If I’ve learned one thing through these ups and downs, 

Its that I’ve let myself begin to breathe you

Live off of your emotions and decisions

I Let your thoughts be mine

Let your evaluations to be mine

Let your definition of my worth dictate my own

I stood in front of a mirror and a scale because I thought it was what you wanted

I threw myself into your game headfirst because I thought it was what you wanted

I tore down my self-worth to meet yours because I thought it was what you wanted

I’ve put on a mask because I didn’t want anybody to see me like this

I didn’t want them to see the raging wildfire that consumed my every thought

I didn’t want them to see your expectations tearing me apart from the inside

If I’ve learned anything from any of this,

It's that pride hurts

And maybe I never meant to let the pride cloud my sight

Maybe it did

And maybe it wasn’t me

Maybe my pride never stacked higher than a few feet

Maybe you beat it through the floor

And now you hold words like knives at my throat

Tie my hands behind me to prevent me from wiping my tears

The blood of my worth drips down and splatters on the floor 

If I’ve learned anything from any of this,

I’ve learned that worth is not just from what you say it is

Because if I let the mirror and the game determine me

I will be nothing at all

If I let what you define me as be the air that I breathe

It will poison me from the inside out

And after all this it’s not your fault

This is what you were meant to do

You get to play the good and the bad in my life

You get to hold my happiness and my grief in the palm of your hand

I am working on taking it back for myself

But until then you hold my heart

I know you don’t mean to pull and squeeze it without cease

I know you don’t mean to be such a big part of my life

That I lay awake at night with tears that drip down my cheeks

I know you don’t mean to play the bad guy

If I’ve learned anything from any of this,

It’s that I can’t control what you think

I can’t leap to the top of Mount Everest when I still haven’t climbed the hill yet

I can only control how much of myself I pour into becoming better

I can only control me

So you sent me on a journey to climb a mountain

I might not make it

But God has showed me the path up

He showed me the path with the guide to help me along the way

If I've learned anything from any of this,

It’s that I am who I am

And you don’t get to tell me otherwise

Self worth is a hard thing to wrap your head around. I know I've struggled for a long time with this, and through those trials I wrote this poem. I didn't nesesarily focus on the structure or flow, I just wrote. I realized how much expressing my feelings helped to diminish the tears that had run down my face. I stood up and walked away from my computer feeling a sense of empowerment. God gave me writing, and God gave it to you too. I'm telling you now, you are enough. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise ;)

I could tear down the walls

punch through the barrier that locked me in

I could scream

becausse of the raging emotions within me

I could let loose

the storm of tears clouding my conscience

I could dig deep within me

to find the anger buried not deep within

I could try to free myself

from the cage I locked myself in

I knew I could...

but I couldn't

show my tears to the world outside

I couldn't

open up to the people around me

Because I had to be perfect

I couldn't is not an excuse

So when I am asked to be their machine

I say I can

Capturing and taming a lion is impossible though pain and hurt, it can only be achieved through love and kindness. But it can be forced to be silent and imprisoned.

---Aspen---

Through my lips escaped a cry of torment as a rock pierced my knee and bore into my scarred flesh. I gulped back the taste of blood and struggled up, my head throbbing. “Get up!” I finally stood on my feet and an electric band stung my back with a slap and I groaned, stumbling forward. Just keep walking, Aspen, just keep walking. It was no different than it had ever been. Me and my people, the Crimsonites, imprisoned and enslaved, to Slate. 

I shuddered at the mere thought and let the slave driver harass me into the darkness of a tiny house. I was shoved in the door and bolted shut, metal bars streaking the windows and the doorframe to prevent any escape. And out of the mouth of a dark creature was the cry of a beast.

First, it was a growl, then a powerful roar, shattering the silence of the sunset outside and sending the birds flying out from the withered treetops. The roar of a vicious lion, awaiting the chains that bound him to break. 

I stepped forward and found my way to the lights, scanning my hand and it flashed, the lights clicking on inside the room. A solid white room, though splotches of red were scattered on the floor, mostly in the corners where I slept. The lion, bound by chains, roared again and I stepped up to it. 

The lion leaned up against me and I sat down, burying my head in its mane, breathing in the wild scent. “Ash, when will this stop?” The timer on the wall beeped and the chains released his neck and legs. He stepped out from them and circled me, his tail brushing against my cheek. 

“Aspen, you know it won’t. They have the Blood Queen. Why would they let you go?” I sighed. His eyes, pooling with wisdom, bore into mine. “But you knew the answer to that, Aspen. You always knew.” He was right, I did always know. Blood was a powerful thing. It held the key to life and death. And with the power to control that, I had the key. I rolled my hand to the side so I could see my unreasonably red veins. It glowed and I turned my arm back over. 

The last thing I really wanted to think about was my power. It was a part of me I kept locked up, bound by the chains I was bound to every day. 

I dragged myself to an empty corner. Another splotch of blood splattered onto the floor. Ash circled me, watching the blood, waiting. I exhaled and stretched out my hand. And the blood willingly rose up from the ground, leaving a stain. If I was stronger, I could have healed myself. But my blood was weakened, the glow becoming fainter and fainter. I was worried it might disappear one day.

I took the blood and guided it from the air into the bleeding pit on my knee from the rock. That was as much as I could do. “Lay down, Aspen, rest.” I obeyed Ash and lay in my usual corner, huddling my knees close to my head. Ash circled me again, then surrounded me with his body, warming me and protecting me. I rested my head inside his mane and closed my eyes.

 It was the same thing every day. I had the spirit of the lion, I had the most powerful being on the planet of Peruta, living inside of me as the spirit of the lion, and I was prophesized to hold the key to life and death. To hold the power of blood in my own hands. 

---Colt---

I bit my lip as I stepped up to the wall. The wall that contained the biggest empire in Peruta, ruled by mere power and force by their all-powerful Slate. Slate was a brute and completely unmerciful. He had an entire nation under his control, enslaved to do his work and receive nothing but a roof over their head. 

This was my home. I have to go back. The spirit of the lion sent me here, I can’t turn back now. I stepped up to the gate and a lady came up from the little booth next to the remotes to the gate, giving me a warm smile. “Colt! Nice to see you again! Are you moving back in?” I nodded and she opened the gate, waving me in and shutting it briskly, making it clear they were worried about any escape. 

I sighed and walked down the empty streets, looking into the lit windows at small families, husbands and wives huddled close to each other, the husband sometimes brushing his lips over her neck, followed by a murmur. I sometimes even doubted I could ever even trust anyone this much. If I learned anything from my childhood, it was that nobody can be trusted. I didn’t even know if I was trustworthy. 

Finding my empty house, I pushed open the unlocked door to find it just as I had left it. A sofa, holographic TV, a bed, a kitchen, basically a normal house in the empire, small but resourceful. I dusted off the cobwebs on the bed frame and sat on it, and my tiredness caught up with me. It was a full day's travel, and I was exhausted. And inside the closet, I found clothes, just the way I left them. I took some clothes and shook the dust, hanging them on my door and retiring for the night. Hopefully I could find somewhere to work again. But I would leave that for tomorrow. I just hoped the lion would reveal what it was he wanted me to fulfill for him.

---Aspen---

“I have a special job for you, Dracula.” I hid my burning face and the driver bellowed a deep chuckle. “You’ll have some fun.” My hands were shoved in heavy metal shackles and he dragged me away from my little house and away from the prison shacks, toward the black house. The only black house in the entire community. The white represented the purity in the entire empire. But the black, I knew what the black meant. And I wish I didn’t.

Each step became harder to take, my hands shaking the shackles and rattling the metal. My head spun like a dreidel as the building became larger and larger. The groans inside echoed in my ears, over and over again. A final scream rang through the air, followed by silence. My blood started to glow. I closed my eyes, searching from the veins of the people inside. And I found one, tapping into their body. It was completely still, dead and growing cold.

My eyes flew back open and I stumbled along. The doors came all too quickly. And I was shoved into a mass of cheering, the heavy smell of cigarette smoke, and screams of loss or victory inside the life or death ring. I looked up at the endless stands, filled with people cheering, beer sloshing around in mugs and being spilled by the cup with drunken laughter and cheering. A dead body was slid out of the way, of a Crimsonite. One of my people, dead.

Before I had time to even protest, I was shoved into the ring. Smoke coated my lungs, making me cough and lose sight of my opponent. When I finally cleared my throat and looked up, I was met with a slave driver, gun in hand murderously. He grinned madly. “So, this is the queen of the Crimsonites. This was a feared leader, this stick of a girl. How humiliating.” I had to wait to attack, as much as I wanted to strangle him right now. I was surprised he wasn’t running already. “Why don’t we get started, shall we?”

“Are you on alcohol?” 

His eyes crackled as he gave me a hard glare. “I had a glass or two. But I’ll beat you all the same.”

“Not if you can’t move.” I tapped into his blood, staring into his eyes. I felt the blood, I felt it rushing to his hands. And I closed it. His hands fell to his sides. His eyes darted around, but he couldn’t move his arms. “You were saying?” I held the veins and ripped some of the tiny capillaries, a bruise forming around his elbow. “Stop this witchcraft!” I tapped out and he slowly moved his arms, and then with satisfaction, cocked his gun and fired it. The most I had time to do was collapse in onto the outside of the ring. But the bullet didn’t miss me. 

And like the Crimsonite, I screamed, the echo drawing out in the silence. The bullet exploded into my side, digging through my flesh and burying itself inside me. I couldn’t stop myself from another cry as the torment caught up with my spinning brain. The blurry world around me spun. But I tapped back into his veins, traveling down his spine. And I paralyzed him with my last breath.

Screams, yells, shouts, noise erupted from the stands louder than anything I had ever heard, followed by a crash inside the ring. I didn’t know if I killed the man or merely paralyzed him from the waist down.

My gut felt as if it was pricked by a thousand needles, driving into my skin around the bullet wound. I trembled, tears falling down my cheeks as I sucked in another breath, my consciousness fighting off the darkness that began to surround me. “Is she dead?”

“Go and find out, numbskull!”

“I’m not touching that witch!”

“Fine, I’ll do it. But you owe me a beer.” More grumbles and a cuss or two were mumbled and the floor rumbled beside me. A man stuck his hand on my neck, and finding a pulse, grumbled and kicked my cheek with the toe of his boot. “Alive. Bring her back, idiot.”

“Go get one of the drivers to do it! My life’s worth more than theirs is!” He spat a curse and walked away. My muscles quivered, then grew hot around my stomach. I desperately wanted to get up, to run. But I would kill myself doing that. I could hardly keep myself from bawling. 

“I’m not touching her!” 

“Just get her back!”

“How?”

“Pick her up and bring her back!” This argument went on and on, it was

 a completely unsettled dispute. I finally got tired of it and grabbed the bars. The entire room went silent.

I struggled to pull myself into a sitting position, peeling my eyes open, pierced by the light outside. My gut burned like it had been set on fire, but I kept pulling. I felt as if I was ripping my stomach apart as I locked my knees under me. “I suggest you bring me quickly, because I won’t be standing much longer.” 

And before I knew it, I was back in chains, binding myself to the driver.  And I walked out of that building, blood pouring from my stomach, running down my legs, and leaving a path on the ground. Glowing blood. I turned back.

I didn’t remember much of the walk. All I remembered was the burning, the pure anguish, quivering as if I couldn’t control my own muscles. And I remembered stumbling back into my cell of a house and collapsing. The light from outside vanished. 

“Aspen!” Ash roared, bounding over and bending down. “Aspen,” he whispered, sliding his body underneath mine and carrying me to the corner and gently sliding me off. I groaned and let my tears fall. “Aspen, say something!”

“I’m fine, Ash, I’m fine…” my speech began to slur, and I closed my mouth, trying to relax. But the torment overtook my mind, and I started to moan again. Ash’s body curled around me as he lay down beside me and inspected the wound. I rested my head in his mane and tried to breathe deeply, but a sharp pain shot through my gut and I sucked in a breath, holding it until the pain faded. But it was quickly replaced by the needles again. I clutched his mane with every bit of strength I had and drew him closer. I wouldn’t scream, I couldn’t scream. 

“Nobody will touch you. Mark my words.” He mumbled some words above him, calling on the spirit of the lion. Asking for protection, asking for deliverance, asking for healing. Would he do any of that? Did the lion have time for me? Why would I matter?

And the door flung open.

---Colt---

My job is to check on the Crimsonites. Sounds like a job for the knockoffs. What does the spirit possibly want me to do here? The pay wasn’t great, either. But it would get me food. They warned me that some people were a little aggressive, but most of them would be asleep by now. I was warned about the Blood Queen, however. She had paralyzed a man in the Black House yesterday from the waist down. Apparently, she had some kind of witchcraft to control people. An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach as I rounded the corner, away from the last of the houses. Except for the Blood Queen. 

My stomach knotted over and over, twisting and turning in spirals and flipping about like a fish inside my gut. I tried to calm my nerves as the door got closer. Would she just ignore me? I hoped so. But that sliver of hope seemed nearly impossible. I had been devastated myself that the Crimsonites were captured.  They all blame it on their queen, saying she couldn’t have protected them. 

I realized I had reached the door and reached out my hand for the barred door.

And I flung it open. 

Before my eyes could adjust to the darkness, a roar pierced my eardrums. The moon lit two glowing eyes protrude from the corner, reflecting off sharpened, silvery teeth, in a vicious open mouth. I realized the door had shut and I pressed myself against the bars, praying desperately that it was a shadow. 

Another growl rang in the seemingly empty house. Out of the darkness, a lion, head dropped low in a fierce stance, muscular legs creeping up on me. And it spoke. “I swear you won’t touch her without losing your throat.”  My heart pounded nearly out of my chest, pulling at the veins that connected it. It could talk. And I was dead. 

Then, a faint whisper echoed in the room. “Ash,” My eyes adjusted to find a dark figure of a girl, hunched in the corner. I couldn’t make out much else. The lion’s eyes followed me as it growled and bounded back over to her, laying down beside her. I spotted a light scanner and cautiously stepped over to it, sidestepping to keep my eye on the outline of a lion and girl. I didn’t have time to think about how a lion could talk, or why it was even here. 

I slapped my hand on the light and it flickered on. And my eyes fell on a pool of blood. 

In the corner, behind the lion, l saw a motionless girl, face blanched as white as the walls, her entire shirt drenched in the red liquid, cascading out of her stomach and onto the floor. “What? What happened? What’s going on?”

“Like you wouldn’t know,” she breathed, her expression twisting in anguish and she clutched the lion. The spirit of the lion, this lion, this girl, this was what I was here for!

“Wait, I was sent here by the lion!”

“You’ll stay away from her if you know what’s good for you, boy,” the lion snarled, stretching his front legs out. I stepped back.

“You don’t understand! I can-”

The lion roared, springing up and lunging at me. This time, I felt as if my heart ripped free of the veins. I threw myself to the corner, watching the saliva drip down the lion’s teeth in anticipation. Was this what I was sent for? To die to a lion?

And again, the voice called out from the corner. “Ash,” she whispered. “Ash, leave him alone.” My questioning gaze caught hers. 

“Go.” And I unlatched the bar, practically running outside and pushing the door shut again. I turned around to the empty streets and tried to breathe. But a heavy weight dropped on my shoulders. I knew what my mission was now. But it was risky. 

…

            The giant doors loomed over me as I approached the pure white building, solid marble from top to bottom. I knocked on the massive doors and they opened, letting me in and shutting briskly. “Ah, Colt, the problem child I see.” I tensed and looked up to see Slate. His gruff voice reflected his expression, tight and rigid, a very neat goatee, with an odd glint in his eyes, as if a devious plan was swirling inside his mind. 

            “Slate, I need to talk to you.”

“By all means, child, sit down.” His voice strained with a counterfeit kindness. Despite his tone, I sat down on the spotless, colorless chair and waited for him to get situated. “What is it you want?”

            I took a shaky breath. “The lion brought me here.” A burst of laughter shot out of his lips. 

            “‘The lion’ is all a myth, I would think a man like you would know that.” Frustrated, I let out a huff. 

            “Not if you see it with your own two eyes, Slate. Let the Crimsonites go.” This time, he didn’t stop from bellowing a hearty laugh. 

            “Colt, I suggest you go get some sleep! You must be a little high right now.” He chuckled again. “Let them go, that’s the joke of the week!” 

            “Slate, you know I’m not joking with you.” His eyes crackled cold, laughter draining from his eyes. 

            “I will have you know that I’ll never listen to you, Colt.”

            “The lion will get what he wants. Come what may, Slate, he will get his way.” I stood up and stormed out the door.

---Aspen---

            “Aspen, shh, let me help you.” Ash’s calm voice was drowned out by my tears as the burning intensified. My breathing became shallow, hollow breaths hardly keeping me from losing consciousness. “Oh, Aspen,” he breathed, resting his head around mine. “You need help. I can’t do the thing a person could.” 

            Desperate to think of anything but my pure torture, I changed the subject. “Who was that last night?” Ash growled. 

            “I don’t know, but he won’t touch you.”

            “He said something about the lion.” Ash sighed, as if talking to a clueless child, oblivious to the pain of the world. 

            “Humans are liars, Aspen. They aren’t always telling the truth. And you have no way of knowing if they are at all. So it’s sometimes better just not to trust them.” 

            “Ash, do you ever think the lion will ever deliver us? Or are we just to small? I know we are a small planet of many…but…” I trailed off, staring at the ceiling. 

            “He would never forget about anyone, Aspen. He just needs us here.” I didn’t question further. 

            A paper dropped through the barred window just near my foot. Ash limbered over to the paper, sniffing it. Satisfied, he scooped it up and slid it over to me. I reached forward to get it and I unfolded the scrap piece of paper. “Someone went to Slate and demanded our release,” I mumbled, “a man separate from the Crimsonites.” My eyes shot to Ash. And Ash gazed up at the ceiling. 

            “Where is that man?”

---Colt---

            I leaned against the corner of my house in frustration, the refreshing, clean air not seeming to calm me. Slate had called me a child, like I had been to him before. My uncle was a total madman, and I knew it. I just didn’t understand why he had to be this hardheaded. It was as if his heart had hardened to stone. I had no affection to Slate, I never had, and I never will. 

            I caught sight of drivers, their driving whips, crackling with an electric charge, cracking the whip overhead. I pushed myself off the wall, briskly walking over to the driver and around the building to stay hidden. A Crimsonite groaned and picked up the wheelbarrow again, shoving it forward on the pearly glass streets, following the person in front of him, and the person in front of him. The line went on and on. Blood trickled down the person’s cheek, which I soon found out was a man. A married man, with the ring glistening on his finger. The flexible silver ring twisted all the way up his finger all the way to his fingernail, as most did.

            I gazed back at the pure house where Slate lived. It flickered black. And I heard a whisper.

“The plagues have begun.”

            Just then, a scream erupted from a house. The house of the Blood Queen. I snapped my head around and started to run. 

            I flung the door open to see the lion fly across the room, blood matting its fur on its shoulder, sliding to a stop in the corner. And the captain grabbed for her shoulders, as she collapsed to the floor, clutching her stomach and trembling. 

            Without much thought, I ripped my pocketknife out of my pocket and shoved the captain into the wall, his head cracking on the granite. I held my knife to his throat and locked cold eyes with him.

            Then, realizing I had started pressing, I released some pressure. Then it struck me. I looked like a monster. 

            The knife slipped out of my hands and sliced through the air, clattering to the floor. And the captain’s eyes took on a lifeless tint and he toppled over. Startled, I took a step back. He was dead. What did I do?

I gazed back at the girl, the gorgeous girl, huddled in the corner, her eyes darting from the body to me, then to the body again. I opened my mouth, then shut it again. Her emerald eyes, glazed over in hopelessness, gazed at me. But I didn’t want to take my eyes off her.

---Aspen---

 “That man, he had demanded our freedom!”

            “Yes, a very noble thing to do. But I don’t know how long he’ll keep that up.”

            “And did you hear what he did? Don’t you see that the lion is using him?” Again, Ash nodded. 

            “Nevertheless, if he even scratches you, I will tear him to shreds.” 

            “I don’t think that’s his intention.”

            The holographic clasps bound Ash and they dragged him into chains. He roared and tried to shake them off, rip himself free. Not because of the chains. Because of the drivers that had just thrown open the door. 

            “You killed the Captain!” 

            “I didn’t do anything!” One large man grabbed me by my neck and strangled me up. I struggled against his firm grip, my lungs burning in desperate need for air. 

            “Tell me, girl!” I desperately tried to find his veins. My head throbbed as I searched for his veins in his arms. It wasn’t normally this hard. I finally found them and, with a grunt, closed it. He dropped me hard when he lost all sensation in his hands. But that didn’t stay long. He rotated his arm, and when he looked up, he drew his foot and cracked it against my exposed bullet wound. I cried as the burning intensified a hundred times more. And I slipped into a painful unconsciousness.

---Aspen---

            The world, a complete blur of pain and the absence of time, overwhelmed me in this odd feeling. Mumbling from what seemed like a different dimension whispered in my ears. “Put that new guy on the job. She’s no good for work anyway. We’ll come and take her sometimes. If that Colt guy dies, we’ll just get a new one. He’s obviously being a troublemaker. Demanding Slate to just let her and her people go!” Reverberating laughter followed the whisper. “Look, here he is. Let that lunatic look after her. We’ll probably be replacing him soon, though.” Another deep bellow of laughter distantly faded away into the far off distance. 

            Metal rattled in the distance, rattling with no means of ceasing. Like the burning in my stomach, as it pricked me. But somehow, I felt disconnected to it. It almost made me want to stay in this dimension for a little longer. Not much pain, nobody to shove me in chains, nobody to hurt Ash. Ash! 

            I snapped out of the two-dimensional world and a wave of throbbing replaced the distant pain. I groaned and reached my hand out. Feeling fur, I grabbed onto Ash’s paw. “Hang in there, Aspen. Help is coming.” 

            Boots pounded the ground around me, and I quivered. The boot in my stomach. “Get away from me!” I croaked, tensing and trying frantically to flip myself over. The boots shook the entire floor beneath me, making me start to shake violently. He’ll kick my stomach again, it’ll hurt worse than it did before, my gut will rip open…I can’t do it! My breathing shortened and the boots stopped. I braced myself as I heard something scuff the ground. He had probably drew his foot up. I waited for an attack. A couple words of victory, than a terrifying kick. 

            “No! Is she still alive?” 

            “Yes.” Someone dropped to their knees beside me and a strong, gentle hand flipped me on my back. I waited for him to attack me, my open wound, to make fun of me, to mock me. But the more I waited, the less certain I felt that he was going to do it. I didn’t know who it was, but it obviously didn’t matter to Ash, who was talking to him.

            “What happened?”

            “They kicked her stomach and she lost consciousness.” The man above me gulped and ran his finger down the side of my wound. I winced and groaned, trying to wake myself completely. 

            “Shh, it’s gonna be alright,” his voice, for some reason, soothed me and I let my muscles loosen. “I’m going to have to see this wound. And you’re going to have to bear with me. It might hurt.” He brushed the ripped fabric of my shirt away from the wound and sucked a breath. 

            “Can you do anything about it?”

            “It’s infected. Which means…which means what I have to do will be more painful than it would have been.” 

            “I’m telling you, if you hurt her purely to hurt her, I’ll rip your throat out of your neck.” I drew a shaky breath.

            “Ash, Ash, it’s okay,” I whispered hoarsely, the air scratching my dry throat. 

            “Aspen!” That voice wasn’t Ash’s. Whose was it? “I have to dislodge the bullet. Tell me when you’re ready.” 

            “Do I have to answer?” I croaked, my lip quivering. 

            “I wish I could say no. But I can’t.” I gulped and gave a firm nod. I just wish I knew who this was. But his gentleness and soft tone calmed me and somehow, I trusted him. I knew I shouldn’t, but I did. Death was the worst that could happen, and that would almost be deliverance at this point. 

            His hand rested just on the left of my wound and I heard a knife scratch its sheath. A pocketknife sheath. Was he going to kill me? Almost as if he had read my mind, he responded quickly. “I need to get the bullet out, Aspen.” I drew a breath and he pulled some skin tight with his thumb.

            He dug the knife into my gut, and I stopped breathing, my face paling. I couldn’t control the tears that streamed down my face as he tried to wedge the knife under the bullet. I cried a breath, then a tremor overtook my body. He started to lift the bullet, and the tender skin and infection burned like I had been thrown in a furnace, crying out for relief. I held my breath again, loosing color. My knuckles turned white as I clutched anything around me. I had grabbed Ash’s paw in the darkness and the man tugged on the bullet one last time. “Ahh!” I couldn’t take it anymore. But the weight in my stomach had lightened and I rolled on my side, folding my stomach as if I could relieve the pain that tormented my senses. 

            “Aspen, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to have to-,” the man started.

            “Thank you.” My eyes slowly drifted open and I glanced back to see the man. “Thank you…”

            “Colt, my name is Colt.”

            “Thank you, Colt.” 

            “I just wish there had been a better way.” I couldn’t stop my body from trembling, but the burning had started to calm. It was no less painful than it had always been, though. It was if someone had poured boiling oil on my stomach and left it to simmer. “Aspen, can I bandage it?”

            “Okay.” A groan followed and, to my surprise, he slipped his arms around me and guided me close to his side. I leaned on him and let him support me upright with one arm and start to wrap my still-bleeding pit in my stomach. Around and around he brought the roll. I watched him with tired eyes. He glanced at my face, then looked back. But he stole another glance. 

            He ripped the bandage off and tucked the remaining of the roll in his pocket, guiding me to the wall. I fell onto it and slumped, my head falling beneath my shoulders. “There you go.” 

            “I-I can’t thank you enough.” 

            Colt hesitated, then stood up. “Rest.” And as abruptly as he had come, he left. I reverted my gaze back to the bandage. The lion, was he really using Colt? But why for me?

Outside, lighting struck houses, fire exploding from the rooftops. And the rains of the clouds poured down on the fire, a cloud of fog thickening over the streets until nothing could be seen. 

---Colt---

            “Slate! How long does it take you to figure this out? Let them go!” Slate cleared his throat, then was engrossed in a coughing spell in which he bent over, wheezing from the smoke outside. 

            “No!” He hacked a cough again and sat down in his chair. “Stop this mayhem!”

            “Let them go, Slate. You’ll regret every second you suffer in this, you and your people.”

            I stormed out off the pure house and squinted out in the distance, trying to find my way back to my house. The lion had made a fog so thick, nothing could be seen. How could Slate be this blind? It was almost as if the fog blinded him more, like his heart was just as oblivious as anyone was in the smoke. I reached my hand out to feel my way around. I was four houses down to the left. I knew that much. I reached the corner of the third house and reached out in front of me to find my doorknob. I flung it open and stumbled in, shutting the fog out. 

            I sat on my bed, staring outside at the grey haze. And almost instantly, my thoughts drifted to Aspen, such a gorgeous girl, in so much unbearable pain. It stirred a deep feeling inside of me. Somehow, I had trapped that feeling behind the bars of my protection, running from anything that would ever make me feel that way. I kept it locked up deep inside of me, shoved to the back of my mind where it grew cobwebs and rotted away until nothing but it’s disintegrates were left. But it was hard to keep such a strong emotion locked up when it was stirred so abruptly when I saw Aspen. I had forgotten what the emotion even was, I didn’t even know why it was pushing its way out of the spider webs. 

            But I didn’t want it to go away. Was it wrong for me to explore the emotion? To see what the emotion tied to Aspen could do for me? The worst thing to happen was for me to have to shove it right back into the cobwebs and forget about it. 

            “Go see Aspen. Slate will not listen to you, my faithful servant, but he will eventually,” The voice was hardly noticeable, and I had to listen closely to the instructions the lion was giving me. I very rarely was spoken to by the lion in whispers, and without another thought, I burst out the door. But the first part unnerved me. What happened to Aspen?

            It was easier to find Aspen, the fog had lifted ever so slightly, making it easier for me to find my way around. 

            The barred house had nearly turned black from the smoke. It was almost the shade of black as the…the black house. And everyone in the community knew what the black house was. Why was her house black? 

            A flicker of a flame answered my question. 

            I shoved the door open, overwhelmed by scorching flames, licking up the walls and gaining ground to the corner where Aspen lie motionless. The lion desperately tugged and tugged, trying to rip the chains from his legs and neck. They held tight and he was doomed to watch his master get eaten alive by the consuming flames. Then he would be engulfed too. 

            “Aspen!” I ran into the burning house, overwhelmed by the puffs of wavering heat, making the image in front of me distorted. I dropped to my knees and dragged her unmoving body away from the fire that had nearly caught her hair. “Aspen, hang in there!” I turned to the lion. 

            “Get her out!” he roared. But for once, I didn’t listen. Even if he had a death threat out for me, he really did care about Aspen, and she cared for him. Taking a deep breath of smoke, I stuck my hand into the flames and had the pad scan my hand. I grunted and pulled my arm away, leaving a red tint on my palm. It wasn’t bad, though. The chains fell and the lion gave me a nod of thanks, then bound for the door, slashing it open. With the fog, it shielded me from everyone else, though I could see the path ahead. 

            With her limp in my arms, I ran to my house, afraid of who might come after me. When I found the door, I swung it open and let the lion in, closing it behind me and resting my head on the door, letting a sigh escape my lips. 

            When I had caught my breath, I turned my attention to Aspen’s silent body, as silent as the streets outside. She wasn’t breathing. Why wasn’t she breathing? I rushed her to the bed and set her down, trying hopelessly to shake her awake. The lion stopped beside me, resting his head a couple inches from her head. Was the lion really going to let her die like this? Was he really going to let it end this way? And a burning inside my heart fueled my anger to Slate. I wanted to kill him, slit his throat and throw his body in the black house. 

            But that emotion, it broke the cobwebs and overwhelmed me with pain. It made my heart wrench for her, a wanting, a longing to see her eyes again. I wanted her more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. 

            First, her fingers curled, then, her chest rose. And her fingers curled around my hand as she awoke from her short coma, blinking as if the world had captured her spirit and brought it back into existence. A tear rolled down her cheek and onto the sheet when she saw me. “Colt!”

            “Aspen,” I breathed, the emotion overwhelming my senses, drawing me closer to her. 

            “Colt, they set it on fire, they-they told me that if they killed me-that if they killed me, the horror would stop, and the smoke, I couldn’t breathe, Colt! I couldn’t see anything, and…it hurt, the fire, it burned, it burned me, and I finally couldn’t take it anymore…” she trailed off, overtaken by the tears that had choked her. She coughed deeply, breathing shallow. I scooped her up underneath her arms and drew her up to sit up against the headboard to make it easier to breathe. She gave me a look of gratitude and rested her head against the wall, trying to bottle the emotions. She had done the same thing, she held them inside her and didn’t let them out. But she had far more than I did. The bottle was nearly overflowing.

---Later on---

Day after day, plague after plague, it went on and on. People dropped like flies when sickness had overtaken the dominion, and starved when the food molded. But Colt had been up in the night because the spirit had talked to him, gave him instructions. He wouldn’t talk to me about it, but it wasn’t like I talked to him a lot either. He had taken me in after I had been trapped in the burning house, and we had to keep it down, or else people would come to finish me like they had before. 

“Aspen?” I looked up from the bed I had been sitting on to see Colt, a grim expression on his face. 

“What?” He hesitated. 

“I-the lion has killed Slate’s son. He said a lion of fire consumed his son at midnight. And he demands for me to go.” I stood up, but he put his hand out. “No, you’re staying here.”

“Since when do you tell me what to do?” He gave me a sick expression. I could tell he knew it probably wouldn’t end well for him, and I could tell he was scared. Not only for him, but for me. 

“Please, Aspen, for me.” I nodded, but I locked eyes with him and stood up. “If I, if I don’t come back, you need to leave, if I’m not here by two, then get out as fast as you can, take Ash.”

“Colt,” I stepped closer, tears welling up in my eyes, “thank you. Thank you for everything.”

He tried to fake a grin, but it was weak. “Don’t thank me yet.” 

He could tell me all he wanted that I had to stay. But if he was going to die, I would too.

---Colt---

Slate stormed out of the large granite house, yelling orders to the drivers. Masses of people gathered around and I stepped through the crowd. I was shoved, insults flying across the yard, cusses spilling into the air and contaminating it. I dropped my head and pushed a little farther.  

“Colt, you idiot!” He screamed every curse I had ever heard, ripping his knife out. “My son is dead because of your witchcraft! And you will die!” He ran and clutched my shoulders, shoving me to the floor. I grunted and got up, trying to dodge him. A driver pulled out their gun and aimed it at my head, the bullet cracking out of the barrel. I ducked and it buried itself in the granite pillar, a giant snap echoing in the yard. “Mark my words, I’ll die with you if I have to.” 

I helplessly scanned the field of people. And they all gazed at me with the false hope as if I could win. 

I saw the flash of a blade and I rolled out of the way, and his knife dug into the dirt. He yelled a cuss and yanked it out. He rammed into me again, my shoulder crunching on the floor. 

I stumbled up and he met me with a punch, slamming into my jaw. Blood exploded in my mouth and I stumbled backwards. He drove me into the wall and took his knife, ripping it through my shirt and slicing my stomach open. I groaned and collapsed onto the ground. This was it. This was how it would end. I hope Aspen gets out…

Slate choked, his eyes darting around as he wrapped his hands around his neck in confusion. Everyone scrambled out of the way to see Aspen, her hand outstretched and her eyes blood-red. She curved her finger, and his neck split open. She glanced at me, then circled Slate. She stopped in front of him. And her feet started to leave the ground. A red haze started to glow from her veins, overwhelming the field and reflecting on the granite. 

“How dare you,” she whispered. And she took her hands and clasped them together. His head fell and his neck tore. She killed him. She killed him. Then, Aspen turned to look at the crowd. 

“This is how far you took it. This is how far you let this slavery go! And you can call me a monster, and that’s okay. But I had to save the ones I cared for.” She glanced back, then everyone erupted in a thunderous applause, catching me by surprise. But she didn’t seem to care. 

Needles, a million needles, ripping through my stomach, burning like I had been consumed in fire, torment shooting through every nerve in my body, my vision going blurry, then focusing again. 

“Colt!” I glanced up to Aspen, on her knees, crouched over me with tears streaming down her cheeks. “Colt, hang in there, I can help…” she held back a sob and took her hands, placing it over the blood. She started to mumble to herself. “I have to take it. I’m not strong enough.” 

“What do you mean?” I grunted, my entire body quivering with the urge to cry. She closed her eyes, a tear falling on her hands and the blood started to pull to the center. Her she squeezed her eyes and sweat dripped down her forehead. She breathed heavily, then took another, holding it. My skin started to glow red, then it started to heal. And she hung her head below her hands, sweating and holding back screams. I wanted to stop her, to tell her that what she was doing was too much. Then, as soon as the pain in my stomach went away, her shirt ripped. 

And so did her stomach.

It split open, right over the bullet wound that had just begun to heal. She crumbled to the ground her blood spilling onto the ground. I have to take it. I’m not strong enough.  She took it, she took the wound. I didn’t know how, or why, but she took it, possibly giving her life for it. She had slowly ripped her own stomach apart for me. 

Ash came bounding through the crowds, scaring people into a frenzy of panic. But he had his eyes set on one thing, Aspen. “What did you do?” he roared, snapping at my throat with burning anger. I hung my head and began to scoop Aspen up. 

“More like what she did for me. All she said was ‘I have to take it’ and ‘I’m not strong enough’.” Ash’s fierce expression dropped into a deep sadness. 

“She is only so powerful weakened. She knew she would kill herself if she tried to heal you, but it doesn’t take as much to transfer the wound. That’s what she had to do. She took it from you and traded her comfort for your pain.” I cradled Aspen to my chest, her breaths getting shorter and faster. 

“Hang in there, Aspen. I’ll help you, I promise.” Could I really help her? Would she survive? I didn’t know. 

--Aspen--

I woke to immense pain in my gut, and I groaned, trying to drag myself to my side. But that hurt just as much as it did to just stay still, maybe more. I didn’t know anymore, it was all a blur of tears. 

“Aspen? Are you awake?” I moaned in response. Then, a hand brushed up against my cheek. I froze. But for some reason, I welcomed the touch. And sure enough, a hand slid down my cheek again. “Aspen, do you need anything?” I recognized the voice, it was Colt. The events of what seemed like years ago blurred together in masses of people and the world through red eyes. 

“What happened?” I croaked, my throat growing hoarse. I reached my hand up, but Colt took it and wrapped both his around it, lowering it to my side. 

“Shh, get some rest, Aspen.” 

And suddenly the memories flooded me like a tidal wave, crashing into my conscious and leaving it destroyed and scattered. I flew up, throwing myself off the bed and peeling my eyes open. I only got a glimpse of Colt before my stomach tore open. I screamed in pure terror, buckling and my knees crashing to the floor as I doubled over, clutching my gut with white knuckles. “Aspen!”

He dropped to the floor and slid his arms around my waist, bearing my weight and lifting me into his arms. I let my head fall on his chest and he settled me in the bed again. Tears slid down both my cheeks as I clutched his hand. “I killed Slate! I, I killed someone!” I gazed up at him with tears flooding my eyes. “I’m a monster.” My heart pounded as I walked up to Slate in my mind through my red eyes. How I had connected myself to his blood, how scalding hot it was, and as I traveled to his heart, how hard it was. It was as if it was made of stone. I had stopped his blood from flowing, ripping it apart. 

Then I had found Colt on the ground, pale face, bleeding into the dirt. 

“Aspen, I told you to stay here.” My breath wavered as I gulped, forcing myself to hold his gaze. “But thank you.” 

Slowly and steadily, my mind slipped away into that two-dimensional world, as if pain had been separated from me. I floated off into the vast space that separated me from time and heaven.

---Colt---

The planet was fading. Inch by inch, day by day, the sun darkened around the gloomy landscape, the trees and grass wilting into shrivels of useless chaff. I rushed back into the house from a meeting with some of the Crimsonites and found myself pulling toward Aspen. No doubt, the emotion had nearly broken through the cobwebs, but a little red flag had popped up. I knew this emotion brought pain, it had for me. But would it also bring joy? 

Ash limbered over, his head hung. “How is she?” 

Ash shook his head dismissively. “Worse.” 

I bit my lip, striding over to the bed. And Aspen was lying there, paler than the pure white sheets, her skin highlighting her starvation through her scrawny bones and sunken cheeks. It was like she had given up, like there was a better way out of this. Death would deliver her. 

But for the first time, I had to admit I couldn’t watch her die. Because I...that emotion took over. And I wanted her to accept me, to respect me. I cared more about her respect than nearly anything else. 

Ash nudged her shoulder, getting no response. “I can’t get her to wake up.”

“Is it that she really doesn’t want to wake up?”

“I don’t know. But that’s a possibility.” He turned away. “The Crimosnites need to know soon, Colt. I have to tell them.” I glanced back at her frail figure, then shied a nod. 

When Ash had left, I dropped onto the bed, sitting at her feet. 

She had mumbled something about ‘blood is the key to life and death’. Was this what was happening to the planet? Was she the key to our planet? What would happen if she was gone?  Colt, stop. She hasn’t died...yet. How could I know she would live? 

My hands crept up to her face, and my thumb swept across her cheek. “Aspen?” I didn’t expect an answer. “Aspen, don’t go.” My throat tightened and I tried to bottle up my emotions again, keep them in check. I couldn’t show emotion, that would be soft. 

A tiny whisper, hardly audible, came from Aspen’s unmoving body. “I’m not going anywhere.” I flew up from her feet and to her moving lips. “I’m right here.” Her hollow eyes just barely opened, just enough to see me, and her cracked lips turned up in a pained smile. 

“Aspen?” She closed her eyes again, her lips parting to respond.

“I’m not going to leave you, Colt. I don’t want to.” Her weak fingers curled around my hand, hardly griping me, but it was the strongest hold I had felt before. She didn’t want to leave me. 

Just then, her face twisted, and she huddled to my hand, gripping it with both of hers and burying her head in the sheets. I bent down to her level. “What’s going on?” She gasped for air, then clenched her teeth. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” I reached my other hand and slipped it under her cheek, getting her full attention. Her bright emerald eyes shone as she gazed up at me with lust. 

“No, you’re not. Please tell me, Aspen.” She breathed and shakily took one hand off and exposed her stomach, which had split open further with blood oozing out of the wound. “Don’t move, Aspen.” I went to retrieve bandages and came back to her quickly, finding Aspen paler than before.

I set the bandages down on the nightstand and scooped her up into my arms, sitting on the bed once again. Her bright eyes widened, nearly forgetting about the bloody mess on her stomach. 

She trustfully let me see underneath the ripped cloth of her shirt, to reveal the wound, twice the size it had been before. I picked up the bandages and started to bring it around her stomach. I wound it, thickening the sponge for the blood and ripping it of when I was satisfied. But I didn’t set her down yet. Did I ever have to? Once she had healed, did she have to go her separate way and me go mine? My stomach flipped and twisted in circled, making my expression fall. “Colt, what’s wrong?” I shook my head to refocus and just shrugged it off. 

“Oh, I’m fine.” I lowered her onto the bed gently, pulling the blanket over her legs. But she wasn’t satisfied. 

“Colt.” I avoided her eyes, but guilt pounded my conscious and I connected gazed with her. “Colt, I trusted you. Now it’s time for you to trust me. What’s wrong?” I sighed. 

“I, I mean, I just don’t know what will come after this. Where do you plan on going?” Her face fell a little bit, just as mine had. 

“I guess I’ll go back to live with the Crimsonites. You?”

“I don’t know...” I trailed off, transferring my eyes to the withering world outside. 

The door opened to reveal Ash and another man behind him, who I assumed was a Crimsonite Elder. Aspen had already fallen asleep again, and Ash approached me. 

“Colt, we have to talk.” I nodded and cautiously stepped up, sitting down at my clean table and motioned the Elder to sit, and Ash stood at the head of the table. “Colt, Aspen can’t die. Not only will it break my heart, but the entire planet depends on her existence.”

“Because she’s the key to life and death...” I mumbled, thinking back to her conversation in her deep coma, muttering all sorts of information. She had said blood was the key to life and death. 

“How did you know that?” The elder spoke with a low, wise vibration, chilling my bones. 

“She had mumbled something about it in her sleep.” He slowly dropped his head in approval. 

“Precisely. She has made foolish choices before, and she doesn’t realize how much the planet needs her. She couldn’t deliver us out of Slate’s hands, she definitely can’t hold a planet together,” the old man spat, leaning back in his chair. Anger exploded in me, and I leaned forward. 

“And I’ll have you know that she nearly killed herself for the sake of this planet. Perfection is impossible, with all due respect, you can’t expect someone to hold the weight of an entire planet on their shoulders. And, I don’t mean this disrespectfully, but you depend on her to shield the Crimsonites from anything and everything. She is no different than any other person. She just has abnormal powers. She tried. I watched her try, I watched her take whatever was thrown at her.” Stunned, the man stared at me. Nobody disregarded Elders, it was the height of disrespect. But he was disregarding Aspen. 

“I, I presume you have a point. But we need her to survive. Perhaps if she marries a strong man, he’ll bear some of that weight too.” He stood up, nodding his head in approval. “Well spoken, young man. I must go find a suitable man.” My heart began to stir with his words. Sure, marry her off to some stranger so she doesn’t have to carry it all. Who would marry her? I was fooling myself. Anyone would marry her. She was gorgeous, strong, and she was the Blood Queen. But...what if...I wanted her? 

“Colt, that was a bold move. But you’re right.” He saw my expression and started to walk. “Come on, young man.” I started to fall behind him. “The Elder was right, too. She needs a man that can carry that weight. He will know what to do, you don’t need to worry about the man. He will respect her. Trust me, or I'll say the same thing I had to you the first day we met.” A chuckle followed, and I cracked a smile. “You don’t need to worry about Aspen. She’ll be out of your skin when she recovers a bit more.” He gave me a nod, and he left me with more distress than before. The truth was I wanted her for myself.

---Aspen---

Colt, the first thing that came to mind. And the last thing. And the thing between. He had overtaken my conscience. I dreamed about him, his arms slipped around my waist, eyes shining with a distant feeling, muttering a couple words. I had the same dream, over and over again. I felt him, I felt his presence. I held his hand when it hurt, and even when it didn’t. I had never loved someone, not like this. I had loved Ash as a father, the Crimsonites as my people. I had felt pain, hatred, but not much love. Was this what loving someone felt like? Did I love him? Was is wrong if I did? But did he love me back? Or would I go back to my old life, never knowing? It would be just embarrassing for me to love someone that had no feelings whatsoever for me. Was he even okay with me gripping my hand? I didn’t know. I hoped so, because I needed him now.

I will not hide in the shadows. I’ll tell him that I love him. And no matter what, I will have gotten my answer. 

---Colt---

The Elder had come back saying he found a suitable man. I wanted to kill that man, I was so angry. I knew I was being selfish, I should really never have met her in the first place. She should be married to someone more worthy than me. But she should also be married to a man that cared for her. I felt as if I had been punched in the face when Ash optimistically shared the news. I forced a smile and took a long walk outside to tame my emotions before coming back inside my house. All that was left in me was sadness, a deep sadness knowing the small sliver of hope that she could was gone. Now she couldn’t. What if the man treated her like property? What if he didn’t respect her? What if he used her?

Colt, you’re too protective. I scolded myself. She probably would forget about me when she married. That just pained me even more. What was the feeling? I didn’t even know, this deep passion and affection I couldn’t name, something I hadn’t felt in years. And it connected every time I touched her. 

“Colt?” I spun around to find Aspen, her eyes fluttering open, like doves. “Colt.” I rushed over, and she held out her hand. I took it and, to my surprise, drew her shaking frame up onto the bedpost. She was so thin, it was as if even her bones had thinned. But nevertheless, she stuck out her other hand to steady herself and clutched my shirt. I helped her into a sitting position. 

“Aspen, how are you feeling?” 

“Colt, we need to talk.” Last time I heard those words, it didn’t end well. I bit my lip hard and she used me to pull herself up. 

“Aspen-” 

“Colt, I’m fine.” I didn’t protest as she stumbled a couple steps away from the bed, leaving her nothing to lean on but me, and I welcomed it. “Colt, I have a question to ask you.” She took a breath, looking back up to me with the most beautiful eyes. “Do you love me?” The feeling hit me so hard, I could hardly thing straight. Love, a deep passionate affection, love. The feeling, it was love! And did I love her? I couldn’t seem to respond. Not because I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her a million times I loved her. I was just overwhelmed with the feeling. My heart swelled, but her eyes dropped. I slipped my arms around her waist.

“More than anything on Peruta, I love you." She connected gazes with me again, relief creasing her worried forehead. “I’ve never loved anyone, Aspen. And I’m sorry if I'm not good enough.”

“Let me help you, then.” She pushed herself up on her toes and leaned close to me, brushing her lips against my cheek, and I swore I felt a shock. She smiled, a world of happiness behind her emeralds. “Show me you love me, Colt.” I leaned forward and absorbed her in a kiss. 

I could hardly think straight, I had been drawn into a world of fantasy, her lips on mine, melting into my arms. I swept some hair behind her ear and held her head close to me. She pressed into me, her eyes closed in contentment. Did this have to end?

“Aspen!” She jerked her head back, and I tore mine away from her, whipping my head around to see Ash, the Elder and another young man behind him. The elder and the other man were highly displeased. 

“Why, this is disrespect! This is why we shouldn’t trust such a young, foolish queen!” the Elder threw his weathered hands in the air with disgust, disgrace shrinking Aspen back. I wrapped my arm around her and protectively took a step in front. But I couldn’t seem to say anything. If anything, I was foolish. What was I thinking? 

“Silence!” Ash roared, snapping at the Elder. The Elder grumbled and bowed his head. Ash turned to us and dragged me and Aspen into the corner. What would I say? Take the blame? Say I was the stupid one? I didn’t know, but I wouldn’t let Aspen get in trouble for this. It was my fault. 

Ash stopped. “Colt.” I gave him my attention and he surveyed me, then circled me. I just stood there, nearly shaking. “You love Aspen, I see.” 

“Ash, I-” Ash silenced Aspen, and she leaned back up against the wall. 

“Let me talk, Aspen.” He turned back to me. “She deserves a lot better than how anyone has ever treated her. She is the blood queen. And she will not be treated badly. Do you hear me?” He narrowed my eyes at my throat. I gulped and nodded. I had kissed her. I had messed up, he was going to kill me. Ash paced in front of me. “If you hurt her, I will personally rip you apart. Aspen can fend for herself, she doesn’t need a man to lock her indoors as a trophy. She deserves every bit of anyone to love her with every bone in their body.” My spirits dropped like rocks. I had lost her to another man. 

“Colt, you’re a strong man. Respect her. She needs someone to love, and I figured it would be you from the beginning.” He locked gazes with me. “You mess this up, and you might want to start digging your own grave, Colt.” I was stunned. Not that he told me what he would do if I messed up. She was mine. 

“Colt!” Aspen threw her arms around me, and I snapped out of my gaze and hugged her tight.

 The Elder walked up, a scowl on his face. 

“My nephew would like to take his future wife back, we have things to do.” Ash roared, bounding over to the elder and barreling him over, pinning him on the ground and baring his teeth. 

“You will demand nothing of me, you or your nephew. I have my judgment, and your nephew will not marry Aspen, mark my words.” His face paled as he nodded, eyes bulged. “Good. Colt saved her life. He has my full respect.” 

---Aspen---

The next day, I was still elated. Colt had kissed me. He kissed me goodnight, too, and I couldn’t stop smiling. Then it faded when I caught a glimpse of outside. The trees were withered and dust blew up dry grass into the wind. Colt walked in, grinning. But he followed my gaze and frowned. “Colt, take me outside.” Before he could protest, I tore the blankets off and tossed my legs over the side, grasping my stomach like it would mask the burning sensation. Colt, to my surprise, helped me out the door and down the steps. “Do you have your pocketknife?” He glanced at me questioningly and nodded slowly, pulling it out. I took it, flipped it open, and swiftly tore through some skin on my arm. He gasped and ripped it away from me. 

“What are you doing?” I held my hand out to assure him and closed my eyes, the blood trailing my finger. I directed it to the ground. The entire planet brightened as the blood touched the ground. It climbed up every tree and bush like veins, glowing red. And the world exploded with color. I smiled, turning back around to Colt. He shook his head and grinned.

“You’re crazy...” he gazed into my teasing eyes, “...and beautiful.” 

And he captured me in a kiss. 

Heart of steel, eyes of stone. Locked up in chains of shame and torture. Trapped in her mind of endless halls, a maze of memories. Nightmares lurking in the darkest corners of her conscious, waiting to prey on their innocent victim.

Minds hold complexity beyond comprehension.

She might need help.