Undead, caught between two planes of existence, and the only way to survive is devour another - lapping up every morsel given to me.

Not for gluttony, but by nature.

A curse was laid upon me at the first bite.

The hunger is insatiable, as a plague of parasites consume all my nourishment.

The heart empties as quickly as it fills, more a conduit than a reservoir.

The flesh ages and rots while my mind remains a constant as time slips away.

My eyes have not the decency to diminish though, so I must watch it all fall away.

My stained hands can offer nothing but laced fingers, begging forgiveness as they wring out more life force.

monuments that are made of moonlight, fading into the day;

a mind as an hourglass, sand that cannot empty; a sandman

who visits you when you are awake, rubbing an irrational dream

into the corner of your eye; a rash that is psychosomatic,

the path that cannot be taken, taken; the psycho path

your own Boulevard of Broken Dreams, your own Green Day;

a wind of lyrics pushing you forward, while you remain planted,

as if a plant; roots that root against you; ground that, likewise,

grounds you the way parents do; an eternal childhood; a world

you cannot grow up "in"; a world you can only grow out of.

People always ask me: are you okay?

and just like that, I am robbed of language.

How do I begin to explain

the monsters and demons?

I can always feel them lurking,

waiting to pounce, when I am too weak

and drained of energy to fight.

How do I tell them the problem is me? 

I am constantly at war with myself

and I always seem to lose.

I think, maybe I will win,

only to realize I let myself die.

Four a.m.

Bathroom floor

Tears slip through

Painting constellations

on the cobwebs in your eyes

Never thought you'd

miss the days you used

to sleep to escape reality

They're there the second

you close your eyes

Waiting to pull you through

to the other side

In a neither here

nor there state

You hear them calling

They sing you a lullaby

Hoping you fade out

Lately it's been the same

The man of your dreams

or a cold sweat and screams

You take your chances

Hoping fatigue wins

the fight and sinks in

Close your eyes

Let them pull you through

Maybe he'll come rescue you

He's worth every nightmare

I have a knack for drinking away the day,

Something you've never understood.

And I've never asked you to.

Because it's hard to explain the bitter taste in my mouth,

To someone who's never tasted anything but paradise.

And I promise it's not jealousy when I say,

that your innocence is getting a little old.

Because I don't need another intervention,

Or professional help.

I just need you to look at me, the way I look at you.

And I understand that's a lot to ask, but I don't know how to live without you.

So I'd rather drink to forget.

Because hennesy seems to make the lines softer.

And the cursive kisses I left on your skin taste less like regret, and more like hope.

Hope that one day our nothing will become something.

That our "nevermind"s and "just let it go"s,

will become "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s.

Hope that the breathless feeling I get when I look at you, will ever be more than a child-like obsession with perfection.

So you may call me an alcoholic, but I prefer the term optimist.

I've tried and died, I can't do this, 

I loved and cried, What did I miss?

I missed you every second every day, 

what more can I do to make you stay?

I don't know if I can keep holding on, 

I love you so much, now you're gone.

Thoughts of hurt seep into my brain, 

my heavy heart sinks in the sea of pain. 

I begin to wonder if you ever loved me, 

maybe it was just my stupid fantasy, 

Either way, one fact remains very true, 

whether you're gone or here, I need you.

i have

a riverside heart.

all it ever does is

overflow.

i have

a five a.m. mind.

all it ever hears is

silence.

i have

a trailer-park soul.

all it's ever known is

home.

i have

a postcard mouth.

all it ever says is

i wish

you were here.

People always ask me, "why is it so hard for you to trust people?"

I respond, "why is it so hard to keep a promise?"

"I'll always be here for you no matter what" they say

"I'm glad, I will for you too" I reply

But what I wanna say is, "that's what everyone before you has said and they probably don't even remember my name"

I act like I trust everyone when really my heart is wrapped in barbed wire and caution tape,

It's not their fault though, it's the fault of everyone that came before them,

All the ones that broke down my walls just to walk away once they were done,

All the ones that made promises they couldn't keep,

"Why is it so hard for you to trust people," you ask

Why is it so hard to make people stay?