somehow I’m a whole person. Somehow, I’m allowed to be broken and whole at the same time.

      I’m made up of pieces, and she kisses each and every piece with her lips, and reminds me that it’s okay. When she comes home, she remakes me into a warrior, dressed in flowers. A fighter without armour, and I am terrified. 

      I love her like I’ve never known was possible. I trust her like I’ve always known was impossible. This woman is my storm, my struggle, my glue, my sunshine, my core, my love, my fire... My Forever. And when she leaves, My world falls apart. She is the most powerful woman I have ever met. In this moment, she is the most powerful woman there ever was.

“You frighten me”. I tell her again.

I see her

And i see what

She is doing to herself

Looking at her now

I can’t help but blame myself

For not paying close enough attention

A part of me knew

That it was going to get worse

That she wouldwill bury herself

Deeper into her own grave

But instead of helping i

Watch till it was

Almost too late

I am ashamed

petaled hearts

cracked bottles

lost dawns

sleepless nights

strangers doors unlocked

hallaway light left on

starry-eyed

sunken

sober

strained

sundowns

shadows

creeping across the wall

tossed sheets

thrown tables

broken windows

baseless words

violent violets

vulgar vixens

yellowed eyed yarn tossled blonds

young youths hungover

popped pills

pyschedlic panises

crayola colored drugs

romeo to be or not to be

raging rage

crowbar cracked logic

crazy crackheads sniffting the same powder

wailing water works drowning the floorboards

wasted wages on dusty forevers

aging almosts

abused angels

cotton filled stomachs

trying to stop the blood from the gunshot

that grazed the heart on the 2nd floor

another sip

guzzling giggles

loose lips sink ships

liqiour late nights at the bar

mouth agape kissing the lips of strangers

to taste anything

touching the tangibleness of this pain

that could shatter the weakness of the amor that I let through my armor

untied the shoe strings

and set them on the welcome mat

the heart got too comfortable in the chest of another

tatterd seat cushions

chipped tables

cum stained toilet seats

used condoms thrown in the trash can

broken showers

stolen whispers

teared up tears

dagger through the ribcage

long drawn out cries

craddled in the crib

like a baby

holding your own arms

around that tiny soul

pull your own skin apart

to keep yourself warm

in the discomforting

thought

of loneilness

dead roses

wrapped with an obiturary of love that was buried by the last person who stayed in this bed

used cigars

tilted to the mouth to taste the human left upon the edges of it

glass doves

half-eaten choclates

thongs layed across the tub

bent bra wires

champagne bottle

tilted to the side

red lipstick lingerd on the lips of a liar

cheaters covet

he stained with the words I love you

planted it on another bitch

maybe he was the salt she needed

and maybe it is ink that stained him

that made him stay

real tears melt plastic

true love

ain’t true

if isn’t filled with lies

veins filled with novacine

skin sweating morphine

wrist grazed with slits

cursive letters curved

around

my finger

forming

like band

kissed

with words

of a lost forever

blue eyed boys

cause the blues

brown eyed boys

drag you to the grave

midnight curls

make you curse

your existence

brown haired boys

write poetry

and

break your heart

using the alphabet

you don’t have to cross over the ocean

to experince shipwreck

of the soul

dolly parton pink sheets

and babydoll nightgowns

mascara stained bedding

used tissues

lovers leftovers

black and white reruns

replaying the same scenes

the lines used from

your last lover

he was the cancer

that was spreading through your body

he was the pisces , that swam through your ocean

he was the leo , that devored your heart and left you hanging from your veins

the zodiac warned you about being a smart alec

crossing stars

with the devil

kissing the lips dusted in star dusts

red lips bleed blood when applied with pressure , see I asked for the truth but its funny all that came out of her mouth was lies,

she was weak in the heart

she rather sip on cough syrup to ease her guilty consicence

friends don’t slip sugar packets in a bowl of vinegar and try to pass it off as sugar water

see they forget

good liars don’t trip up on their own lies

see you thought I wouldn’t find out how dear sweet f , never mind lets not name drop.

you said

“lets not push each others for our own cause”

but really whats your cause

to strip him down and feed him

ambrosia laced with LSD

see you put theories in is head

about me that wasn’t there

see you have the voice of KAA ( jungle book reference the snake )

but you had the face of medusa

its funny the tricks beauty plays on you

karma lived here

she had the hips of sin

eyes of an demon

and her lover was revenge

Welcome to heartbreak Hotel

leave your heart at home

#they lies we tell in the midnight , all come to light in the morning #new year #exposed