Here it comes again

The urge to feel you inside my skin

You're so tender, I feel safe

Then you walk away

Come here

Hurt me again

I don't care

I'll keep calling back for more

I need you so much

I'll bite you

And scratch you

Pacify me

Dance inside me

Fill my body with all of you

Where are you?

Stop fucking hiding

I hate you

I promise this is the last time

I will find you

I'll have you again

They tell me to stop

I won't

You're everything

Save me

I'll lick you again

Let's dance

I love you

I wish we could be like this forever

Stop it

You're hurting me again

I'm alone

Where are you?

Please come meet me ASAP

Don't leave me

I'm begging

That's it

You're my only one

I love this

Dance with me

I look at you

I need you so much

Why do you have to go?

There's a monster sleeping next to me.

Every night I look right into his black eyes,

He laughs at me with pointy red teeth.

He hurts me, my whole body shakes in pain and yet he doesn't kill me.

There's a monster sleeping next to me.

He stinks, like rotten bodies burned in hell.

There have been so many monsters in this bed, lying next to me.

Yet I still let them in.

There's a monster sleeping next to me.

He eats my fears, he enjoys them.

I hate him, and all the words he has ever said to me.

And yet he's my only company tonight.

There's a monster sleeping next to me.

Some nights I think of ways of escaping form him.

I dream of being free of all this torture,

Yet I am holding his hand.

Alone at nights and yet cohabiting with my fears and demons.

Alone in the paths I am willing to take.

I've chosen them because I don't want to be like you.

Lonely in my sleep, I don't feel anything by my side, just the freezing air in my soul.

All this "forevers" I've promised have been long gone.

How do you walk hand in hand with your biggest nemesis?

I don't want to see this anymore.

Dead visits me in my thoughts every single night.

I fear her, very much.

Why spend the rest of my timeless time in a dark pond with no water in it?

Why fool everyone into thinking and buying all this bullshit we've built?

All is based in big fat lies.

I lie to your eyes every day.

I say everything is ok.

It's not.

I dream of better places,

People

I dream of a better me... I dream when I'm awake.

I can't dream about those things when I'm asleep.

Fear visits me in my sleep,

Every single night.

He talks to me about his lover death

He pushes me into dreaming about her taking everything I love away.

No one by my side.

Just two lovers who decided to torture me at night in my own bed.

Fuck them.

Fuck you.

Remember the first time we met?

I do.

It all happened so fast.

I remember seeing you from behind, wearing that cap and writing in your black notebook.

I sat next to you and smiled.

It all happened so fast.

We talked and laughed.

Your blue eyes and those bushy black eyebrows mesmerized me.

It all happened so fast.

We walked going nowhere,

We walked for hours with streets and strangers around us,

I felt we were invisible to all of them.

I forgot about time, hunger and the sun burning my face.

It all happened so fast.

Then we stepped inside that church, you said you've been wanting to enter there before but you never did.

I'm watching the paintings in the ceiling, and you talk to me from behind my ear.

Oh God, it all happened oh so fast.

I turn around, there you are.

Your eyes are looking at mine, you smile and bite your lips.

You come closer and put your hands around my waist.

It felt so nice, I felt desired.

Then we hugged and you touched my neck and back.

It all happened so fast.

We were back in the streets and the sun was still shining above us.

We holder hands as if we knew each other from years ago.

"There's a clock in that tower, I should've been home 2 hours ago"- I said.

I had to go.

It all happened so fast.

You walked me to the subway, still holding my hand.

It was time... The train approached as we hugged again.

IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST

We kissed

Oh how sweet and delicious your lips are.

You kissed me like no one did before

You bit my lip and grabbed my waist again

I wanted you right there in that moment.

It all happened so fast

On my way home I couldn't stop biting my lips and thinking of you.

Every inch of my body trembled as I remembered your hands, lips and eyes.

It all happened and ended so fast.

Today you called me, saying you miss me.

You said "Those were beautiful moments, I mean, when we were together. Why did it all have to happen so fast?"

I said I miss you too and I do, some days, it's just that...

It all happened so fast.

Spinning,

Hard, body, teeth.

Breathless.

SCREAM.

Hit, hard.

Hurts.

I'm leaving now.

I loved him.

So much and so fearlessly.

I told lies to my parents so I could see him alone for a few hours.

I was so sure about it, him, us.

I remember the silence in his house.

His room was painted blue, there were Pink Floyd and Deep Purple posters on the walls.

His bed was big and we lay down for some minutes.

He stood up and turned on the CD player and the fan on the ceiling.

We kissed.

I trembled.

He did too.

Are you sure?- he asked

I smiled

Yes, I love you - I said

He was so tender and lovely with me, we caressed each other's faces.

None of us had a clue of what we were doing.

He smiled and I laughed.

-Where...?

-I don't know... Maybe... No... Wait , there

-Does it hurt?

- Yes a little, but don't stop.

- Wait, you should be above me so I don't hurt you, I don't want to hurt you.

- Ok

We were sweating and trembling, filling each other's bodies with kisses. I felt his hands all over my body and I placed mine on his neck and shoulders.

I love you, I love you... we repeatedly said to one another.

We did it slowly and carefully until he couldn't handle more.

- Did you like it?

I did. I felt so loved and so safe in his arms.

We belonged to the each other, we were one body and heart from the beginning to the end.

I didn't feel ashamed, but tears started falling down my cheeks, there were just so many emotions going on and I couldn't handle them.

-Baby don't cry, are you ok? Did I hurt you?

- I'm not hurt, don't worry, I'm just so happy that life made me find you, I wanna be with you forever.

- Someday I will marry you, I swear I'll be yours forever, even if you find other person I will look for you and marry you.

We were young and full of love.

It's been almost 8 years since that day... I haven't seen him in 3.

He changed and so I did.

We were not meant to be forever.

Im above you.

I´ve been wishing you for months.

Kiss me.

Hurt me a little.

I touch myself.

You put my hand away and lick me.

I need you.

More.

Im so wet.

Im drowning.

Sheets feel like clouds,

you feel like steam water. 

Your hands are in my thighs,

I push myself towards you.

You know how I want it.

You do it hard.

I push myself even harder.

I

am

coming.

You are too.

I hang on to you, really really strong.

We come.

I scream.

You laugh.

Don´t go.

Look at me.

I want you.

Again. 

There´s a certain feeling, you only experience it when you get "the call". 

That call at 2 am you don´t want to receive. 

Then everything turns gray and foggy, nothing makes sense and you start questioning if you are really awake.

You are in your black clothes, looking at him, you can´t believe it is really him, you saw him alive last night, he even said "I love you, see you tomorrow". 

His skin is gray, his lips are glued and his eyes are closed. 

You fall into the floor, you wish you could touch him and kiss him goodbye for one last time.

You already miss him so bad.

People come to you, they talk about him and how great he WAS. Was... was...

He no longer is, he was, he was... You are, he is not, he is not here, but there, in that coffin.

For some minutes you forget you are in HIS funeral, you are just surrounded by friends and family.

Then the priest comes.

Then those man come.

Then they take HIM out of the room.

It it the last time you´ll ever see his body.

You want to call him, you look for him in that room.

He is not there, they are taking him away from you.

You love him, you love him with all your body, soul and heart.

What are you going to do tomorrow?

Who are you going to call to talk about your day?

2 hours 36 minutes... then they come back with a wooden box.

He is in there.

Now it´s over.

Goodbye,

You love him forever. 

Good morning,

You miss him forever.