i round the corner too quickly and run into a soldier walking down the hallway.

"i- i'm so sorry." i'm already flustered enough, i don't need this. when i look up i see familiar eyes.

"it's fine!"

my people smile fades when he looks at me. "um, have a- have a nice day" i say quickly. i scurry off relieved in getting away from him. suddenly, a hand grabs my arm and shoves me in a small closet on the side of the hallway. i grunt as my spine hits the hard wall behind me. i look up and see those eyes. the same eyes. "what the hell do you want...?" i say through gritted teeth.

he chuckles and trys to pull me closer to him, but i shove him off as best as i can. i forgot how strong he is. he finds his grip and leans in to my ear.

"i havent seen you in a whole year, you know that? all i wanted was to be near you again, but you push me away. why?"

when i don't answer he pushes me back into the wall.

"why?" he says again, angrily

"who would want to be around you? you- youre insane!"

he slaps me across the face suddenly. he only gives me a single breathe before he grips my chin.

"how dare you say that you little-"

i take my now free hands and push him away, sending him into a mountain of boxes. i reach for the door knob only to be tugged down by my legs. i hit the ground surprisingly hard but sit up quickly. he inches closer and holds on to both of my arms.

"fiesty" he whispers.

he lets go of one of my hands and slips it behind my back. he presses one of his fingers in one certain place. and i gasp.

"still bothers you? that was years ago! one measly bullet that exploded. i expected more from your tolerance of pain. i overheard that it gave you PTSD. or that only the memory hurts. which is it?"

he digs his other fingers into all the other places where a part of the bullet hit my skin. i still remeber the blood. and the hospital trip. how frantic everyone was. "how do you know where the bullet hit?"

"i hacked into the hospital records system and pulled out your file."

i am tired of this sick man i called a friend. a small knife sits at my hip and i silently reach for it keeping direct eye contact with the man in front of me. in a flash i whip it out and cut his cheek deeply. he hollers and jumps away from me. i scramble up and run out the door. all hell has broken loose.

have you ever realized

when you cry

silent tears

ones that don't carry emotion

they are cold

cold like the people who caused them

cold like water

in a glass

on a hot summer day

but

when we get carried

down the river

of thoughts and emotions

'why did they do this to me?'

'what did i do?'

'why do they hate me the way they do?'

'i'm not good enough in their eyes'

'i'm stupid'

'i'm ugly'

'no one would ever love me'

why do the tears get so hot?

maybe because there is a fire

in our hearts

burning

burning

anger

of course

most people

would not feel these tears

with differnt temperatures

maybe i am just too emotional

or we are an emotional lot

"Do you want to be alone?" his voice echoes through the moonlit room as specks of dust spiral.

"yes." i take a deep breath to calm my beating heart. This war we are in, is not good for my soul. This war is not good for anybodys soul. i tilt my head back to look at the ceiling. why won't he leave?

"why do you like it?"

his voice echoes again.

"i... don't want to-"

"i always liked it.... no one could hurt me. i couldn't hear anybody's cruel words. it was like my safty bubble, if that makes sense. I stopped trying to be alone when-"

he takes in a shaky breath and clears his throat, "when my own thoughts would tear me down.... and now being alone for too long.... makes me believe for some crazy reason that no one will come back." i hear him sniffle and i imagine him crying right behind me.

"why i like it?" i repeat, "i dont really know i guess... maybe it is the peace of being alone that i like. sure, my thoughts pick at me, but there is no war when i am alone. no fights. no pain. no tears. no blood." i turn around and spot him gripping his own arms tightly. i should have know he would get upset. something like this would tear him to shreds. he nods and painfully takes a slow breath. but, like always, his composure melts, and he breaks right in front of me.

"sorry" he chokes out lowering himself to the cold stone floor. tears begin to fall of his pained face. i walk over slowly not wanting to intrude in his space, worry filling every crevice of my mind. i kneel down and carefully place my hand on his back. he stiffens but all he does is sob. he was right, his thoughts do tear him down. i move my hand up and down to soothe him, but the sobs just became worse. i was warned about his sensitivity. i wish i was better at dealing with this. i wrapped both of my arms around him from lack of other ideas. he grips the back of my shirt with his shaking hands. he continues to sob. something wet rolls down my face. tears? i dont cry. why am i crying? the person in my arms seems to somehow notice and i can hear through his violent sobs, "why- are- y-you-c-cry-crying?"

i chuckle under my breath as my tears drip off my chin, "i don't know"

i’m tired of school. I’m tired of my backstabing friends. I’m tired of all of my problems.

what i’m tired of the most you may ask? is being lost in this woods. i stormed off after an argument with my parents and went outside for some fresh air. for some strange reason i decided to go into the woods. this was not a good idea, because i am now lost. i wish i could change this! i wish i could restart my entire day! i step on something hard. i look down and move my foot out of the way. underneath grass, dirt, and leaves lays a pocket watch.i almost walk off without a second glance but get a strange vibe from it. i pick it up, dust it off, and take a closer look. i tap it and jump back when it begins to tick. i lean against a tree and throw it from one hand to another. what a treasure i have found, a stupid old stopwatch. out of curiousity, i pull the crown and everything goes quiet. the wind stops blowing. the birds stop calling. the leaves stop falling. a bird is even suspened in the air, with its red feathery wings spread out wide. i press it quickly back into place and everything resumes. everythings restarts. everything reboots. i wind it back and forth. forward and backward, watching the world speed forward and rewind like a video on the TV. this is my chance to start over. this is my chance for a better day. a chance to get of of this disgusting forest and on better terms with my parents. a wide grin spreads on my face. time is now mine to control.

-MW

sometimes i think,

i’ve lived too long.

it’s not fair to sing this song.

while others wait in dreams of nightmares,

waiting for their problems to take them higher.

too much bad has happend to me.

why am i still living?

why do i still breathe?

but, i am not complaining,

but i only say,

“sometimes i think i’ve lived too long”.

- MW

@Famewriter