I stand before the doorway, one of the many similar ones. My head throbbing with pain, but it is not as painful as my heart aching. I raise a fist to knock the door, but I can’t seem to decide to do it, it has been several months since I have seen him, my closest friend, the one who truly knows about me, the one I thought could my intimate partner. I sigh, gathering all the courage I could muster within my heavy heart, and hit the door with three loud thumps.

Silence comes after the knocks, I stand with my arms crossed, a sickly feeling is swirling in my stomach that is telling me that he might not be here. Suddenly, I hear faint footsteps coming from the otherside of this door. The door clicks and open with a creak, soft light comes out of the room to almost blind me, so I close my eyes to quickly protect my eyes and adjust them. I sigh, instantly regretting on what I am doing.

I open my eyes, and there he is. A tall and muscular man stands at the doorframe wearing pajamas with wolf imprints all over, his Native American hair goes down his back with his shaven face with his soft bright blue eyes that still send my heart to a flutter of sighs. Connor is rubbing his eyes, with his right left hand pressing against the door.

Connor groans with his fingers squeezing the top area of the nose, “Do you have any idea on what time it is, I was just enjoying time-.” He opens his eyes and I can see his eyebrows that raise high and his eyes widen by my appearance. “Oh, Sebastian, what a surprise! What are you doing- wait, are you crying?”

I sigh once again, staring at him straight his eyes, knowing that he can help me with I am dealing with. He has done so much for me and I don’t have anything to repay for him,but now I am in need for his assistance.

I speak out, my voice husky and gravel-like, “I need your help.”

Connor studies me with his eyes once more, then he smiles and moves to reveal a two-bedroom with a table, TV, and restroom. He motions his hands for me to come in, I obey meekly and look around, surprise that out of the places, Connor sure pick a hotel that has a bad taste of style. The wallpaper is a sickly yellowish green, the color of puke with the beds having white cover sheets in addition to the tables and chair look like oak, this is a place I wouldn’t want to look like in my house if I ever have one with my love.

Connor sits down on the bed that is close to the window and A/C. He said to me, “Please, make yourself comfortable, I am only going to stay here for a day or two.”

I thank him, looking over the place and then add, “You know, this is the type of place you don’t deserve to sleep in.”

Connor laughs, stops for a second and chuckles as if remembering that there are people who might be sleeping in the next room at 2:37 in the morning. “I know, I don’t mind this place actually,” Connor explains, falling back on the bed with his eyes on the roof. “I am only here because of some silly ritual where the groom can’t go near to his bride-.”

“Until the wedding day,” I finish, sitting down beside him with a small smile to try to muster the happiness I have for him and mask the pain he had done to me in the past. “When are you two getting married?”

“In about a month, I have been mostly with friends and I am ecstatic that I will see my beautiful Tasha, my mate for the rest of my life.” Connor said, taking out his pajama pants with a locket of half a heart, rests it on his chest and sighs contently.

I honestly can’t help but feel the sudden rush of anger and jealousy at this man, I don’t understand why he is so happy whereas right now I am upset and I need him to counsel me, not taunt me about his mate.

Connor gets form the bed, turns to me and ask, “But that is enough about me, so, what brings you here Sebastian?”

I look down at the ground, feeling now embarrassment to talk to him, then I ask out loud, “Can I use the bathroom?”

Connor brings his head back with a priceless look on his face, then he shakes his head and asks me, “Sebastian, you just came to my motel room at early in the morning just because you need to use the restroom?”

I shake my head and said, “I-I need your help with something, I just forgot to take a shower.”

He flings his hands up, stares at me for a second and said, “Help yourself, I haven’t used the shampoo or body wash, so you can use it if you want. There is also a pack of spare clothes I have you can wear.

I jump off the bed and quickly rush to the bathroom, finding that the room has only a sink, toilet, and shower and the whole room is white. I open the shower curtain, and twist the knob to turn on the hot water. I strip off my clothes to have my lean body to expose, then I come in to bear the scolding water while I quickly close the curtain to give me privacy. The water beats against my skin, I stare down at the floor to watch red liquid to drop down my hands to the floor that eventually disappears. I clutch my hands, feeling the sharp pain through my hands that I can see the cuts I have made, the action I’ve done after seeing my love taken away from me, someone who I thought would be my true love, but they had to take him away from me. I hit my wrists against the wall, momentarily forgetting that I have cuts, even a sharper pain slaps my mind that tears are pouring down my eyes that is joining with the water that is falling down to the floor. My heart has a hole now, and I can’t fill it no matter how I try to not think of him: his stylish blond hair, his chiseled beard, protective yet gentle glare he makes, and how he whispers my name, I fall to the ground just as I weep that I think Connor will hear me if I don’t stop crying, but the pain it is so unbearable that I can’t push it away or erase it. I have dealt with a broken heart before, but the second time I don’t think I will ever recover. A knock comes up on the restroom door, I stop crying immediately and turn off the water to hear.

Connor’s voice muffles from the door, “Sebastian? I hear you crying in there, is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, I am fine,” I lie, feeling worse to deceive the one person who I am trying to ask for help. “I will be out in a minute.”

I look up at the ceiling, then I whisper, “God, why, why do I have to suffer? Why you had to take Kevin away, the one who I truly love with my broken heart?”

Silence comes, I sigh and stand up to open the curtain out to find a towel and stack of Connor’s clothes on top of the toilet seat. I smile, rubbing myself with the cloth, first my heat and all the way down. I put on Connor’s clothes, although he wears extra large while I wear large, and walk out of the restroom to find Connor making some coffee into two cups with a portable coffee machine in the table.

Connor Looks at me with a concern look on his face as he picks up one of the cups that is full with coffee. “Here, have some,” He said, handing me the cup. “You can tell me all of your problems, I need the caffeine and if you want any sugar or creamer I have it next to the machine.”

Glad that Connor is being thoughtful, I took a sip to enjoy the bitter taste and said to him, “I will have mine black right now, I honestly don’t care right now what is my preference.”

He nods, looking down to see my hands as if he is smelling the blood. His eyes slint and asks me in a low whisper, “Sebastian, what happened to your hands?”

I shrug, not wanting to talk about it now. Connor persists me to explain, I sigh and put down the cup to the table.

I start, “You know I am gay, right Connor?”

Connor stares at me for second, then he nods. I continue, “Okay, do you remember Kevin Roberson?”

His head tilt, obviously he doesn’t know who it is, even if it is one of the friends Connor and I had in our childhood. “A friend of us when we were kids Connor,” I explain, feeling the weight getting heavy as I describe more of him. “Blond hair, loves to wrestle, and was one of the kids who almost defeated you.”

Connor thinks for a second with his hand close to his chin as if concentrating hard to recall his childhood memories, then his eyes light up like lightbulbs. “Oh yeah, the one who’s dad was a drug addict.”

I nod, “Yep, that’s the one.”

“What about him?”

“Well, he and I got to talk recently.”

“You don’t say, well how is he?”

“He was doing okay.”

“Was?”

My hands rub each other now, with sweat starting to come down my neck in addition to my heart beating against my ear. Connor inhales, “Sebastian, I am worried for you, you have been my good friend for a long time. I want to help you, something is bothering you, I can smell it.”

I look down at the ground and without thinking I say in my breath to think of what I am going to say, “Connor, I want to ask you for help, but I don’t want to reopen the wounds. I thought my heart could withstand one rejection, but with my Kevin taken away from me just for being a Normal and protecting me from a close-minded Freak.”

More silence comes which breaks when Connor said, “Sebastian, did you just say what I have heard?”

I jerk my head up to Connor’s expression of surprise and curiosity, oh crap, he heard what I said. I stand up and rush to the bathroom, before more tears will come down my face, I can’t be seen crying in front of Connor. I hear him cussing in his breaths, I close the restroom door abruptly and lock the door. Footsteps gets louder that I can see a shadow under the door.

“Sebastian, come on, we can work this out,” Connor reassures, his calm voice is a little hard to hear so I had my ear close on the door. “I know how hard it is to love-.”

“It’s not like that alright! I-I am not like you.” I snap, feel a sudden flare in my heart.

“Of course not Sebastian, but I am not going to be awake in early the morning just one something I can help with you with. Is it true Sebastian, are you and Kevin together?”

My eyes direct to the ground, heat blossoms in my cheek as my mind goes to the thoughts of Kevin, his warm lips that go down my neck like a massage. I clutch my shirt with the thought of his whispers of my name that I finally said, “Yes, we are together. I am sorry you have to deal with me.”

“No, I am sorry,” Connor says, his voice sound deep just like Kevin’s for a second. “I am here to help you with whatever is going on between you and Kevin.”

I think for a second and finally decide to open the door as I stand up to walk out of the bathroom. I then sits down on the bed with Connor standing before me with his arms crossed.

I inhale, let the air come out of my breath and vent, “Kevin and I met each other again at a swimming pool party that we got to hang out more. Kevin has been practicing wrestling and yesterday he left practice to take me to his apartment because I got injured by someone I know.”

Connor nods, listening and motions his hand for me to continue.

So I did, “When he did, I found out that he has been taking medicine that is too much for him, and then all of a sudden he blurts out that he loves me. I was shock at first because I’ve seen him as a straight man like you, but then as we got to talk more, we found out that we both love other, and then we decided to make love.”

Connor sits down on the other bed, nodding while looking at the floor and then stares at me, “Boy Sebastian, you can sure tell a story.”

I laugh from his remark, feeling a bit better to have Connor’s subtle humor to ease away the pain. His humor actually isn’t a strong suit for him since he is the type of person who would fit that strict, shouting attractive military sargent in those movies.

“Like I said, some people took away Kevin away because he was protecting me by beating the living hell out of Freak who was the one to injured me. Now he is prison all because of me, so I want to ask you-.”

“If there is anything I can help you with,” He finishes my sentence, thinking a bit more and then shake his head. “Truthfully Sebastian, I can’t do anything right now.”

My heart drops, I am actually holding my cup of coffee and when he said that, I am glad I drink the rest of the coffee because it would’ve made a mess on the floor and possibly on the sheets on the bed. Connor can’t help me after all the time I thought he could possibly pardon Kevin and release him.

I demand, “What do you mean you can’t? You said you are an Alpha! If you pardon Kevin he could be free from prison!”

Connor sits down beside with a nod, “True, but you have to understand Sebastian, I am not the Alpha of where the people arrested Kevin, if I were I would be more than happy to for you. The only person who can pardon Kevin is the Alpha who is possibly going to trial him soon.”

My hands begin to tremble, I can feel the tears are coming back, stronger than ever that I can’t keep them back. I can feel coldness is spreading over my cheeks, my hands now cover over my eyes as my sobs escape my throat. The Alpha is someone I know, but there is only one problem, one: the Alpha is actually my father and two: he is homophobic just as I am homosexual to Kevin.

I can feel a arm around my shoulders, I pull my hands away and look up to see Connor is smiling gently at me. I never seen Connor this way to me, not even when we were kids, I have alway seen Connor as the quiet yet deadly man who will kill any person he doesn’t like, I didn’t think he would ever be like a father I wish I have.

“I know you are still heartbroken from my rejection to your love,” Connor whisper, his left hand curl up to a fist. “I honestly wish I could’ve helped you with what you were going with, and there isn’t anything I can do to help you with Kevin, I am sorry Sebastian.”

I sigh, feeling complete pity for Connor for having me to be one of the things he has to be constantly concerned about. It is true that I am an adult, yet somehow I am just the shell of someone in my childhood, someone who thought was going to be the best; the one who will defeat anyone who will deny his right to be the future Alpha of the pack. The one Alpha, like most, would have a strong female mate that would go down in history, yet now I find it funny that I am now the opposite of what I wanted to be in the future.

Connor the embraces me, I almost pull my hands back in surprise by this unexpected action, then feeling his warm breath I hug Connor back. In my heart, I can feel the weight that is pulling me down now is lifting off as if this gesture is what I needed from Connor the whole time. I am honestly glad that Connor rejected me, I mean, if he didn’t and accept my love I probably wouldn’t see Kevin again and being to find my true half of my heart.

Connor breaks off the hug, then he pulls out his cellphone to check on something.

Connor looks at me, “I have checked in the prison database, and they do have Kevin in the records. Luckily our judicial system is similar to the Normal judicial system, which means you can bail him out.”

I tilt my head, “Bail him?”

He nods, digs something in his pocket to be a wallet, opens it and pull out several hundred dollar bills. Without hesitating, he hands the bills to me as if he is wanting me to take them.

I stare at him and then at the dollar bills, “Why are you going me money?”

Connor sighs while shaking his head, “Sebastian, you need money to pay for the bail so that why Kevin will be released. Since what he did is considered criminal, but there is something in there that the judges might reconsider for Kevin’s punishment.”

“What is it?” I ask, finding surprise by the offer of money.

Connor groans a bit, I beg him to please tell me, I need to know what the records say otherwise I won’t know how to help Kevin if I am able to bail him out.

Connor flings his hands in the air, “Alright, I’ll tell you, but you need to promise you won’t be mad at me, okay?”

I nod, I am too curious to even be mad at Connor, besides he is the one to help me.

“Well, according to the records,” Connor said, looking uncomfortable. “They said Kevin has been in high doses of uh...Toxicity.”

Toxicity, that means, Dylan has been high in drugs? Wait, the codeine Dylan was having with his pain, no that can’t be possible Dylan would’ve told me.

Connor puts his hand on my shoulder, I look down at the ground feeling that our intimate love last night was just him being high, “Sebastian, the jury is not always about execution thankfully, I am sure they would have Kevin go through detoxification and take anger classes.”

I smile as I receive the money from him and put it in my pocket, “Thanks Connor, but I have a date with Kevin now.”

He observes again with his eyes, then nods with a smile. We both stand up and hug once more, I now feel that I have found my way on how to get back my love.

I whisper, “Thank you so much Connor, I don’t know what I deserve to have a good friend like you.”

He chuckles, his sound bring my heart up by his laugh, “No problem Sebastian, if there is anything you want me to help you with, just say the word.”

“Yeah, there is one thing?”

“Sure! What?”

“I need to borrow your phone, I forgot to check on my email.”

Connor stares at me with a frown, then hands me the phone. I take it with a smile, knowing that I am awful sometimes, but it sure feels good to be petty. I look down at the phone to see the wall picture with a blond, beautiful girl who is smiling white teeth beside Connor, looking like to be his girlfriend Tasha Connor told me about. I open up the internet app and put in my gmail address and password after finding the link to the platform of the email I use. After that, I wait with a white screen to only one new email. I click on the one, read down the content, and I almost whoop in joy.

“What is it?” Connor asks me, I show him the email, he reads it and his eyes go wide. “Wow, so you’re going to be the Beta in Boston.”

I nod excitedly, “Yeah! I had applied for the position of Beta, and now I have it! I didn’t think I would be able to get the job since there are probably other candidates who are better than me, but oh well. Now I only have a few weeks to get settle in Boston before I start in my job interview.”

“Well, if I were you, I would go to what you have with Kevin,” Connor said, smirking from ear to ear. “Then go over to Boston with Kevin as your bodyguard, I will send over a recommendation. I am jealous of you now Sebastian, Boston, I have wanted to go to Boston but I didn’t have time. When you bail Kevin out, bring him over to here and we will get things situated.”

I thank him once again in excitement, then I run out of the door, feeling once again ecstatic and determine to bring back my lover. I am thankful for my friend Connor, it is time for me to change my life for the better. Although I will have some bumps on the road, but I am sure that Kevin and I will persist in the end.

It’s all over.

I fall to my knees, my eyes leak out tears that drip down my face and falling on the ground. The small grey pile of dust rests before me, slowly flying away with the wind.

“No, no, no, no,” I whimpered, my heart sinks very low and aching in pain. “This can’t be, not him.”

The wind blows harder now, blowing away the ashes that leaves something that made me gasp in dread that it is true.

In the place under all the ashes, is a dog tag with the inscription of a word, “Bolt”.

I pick up the collar with my hands shake to the point that I may drop it back to the ground. I hold the tag close to my heart and, for once in a very long time, I cry that makes echoes across the remains of what my house used to be.

“No, Bolt, you can’t be,” I sob, my tears blurring my vision. Bolt has been my partner through our service at the military, and now he is disintegrated all because of me and my ability. I look around to find that all the metallic objects that stored the electricity I had absorbed for years have been burned to the point each one is black. I stand up and find the mirror that is still hanging but has shattered across. I walk to it and stand before it, seeing my reflection of my hippie brown long hair and my bearded features that hold my soft brown eyes and pimples that are all over my face. I look down at the dog tag, thinking of the wonderful times I had with my canine companion, from when we first met and trained till now with him burned to ashes by my foolish action of releasing all the electricity I had stories in all the metallic objects in my house. Inhaling, I put on the dog tag and let it hang loosely with the name shining from the sun that is slowly falling down to the waves.

“I won’t forget you Bolt,” I whisper, looking back at the view where the ashes have blown away with the wind to the sea. “Rest in peace, my canine friend.”

The wind howls in response, almost reminding me of my white German Shepherd friend,who usually runs through the sand and sometimes into the waves. Suddenly, I notice something weird: a almost visible white animal is dashing for the waters, and once it touches the water it disappears that I have to blink twice to think I have imagined that. A smile comes on my face, with even more tears coming down my cheeks, I whisper the one word I thought I would never say in my life, “Goodbye.”

I sigh, staring up at the ceiling that I can’t see because it is pitch black but I am sure that it is painted freshly white. My mind races with memories of what happened today, mixed feelings are each one that a nasty after taste lingers in my mouth. I shake my head, it sure has been a long day and I do need the sleep, but there is something within my guts that’s telling me there’s something off, but I am not sure if it’s true or I am just imagining it. Giving up, I raise from my quick sand bed with blood rushing into my head; I reach out on my right for the switch for my little lamp I have beside my bed on the nightstand. Once I feel the smooth, cool rectangular like switch, I press down and look away; all the furniture in my room appears, seeing that it is either red or white since I have now a taste for the two colors. It is one of the few nights that I have a hard time sleeping, I usually sleep like a rock like my adoptive dad, but today has been so awkward that I can’t stop thinking if it actually happened.

I lean over my bed, staring down at the floor to remind myself that it did happened. How I know is because there is a man lying on top of a sleeping bag with only his grey sweatpants on and shirtless that reveals his hairless and lean chest that holds a few scars almost disappearing. His eyes are gently close that adds to how peaceful he looks sleeping, my heart starts to thump hard at the sight. Keith sure looks amazing and hot for a 18-year-old guy who is about a year older than me, yet although there are dozens upon dozens of girls- possibly guys- who are crazy for him he would focus on me instead of them. I know that he has feelings for me still, even after I have friendzoned him several times recently and having to accidently yell at him in public for making me embarrassed that he was my date to a teen dance I wanted to went with my friends.

I quietly get off the bed, seeing my night gown draping down on the wooden and I tiptoed over to Keith. I crouch down and marvel at his face, and his curly and messy styled hair that used to be black and grey, but now is black and blue since I offered to change his hair color early today. Reaching out, I rub Keith’s head and hair, feeling the wet, slick, and cold feeling going up and down my arm like a shiver. A smile appears on my face, finding it adorable to see that Keith looks like an child although he has the body of an junior size of his dad. The smile melts away, as I think about what happened today: the time Keith and I was hanging out in the house until it became dusk. He tried to leave and walk in the dark, I tried to persuade him to stay for the night since Connor doesn’t mind visitors and it is dark in the forest, anything terrible can happen in there. He reassures me that it is lovely and quiet in the forest when it is nighttime which I find it unlikely since anything bad can happen without warning in the forest.

Without warning, Keith moans with his peaceful face twists with disgust and moves around on the bed, “M-mom no...Please, stop...Mom, stop.”

I yank my hand back in surprise, freezing in my place with the sudden fear that he is about to wake up and sees me beside in him in bed. I want to move and make it not look like that, but my muscles are straining me from moving as if they are made of concrete now. Keith scuffles and twists over his sleeping bag, muttering more about his mom to stop doing something. As far as Keith told me, his mom have done physical damage to him when he was a young kid which is why he is here in Alaska to stay with his dad for a while till now.

Keith springs up from the bed and screams, “No!” I jump away from the surprise, my heart racing and my mind starts to scream for me to run as fast as I can, but my body continues to act like it is full of concrete. Keith jerks his head around the room and then sees me, looks down at my dress; a blush comes up on his cheeks as he starts to mutter, “Uh h-hey Genesis.”

I smile and relax my body down, hoping that Keith doesn’t ask, “Hey Keith, having a bad nightmare?”

He shrugs, then nods with his arms crossed. I walk over to him and sit beside him, waiting to hear what he had for his dreams. He hesitates for a while, so I wait until I feel a little hungry by the rumbling my stomach is making. An idea comes up in my head, I dash for something in my closet, behind the clothes and the boxes to be a small black refrigerator with a cord attached to an outlet. I open the door, the small rush of coolness comes out that fog rushes out. I look down and find a plastic bag with little yellow containers, I open the bag and pull out two of them, finding the expiration date a few months from now. I close the door and make sure it is covered with everything before I searched for it, I step out of my closet and secure it. I turn to Keith to find that he has put on a normal black t-shirt, his face down at the floor while hugging his knees. He glances at me and the two containers in my hands, and raises an eyebrow. “Genesis, mind if I ask,” He said. “What’s with the ice cream?”

“It’s Blue Bell, vanilla,” I explain, sitting down next to him and offer him one. “It helps me sleep sometimes, probably because the taste.”

Keith glares at me, then takes the cup and mutters a thanks to me. I smile, then I open the drawer to pull out two plastic spoons for the ice cream. The two of us eat in quiet, Keith has eaten his pretty fast while I am savoring each spoonful until the little container is empty. I put down my cup to the ground and turn to Keith who is looking away from me.

I ask, feeling like I know the answer, “What are you thinking about?”

He sighs and looks back at me, I am pretty sure he is going to answer about his dream or something about his mom. He whispers, “My dad.”

I stare at him, in shock for his answer, his dad isn’t the best dad he should’ve had like mine, his dad has an affair with three people: two men and one woman, not to mention that his dad has the Mutation that change people in many ways mentally, physically, and emotionally. Yet he somehow has the least worse effects of the Mutation and continues to live like a normal Freak.

Keith looks away as time pass by, then he whispers in his breath, “You know, I am pretty hungry for another cup.”

“Oh really?” I ask, feeling like he is up to something.

Keith nods, a smirk slowly appears on his face, “Yeah, vanilla is my favorite flavor, and maybe if-.”

He breaks half sentence because I kissed him mouth to mouth, knowing exactly what he wants since he had told me in the past that his favorite flavor is actually Dutch chocolate. Keith puts his hands on my cheeks and savors the kiss, my heart bangs my ribs like a drum by what I did. Our tongues intertwined that I sit down on Keith’s lap and resume our kiss that grows passionate. Suddenly I break off the kiss and pull back, feeling the realization and regret seeing Keith looking sad but tries hard not to express it but I can see it.

I hang my head low, “Sorry, I-I didn’t know what I was thinking, I only see us as friends Keith, I really do.”

“But I love you Genesis,” He whispers, transforming into his iconic coyote/fox hybrid self and rests on my lap with his eyes directing at me. “I love you so much.”

I sigh, trying hard to ignore his form, “Don’t give the big sad eyes and wet nose Keith, the last time it happened ended in someone I loved died, and he wouldn’t catch a bunny.”

Keith grunts at part of catching a bunny, since they are his favorite type of prey to eat when he in his animal forms, an ability he got from his dad while his mom is a Normal. I start to pet Keith’s stomach that he lies on his back,his tongue sticking out while panting as if he is happy with the rub. I smile and continue to do that, and then Keith switches back to his human form that he is resting his head on my lap, looking at me with a grin as my hand is on his chest. I yank back and exclaim in fury that he would do that to me, Keith still grins and gets off when I threaten to blast him. I sigh and walk out to the French doors that I open them to the speed that they wouldn’t make any noise. I step out, feeling another rush of coolness that I hug my arms and shiver a little. The sky is now dark with stars scatter across the space with the middle of it being the crescent moon with darkness on the left side. I sigh, letting in the cold air in and out as I think about my first and previous boyfriend, the one who I loved and trusted with all of my heart, now dead because of me. Tears start to fill my eyes that I can’t help but allow them burst out and drip down my cheeks like rivers going through the desert. A hand clasps my right shoulder, I turn to find Keith is standing with a grim expression on his face and said, “I’m sorry.”

I shrug, trying hard not to cry especially in front of Keith, so I have to swallow all the tears. Once I calm down, finding my happy place that is the incense shop I visited once in Africa, I turn to Keith and whisper, “No, I’m sorry Keith, I just don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I-I just want to be friends, okay?”

Keith nods in silence, letting us to be in the cold and dark with only the light to show the trees looming over us. I can’t help but see why Keith would like to walk, the trees look bare like skeletons of what they used to be full of green and life waving over the moon with the fresh fallen snow.

“Genesis, I have something to tell you.”

I turn to Keith who is now having one of his hands clutched as if there is something in it that he doesn’t want me to see.

“I am sure you won’t be happy if I tell you now,” He continues, grimacing at me. “So promise me that you won’t be mad at me.”

I tilt my head in question, “Why?”

“Just do it, please!”

“Okay, I promise!”

Keith nods and releases his hand, revealing small red pills the size of a triple A battery with a milky center of the pills. Dread floods me, I remember these pills very clearly, those are the very same pills one of my friends have experimented on and declared to be suicidal pills. My mind tries to form a list of possible causes Keith could’ve got them, but each one I could think of is checked out. My blood, for once, goes cold by the sight of those pills, the medication that offers painless suicide to those who are tired of life and can’t bear the problems it has.

Probably from seeing my reaction, Keith rushes, “Genesis, I am tired of this, of this life and dealing with my parents who doesn’t give a single damn about me anymore. My mom abused me and now my dad is captured and probably dead by those Reapers, and Matthias is grieving nonstop.”

“Keith Garthwaite,” I growl, my voice grows more dangerous by each word I speak out. “What are you going to do, I am not helping you at all.”

He falls to his knees and takes my hands with a plead in his eyes, “Please Genesis, I can’t take it anymore. No-one will care about my death.”

I gasp and shout, “What about me? You think I wouldn’t care if you fucking killed yourself?!”

Keith stares at me in awe and I look at myself in shock, finding that I have just said my first cuss word, the spicy yet powerful word that passed my lips made me feel so much better with my anger at Keith right now.

“Of course not,” Keith whispers, looking away. “That is why I want you to be with me when I die. It will look like I died in my sleep, so you won’t have to explain to the Alpha about what happened.”

No words couldn’t escape from me, my heart is now thumping harder that I can feel my blood now is rushing through every single part of my body that I can feel the heat that my soul has is about to burst and burn away my physical form. Keith wants to kill himself and make it look like it haven’t happened, so he won’t have to deal with the facts that his dad is gone and there is no-one to worry or care for him.

“G-Genesis,” Keith speaks up, looking at me with worry. “Y-you’re still crying.”

I observe him and see that his eyes are shiny like glass, glass that is about to break. I combat, “You’re crying too! You are not ready to die, you want to live.”

“Want to live,” Keith repeats in question, then he stands up and breaks his hands away from mine so he can cross his hands. “The truth is, I don’t know what to do now.”

I take Keith’s hands with mine and look more closely at those silver eyes that sends me to even shiver more. With my heart, I speak, “That’s the point Keith, you wanted me to be with you when you die. You are my close friend Keith, like Jaeden and Phoebe, I want the best for you. How about letting me be more of your life, not as a girlfriend, but as a best friend.”

Keith hesitates with a groan, so I hug him, feeling his warmth seeping into my body like water to a sponge. I can hear a gasp, and I whisper, “I know your parents aren’t here for you and help you, which is why I don’t mind if you stay here and Connor adopts you.”

Silence comes, the two of us still hugging for a minute or two until Keith embraces me hard and starts to weep non-stop. I feel awkward now from the sudden change of emotions, but I let Keith cry on my shoulder, that’s what friends are for.

“I-I don’t know what’s w-wrong with me Genesis,” Keith cries, his voice shakes and is husky. “I n-need help, bu-ut I can’t find anyone who would listen to me.”

I think of what to say, it is odd to see Keith now in a weeping mood while a few minutes ago he have been smiling and happy for messing with me. “Well then,” I answer, having a light bulb in my head. “I’ll the be the one to listen, and I will support you to get the help you need. I will talk to Connor that something is up with you.”

“Do you think he will help me?”

“When I tell him, he will surely listen and help you. You are one of my friends Keith, or wolf brother as Connor proudly say if he is here right now.”

Keith cries even harder, holding on to me as if he have lost the strength to even stand.I rub Keith’s head, feeling the soft hair that is now dry weirdly enough. Connor, or the Alpha as Keith say, will help Keith no matter what honestly, and that is what I love about him; he is like a dad to all of my friends.

Keith whispers out, “Thank you.”

I smile, continue to rub, feeling great that I am helping him go into the high road. I whisper back, “Anything for my friend.”

We pull back and we stare at each other, the world is silent between us as if we are the only people in the whole world. Heat starts to bloom in my cheeks, I need to break this before anything bad happens. Just I am about to say that we need to go back to the room, Keith leans over and kisses me gently, heat explodes all over my body as I freeze in my position. Keith pulls back with a smile and walks into the room, I chase after to make Keith pay for what he did.

Log 18, September 2043.

It has been three months, one week, four days, seven hours, twenty-four minutes, and ten seconds since my initiation of becoming a true Freak, whatever that term means. The Phoenix girl, who goes by the name of Genesis, has offered me to watch television with her. I hesitantly accepted the offer because having your eyes staring at a screen with meaningless distractions that fill your empty life is vapid. Genesis and I station at the cabin and watch a weird show about space paladins, gigantic robotic lions, people with long ears, and a towering robotic warrior called “Voltron”. The Phoenix tells me that this show is her favorite and that she even has a merchandise inspired by the show, showing me her “space wolf backpack” she has on.

Noticing and ignoring the style of Anime, the oddest moment that earns my curiosity is where a dark-skinned man in a white and blue knight-medieval style suit telling a white-skinned male knight in a red and white suit, “It’s true, we are a good team.” The red knight then smiles back that sends millions of red flags in my command nervous station, not to mention that the two are holding hands.

I inquire to Genesis what is with the two, she tries to explain how not all people have the same attractions. I once again asked her if they were going to fuse or create some form of chemistry, it seems to me that they were about to, but Genesis waves it off saying that the two aren’t Freaks like us.

I growl, a casual sound that comes out a dog-headed man like me, and blurts out why would anyone waste their precious time to trash. Interestingly, the “episode” develops to lithium to me that I started to replayed it continuous times to analyze the subtext and relationships between the characters. I had seen the episode infinite number of times that I memorized the lines for each character like a devoted actor to a script. Eventually, Genesis comes to check up on me and finds out that I have watched the same episode for about five days.

Before I ask if there are more of this, but she pays attention to my ROC (Relationships of Characters) chart that I explain to her about each character. I mention that the show. “Voltron” doesn’t seem to give credit to the relationship of Lance and Keith. Genesis simply says that it’s because Lance likes Allura, the Altean princess. I object that she should go mate with someone matching her personality like Shiro, in addition, the skills of Lance’s long-range damage and Keith’s close-range attacks paired together has the potential to annihilate the entire Galra empire. Then I explain more of the subtext that sadly bores the phoenix out to the point she falls asleep on the couch, why is it that people don’t appreciate my insightful thesis? This is Husani, signing off.

*********

Log 24, September 2043.

The development of the drill has been proceeding smoothly, with the vampire doing the calculations precisely, the dragon using his true form to move stuff around, and the werewolf teaching Genesis about a secretive topic I’m not able to discover the identity of it. The only complaint I have is about Oceane, the mermaid, and her method of labor. Unlike the rest, she is very playful and can be considered lazy, due to the fact that she scares me about five times this day by using her mermaid form to make me think that she will grab and drown me. Although Adriana, the vampire, angrily attempts to persuade Oceane to help but fails in a huff by Oceane’s response that the oil would ruin her dress.

“Do you always change into your form?” I inquire, shortly after Adriana takes her to leave from us to resume work.

She beams at me with her white teeth while she works on her curly hair, “You mean to look pretty cool? Pretty much.”

I am going to reason her that manipulating back and forth your form is a waste of energy that can be used for a better purpose, but my surprise silents me when she repeats after me in the same accent I have. She laughs at my reaction and explains that she has been practicing “Husani phrases” that she admits it’s impressive but it’s intricate to out-better the original. I chuckle at the thought of Husani phrases since it is funny to have someone know all the phrases I may say.

Out of nowhere, I see a large mountain lion bursting out of the trees’ shadows, coming straight for Oceane. I blurt out for Oceane to watch out and without thinking, I body slam her to the ground, just in time for the cougar to know leap above the two of us. I hear inhumane screeches and yowls that cause me to shut my eyes hard. I open once again after the horrific sounds cease, and realize that I am on top of Oceane. I can see her chocolate brown because her mermaid form had been green-blue. She is blushing hard that I can see a hint of red on her cheeks, my heart thumps with a surprising rhythm that I am not aware or familiar with. I spring off of her, exclaiming that it was an accident and that I didn’t mean to do that. All she said was thanks, gets up, brush off the grass on her clothes, and walks away with a smile on her face. I tilt in my head in confusion, I notice her scent has the hormone dopamines, that’s odd, embarrassment shouldn’t stimulate hormones of content no matter the reason. This is Husani, signing off.

Log Date 25, September 2043.

I notice that Connor the werewolf; somewhat smilier to Oceane, isn’t doing anything besides helping to move some stuff and order the others on what to do. It bothers me considering that a werewolf is a creature fitting for a warrior or war general, this one is not being a warrior, he is leading the role of a father. At the end of the day, I confront him and inquire him the questions that I had. All he simply say is he doesn’t want to be one, and not all werewolves are what I assume of them. I counteract that I am not assuming, I am stating the concrete facts, and there is nothing flawless about my observations. Werewolves are flawless killing machines, from experiments made back when I was a Reaper, those creatures under stress and pressure can annihilate armies of 500 men no matter of experience and armor.

Connor then tells me to sit beside him, I follow in a huff. It has been all wrong, the way the Freaks are doing their purposes, their personalities, it doesn’t match to what they should be. I am expected to be intelligent and stubborn, and I am like that.

The werewolf starts that although he is a wolf and I am a jackal, distant relatives of the Canis family, we are different and he appreciates that. He also adds that if he really wants to know more about him, he could help me. I inquire him about what does he mean I can know about him? He simply turns to me and suggests fusion. I didn’t take his response formally, fusion between sexes, races, or Freak species has been strictly forbidden back when I was a Midnight Reaper. I had my experience of seeing fusions and how the Freaks fuse.

Possibly from my reaction, Connor said that if I am not up to the fusion, he is okay with that because fusions do take time and if I feel uncomfortable about it he wouldn’t mind. I object that I do want to fuse, which is somewhat true, I have wondered how it feels to fuse and what happens when you succeed in being in sync with the other person. To summarize, the fusion between Connor and I didn’t go as planned due to my sudden fear that I don’t want to do it anyway when Connor guides me to dance. However, the attempt did help me to learn more about Connor. This is Husani, signing off.

Log Date 31, September 2043.

The progress of building the drill is almost at the peak of completion, but the Freaks has stopped building and immediately left when some stranger comes into the cabin. I don’t know any details about what the stranger said since the person privately discusses with Connor the werewolf. All that Genesis, who stayed with me, explain to me something on the line of an unstable fusion by the name of Jarzul who is invading several Freak packs. She seems to have a different expression, more close to sadness when she mentions the name, but I am not startled at the very least; now it does give me a reason why I immediately said I can’t do the fusion with Connor the moment we were dancing. I don’t want to be taken over without fighting back and causing destruction in one entity of power stronger than the other person and I. Now I am not commenting that a werewolf is a bad person, which he isn’t, I am just being cautious.

During the time, I will continue to watch more episodes from “Voltron” with Genesis. For some reason, I keep getting mad about how there is no such evidence about Lance and Keith expressing to each other romantic or sexual attractions. I am sure Genesis is laughing from my anger, but I didn’t let her laughter at my frustration bother me. I don’t understand, why aren’t the company who make the show express the two’s obvious relationship? They are completely perfect for each other, they must be in a relationship!

Suddenly, tremors of a distant earthquake happen once more, shaking the television. Genesis and I stare at each other and agree that it is the Amalgam, the fusion of broken Freaks who’s body parts were ripped off and forced fusion with them to create a collage of torn tattoo pieces mixing into one horrifying being.

In a matter of minutes, Genesis and I have finished the drill and is now preparing to take the drill to a hill several miles away from the cabin to encounter the Amalgam and destroy it before it starts to hurt any innocent people. I am honestly nervous and I don’t know if I will come back to record more, but I am sure that it’s a pleasure getting everything off of my chest. I guess my barks are worse than my bite. This is Husani, signing out.

The restaurant is vivid, with its costumers talking and the waiters managing their little sections with such ease that reminds me of my Mafia that houses only criminals of Native-American ancestry. I turn to look back James, his glorious black hair that goes in a style that only arouses me, I have the urge to have my fingers comb his beard. He is now wearing a green jacket with his tight-looking blue jeans, and typical cowboy boots, a predictable outfit a Texan like James would wear. I quickly look down, seeing that my long-sleeve shirt is hiding away my tattoos, the only description that makes me stand out of a large crowd.

“So, Marco, I really appreciate you taking me to this restaurant,” James starts, looking around with his hands fidgeting, a usual movement he does when he is nervous. “I am actually surprised that you picked this one, this restaurant is my favorite and the only person who knew that is, uh, an old friend.”

“A gut feeling’ told me” I lie, with my terrible cockney accent. “For dis friend ov yaaahrs, e’ must be a very special fee yew tee trust on, eh?”

“You could say that, but the truth is that he is more than a friend,” He replies, having a blush rising to his face and smiles dreamily. “He was actually my first boyfriend, my high school sweetheart. He had got me from committing suicide, causing a fall-out school shooting, and murdering my father. At the time, I had the thoughts of marrying him, but there was a conflict that broke us up.”

I can feel some of the heat to go to my face, I do not expect James to suddenly say that he wants to marry me. I though I was the one to think things that are beyond our relationship, not to mention to be perverted enough to make James blush for a month. It is true that I had done all the things that James had listed, but the conflict is something that I may never get to convince him about.

I decide to test James’s trust on my disguise by saying, “What was da conflict about, if yew wan’ tea tell me.”

He sighs only, to look at the windows and then turn back to me with a sad smile, “My older brother Joseph, he was a drug-dealer for a long time and had hidden his secret career from my parents. From what I have seen from the photos, I saw my Issac’s baseball bat broken and Joseph’s eyes were bleeding. I knew immediately that it must be Issac, because I can recognize that baseball bat anywhere.”

“Did yew confron’ ter Issac?”

“Of course! He started to deny that he never did anything like that, and I didn’t believe him. Our arguments got so bad that we both broke up sadly, and now I have learned that actually it was Issac’s father. I still feel so bad for accusing and I-I slapped him for thinking that he is lying to me. The only wish I have is that I want to say sorry to him, but from what I’ve heard Issac left and became some leader in a gang. I still blame myself for what happened, if only I didn’t jump to conclusions. At least I got to learn about relationships, since I am one with a woman.”

Our meals come in: James has a chicken Cesar salad while I have a large steak in addition to a chocolate chip cookie cake with ice cream on top for dessert. The two of us eat in silence, I can’t help but believe that for seven years, we’ve been trying to avoid each other. I thought that James still doesn’t believe that I am innocent, even though I had my fair share of violence and using my childhood weapon to wack any boys who would break my James’s heart and he still didn’t think I would control my thirst for blood. For James and I, it’s true that we were a high school couple and one of the very few homosexual couples that are made known to our high school. I used to do archery and baseball while James spends his time on agriculture that eventually leads him to work in welding, now getting paid very well. From thinking too deeply about what happened to the past, James finished his salad and is now working on the dessert while making a smile on his face.

“You know, this was the last dessert Issac and I had before we broke up,” He says, with his smile slowly fades away like smoke raising to the air. “I eat the cookie while Issac eats the ice cream since I didn’t like the vanilla.”

I nod, finding it true since my mouth is drooling now by the the soft circular scoops of vanilla goodness that is slowly melting to mix with the melted chocolate chips.

James must have noticed my hunger for the ice cream because eventually he offers me to finish off the ice cream, I nod and taste the sweet cool vanilla liquid that sends back the good memories, the times where James and I were kiss after eating the dessert, but I can’t let James know it’s me. James may want to apologize and possibly want to come back, but I won’t have James learn about what I do to people, unpleasant acts that is enough to convince James that I am not the perfect person. Yet, this sweet liquid would be the first to maybe have James to do more than eating his meals and telling me his past.

***********

I falls on the coach, with my air escapes as Issac has his lips travel on my neck that sends my cockney accent to sing his name. He has his shirt taken off, revealing his hairy yet muscular-like chest that rivals my own body structure. That didn’t stop the two of us to kiss, I didn’t expect this to happen, all we did is come to James’s rural house and talk some more that results in the two of us making out in his master bedroom. James is sitting on my chest, with a smudgy smile as if he wants more than kissing. Heat raises to my face, I know what he wants, but I don’t want it to go down like that.

“James, what are you doing?” A female voice screams, leaving James and I confused to the doorway where there is a blond woman with her purse dropped to the floor because her hands are covering her face. She dashes away, leaving the two of us or rather me alone because James gets off of me and chases after her. I realize that in James had mention very subtly that he had a girlfriend back at the restaurant, well he won’t have a girlfriend anymore. In a matter of seconds, the woman scream that sounds like fear that I jumps off the bed and dash for the origin of the sound. Wind pushes my hair far, with the sudden heavy feeling that something bad happened, and it turns out to be true.

James is lying on the ground with red liquid coming out his body, I realize that it is blood by the strong copper smell that pinches my nose. I fell to my knees, the girl may left to call for the police but I didn’t mind because I can’t believe what happened. I look over to see that there is a deep laceration on his neck, I recognize that mark anywhere that must be from- no it can’t be. I look around to find none of my gang members visible, then I pull James up and have his head to my chest. The heavy feeling has now cause my eyes to moist and pour down tears that fall on James’s beautiful face. I had thought that James would find out who I am now by accident, it’s too late with my James dying in my arms without a way to bring him back.

“James, it’s me Issac,” I whisper, leaving a soft kiss on his lips and have a hard time to not choke from the husk of emotions that is residing in my throat. “I have disguised myself as Marco because I didn’t think you would like me after all what happened. I forgive you James, just please, come back to me, please James. I’m nothing without you.”

James said nothing, his life-losing eyes stares at my soul, as if he is hearing me but is leaving me alone. I have his body next to me, having all the past to come back and comfort me with the good moments I had with my past lover, now dying in my arms to leave me as the shell as I’ve always been.

********

My hands become warm by the shedding blood, each piece of my heart ripped and falling to the infinite darkness. James’s beautiful eyes stare at my soul as if accusing me of all I do, including of fooling him to think I am someone rather than myself.

“Issac McLaurin, is that really you?”

I jerk my head up, to find what I see shocking: a blond average-sized woman has her purse on her shoulders, standing before me with her wide leafy green eyes. Her face sparks a memory within my brain, all the memories I had thought I would forget from the sands of time. This woman, I know her, she is the sibling of three girls who are the daughters of a Methodist pastor where I used to go church. I had encountered the woman’s oldest sister, who tried to flirt me and later on stopped when she finds out I was with James.

“Tasha Lupus,” I breathe, my breaths wheezing by the husky of emotions. “I can’t believe it, is that really you? How did you get here?”

She looks at me with a raised eyebrow, “I came here to ask James for the cake pan he had been using, that cake pan is mine and I am needing it for a surprise.” She glares down at my arms and gasps with her hands to her mouth. “Wait, Issac, is that blood? Wait, what did you do to James!”

I shake my head to prove to deny what she is thinking that I am the cause of this, “I don’t know, I heard Issac scream and then saw him on the ground with blood coming out of him. I am pretty sure he is dead, and worse his girlfriend is probably calling the police.”

Tasha says nothing at all, then she drops to her knees and spread her arms out as if she universally asking me for James. I shake my head, having his head close to my heart, I know Lupus is a good-hearted woman from what I’ve seen from her, but I am not letting her take away my James if she is with them. Tasha insists but then ignores me by having her hands on James’s forehead and whisper in an intelligible accent and language that I can’t seem to decipher. I stare at her in disbelief, what she is doing is something I don’t see that Tasha in a nun’s outfit.

Tasha pulls back and stands back up with a smile on her face as if what she did is good. I almost spring to my feet and demand what she is doing and why she isn’t calling the police like James’s girlfriend was doing, but I see that the blood starts to disappear like spilled water to a hot sidewalk. I look at the wound, where a metal piece comes out of the wound like an eruption and dissolves to sand. My jaw drops as I view James’s eyes closing and opening again as if he had just fainted or waking up. His eyes direct to me and a whisper comes out of him like a groan, “Marco… Is this Heaven?”

I shake my head with a sudden sensation of tears welling up in my tears, “No, my name isn’t Marco, and it’s your house.”

I remove the shirt, to reveal my buffalo tattoos that are all over my arms and chest. James jumps from my lap and stands with a shocked face all over his face.

“No, that’s impossible,” James mutters to himself and looks at me with an uncertain expression, “Issac, is that really you?”

Tasha replies behind him, “Yes James, it is and you need to give me back my cake pan please.”

Her reply surprises James that he springs and exclaims how Tasha got there. She reassures that she came over to get the cake pan, and mentions that there was a girl who ran out of the house with tears as if something bad or sad had happened. She tries to talk to the girl to know what happened, but the girl refuses to speak and runs away that leaves Tasha to come inside the house.

“Well, either way, I can’t believe you used that on me, Tasha,” James said, hugging his arms and switching his glances from her to me. “It’s just that, I had told Issac that I wanted to tell him, and now he knows my plans. Still, I am glad you have healed me, it means a lot. If there is anything you want, just say the word.”

Tasha smiles and has her hand on James’s shoulder and she simply says, “It would be very nice if you can finally give me back my cake pan.”

James gives her what she asks, she smiles and said that she is happy to see us. Before she left the doorframe, she said that she glad the two of us are together and if we were to get married she would love to be the maid of honor. Before any of us start to take the news not lightly, she leaves with the cake pan in her hand to leave the two of us alone.

He looks back at me, looks to the ground with his hands starting to fidget around again. Then he sits down and takes a deep breath, I sit by him and he, without warning, hugs me with a sob escaping from him. I pull back, didn’t expecting the hug, then I embrace him, feeling the warmth of my heart starting to rise to my face that I use my hand to move his face close to mine. Then I kiss him, feeling the heat to grow even more than before, my heart beats to the beat of drumrolls that I start on his neck. James groans my name like a song, the beginning of our coming back together and the beginning of our re-sparked love.

“Who is the maiden with the golden hair,

With tears of crystals,

And a heart of flowers,

Whose kindness has no end,

It’s good that our Princess Genesis has,

Yet every Reaper will cower in fear

When this torch of fire erupts.”

I smile at the last verse, thinking about the bard was making to commemorate my birthday today, while also paying respect to my previous self. My scarlet flowy dress riffles by the midnight desert air, I look up to see the full moon shining, reminding me of my old home. It has been months since I have been found, I was alone and separated from my adoptive family, and eventually, I found out I have royalty in my blood.

“Are you doing okay Genesis,” My older cousin Blaze asks, with his mischievous smile. He is dressed in a red and black suit that rivals a groom in a wedding, and I notice that his freckles and red hair add a childish feature to him, although he is about a few years older than me. I wrap my arm with him, and we are both walking together to a portal just on the outskirts of the Empire’s capital.

“I am doing fantastic, “ I reply, my smile still remaining. “I never have been to a ball before, although I have heard fantasy tales about them. This is the perfect time to find out, and especially learn more about the Onyx Griffins you told me about.”

He laughs simply, and reminds me, “Remember Genesis, you have to show your status, those Griffins like to learn about the royalty. Since your mo-previous form I mean, had a beneficial relationship with the Griffins, they would be ecstatic to meet the one who is the descendant of their good friend.”

“I have heard they have a prince who is my age, Addax of Aquila I think.”

“Correct you are Genesis, I may warn you that he might be a little difficult. He is a year or two older than you, but he has the anger span of a spoiled toddler. However, since he is going to be here tonight, I am sure he will try to flirt with you, I suggest you be careful.”

I reassure him that I will, the truth is that I never had a boyfriend before, only to have them as my friends. I have learned how to take care of myself when boys try to steal my heart, thanks to my adoptive father Connor who is a werewolf, I have learned hands-on combat. I marvel at the white marble portal with the swirling that looks like a water whirlpool, with close examination, I notice that on the other side is like a large room with tables and people who are walking about. Without hesitating, I walk through the portal,  with the sudden wave of coolness hits my body momentarily. The moment I appear on the other side, the room, it’s beautiful. Drapes of such vivid colors descend from the arching windows like capes, the tables decorated with the silk-like cloth that holds the plates and roses in bottles, and the room has the size to fit in a family of whales.

“Welcome to the Lunar Ball Genesis,” Blaze said to me, smiling at me possibly from my reaction. “It is an honor that the two of us will have the opportunity to meet the royal Aquila family once more.”

I nod, once again remembering about the Aquilas and their Griffins. From what my servant Dawn told me, the Onyx Griffins are a proud war-like people who have been long-termed allies with the Phoenixes, enough that there are several times where the two groups team up and fight against any troubling army that comes into either the Phoenixes’ or Griffins’ territory. I follow Blaze across the room, observing all the other members who are eating, talking, or dancing with their mate. A sudden feeling weighs down my heart watching the couples dance, a wish that I secretly had for a while only my servant knows, the type that most of my new family wouldn’t approve of. Eventually, I turn to find a tall, burly-like man with tan skin and blond hair standing before me.

“Princess Genesis of the Ruby Phoenixes,” The man purrs, taking my hand and kisses it with such grace that I can feel the heat in my cheeks. “I am Prince Addax of the Aquilas, it is truly an honor having you in our ball. I must say, from all the women in this room, you are the loveliest. It is true that you are a Red Diamond Phoenix, you are rare and beautiful than all the other women in your empire.”

I turn to Blaze with a jerked eyebrow, this is the man Blaze was telling me who has a temper-problem if so, he doesn’t seem that type of person. His eyes roll as if he is inaudibly telling me that what he said is nothing that matches his personality. He lets go of my arm and crosses his own, “Hello Addax, it has been a while, I might ask, where’s your father? Our Queen needs me to discuss with your King on certain matters.”

Addax turns to Blaze, his sly smile melts to a disgusted sneer, “Oh, hello Prince Blaze, Father is still in bed sick. I wouldn’t recommend going there, his daily coughs involve a lot of blood.”

“I can handle the gore Addax, now if you excuse me,” Blaze replies, then looks at me with a smile. “Have fun Genesis, if you want to leave, just say the word.”

I nod, in a finger-snap, Blaze’s wings erupt behind him and he shoots to the ceiling like a bullet. The wind brings my dress up, I quickly put my hands down to prevent any perverted male to peek at me. Addax, however, notices it and smiles as if what has happened pleases him, but he didn't look down at my dress, only at my face. I only notice because I almost was going to wack him with my flail I summon from my back tattoo, his eyes were glued to my eyes, not at my dress.

“My, I am right, you are the loveliest,” He said with a smirk, then he takes my hands with his. “May I have this dance with you?”

I smile, deciding that I will give this man a pass for not asking permission to take my hands without asking: a very improper move men should avoid when it comes to greeting a woman. All of sudden, the sweet yet gothic organ notes ring through the room, I turn to see an older woman playing on the pipe organ, the vampiric music soothes my ears, only for a sudden click in my heart. I turn to my side because of a feeling that someone is behind me, only to see an image so shocking that I scream the loudest shriek I ever made. It is a man lying on the ground, with his green and brown camouflage that makes me consider this man a soldier based on his stature. The worst is that I see the man’s face, it is pure shock and fear that his mouth is wide open with no sound coming out. I walk toward him, though the man is dead, but then the man stumbles and tries to walk backward from me. I tilt my head, why is he afraid of me? A growl rumbles behind me, I turn once more to see even a more shocking surprise, it is a lizard-bird hybrid monster that is smiling weirdly that sends complete shivers through my spine. It is looking not at me, but behind me, I slowly realize that this monster must be the one to kill the man.

The monster simply breathes green fire, passing through me, I jerk my head to see the man screams blood-curling that I watch the man’s flesh burns, the smell punches me that my breath left my lungs. A voice suddenly whispers close to my ear, “You killed him, you let your Mutant side to take over and kill an innocent man, even though he was using the captives to cure a disease.”

I shake my head, no, I don’t know this man, I would never kill someone. As the fire starts to depart, my eyes go wide, by the display of the man with camouflage clothes burned where I can parts of his body I don’t ever have the desire to see. Half of his face has turned to a complete scorched skeleton while the other half stares at me blankly as if he has something I can’t see. His mouth is still open as if the air left while he is burned to death. I look down for some reason, only to gasp and find myself in another body that is chunkier than myself and have blood in my hands. Tears fall down my face, no, it’s not true, I didn’t hurt him, it’s not true, I would never harm someone.

“You did kill him, you know deep in your bigotted heart that it is true,” The voice sneers at me, and then adds. “Not to mention that you failed those you cared so much.”

I look up, the dead man disappears and in his place was two men: one elder on the hospital bed with a young red-haired man kissing the elder’s forehead. Inside, I have a feeling that the two have a bond far more than what it looks like a father-son relationship because the two don’t look like other. In a matter of watching them, the machine behind the elder starts to make rapid beeps that the elder is coughing and gasping for breath. Nurses and doctors start to dash in and try to resuscitate him. The red-hair man has tears falling and starts to cry out his name, with his hand clutching where he heart would be at. Eventually, the elder starts to relax and fall lifeless to the bed, nurses and doctors walk away with their heads shake, and the red-haired man coming to the elder and cry that I can see the tears forming two long rivers directing to me.

The man then stands up and looks at me directly to my eyes, where his eyes would be at rivers pouring that is falling to where the tears land. The rivers even flow stronger than before, covering my feet, even more, chillness goes through my spine but then the tattoo on my back probably stops where the coolness goes.

“I thought I could trust you, you were my friend,” The man speaks with the voice I had heard when the army man died. “You would’ve saved my love, but you did not do anything. I hate you, you promised you would do the same to Spencer as you did to me. I am forever going to be alone without my Spencer, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I WILL FIND YOU AND MAKE YOU PAY!”

“No, this isn’t real,” I whimper, my hands clutch my head and I fall to the ground, my knees get cold. “Calm down Genesis, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real! Breath, breath, breath.”

My breaths go in and out, slowly turn to fog. Eventually, my hard beating heart slows down with my hands stop trembling, but as I look up to see if the man is still there, my heart almost stops. A werewolf, mermaid, vampire, and dragon look at with their eyes of navy, sea-green, cerise, and gold that bores into mine like a drill to a piece of wood.

“You left us, Genesis, you left us without even saying goodbye,” The four creatures speak in the same voice, each word that comes out goes through me painfully like a bullet. “You betrayed us, we loved you, and you now left us to be taken to your father. We hate you now Genesis, don’t come back, we don’t want you, we hate you, we hate you, we hate you.”

I face back to the ground, with my tears now joining the water. I notice that the water is now going to my stomach’s level, slowly rising. I breathe in and out, watching my reflection, surprising me to find an older woman’s face who looks exactly like me. I close my eyes, the words the voice is whispering is weighing my heart down even more than making me feel pain, the cold sensation raising to my neck. I open, only to see that I am surrounded in water, with a long metal chain attached to my slender leg to the deep dark abyss. I look up, my mouth now closed and has my breath holds in my chest, a burning sensation that I ignore. The surface is now far above me, I try to swim up, but the chain is keeping me from going up. I glance back to the chain, I have my hand touch the chain that is locking my leg with chain. With a thought of fire, I see nothing, wait, I am underwater, that means I can’t do anything. I look back up and I extend my hand to the surface in the hope I can be set free, the breath in my chest escapes from me. I watch the bubbles go away from my mouth and reach to the surface, lucky. I scream with all I can, my vision descends to blackness as fast as my wings of fire would come at my command.

************************

“Hey, are you okay?”

I spring up from the ground, my eyes open to be amazed by what I see. There is a tall dark brown-haired man with a golden mask looking at me with his deep chocolate with mint eyes. He has his arms wrapping around me and our faces are closer than ever, my heartbeat is now going even faster than ever.

“I-I am okay, s-sorry, I just pass out,” I stammer, my eyes going from his face to the rosy-red suit that makes him look fancy. “T-thank you, I am feeling better.”

Without a moment of silence, the corner of my eyes notices a shine. I turn to find a small woman walking towards us with a blue gemstone that is causing the shine, her expression of awe and happiness rolled into a small smile that is on her wrinkled face.

“Why, Princess Genesis looks like you have been favored by the Cupid’s Tear. They say two souls would bond and favor by the Cupid’s Tear no matter how far the two are, they will remember to stay faithful to each other. ” The woman said with her hand extended that to me.

After she said her description, the sapphire suddenly levitates from her hand and goes towards me. The stone splits in half and one goes to the man and I. The sapphire then goes to my neck and makes a necklace with the string and gemstone look blue and crystal-like. The man’s sapphire goes to a dog tag, and that surprises me greatly, the only person I know who likes dog tags is a middle-class Phoenix, he wouldn’t be here. The lights go down, with a soft blue light shining on the two of us, we gasp in unison. Then the man gets off and offers his hand to me. My hearts beats, I gaze upon his tough hand and then take it. I get up, the man then has his right hand together with mine, and his left hand on my side. I almost jump by the touch, it is warm and gentle, then I put my hand on his shoulder instantly. The two of us sway and twirl, with my eyes gazing upon his face once more, a smile growing on my face, my heart flies away, as if no matter what happens in the future or happened in the past, I will enjoy this moment. The man then takes off his face, quick enough for me to see a familiar face, I gasp in the realization that I know this man: it’s Adrian, my close Phoenix friend who writes for a living. What surprises me is how he is able to get in the ball considering he is a middle-class Phoenix and not of royalty. I want to say something, but holding hands with Adrian silents my voice for the first time. In a matter of seconds, I am in Adrian’s arms. His warm breath scorches my neck that when his lips are close to me, I turn and connect our lips like two destined puzzle pieces. I can tell Adrian almost fall back, but then he has his hand on my cheek and takes off the mask I’ve worn during the entire ball. The mask lands with a clunk, and I did the same, his gold mask joins with my dropped mask. Our lips share a sweet taste of lustrous ice cream, the taste that can cause tears in my eyes because of sending me a bittersweet memory of my past family, the family I may never get to see.

“Adrian,” I moan, but I was cut off from Adrian. He kisses me deeper than before, I can hear someone calling my name in happiness, possibly Blaze, but I don’t care. Adrian and I are sharing a moment together, no-one will separate us, the sapphire proves our love and loyalty. It’s funny how I used to laugh and mock the fairy tales for being so fake, that there is no time or development in their love. For me, this ball may as well make Cinderella jealous in her glass slippers.

“Happy Birthday Princess, hope this makes up for not being with you today.” He whispers, his voice causes me once in a long time, to make my real smile, the one that I will set free from my chain to the surface and finally breathe.

Log 18, September 2043.

It has been three months, one week, four days, seven hours, twenty four minutes, and ten seconds since my initiation of becoming a true Freak, whatever that term means. The phoenix girl, who goes by the name of Genesis, has offered me to watch television with her. I hesitantly accepted the offer because having your eyes staring at a screen with meaningless distractions that fill your empty life is vapid. Genesis and I stations at the cabin and watch a weird show about space paladins, gigantic robotic lions, people with long ears, and a towering robotic warrior called “Voltron”. The phoenix tells me that this show is her favorite and that she even has a merchandise inspired by the show, showing me her “space wolf backpack” she has on.

Noticing and ignoring the style of Anime, the oddest moment that earns my curiosity is where a dark-skinned man in a white and blue knight-medieval style suit telling a white-skinned male knight in red and white suit, “It’s true, we are a good team.” The red knight then smiles back that sends millions of red flags in my command nervous station, not to mention that the two are holding hands.

I inquire to Genesis what is with the two, she tries to explain about how not all people have the same attractions. I once again asked her if they were going to fuse or create some form of chemistry, it seems to me that they were about to, but Genesis waves it off saying that the two aren’t freaks like us.

I growl, a casual sound that comes out a dog-headed man like me, and blurts out why would anyone waste their precious time to this trash. Interestingly, the “episode” develops to lithium to me that I started to replayed it continuous times to analyze the subtext and relationships between the characters. I had seen the episode infinite number of times that I memorized the lines for each character like a devoted actor to a script. Eventually, Genesis comes to check up on me, and finds out that I have watched the same episode for about five days.

Before I ask if there are more of this, she pays attention to my ROC (Relationships of Characters) chart that I explain to her about each character. I mentions that the show. “Voltron” doesn’t seem to give credit to the relationship of Lance and Keith. Genesis simply says that it’s because Lance likes one character named Allura who is a princess in the show. I object that she should go mate with someone matching her personality, in addition the skills of Lance’s long-range damage and Keith’s close-range attacks paired together has the potential to annihilate the entire Galra empire, the enemy of the paladins and princess. Then I explain more of the subtext that sadly bores the phoenix out to the point she falls asleep on the couch, why is it that people don’t appreciate my insightful thesis? This is Husani, signing off.

Log 24, September 2043.

The development of the drill has been proceeding smoothly, with the vampire doing the calculations precisely, the dragon using his true form to move stuff around, and the werewolf teaching Genesis about a secretive topic I’m not able to discover the identity of it. The only complaint I have is about Oceane, the mermaid, and her method of labor. Unlike the rest, she is very playful and can be considered lazy, due to the fact that she scares me about five times this day by using her mermaid form to make me think that she will grab and drown me. Although Adriana, the vampire, angrily attempts to persuade Oceane to help, but fails in a huff by Oceane’s response that the oil would ruin her dress.

“Do you always change into your form?” I inquire to Oceane, shortly after Adriana takes her leave from us to resume work.

She beams at me with her white teeth while she works on her curly hair, “You mean to look pretty cool? Pretty much.”

I am going to reason her that manipulating back and forth your form is a waste of energy that can used for a better purpose, but my surprise silents me when she repeats after me in the same accent I have. She laughs at my reaction and explains that she has been practicing “Husani phrases” that she admits it’s impressive but it’s intricate to out-better the original. I chuckle at the thought of Husani phrases since it is funny to have someone know all the phrases I may say.

Out of nowhere, I see a large mountain lion bursting out of the trees’ shadows, coming straight for Oceane. I blurt out for Oceane to watch out and without thinking, I body slam her to the ground, just in time for the cougar to know leap above the two of us. I hear inhumane screeches and yowls that cause me to shut my eyes hard. I open once again after the horrific sounds cease, and realize that I am on top of Oceane. I can see her chocolate brown because her mermaid form had been green-blue . She is blushing hard that I can see a hint of red on her cheeks, my hearts thumps with a surprise rhythm that I am not aware or familiar of. I spring off of her, exclaiming that it was an accident and that I didn’t mean to do that. All she said was thanks, gets up, brush off the grass on her clothes, and walks away with a smile on her face. I tilt in my head in confusion, I notice her scent has the emotion of happiness, that’s odd, embarrassment shouldn’t stimulate hormones of content no matter the reason. This is Husani, signing off.

Log Date 25, September 2043.

I notice that Connor the werewolf; somewhat smilier to Oceane, isn’t doing anything besides helping to move some stuff and order the others on what to do. It bothers me considering that a werewolf is a creature fitting for a warrior or war general, this one is not being a warrior, he is leading the role of a father. At the end of the day, I confront him and inquire him the questions that I had. All he simply say is he doesn’t want to be one, and not all werewolves are what I assume of them. I counteract that I am not assuming, I am stating the concrete facts, and there is nothing flawless about my observations. Werewolves are mean, lean killing machines; from experiments made back when I was a Reaper, those creatures under stress and pressure can annihilate armies of 500 men no matter of experience and armor.

Connor then tells me to sit beside him, I follow in a huff. It has been all wrong, the way the Freaks are doing their purposes, their personalities, it doesn’t match to what they should be. I am expected to be intelligent and stubborn, and I am like that.

The werewolf starts that although he is a wolf and I am a jackal, distant relatives of the Canis family, we are different and he appreciates that. He also adds that if he really want to know more about him, he could help me. I inquire him about what does he mean I can know about him? He simply turns to me and suggests fusion. I didn’t take his response as formal as I wanted to, fusion between sexes, races, or Freak species has been strictly forbidden back when I was a Midnight Reaper. I had my experience of seeing fusions and how the Freaks fuse.

Possibly from my reaction, Connor said that if I am not up to the fusion, he is okay with that because fusions do take time and if I feel uncomfortable about it he wouldn’t mind. I object that I do want to fuse, which is somewhat true, I have wondered how it feels to fuse and what happens when you succeed being in sync with the other person. To summarize, the fusion between Connor and I didn’t go as planned due to my sudden fear that I can’t to do it when Connor guides me to dance. However, the attempt did help me to learn more about Connor, and he is right, we are different and I do appreciate that. This is Husani, signing off.

Log Date 31, September 2043.

The progress of building the drill is almost to the peak of completion, but the Freaks has stopped building and immediately left when some stranger comes into the cabin. I don’t know any details about what the stranger said since the person privately discuss with Connor the werewolf. Genesis, who stayed with me, explain to me something on the line of a unstable fusion by the name of Jarzul who is invading several Freak packs. She seems to have a different expression, more close to sadness, when she mentions the name, but I am not startled at the very least; now it does give me a reason why I immediately said I can’t do the fusion with Connor the moment we were dancing. I don’t want to be taken over without fighting back and causing destruction in one entity of power stronger than the other person and I. Now I am not commenting that the werewolf is a bad person, which he isn’t, I am just being cautious.

During the time, I willingly continue to watch more episodes from “Voltron” with Genesis. For some reason, I keep getting mad about how there are not much evidence about Lance and Keith expressing to each other romantic or sexual attractions. I am sure Genesis is laughing from my anger, but I didn’t let her laughter at my frustration bother me. I don’t understand, why aren’t the company who make the show express the two’s obvious relationship? They are completely perfect for each other, they must be in a relationship!

Suddenly, tremors of a distant earthquake happens once more, shaking the television. Genesis and I stare at each other and agree that it is the Amalgam, the fusion of broken Freaks who’s body parts where ripped off and forced fusion with them to create a collage of teared tattoo pieces mixing into one horrifying being.

In a matter of minutes, Genesis and I have finished the drill and is now preparing to take the drill to a hill several miles away from the cabin to encounter the Amalgam and destroy it before it starts to hurt any innocent people. I am honestly nervous and I don’t know if I will come back to record more in this log, but I am sure that it’s a pleasure getting everything off of my chest. I guess my barks are worse than my bite. This is Husani, signing out.

I am favored by kings and queens,

Originated from rags to riches,

Two iron rings between two afar bonded souls,

I can outsmart a Savant,

Envied by Seraphs,

Wind against the stormy clouds surrounding your tower,

The breaking of heavy chains,

Sweet release from the Devil’s poison,

What am I?

I was trapped under your lies,

Breaking down by your kicks,

Wet from your spits,

The dirt is in my fingers,

But all of that is gone now,

With the plan in my hands,

That says I can do anything,

More than I could imagine.

Up I go,

Free from your chains,

You can watch me be once happy

And this will be my goodbye,

I now realize it’s not a fantasy

When you fly away.

I was the wolf caught in your trap,

Mocking and stealing away my happiness,

But now I broke your little world,

So make my freedom worth,

I will make my freedom worth living for.

Up I go,

Free from your chains,

You can watch me be once happy

And this will be my goodbye,

I now realize it’s not a fantasy

When you fly away.

This is my final goodbye,

You will never hear of me,

But if you do,

I can promise that,

I will do much better than you,

I will fly away to the light,

I will fly away,

I will fly away.