Pretence
"Why is Everyone pretending?"
My Higher Self arches a brow while My Current Self blinks back, fingers fidgeting a little as an urge to punish myself for such a strange question. They bring their hands down to cover my own and gently shake their head, then smile with an understanding I've never had from anyone else. I suppose being yourself, nobody can connect with you quite as much as you.
"Are you sure you want to know why everyone pretends or why you do?"
"I already know why I pretend," I reply stubbornly. "This world isn't safe for me. I have to be safe."
"What if that's why others do it, too? This belief that they have to be something particular in order to be protected from the cruel eyes of the world?"
"Well... But no. People aren't like that. They aren't like me. Maybe some are," I relent when she gives me a pointed look, "but I know we can't all be doing it for the same reason. That wouldn't make any sense. We're too different, humanity."
"You say humanity is different. And yet you all eat and all smile and all think and all find the most random things to give you joy, no matter how short or long. You all torture yourselves and hate and fear parts of yourselves and struggle with the meaning of life as if it was ever meant to have a transcendent meaning in the first place other than to be alive. You eat, shit, suffer, smile, sink, sleep. You go on and on despite the madness like nobody's business because the only other option is to die and the thought is so interesting yet terrifying that everyone has their own struggle making peace with it. You are different, child but you are very much the same in many fundamental ways. That is why you are all a species. That is among the many things that makes you human. Other than the physical... I suppose."
"You're going off on a tangent."
"There's nothing wrong with going off on a tangent, Self. Getting lost helps you find-"
"I hear you but you haven't answered the question!"
"And why are you so curious to know? It's something that frustrates you. It's such an isolating game; pretend. Everyone does it at least a bit. Some aren't bothered by it, some are chiefly bothered by it... You've played the game your whole life. Told yourself that it's necessary to act to be loved and accepted, that came to you right from childhood and it stuck, didn't it? A shame, really. You're more wonderful than you think. And now you want to know the reasons why others do. To validate yourself, to make yourself feel a little less alone in this lonesome way of yours."
"Just gimme my answer. I need to go soon."
"I won't."
"Wh-"
"I won't because I know you. That validation you seek? That escape from loneliness that you seek? It is something all people struggle with but more importantly, it is what you struggle with, Self. Stop searching for the answers from everyone else. Stop trying to make your experiences fit what you believe is meant to be the way a human being acts and feels. You are a human being. Allow yourself to be. Allow yourself to simply be as you are. The pretence will fade away with time."
"But what if they don't like it?"
"Self-"
"Alright, alright. But what if I don't like it? Reality is painful. And there is so much of me to hate-"
"There is even more of you to love. And adore. And worship. And cherish. I can't wait for you to realise it. I hope they do, too."
Natural Decline
I would like to open the matter of South Korea's low birth rate, starting from last year as the the country's fertility rate came to 0.81 which is lower than the previous year, 0.84.
The country was the only one (correct me if I'm wrong, didn't do enough research lol) which stayed below the rate of 1, as last year was marked as their fourth year of having that rate lower than 1.
The low fertility rate of South Korea first started on year 1970 and slowly dropped lower on the following years (based on what the statistics had compiled).
And last year's number of births per 1000 people per year reached 5.1, which is again, lower than rhe previous years.
Last year, 2021, The number of newborns in South Korea reached a low record of 260,500. And the number of deaths on the same year, has a high record of 317,800.
Which resulted in a decline of the country's population, deaths had surpassed the number of child births.
And to briefly mention abortion (a long-trending issue nowadays), the country's law for abortion was decriminalized as of January 1, 2019 after a 66-Year Ban, with of course conditions that is 'morally' acceptable for abortion—but still had unclear legal boundaries on how to handle the procedures. Because of the underlying grey area, illegal practices for abortion caused risk on women's health and a loss of LIFE.
If I add other factors of a decreased childbirth rates, it would be the economic impact.
If I remember correctly, I discovered this fertility issue of South Korea last year, and stumbled upon a social interview on why most of the citizen avoided marriage and pregnancy, which had majority of their reason—the cost of living.
And I couldn't agree more. As part of the younger generation (gen z), it isn't the issue of finding a partner for life, it's about the issue of maintaining the security and financial stability for the family we'll be making in this time around or even for the future.
It's everyone's problem but living properly nowadays is different.
I couldn't even cope up with the pandemic, surviving just by my parents hard-earned money makes me even feel more terrible.
I couldn't even properly take care of myself, how can I have a family? a child?
Being alive is so expensive, even in death would cost so much.
I couldn't commit to that. I didn't even included a plan to have a family, at least after I reached the age of 30. But beyond that age, I couldn't imagine myself having my own or even a life after that (yes, that's how short I saw my lifespan is, as cruel as it sounds).
Human are the cause of their own decline, naturally as it is. Like humans became the cause of the other species' decline.
Imagine having most of the younger generation's mentality similar to mine, how many do you think would risk to have their genes be inherited by the following generations?
How many do you think would survive in the future, clearly knowing how we made this place this way.
After a century or maybe two, how different would humans came to be?
Will we become one of the endangered species also?
Though I only know for the fact that we are starting to decline... naturally.
Reflecting On Future Reflections
Envisioning turning 71 is a wild thought. I'll be there in roughly 30 years, which will take a while.... or will it? Ideally by that point I'll be retired from teaching, and hopefully I will have made it as a voice actor with many credits to look back on (maybe even have an autograph that people would pay to get at conventions). Career goals are exciting to think about and strive for, but when I really think about it, these are the things I really want to look back on when I hit the not so old age of 71....
- I want to have pursued God well, and grown in my faith and relationship with Him. I want to be able to say that I honored Him with my life, used the gifts He gave me well, and served and helped those around me every step of the journey.
- I hope to look back on life with my wife (didn't necessarily mean to rhyme, ha ha), and continue to get to know and grow closer to her, as doing so is a great way to live. I am in no rush, but I love the idea of growing old with my wife and reminiscing about our adventures over the years, while enjoying new adventures too.
- I hope to see my kids living happily grown up lives where they pursued their dreams, are serving and benefiting others, stayed true to themselves, and are living self-sufficient lives, while also knowing they can turn to us if they need to. I hope they never lose the wonder that life can bring, and the idea of having a relationship with grown children is a wild concept I look forward to experiencing (also, no rush). Grandchildren would be amazing, but that is something I will never push on my kids to provide.
- I hope to still be writing, and I hope my work will have inspired and entertained along the way. If Prose is still here in 30 years I'm all in - maybe I could even revisit this piece and see how things turned out :-)
Hello! My name is Maquis, and I can't quite remember how long I've used Prose. It's been about five years I would guess. I normally use this as an outlet for my droopy feelings, and I'm also using it as inspiration to write my book, which is going very slowly.
In my personal life, I have finished college, and started teaching 5th and 6th grade in a private Christian school. I love what I do, and I love to write. I love making friends, but ironically I have social anxiety. I also have ADHD, which causes me to being on avidly sometimes or to not come on in weeks. I try to be consistent, and honestly I've gotten better. I'm happy to be here and use the available resources, and to just enjoy myself while writing.
It doesn’t matter
It doesn't matter and it does. In highschool we think that this decision will determine the rest of our lives. We think that once we start in this direction, there is no going back. That is not true on multiple levels. You can start college with a degree and then change it. You can get multiple degrees. You can study one thing for a bachelors and something completely different for a masters. You can study one thing and end up with a job that is completely different. It doesn't matter that much.
That being said, pick something that interests you enough to finish. Pick your passion and work hard to make it work. Or pick something that is only slightly interesting and do it to support your passions.
I picked Web Development by going through all my interests and comparing their work environment and pay. I could have been an English major. I could have played the French Horn. I could have done graphic development. But I liked the environment and pay of Web Development. Now I work at home and write in the evenings. Sometimes I do graphic development on my own time.
Good luck and have fun. No matter what you choose, enjoy yourself.
How I Chose
When I was in high school, I wanted to be a writer, but when it came time to choose a career path, I decided that it wasn't very smart to major in writing. If I didn't get published right away, how would I make an income? I had always been told that I would make a good teacher, so I decided to combine that with my love of the English language and majored in English Literature and Education, while taking the occasional writing class when I could.
I ended up working part-time in a daycare while I was in college, and, when I didn't get hired as a middle/high school teacher, I ended up as a full-time staff member at the daycare when I graduated. Since I had a degree, they offered me a teaching position, and I taught there for ten years. It was a stressful job and it didn't pay very much, but, for the most part, I enjoyed it. It was never boring!
Just recently (in June), I left that job to pursue writing. Right now, I'm working as a freelance editor and writer while writing on my own and exploring ways to get my writing "out there." It's been kind of a roundabout way of getting here, and I definitely wouldn't say that I've "made it" yet, but I don't regret my choices.
I think that there are a lot of people who don't know what they want to do when they're in high school, and I think that's okay. If you want my advice, here it is:
First, look at your reality. Are you able to take a year or two before you make a decision? If so, there are lots of great opportunities. Get some work experience. Do an internship in a field that interests you. Do volunteer work. Meet people. You might discover more about yourself that will inform your decision.
If you aren't able to take time off, then I would suggest looking at your future in a broader sense. You don't have to know specifics right now. Do you want to go to college? If so, you can go without declaring a major and take some gen-ed courses and see what you like. If you still struggle to find a degree you like, I would recommend going for something more general. A degree in something like Business or Communications can get you in the door almost anywhere.
If you're thinking in terms of school subjects, you might think that there isn't and area that you excel in. Try thinking of it in a broader sense. Are you a highly-organized person? There are lots of administrative jobs out there. Are you a people person? Lots of companies need charming, positive people to be out in front. There's also positions like recruiters (head hunters). If you're on here, you're probably a decent writer. There are all kinds of jobs that involve writing (and not just novels). Think about how you go about doing things and what that says about your skills. You could even ask your family, friends, and teachers how they would describe you to get a better sense of your skills.
There's a lot of pressure on people your age to choose now what you will do for the rest of your life, and once upon a time, that's the way it was done. But these days, it's just not that way anymore. Now, a lot of people switch companies and even entire career paths two or three times before they find the one they want to settle down in. My recommendation is, don't rush it if you don't have to. Give yourself time to get to know yourself outside of high school (because, believe me, you will not be the same person a few years from now!). And don't worry so much about finding the "right" career. Unless you want to go into a career that will take years of schooling before you can even start (like medicine or law), there's nothing that says you can't change your mind in a couple of years. Spend time thinking about it, but try not to stress over it.
Good luck!