The light flickers.

On,

then off.

It stays off

for some while,

never staying

consistent.

Sometimes,

the light it gives

becomes blue,

and sometimes its light is

pink.

You never know what

you'll think

of it.

Whether it'll be annoying

or not.

Sometimes

it makes you want

to smash

the light bulb.

I need to escape

this prison my mind's

being held captive in.

I built the walls

with the help of my thoughts,

and I never

made an exit.

The walls are made of

stone.

They pound

inside my head with mallets of

headaches,

tears,

insomnia,

identity questioning,

loneliness,

and knowing

no one will ever understand.

No matter how hard

I try to spill

my guts out into words,

they will never

reveal

what the stone walls

are holding in.

What the mallets

try to break

them for.

...

captivity

is

inevitable

I've lost you, so I've lost every part of me I loved.

I don't know if I'll be able to find you again.

I'll try to save you.

I can't keep any promises.

We hold it back.

We let the fire burn

and the blaze dim.

The ocean's waves crash

against the glass

of our eyes.

The tears come only when

no one can see,

no one except ourselves.

Sometimes I wish

I could know

who "we" really is.

"I lost you, but I found me, so I win."

I lost me, but I found you, so I'm halfway to finding myself again.

When we were a kid

we create monsters in our head.

When we grew up,

they grew up too, and grew stronger

while we grew weaker.

They lived in our head and

fed off our fear.

Acknowledging their existence made them

stronger.

We'll grow up and they'll continue

consuming us. Consuming our

every waking moment

with fear.

We stay the same little kid that made

the monsters until we

become the monsters we could never get rid of.

"We make attachments to what's familiar. We find the beauty, even in the lack. That's human. We make the best of what we're given." -Pg. 169

"..preferring the familiar, even if the familiar was a jail. Home is home." -Pg. 163

-If You Find Me, by Emily Murdoch

It feels as if I'm in the sea,

and we're not meant to be.

So the waves pull me,

and they heave

us further apart.

I never wanted to depart.

Our love is a work of art.

All I want is your heart,

and all I can give in return is mine.

as sweet as the scent of pine,

our relationship is really fine.

I'd never want it to end.

I could never go back to being just a friend.

It's raining,

it's pouring,

it's flooding,

it's thundering,

it's overflowing,

it's pounding,

it's drowning.

We're raining,

we're pouring,

we're flooding,

we're thundering,

we're overflowing,

we're pounding,

we're drowning.

Unlike a thunderstorm, we cannot stop