God and I had been on one date before.

It was an eye-opening experience in which I learned that God moves through all objects of nature. Even the leaves that rustle in the trees with the wind are a part of God's hand.

I used to look at nature and see God. 

That was before my husband passed away.

He passed a few years ago and after that, I shied away from society. 

I went out only when it was absolute necessity as I could not bear to see couples together for I had lost my one partner in this life.

I could not even find peace in nature.

I resented God for taking him away for me...

It was about a month ago that I decided to attend a marriage conference that was intended for couples.

I felt it was something I had to do if anything was ever going to change in my life. 

I braved myself to be alone in a room full of pairs.

That night God and I had our second date in my hotel room.

After room service had delivered my meal, I slept for a while on the couch.

I awoke suddenly and gazed out of my window just to catch the last of a magnificently

beautiful sunset. Some stars and the moon were beginning to shine in the still blue and pink sky and the moon was reflected in the totally calm, blue and pink river.

I believe God was sending me a message to remind me that he loved me. 

I resolved that the moon's reflection in the water was a part of His signature.

I realized that God had never disappeared all those years. 

He was simply waiting for me to find him again.

It is often in our suffering that God awakens a strong desire in us for nothing more than Himself. 

I plan on attending more dates with God. 

Here are the winners of the challenge I put out a month ago in the portal YA:

The hardest decision you've ever had to make, fictional or nonfiction. Don't forget to tag me @chainedinshadow

There were nineteen total entries, and they were all really good! Thank you all so much for entering!

But the one post that seemed to stand out from the rest was @Jnuior's post called "Pulling the Plug"

Read it here: https://theprose.com/post/161785/pulling-the-plug

Honorable mention for some more amazing stories:

@Vyxyn's "THIS IS TOLD IN THE LANGUAGE OF MY HOME, the Bayou of Tiger Island, Louisiana USA."

Read here: https://theprose.com/post/160480/this-is-told-in-the-language-of-my-home-the-bayou-of-tiger-island-louisiana-usa

@misgrammared's "Daddy, Where Have You Gone?"

Read it here: https://theprose.com/post/159829/daddy-where-have-you-gone

@renatarf99's "The Hardest Decision I've Ever Made @chainedinshadow"

Read it here: https://theprose.com/post/161847/the-hardest-decision-i-ve-ever-made-chainedinshadow

If I died tomorrow...

Would I be fine today??

Would I not want anything more or not have anything to say??

If I died tomorrow...

Would I want to be in Love??

If I did, you'd be the only one I'd think of

If I died tomorrow...

What would I wear??

Jordan's...nice boots??

Eccentric...pricey suit??

How would I want my hair??

If I died tomorrow...

What's the last song I'd listen to??

The last movie I'd watch or last game I'd win or lose??

If I died tomorrow...

...would I escape Hell??

Have I done enough in my life??

I can't tell...

If I die tomorrow, only my last questions matter

But my third is one I'd want to think over

I don't need to be in Love...I had her

But I'd want nothing more than to hold the heart He loaned her

Only if I died tomorrow

But what if I lived like everyday was my last??

Is that the best way to live??

If so, then leaving you in the past

Isn't living up to what I have to give

If I actually died tomorrow, this matter would be more pressing

I guess me not finding Love again is still digesting

So thinking about Loving you is the next best thing 

Although,

I could die tomorrow...

Existing in a corrupt world...I'd say "corrupt" is an understatement. I won't waste your time listing all the words & concepts that represent this world. This piece would surely turn into something else. But the world we live in, much like the flesh we live in, is basked in sin. And sin is death. Sin is even more lethal in comparison to death. Because death only happens in this world, but your sins will be with you when you die. And if we were all judged fairly, we'd all be forced to live with our sins for eternity [Hell]. But God is not fair. God is Loving. His Love for us unconditionally forgives the constant sinning we throw into His face every single day. His Love surpasses the hate & fear we spread across the world. His Love is the ONLY reason we are able to exist in a place like this.

So in my eyes, there is no coming to terms with a corrupt world in order to exist in it. When we accept a world like this as our only truth, we do not exist. If we only acknowledge this realm, we are as dead as the world that consumes us. My advice to you, would be to come in to terms with a Loving God & live accordingly. Only the creator of life can show you what living really feels like.

I think we all struggle with this question. I know I did. Because face it, this world we live in is a very dark, evil place. We see innocent people slaughtered by ISIS, we see people die in car accidents, shootings, and robberies...and it's hard to imagine that there's a God somewhere above us. It really is. Most of us want to believe that there's a loving God, but we just can't see how there is one.

     Well, I'm here to tell you that there is a loving God, one who loves you so much it's unfathomable.

     First, though, we need to understand what evil is. "Evil" is often thought of as a thing, as a creature. And we say, "How can God allow Evil?" Evil is not a thing; evil is the absence of God. It's like a hole in a shirt. The hole is not a Thing, but it is the absence of a Thing. So it is, that when we reject God, we leave a void; that void is Evil.

     Free will. That's what lets us choose, let's us make a choice between God and evil. God is omnipotent, meaning He knows everything that's happened, is happening and will happen. If God knew what choice Eve would make in the Garden of Eden...why did He still give her free will?

     It almost sounds like God didn't care, almost wanted that to happen. But God gave us free will because He loved us so much. He wants to have a relationship with us, and He wants us to love Him. But what kind of love is it if you don't give someone a choice? Thus He gave us Freewill.

     We want God to remove evil, right? Like stop ISIS, stop natural disasters that kill thousands, or stop accidents. But how much evil should God remove? Where do you draw the line? If God took all evil out, there's no free will. And then there's no real love. Just robots called Humans.

     So God is not the cause of evil.

     And He really does love you.

If my brain was the size of a marble, maybe finding it would be easier...  

Alone at last

My home is vast

No walls for rooms

No room for the past

My thoughts run fast

Once caught, they blast

Plastered in my mind

A bastard with pride

Through faith I will find

And create with my bride

As we come together, my thoughts & I

I learn that time is on my side

My craft will sharpen, to pierce the eye

The ones who see, can no longer hide

The truth I will show

And never stoop below

In hopes of inspiring seeds to grow

My name is Jordan Maze & I am a sociopath. I know this, & I am very proud of it. You see, what you may not know is…all the criticisms & characteristics of a sociopath that you people think makes us sick, actually makes us something else entirely. Everything about me makes me better than you. Everything. I’m smarter than you, I’m stronger than you, I can do things you could never imagine yourself doing. All because you’re too weak to give yourself that power. The irony is humiliating, I don’t see how you live with yourselves. All you want is power…but you’re too “sane” to take it. You couldn’t handle the power anyway. That’s why this world needs me. That’s why you need me. You need me more than anything else. I am your savior. I am your provider. I am your God. And when you can’t handle the pressure of life, when you’re too lonely or too incapable of helping yourself, when you’ve run out of answers & don’t know where to go…you come to me. Knowing what I am, you may assume that I’m some sort of assassin that finds joy or beauty in ending the lives of the miserable. Ending that speculation is a must, so allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Dr. Jordan Maze, & I am a Counseling Psychologist. 

The first thing I ask of my…patients, to put politely, is to tell me who they are. “Who are you??” The question itself is very personal, yet wildly foreign, because it’s one we don’t get asked enough. No one knows anyone because no one asks. Then again, no one would truly tell. So how do we find out?? Well, you can’t. But I’m not you. Fortunately for myself, & for you, this is my area of expertise. It’s quite simple once you see it the right way. Everyone is a story, & I’m an avid reader. When I ask this question, I don’t care too much for the answer. It’s the attitude I pay attention to. Would you describe yourself to me confidently?? Would you be timid?? Secretive?? Eager?? What most people don’t understand, is that the way we see ourselves is the portal that ultimately leads to the discovery of our true identity. But in this world, people would rather depend on others to try & show them. It’s funny, irony is quite the motif in many of these stories. But none of that gets past me. I can already tell what kind of person you are just by the manner of which you answer the first thing I ask you. That’s why I’m the best at what I do. I see you for what you really are. And after years of decoding all your false assumptions of all your problems that you make larger than life, I can boldly announce that you are all the same. You all share a collective of values, beliefs, intentions, fears, & faults. What makes you think you’re different is the combination of these ideas you own. I would like to propose an interesting allegory for you. Let’s say there are several fashion designers in a competition. They are all given the same materials. The same set of fabrics, the same array of colors, the same display of patterns. Of course, when they begin to construct their pieces, they involuntarily reflect who they see themselves as into their work. That’s what art is, placing ourselves in the things we create. So their background, their experiences, their perception of life, & everything within those margins are incorporated into what they do with these materials. But how they put them together, what they use to put them together, the arrangement in which they are together, the size, shape, & overall appearance, does not change the fact that they are all made from the same exact materials. As you should know, these materials represent the ideas I mentioned earlier. The ones you all have that control the outcome of who you will grow to be. Or in this case, what you will create. But when it’s time to be judged, the comparisons are nothing less than obvious. And the designers give the judges no choice other than to see all their pieces as one single collection. And that is how I see you. The sad part is, you all see it in yourselves as well. Naturally, the designers would be able to point out that they all have the same fabrics, colors, & patterns in common. And you all can do the same…but you still think you’re different. Regardless, my profession relies on the definitive evidence I’ve presented. The fact that you are all the same is the blueprint I use to detect what’s out of place. And as an architect of the mind, I can assure you that this foundation is vital.    

The mind is really a world of its own. It’s easy to see why we as humans think of ourselves as our own Gods. But I’ve realized something that should’ve been known to everyone before we came to that arrogant assumption. The mind is where true power lies. Notice I didn’t say your true power. That is because the power is not yours. And you can say what you want about your mind being your own, but you know more than anyone the lack of control you have over it. Now money, we control that. Your money, you can do whatever you want with. It can’t spend itself or multiply itself without you being the cause, for the most part. But your mind isn’t something you can say is yours, is it?? It works & performs without your consent & frequently without your own knowledge. It guides your emotions, forcing you to feel or think of things you’d never want to put yourself through. It makes your decisions for you, it changes the way you see things, situations, people, even yourself. It is the overseer of your consciousness, the ruler of your subconscious. You are simply everything it wants you to be. Some God you are. 

Speaking of God, the ongoing of evolution clearly disproves His or Her existence. And that’s one thing I know more than anyone…I am the evidence. If there is a member of our species that has surpassed my level of discernment, he or she must not have realized it. But I know what I am, & more importantly, I know why I am. Purpose is the breath of life. Life without purpose is nonexistent. And my purpose is to sustain survival on this planet. We all know man is too weak to survive on his own, without something ruling over him. We even see this in nature. There must be a dominant force pushing progression & offsetting balance. I am that force. You would all be savages without government. That has been proven & it doesn’t need to be again. It’s just something we know. The founders of government had to push aside the boundaries of thought known to a savage in order for them to offset the balance between them. That is what made them eligible to rule. And that same state of mind is what progresses me past the frequency of thought known to man at this stage of our experience here. In a world of evolution, stillness is the knife that cuts the chickens head off. 

I’m certain the majority of you wish to understand why I chose this profession. For you to know that, you must know me. And although you will never completely know me or why I’ve made the decisions I have, I can provide you with enough personal information to shed some light on the matter. According to today’s studies, sociopaths/psychopaths & anyone else bearing behavior correlating with them are said to have had an abusive upbringing. And from then on, its passed down through genetics. I can’t say, right now, if that’s the only way we are crafted in this world, but I will allow it to stand until I myself am further educated. In my case, that study is accurate. I am a product of rape. I am a product of my father. I believe he was a psychopath. He could’ve just as well been a sociopath, but I say the former because he was just that cold. I was never close enough to him to know for sure. I was never close to anyone. But you’ve already made that assumption, haven’t you?? I know you think you could somewhat “imagine” what it was like for me growing up simply because you’ve studied my kind before. But all you know is what you’ve read. You could never understand what it’s like to be me, so don’t patronize me with what you think you know. It’s easy to read “child abuse” on a screen & begin to understand why someone would have to turn out this way. But it certainly doesn’t mean you understand that pain. Feeling completely alone, being hated by the only people you thought existed, constantly being tortured in every sense of the word, knowing that this is the only life you have. You couldn’t imagine being a child, bullied into accepting that everyone in this world will hurt you. Knowing that anyone else who came into your life would cause only a fraction of the wretchedness you endured, leaving you traumatized, terrified at the first sight of imperfection in another human. There is no amount of capacity your brains could hold that would allow you to comprehend the key to our survival. Being that young, oblivious to the concept of “Love” but rationalizing & performing the coup of our own minds. We became more than our emotions. We did what was necessary to erase anything that could harm us. We tricked the mind & stripped it of its power over us. In this success story, we represented Satan overthrowing God. We are the Gods now. You have absolutely no idea what it took to become me. And then you have the audacity to separate us from everyone before we even get the chance. You look at us like we’re sick & we need your help. It’s almost like you forget that you’re the ones who make us this way. We are the burdens of your own hate. We are constant reminders of how much hate there is in the world. And I must say…I am very pleased. Hate is bounded to a reputation that proceeds its negative influences. In fact, it gives us more than it takes away from us. It progresses us more than it holds us back. Think about it this way, if we all Loved one another the way our great philosophers encouraged us to, where would we be now?? What problems would we have had?? What advances would we have needed to make?? Hate drove us to the age we’ve come to know as the future. It made us fierce & competitive & always kept us looking ahead. It put fear in our hearts & guided our ambitions. This country was built on hate. The world turns, fueled by hate. Love would’ve kept us in the past. We would’ve been satisfied with the way were living, & there wouldn't have been any reasons to advance our civilizations. Love is settling.