i’m waiting for a few folks/i love dearly to die so i can be myself

no, it’s not a phase, it's a part of me like my eyes devoid of hope

a thousand excuses you have to prove that everything doesn't exist

it's just me and myself waiting on the doors to hell to jump into blanketing fire

cause i know i don't deserve heaven

i don't deserve heaven

i don't

i

i'm waiting for a few folks/i dearly love to die so that i don't see

disappointed in me, for choosing myself over them/ heartbroken devastated hopeless

i want them to be with me but i love them so much that/ i don't want to drag them into profanity, my skin burning under the fire, blood drowning me, amber-raspberry reflections in my eyes,

i don't deserve your love

i don't

i

I'm waiting for a few folks I gravely love to die so that I don't have to choose between me and them.

Guys, I started a podcast where I read A Collection of Short Stories... It's free to listen to...

Here's the link!

https://anchor.fm/victoria-bowman0/episodes/Pilot-e17b2fi

Or if you want to listen on Spotify, just type up "Stories with Victoria Bowman" and the cover will almost be the same as my pfp but it will have "Stories with Victoria Bowman" instead of A Collection of Short Stories"

Inspiration...

It doesn’t flow as it should

When it should

But...

It is my driving force

My energizing force

Writing just doesn’t run

As it should and could

Without brilliant ideas

But writing also can’t run

When the soul is drying from within

As mine once was

Alive...

The state that a writer should be

The state that makes me...me

Back...

At my desk and my place

To fill the screen, the pages

Returning once more,

To leave my mark on the world

And on this form of art.

Writing for me has purely been an outlet. I found myself enjoying the challenge of putting complex human emotions into words. I actually started writing when I was 11 or 12 when my parents were beginning to divorce. I found myself unable to express emotions in any other form that wasn't written. I experienced trauma the same way I experienced a restaurant getting my food order wrong. I would register the event with annoyance and just move on. I never knew how to process trauma in a healthy way. Because I held everything in, it would beat the walls of my brain trying to get out. I had to let it out some way, so I chose to write. Many years and traumas later I am here in my twenties still writing. I am definitely in a better place now, but I am still trying to process my past and writing has helped that process. Writing has always been a friend to me. I can write anything without fear of judgement or pity and it has been exhilerating in a way. I hope one day I can be a published writer, so that I can inspire people and relate with others through my experiences. I wouldn't be able to form the correct concotion of words to express how much writing means to me. It has saved my life and stayed by my side continuously. I don't even care if people read what I write. It just feels good to write, to create, to express, and to just lay everything out there.

Sorry for the messy state of this passage. I just wrote what I was thinking. (:

you’re mine Fall’s time girl

and you're engrained perfectly

into my bloodstream

.

There are only two places in which I can picture myself truly feeling comfortable being myself. One is inside a competent and trustworthy therapist’s office and the other is hiding behind the pages I write.

I am not what anyone would call a normal person and as such I have learned that it is best not to reveal my true self to most people. They do not understand me and do not want to understand me. This is fine. I should rephrase that. This is the inevitable reality I have forced upon myself due to my abnormality. Some would call this a self-fufilling prophecy. I just call it my life.

Writing has become a tool to express creativity, yes, but it has also opened a doorway I cannot allow to be opened in the real world. It allows me to express thoughts, actions, motivations, and impulses that society would only allow to exist inside the pages of fiction. It is a safe place to hide without actually concealing myself.

For challenge- “How has writing shaped you” by Lianna C

I did a lot of writing in high school, involving myself in my school's student newspaper and literary magazine back in the 90s. I started out college looking to major in writing, ultimately abandoning that plan for teaching. I did some on and off writing afterwards, but didn't really get into it again until April 2020, when I started writing Bible journals in a church community that I still participate with. I expanded to writing short stories in August 2020, continuing a sci-fi/fantasy storyline I initially started when I was in high school. My initial justification/benefit to returning to actively writing was to keep my mind creative and sharp while in quarantine from the pandemic. My goal is to get into voice acting, and writing seemed like a good way to stay in an artistic mindframe since my acting goals had been sidelined. I still do write to keep my mind flowing creatively, but there is now much more benefit to it besides that. On a religious take, I enjoy writing Bible journals to point to God as the One that has blessed my life and helps me through the life struggles I face. On a creative take, I am so thankful for storytelling that has enriched my life and inspired me, and I hope to be able to do the same with my stories. I also love the possibility that my writing could still exist after I am gone one day, and it will ideally be something I can pass down to my kids if they want it. I want my writing to be there for anyone that needs or wants it, and it is something I will continue to do as long as I am able to. Thanks for reading this, I hope I didn't ramble too much. I appreciate you and wish you well :-)

Where were you that day?

What were you doing?

The day started out normally;

people shuffled off to work,

as another day crept in on them all.

People boarded trains, planes,

subway cars, city buses,

as another day crept in on them all.

In one swift movement of a blind eye,

the day became anything but ordinary.

The Twin Towers fell.

Death exploded without ceremony,

and this day crept into the soul forever.

It all happened quickly.

The Twin Towers.

Then the Pentagon.

Then brave lives died for freedom on a plane.

September 11, 2001

Where were you that day?

What were you doing?

Many wept openly on the streets,

many privately prayed

many thought we could never be touched.

Twenty years ago

we were younger, braver, smarter.

Twenty years later

we are older, but we remember.

A father, a mother, son, and daughter,

neighbor and friend perished that day.

People we will never get to know,

but could have.

911 became our new day of Infamy.

Never forget the fallen innocents.

Where were you on that day?

What were you doing?

Misty smoke from a morning chill

Rose from the protruding spire

And the sun, it broke, deep on the horizon

Awakening it’s renewed fire.

All along, upon my glass 

sat crystal kisses of frost.

I stood and watched the day

Inch over what was lost

Oh, for the morning sung

It’s most beautiful, blissful song

Yet my eyes wandered to the glass

Knowing the time would soon be gone

For when the ice on the window, 

Finally took to disappear,

It fell as the sun rose 

A single iridescent tear.

At last I came to the realization 

Watching the fractals fade away

I fought the clear drips of blood

The massacre from a new day.

I have done this twice. The first time with two dozen Prosers. The second time with eleven. Of which there is mention of this at the very end. Call it taking advantage of free advertisement.

But the best way for a group chat is to first create a post asking for writers to join you. When they agree, then create another post specifically for all those who get involved, tag all of them and explain your story idea, giving them the basic idea and that you have written the opening. This sets the tone for chapters that follow. Determine beforehand how many chapters you want, then designate what writer’s will write what chapters.

Example: Five writers including you and let’s say you want 20 chapters. You write chapter one, then designate someone for the second, third, fourth, and fifth chapter. Allow 3 to 5 days for each chapter to be written and posted. So this could mean either 15 or 25 days for every five chapters and should be finished within 75 to 125 days if my math is right. Twenty chapters would be in the neighborhood of 40,000 words. Thus 25 chapters would give the story novel status. Un truth, the total amount of days to have something like this to be com0pleted can vary. Some writer’s are quick while others not so much.

If you are familiar with the portals, the best one to use when posting the writer’s is the Support Portal which is right at the very end of all the portals

Be prepared though to fill in as things do come up and someone may not be able to write the assigned chapter for one reason or another. As the group leader you need to take the reins and write the next chapter.

There is an option where a writer could swap chapters and the flow continues, but don’t count that when factoring everything else in. Now you can, when you feel the time is right for a second post just for the writers, make them aware that whoever it may be is unable to write his part and you can ask for someone to fill in. Again, don’t factor that in because it may not happen. When it doesn’t, just step in and write.

One thing I have done when doing a second, third and even more posts, is that I highlight perhaps the last two or three chapters written. This helps to familiarize writer’s with what has been going on. Another thing I do when posting, I put all the current written links in it so writers can fall back that way to perhaps look for something they feel they are missing or something related that can add to their chapter.

And this part is just as important, list names of characters in the story line so there is no mistaking who is who and if need be, their ages, location (where they live). With the upcoming Kincade Chronicles, we had over 70 characters with date of births, who they married, where they lived, what they did and so forth. When a character died, they were put into a separate list. This may look confusing but once you get the hang of how to do this, it suddenly becomes easy.

When I did this the first time, it was a group challenge to finish a novel in 30 days which we did. It’s called “Survival”. 47 chapters with both Forward and Prologue, and 65,843 words. Each Proser has their name at the end of each chapter. This acknowledges them to the reader. With the upcoming Kincade Chronicles, 50 chapters plus prologue and epilogue, was comp0pleted in just four months and just over 126,000 words. And I am here to tell you I am proud to have been a part of both projects.

You can expect a lot of debate, a lot of ideas but you have to maintain control or it can get out of hand. Keep everyone focused, keep it lively and interesting.

Depending how it is written, it’s best to do at least one mass post each week so everyone knows what is going on and one thing you can do in the post, is highlight what each chapter entailed. In doing so, it can prompt more questions to getting the novel written. Continuity and clarity are key. If a character is 6′4 and 220 in one chapter and two chapters later he is suddenly 5′9″ and 180, that presents a problem in uniformity.

In each post I outlined events surrounding each decade for 10 decades. Each writer had two years out of each decade to write their chapter. No easy task but it was done.

But I can’t say this enough—the leader of the group is in control. That person doesn’t dictate what will be written but that person does insure the focus stays clear.

So, if you ever have plans to do something historical, you will need at least three other people to help you to keep things straight. Someone with a history background for pivotal information, another to keep track of births and deaths, ages, locality,sort of like a genealogist and the third, who is vital, is another editor to catch what you do not. You cannot ever go wrong in having an extra set of eyes on the prize.

This part starts with you copying/pasting the chapter written into a file you create and listing at the end of each chapter who the writer was. Do your initial editing and make sure to save the chapter in a file that should have the title of the story idea you can refer back to with each new chapter written. Whoever your second set of eyes are, trade emails for starters. Then when you have the first 3 to 5 chapters, send them to your “second set of eyes” as an attachment. When your “second set of eyes” finishes, that person will send back to you where you have a clear copy of the novel.

Another thing you can do (as an option) is use pictures relating to the chapter. This worked out well in both the novels I worked on. What Proser’s who didn’t have a photo, I searched for on line. The photos just add a little something extra to the table so to speak.

Trust me, it’s work, but when you reach the finish line, you can be proud of what was accomplished by yourself and those who took the ride along with you. Without solid Prose writers in your corner, all you would have is an ordinary story (definitely not as long/definitely not as powerful).

Because of them, you will see your idea grow and blossom as you had hoped it would.

So, in a nutshell:

1) Have a story idea and write either the opening Prologue or chapter.

2) Have a fairly clear vision of where you want the novel to lead to.

3) Have at the very least a second editor.

4) Keep control.

5) Listen to the writer’s ideas.

6) Help them where and when needed. Give suggestions.

This is the link to the novel I mentioned: https://theprose.com/book/2939/survival

On November 13th will be the premiere of The Kincade Chronicles. You may have a read a chapter here and there, but soon, it will be brought in its entirety to you in one place. You get to walk through what I called many times a “What If” novel. Historic names, places, and events. Some not so well known names, but they had their place in history.

Other names used were, how do I say this … fudged maybe, just to give a different look to how things shaped. One example is the name Charles Atlas, the developer for body building. I briefly use his name “in place of” one of the characters in the story.

I hope when this begins, you follow along and enjoy what is presented.

Coming to a neighborhood prose near you!