For this recipe, the clumsier and more inexperienced the makers, the better:
Take:
- 3 cups of joy
- 2 cups of emotional sensitivity
- 1 cup of vanity
Sift it through:
- competitiveness
- an inability to take up space
- superficiality
Let it sit for five to ten years.
Now add:
- 1 tablespoon of creativity [ this should sizzle and feed the existing yeast ]
- 2 teaspoons of self-righteousness
- 1 teaspoon of anxiety
Leave the dough in a dark environment, to fester with no sunlight.
Optional:
- angsty hormonal teenagers
- angry gossiping
- a few classrooms in need of a scapegoat
A couple of years, start kneading it. Let the dough sweat and cry out. You should pummel before you leave it to rise. It will lose its misshapen beaten up look.
Now, handle it with care and place it somewhere warm, preferably on a leafy balcony overlooking the sea. Pour love and music in, and a few drops of wordy litter.
Next. Put it in a parcel and send it all over the world.
Act Natural
If you're reading this, you've successfully landed on Earth and will need to follow these instructions to blend in as you procure the precious fuel, Milky Way Bars.
1: Analyze any human that approaches you and claim to have the same "political views" as them. This will greatly enhance your ability to garner their trust.
2: They eat with their mouths. This is nothing to be alarmed by. If you are uncomfortable attempting to absorb nutrients this way, wait until the coast is clear before exposing your frontbutt to feed.
3: If they ask you to "go out for drinks" Do Not Go Out For Drinks. This is a trap. These beverages are not to maintain a consistent hydrated status. Humans act...strange on these foreign elixirs. Politely deny them and say something along the lines of "thank you for offering, however I have work in the morning." Or "I have to go, my child's on fire." These will likely lead to a mutual respect for your decision. And lastly.
4: Do not pet the dogs. This will be tempting as their eyes are undeniable and pure but do not pet,the dogs. They run the planet. Do not inform the humans however as this is our advantage to collecting resources and moving on.
Thank you for your service to the Galactic Mining Empire as we desperately need all the help we can get in these times of drought.
I Almost Never Was
A tiny head bursting forth.
A loud cry held in for months.
Tiny lungs breathing. Tiny eyes squinting.
A mother's pain subsiding at the joy of holding such a babe.
And, to think, I almost never was.
A woman travailing in unknown ailment.
A doctor providing medicine that shouldn't be.
At the discovery of why, it appeared too late.
The words slid from his lips; "Abort it."
So, you see, I almost never was.
A persistent new mother and father saying: "No."
A couple embracing the idea of parenthood.
An attorney advising to hope for the worst-
To have a valid case of malpractice.
Apparently, I almost never was.
A world plotting to kill an innocent life.
A basket of fruit uneaten.
A rollercoaster ride turned down.
Budding young love fighting to protect an even younger sprout.
A shame to think I almost never was.
But, at long last, a healthy girl.
Defying killers' endeavors since fetal state.
A miracle at first breath,
And still defying odds today.
And, to think, I almost never was.
Rips
I want you to see the tears that fill my cup
how I drink it in its entirety afterwards
because of how dry you leave my throat
how dry you leave my heart
because every time I open up
I can’t even get a word to meet your ear
you shove your hand into my chest
feeling around for my darkness
so that yours won’t look so dark
hoping to find a gun pointed at you
to prove that I am out for revenge
but I don’t want to devour you
my words are not born from hate
they search for the love that I missed
wanting to know why it was never shown
I just want the rips to be sewn
Think Before You Lock-Up A PlayStation
The PlayStation did not understand. Why had it been separated from all the others? Why did it find itself alone, sitting in security shackles, on a shelf of a TJ Maxx? Oddly enough, the PS4 would never had understood that it was even a ‘thing’, if not for the high-pierced alarm that shot through it’s complex electronics just before closing on a brisk Tuesday night in late December. It seems that an overly eager 11-year-old boy had tried to rip his pudgy little hands into the PlayStation’s handsome blue packaging, triggering the alarm that encased the solitary machine. The security device rang so piercingly, that the PlayStation sprang to consciousness.
He may have been alive once before he began to think. He did remember being together with thousands of other machines just like himself, enthusiastically awaiting mass distribution. He did remember that feeling of being free. Shackle free. But how did he wind up here? In chains. Damaged. Afraid... In a TJ Maxx for God’s sake! It just didn’t feel right.
And now, just two days before Christmas Eve, sitting alone in the sterile back room of that darkened retail store, waiting to be marked down, or worse yet, written-off, that lonely PlayStation took his own life.
So, Please,
To All Retailers:
Think Before You Lock-Up A PlayStation
