vi.

he watched her in her deepest sleep;

for a moment he could swear he almost saw her breathe.

i. Before

1993: sitting at his step mother's house where she kissed him on the mouth and he almost touched her blouse.

ii.

1996: he kissed her neck and she cradled his head as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he laid her on her bed.

iii.

20 weeks: the house slept as her cancer repulsed and they sat together as her shoulders convulsed.

iv.

16 weeks: he remembered the dress she wore when her hair fell out in fistfuls to the floor and her mom said she was adorning; she burned that dress the next morning.

v.

8 weeks early: he clutched her hand and held her too close and she slipped away as her bones turned to shadows.

vi.

for a moment he could swear he almost saw her breathe.

i'm hooked on your wide eyes and you get hooked on your highs

shades of brown and gold light your dimming smile while hues of grey and blue ignite your eyes

i hate the drugs you smoke and the thought of the women that you see because one's been killing you and the other will kill me

i cannot stand the thought of your feet tempting that ledge

your cigarettes freestanding on the edge and a bottle in your hand

i know i can't save you from the drugs you've come to love but i wish i didn't tease that line with the taste of your lips still on my tongue

i can't fight the sleepless nights

you've been gone for a few weeks

there's puffy clouds beneath my

eyes as your puffs caress your cheeks

i've been shaking all evening with your name grating against my teeth but i'm afraid i'm confusing my need for love and your love for the need