Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Do you ever wish you could do this all over again?

Do you wish you could have done this all by yourself?

Have you ever just wanted to let yourself surrender?

Have you gotten to the point that this can’t only be it?

Can you hold me high and give me the faith I need?

Because, have you ever disliked yourself?

Have you ever been scared to let yourself unfold?

Can you hold me tight, and never let go?

Please break the chains and set the demons free.

Their game of tug of war is getting old,

And life seems to be getting to cold

Do you know what its like when you turn away from the mirror,

Do you know how hard it is to face this unknown person face to face?

Do you know how confusing this life can actually be?

Do you know how hard it is to try and control the emotions?

Can you hold me high and give me the faith I need?

Because, have you ever disliked yourself?

Have you ever been scared to let yourself unfold?

Can you hold me tight and never let go?

Please break the chains and set the demons free.

Their game of tug of war is getting old,

And life seems to be getting to cold

On my knees, crying out stay with me now,

Your presence makes me feel better and I need to start to heal.

Please don’t leave me now,

Hold me high, and take the pain away.

Set the demons free, break the chains.

This life is no longer fulfilling.

Hold me high, take the pain away,

Set the demons free, and break my chains.

This has all turned into a giant mess.

Months ago, I knew better however my selfishness and impulsivity took hold.

If I knew I could predict all of this and gain the knowledge I did, I wouldn’t have went back out.

Sadly enough, once again I needed this moment to learn yet another lesson.

I didn’t think my situations could possibly get worse, but…. they did.

The only difference, I know what I need to do, where I need to make change.

I know I can’t sit in the mess I’ve created, cause I know where it all leads.

I can use my past as a reference, I can use the knowledge, wisdom, experience and tools I have gained for my present and future to continue moving forward and to get back up.

I wish I could blame you, reality is, I can’t.

Today I can’t take my accountability and responsibility of where I went wrong.

Today I won’t ignore the signs of God and what he is trying to teach and show me.

Today I have support to lean into.

I NEED to utilize this before I slip again.

I wasn’t strong enough in the past to deal with what was truly inside, so I kept running back to you.

I didn’t want to face the hurt, pain, shame and guilt.

But today, I have everything I need to move forward and start to heal inside.

Goodbye old me and the demon inside.

This is going to be a battle I will win!!

You’d claimed you’d been searching for someone like me,

You said I was the girl you’d been looking for.

I should have know better this time around,

The red flags I blindly saw from the start.

In the beginning you tested the waters,

To see if you could get into my heart.

I should have took the signs, I saw all the flags.

But I believed the lines you gave me.

Oh the flags I should have listened,

When you basically out right call me a whore.

Red flags, I could’ve had full bouquet.

God you sure loved to brag.

Gaslighting was your technique,

Watch out! He’s a fucking scumbag.

Now it makes sense,

How you tried to tempt me with my addiction.

The misery you showed, duh you were clearly in active addiction.

Jesus, why didn’t I just listen to my gut and prediction.

For fuck sake, you laid a pipe in front of my face.

The thoughts that filled my mind,

Thank for, I had relapse prevention in place.

The plans I had,

The goals I set out to do,

You said you supported me,

Ha, fuck this was so untrue.

Every time I’d try to leave,

You came back to love bomb.

The best one…..

Church and a psalm.

You knew how to pull my heartstrings,

How would do it with BS apologies so cleverly.

The pity stories, and the I’m sorry’s, again, I’d let you back in.

But by the end, the red flags finally wore too heavily.

You tried to break me,

Damn, does misery love company.

My mind at the end so fucked and clouded.

Thank God, I’m free!

The mirror smacked me in the face,

Living in a mind controlled shelled case.

Emotions suppressed so deep,

the climb up was going to be pretty steep.

So, I took a chance and let you in,

You encouraged me to change all the sin.

I was hurting in a world of toxicity and chaos,

But, your love was the voice that showed me grace.

When shame started to boil inside me,

You reminded me, whole is what my eyes should see.

And, when the guilt was holding me back,

I learned how not to lash out and constantly attack.

I learned how to be mindful and forgivable,

The greatest lesson was to love myself unconditional.

It is you who takes the shattered and broken,

And transforms us to live life and reopen.

Baby come along with me, 

There’s so much in life to see. 

We’ve both had our problems, 

Been hurt a time or two

Take my hand, 

Escape this crazy zoo. 

A new life begins somewhere, why don’t we take the chance

Leave behind our need for the control and dominance. 

We’ve been through the ups, 

We’ve been through the slumps,

We’ve seen all of Hell’s flames,

And surely we know how to play some games. 

Let’s get off this ride and see what else there is to see. 

Go deeper than the surface and get to know the center of each other’s soul. 

Not the first go around of being hurt, 

We’ve felt what’s it’s like to get burnt. 

We know the life of the rat race, 

And the constant chase. 

It’s no longer fun, let’s get caught 

It’s you in my every thought. 

I wanna escape the past abuse, 

Feel free and finally let loose. 

So what do you say, ya wanna take this chance? 

We’ve been through the ups, 

We’ve been through the slumps,

We’ve seen all of Hell’s  flames,

And surely we know how to play some games. 

Let’s get off this ride and see what else there is to see. 

Go deeper than the surface and get to know the center of each other’s soul. 

The magnet never strays too far,

Let’s try to mend the broken scars, 

We’re always venturing back, 

But let’s get off the half track. 

Live our lives in the full, 

And swim into each other’s soul! 

I tried so hard to escape,

Escape an empty feeling.

I numbed my body from all that I was concealing. Hurting from the past, desperately trying to forget.

So I decided to put myself into a different mindset.

I wanted to feel free and alive,

I was on a merry go round trying to survive.

The years passed so fast, now everything’s a blur.....Fuck, I was only trying to forget the past.

Now there’s nothing to numb my mind and soul,

I feel as tho I’m sitting in a deep dark hole.

Relearning to find some pleasure, it’s not as easy as you think.

Especially when your flying high on the cloud that’s so pink.

Slick tries to come in and take back control.

Don’t let him in to regain your soul.

Hold on tight, he pops up when you least expect it.

This time around use that good wit.

Push him away and down,

’Cause I’m not turning back into that fake ass clown.

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Do you ever wish you could do this all over again?

Do you wish you could have done this all by yourself?

Have you ever just wanted to let yourself surrender?

Have you gotten to the point that this can’t only be it?

Can you you hold me high and give me the faith I need?

Because, have you ever disliked yourself?

Have you ever been scared to let yourself unfold?

Can you hold me tight, and never let go?

Please break the chains and set the demons free.

Their game of tug of war is getting old,

And life seems to be getting to cold

Do you know what its like when you turn away from the mirror,

Do you know how hard it is to face this unknown person face to face?

Do you know how confusing this life can actually be?

Do you know how hard it is to try and control the emotions?

Can you hold me high and give me the faith I need?

Because, have you ever disliked yourself?

Have you ever been scared to let yourself unfold?

Can you hold me tight and never let go?

Please break the chains and set the demons free.

Their game of tug of war is getting old,

And life seems to be getting to cold

On my knees, crying out stay with me now,

Your presence makes me feel better and I need to start to heal.

Please don’t leave me now,

Hold me high, and take the pain away.

Set the demons free, break the chains.

This life is no longer fulfilling.

Hold me high, take the pain away.

Set the demons free, break my chains

A facebook group that lets people express themselves about struggling with addiction, watching a loved one with an addiction or in recovery. Writing can be so inspiring and as a recovering addict I remember being trapped in my thoughts and felt I was alone. This page is a secure and safe place for others to post their raw and inspiring writing. I would love to see the community grow and have a huge support group so anyone that is going through the pain and hurt of addiction has a place to go to where others understand. Please feel free to spread the word and link.

Much love, looking forward to see more members and posts!!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1010052249370471/?ref=share

Sitting here at a loss,

You’ll lie at no cost.

I see it in your eyes

In all your silent cries

Feel it when you flail and twitch

See it when those ice bugs make you itch

Hear it in your voice

There’s nothing I can do, it's your choice.

I used to have so much empathy

But you escape through rage and jealousy....

People say you have drug me down,

Reality is you helped take off the mask of this clown

You and I have different stories with different people

But I saw my addictions within you

it made me find my way to the steeple

And helped me find my breakthrough

Honesty wasn’t easy and harder to even open up and speak.

But it’s the only way from letting these demons sink in and leak.

I may still fall from time to time

But it won’t stop this uphill climb

Overpowering the voices in my head, repeating, “I can”

Because I don’t want this for my entire life span.

So question for you,

You going to jump off the merry go round with me,

together we can hopefully break free?

Cleaning it all out,

Riding all the memories,

I find they’re everywhere, reminding me how you entered my life so cleverly.

Promises after promises, letting go of the hurt you caused, believing all the lies you told.

Hope kept me in,

Pity had me running back

Always there when you needed someone, but constantly left alone feeling hijacked.

Came across a letter that sounded so sincere, a promise of truth and faithfulness.

But it was only a short period of time, everything would once again be a complete mess.

Didn’t take long, a couple days or maybe a few weeks.

Only for you to get better at the new sneaky techniques.

Playing on my good heart,

You’d fly by as fast as a shooting dart.

You were only in for purposes of your own.

Walking away I know I won’t be the one that ends up alone.

I’m not in life for my own personal gain,

Nor do I want to live on such a crazy train

The connections I have are real and true, they don’t have me scrambling for support when I’m down and blue.