Today is my last, so won’t you be nice?
Smiling at the dilapidated ceiling, I woke up to meet a new day. My last day. I’m going to change the world.
I skipped along the sidewalk and spotted an old man with a crooked back on the floor. “Here!” I handed over all the change I’ve left at the little plate in front of him.
He looked up. Scowled and growled. Then grabbed hard onto my ragged clothes and ripped the sleeves off. A part of my face left blue after his punches. All I said was,
“Today is my last, so won’t you be nice?”
At the wave of his hand, he merely shooed me away, greedily counting all my savings.
I walked on by and hopped on the bus. My one last ticket. “Good morning! How is your day?” I chirped towards the driver. “People are waiting behind you. Move!” He scowled. As if on cue, people started pushing behind me.
And all I said was, “Today is my last day, so won’t you be nice?”
He rolled his eyes and started away.
I got off in the middle of nowhere, a new street I didn’t even know existed. Big, muscle-y people were giving me eyes. I smiled in reply. It was getting late, after all.
It was getting dark. I looked around to see a place I could sleep for one last time. That bench over there looks perfect.
As I walked towards it, suddenly a big, sweaty hand covered my face. I strugged to break free but it pushed me down. Down with all my pants and even my underwear. A sudden pain shot through me in an instant. With tears falling from my eyes, I croaked,
″Today is my last day, so won’t anyone be nice?”
″Nobody gives a shit.”
nth meeting
This was the first time you farted in front of me. I found that cute did you know? I could tell you were starting to me more comfortable and I was happy. I couldn't be so comfortable yet but that was okay, I was happy constantly showing my best self to you.
I dont remember what we were supposed to do that day, it was a lazy day and we had nothing planned, but it was the first time we would spend a whole day together. Oh right, you cooked for me too. Pasta. It tasted horrible but I told you how good it was and you looked so proud of it that I couldnt say anything else.
And at night, I craved to feel secure and safe in your arms. While sleeping, I loved how big your chest felt against my back. I fit perfectly in your embrace. Everything was perfect. But now, on the small little bed, our backs our turned to each other, only the tips touching and the bed has never felt so cold.
When I reach out for your arms, you pull them back saying, 'it's too hot' or tell me that you didn't like to cuddle. So I retreated further and crouched to hold my knees so I could hug myself warm. I just hoped to make you happy, because that would make me happy.
But that was not enough it turned out. Little by little you started to change, your affections diminished and I was slowly fading away like some kind of unwatered, parched plant.
Now, every call for attention from me made you scrunch up your nose, or pull away in aversion, or what I feared most, thought of as a burden.
Another Magical You
The second meeting was just as magical, if not more.
What do you know? We went to another amusement park. Thinking about it now, I dont think I'd be able to there without thinking of you.
This second meeting, you were bolder, a lot more direct with your actions. You pulled me close, leaned your face forward, and we talked the whole time as though we were whispering secrets.
You even managed to steal a kiss from me!
I remember that every time you pecked my cheek, you would say, "I win!" You would claim it as your prize. I would let you pretending that I was midly put out, even though I never felt like I lost.
You were everything I ever looked for. Though after a while, maybe I wasnt for you.
We separated that day, wanting to be with each other more than ever.
I wonder where that feeling had gone?
Reason-less
Tonight, I'm full of love.
I wonder why,
when he left me
when my work is still undone
when the future seems bleak and blurry and uncertain,
my laundry in dire need of attention,
when death seems to always be just around the corner,
and Im just a mess with unbrushed hair and
half changed clothes.
A fitting content feeling settles on me
like a warm blanket
a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day
and perhaps this is what it means to be human
when you've got no reason to be happy
but find It in completely nothing.
Tonight, Im full of love
what powerful magic it is to produce a smile reason-less.
Scared Shitless
I have always tried my best to let logic rule
to make my decisions
to instruct my body and be the master of mind
it was an effective autopilot mode so far
until I used it on Love
and all systems crashed.
Errors popped up,
Input never gave me the same output
deductions and analyzing failed
just when I thought I got it,
I was back to square one.
Reluctantly, undeveloped Feelings took over,
I'm letting a five-year old take the wheel
and honestly,
Im scared shitless,
but the ride has never been more fun