But I Want To
I would never.
I would never tell you how you make me feel like an old favorite book, cast aside after the first chapter could not longer hold your interest.
I could never come between you and the company you enjoy so much now.
I should never have expected you to stay stagnant and our friendship to last forever.
I can‘t ever keep up with you,
so I have decided to stop running altogether.
Him.
I ended it.
I did.
He didn’t appreciate Me, My mind, the time I gave, the money I spent.
He made Me feel alone even though I was with Him for so long.
I felt secondary to His interests.
but—
perhaps it was Me who was at fault for those feelings.
I wasn’t content with the hours He gave some days.
the console He provided never cheered Me up for long.
what I demanded? I knew that He didn’t want to or couldn’t deliver.
I was the selfish one..
I made Him angry, I made Him cry much more than He made Me.
I pushed Him away then because He had a sensitivity I didn’t think I could handle.
and even now, the longing I possess to have Him back is not all together pure.
so maybe it wasn’t so much Him, but more Me.
Ode to Four
one
two
three
four— my favorite number
it’s strong like the four walls of a house
or the four legs of a table
it’s beautiful like the four petals of a hydrangea
or the four girls i was able to call my friends
it’s not like three— negligent and lonely
it’s not like five— overbearing and suffocating
four is modest and comforting
four is stable
it’s what i hope to be
strong.
beautiful.
stable.