Early on in his racing career, while he was rapidly making a name for himself, a younger Traveler (Still merely 'Brian Sands' at this time.) devised one of the most complicated jokes he ever was able to perpetrate without the use of time travel.

This elaborate jibe was done at the expense of another racer with what Traveler found to be the unusually hilarious name of Phil McCrackin.

This name, Phil McCrackin, was not only funny in English but, oddly enough, in 124 other major Galactic languages recieving the race in their various systems, for exactly the same reason. Traveler's grand practical joke was this:

His goal was to get the two the famous galactic announcers that called the race to use Phil McCrackin's name in the manner he considered hilarious, live and repeatedly during a race as many times as possible. The hardest thing about pulling this off would be explaining the joke to his fellow racers, convincing them why it was funny, getting them to all go along with it...

Basically, his challenges were myriad however, to be known to have perpetrated such an elaborate ruse against a fellow racing driver and for no other reason than his slightly hilarious name, was good enough for Traveler. He began to formulate what he wanted to happen...

Phil McCrackin, Phil McCrackin...he tossed the name around in his in his mind. That was the fun thing about the dude so that's what he wanted to base the joke around.

He decided to shower. He did his best thinking and planning under streaming hot water and the hotel he was currently in had excellent, perpetually hot showers in bathrooms full of bottles of designer liquids to clean and refresh. Plus, of course, a bevy of towels and a plush robe.

In short order he was relaxing on a padded bench rubbing soaps into his skin with a sponge. He had shapped his hair into a mohawk. Over the bathroom's speakers thumped energizing beats he found quite excellent and although they contained no words, Traveler had no problem coming up with lyrics of his own.

He was using a sponge on a stick as a microphone rapping along to the beat that was on.

"Phil McCrackin

Phil McCrackin

Tomorrow we'll be on the track 'an

I, I wanna play a joke on his stupid ass

But I gotta make sure dat I still

Pass

His stupid ass

On da track wit Phil McCrack...'

He stopped rapping when he realized coming up with rhyming lyrics was diverting him from thinking of his joke.

"It has to have to do with his name..." Traveler said to himself as he washed shampoo from his eyes just as it began to sting them.

Once he was clean, completely rinsed and free of soap, he sat on the shower's padded bench, tilted all of its heads to massage him at various angles, turned the water to very nearly scalding hot, sat and thought.

Seventeen minutes later the idea hit him and bloomed across his face in the form of thin lipped smile.

"Oh wow... This'll be good." he said aloud and promptly shutdown the shower.

Silk Autosound and Vox Nounzer were two very popular media personalities that covered various galactic racing classes, types and teams. Traveler knew that the pair would be calling this race. The idea that the shower helped bloom in his brain was, throughout the race, have the two use Phil McCrackin's name in various hilarious sentences, as often as possible.

"Car number fifty-five has taken an aggressive posture to Phil McCrackin!" said Traveler, imitating Vox Nounzer, the male of the pair. His mirthful laughter filled his hotel room as he began dressing.

Now that he had decided upon this prank, he had to plan how to pull it off. He would require co-conspirators which would have to be fellow racers to set up the elaborate linguistic joke. But, he was now determined to pull it off. Afterall, the replay of the race would be recorded for posterity. People generations from now watching this race would hear how it all went down.

This brought another, important thought to Traveler's mind. Other than the joke, this race has to be spectacular. A real nail-biter to the very end with a battle for podium places between key teams. Traveler laughed aloud again because the very mechanics of the joke infiltrating his intellect would ensure an exciting race from the starting cannon to the ubiquitous checkered flag. A quality contest was basically built into it or, in another way, because of it.

Traveler hurried himself to leave his room and put his silly machinations into action.

The first thing he had to do was get his own team in on the joke and that began with Mr. Bright, The Flat Earth Racing Team chief of basically everything.

“I did not see that coming.” said Traveler.

“Shame, that.” grumbled his friend.

Rædis and his friend Traveler were racing towards doom uncertain at a six hundred miles per hour in a machine they put together themselves the previous day.

Rædis was driving and Traveler was looking out of the windshield at the approaching doom. He marveled at its size and complexity. It was a city sized machine for creating other cities. An entire industrial facility that could roll along, devouring the land and leave in its path waterways, roads, power grids, etc. The infrastructure of an entire city could be laid down blocks at a time.

The problem was that they were racing in a canyon only slightly larger than the width of the machine. As they wound their way through it under Rædis’ excellent pilotage they had no way of knowing that after a certain bend in the canyon they would run right smack into the thing.

“You know, as the co-driver and therefore navigator, I blame you for this.” Rædis said unhelpfully. They were traveling way too fast to turn around as such a maneuver would drive them into the narrow canyon walls nor could they stop because the craft they were in possessed no starter and this would only delay their demise as the juggernaut that was the infrastructure machine would eventually plow them over.

The choice to not include a starter was both a weight saving decision as well as a time saving one since, as noted, they only knocked this vehicle together the day before.

Traveler was undaunted by his friend’s pessimism. It was at times like this that despite his aloofness, unsentimental detachment, copious drug use and quixotic tendencies, he was astoundingly capable. His four dimensional thought had been so honed over time that, in situations of extreme stress, his ability to see the most favorable outcome of numerous possibilities and act on them without hesitation had become instinctual. He lived for times like this.

This was not to say he was reckless or precipitous in his passion for thrill seeking. He would not be a successful time traveler were those among his dominant characteristics. He would very probably just be dead. But he did enjoy pressing his skills and luck to the limit every now and again. He would not be a successful racing driver if he didn’t.

Fortunately for the two friends, although they didn’t know it just yet, as well as not including a starter, they did include the ‘Ikdid’. This was an inscrutable piece of apparently obsolete racing equipment Rædis had purchased far in the future on a whim during one of their temporal excursions. His rationale was, if it was obsolete so far ahead in time then back in their own era, it may prove to be useful. Or, at the very least, amusing. However, despite numerous experiments in a variety of vehicles it had failed to produce any effect what so ever.

The component itself was rectangular, about the size of a match box. Within it, Traveler once observed as Rædis was working on it, were more moving parts than he had ever seen in such a small package. It also contained a single, very friendly looking, circular button that when powered, lit up the most reassuring shade of green Traveler had ever seen.

Rædis slowed the vehicle as much as possible without causing it to stall. This bought them the few precious seconds Traveler needed to decide what to do.

“I’m gonna try the Ikdid.” he announced.

“Please do.” Rædis said as there was no other option. He need not have Traveler’s unique perception to realize this. Traveler reached out and flipped up the clear cover Rædis had installed over the button and mashed it with a gloved finger. The thing then did something that, in all of their previous attempts to activate it, it had never done before. It began to blink rapidly. They both looked at each other, astonished then back at the button. It then did a second amazing thing. It changed color. The button changed from its happy green hue to an alarming and rather frightening bright red. It also emitted a sound that no one would mistake for anything but an alarm.

A pensive Traveler flipped through electronic pages of presents he wanted to purchase for the love of his life, Lisa. He muttered to himself with some agitation. A curious Raedis couldn't help but wonder what had his friend in such a state.

"What's up, Trav?" he asked with genuine care.

"Oh it is this 'holiday'." Traveler said using air quotes around the word holiday to denote his dubious feeling about it.

Raedis smiled and his silvery eyes flashed mirthfully.

"I suspected that's what it might have been."

He then thought for a second. "Wait. Lisa's not from the Earth. How does she know about Valentines Day 'an all that?" he asked. Traveler looked over at Raedis from the passenger seat of the small, quick coupé they were currently in. It was one of Raedis' cars. Mid-engined with two doors, it resembled a Pontiac Fiero. Raedis loved the little thing. Because of the placement of its motor, the car had the ability to pivot around the engine like a wheel around an axel and Raedis was very skilled at employing this maneuver at just the right times in their little shopping expedition to keep it fun.

Traveler sighed heavily. His breath left a circle of steam on the cold glass as it was currently winter on the world they were on. He watched it quickly evaporate then replied.

"Because after all the time we've been together she's learnt a lot about my planet and its customs, holidays, well...history, in general. Really dude? You'd think we'd be together all these years and not know shit about one another's worlds?"

Raedis laughed as he swugn them skillfully around a cargo truck.

"No, no...of not. You're a time traveler, for cryin' out loud. You would never allow for cultural ignorance. Especially in the woman you love." said Raedis to relax his friend. It was obvious the observance of this holiday irked the man. After a brief silence between them while they both enjoyed a song over the radio he ventured a question.

"So, uh...what'cha gonna get her?" He then spent the next few traffic stops offering gift ideas ranging from the absurd to actually quite compelling. "Lingerie!" was his first suggestion.

"Absolutely not. I wouldn't even know where to start. Besides, Lisa's more practical with her undergarments." said Traveler, without even another thought.

"One of those amazingly faceted crystals from the last world we raced on. Remember those?" he asked his friend. What Raedis was referring to were crystals that were effected by light and sound. Depending on the conditions, the things could be quite mesmerizing. The amazing beaches of that world were covered with sand composed of these amazing stones. The sand retained the same properties as the crystals hence the beaches of this world were a natural wonder and a terrific place for a race.

Raedis thought about his friend and the relationship Traveler had with Lisa. Their feelings were strictly reserved for one another despite both of them being quite popular racing drivers with legions of fans and no lack of opportunities to meet and hang out with any number of celebrities, fashionistas and hot, adoring beings from numerous systems. None of that mattered to Traveler, though. Nor Lisa. They placed themselves far from the probing press and public eye and had done so for so long that their relationship hardly garnered any attention beyond their professional rivalry and this just kept things interesting.

Raedis was happy for the two of them and was eager to help Traveler find Lisa the perfect present.

"Have you thought about brining her something from another time? Past...future? Something like that?" Raedis asked. Traveler lowered his window and bit on the filter tip of a cigarette he had extracted from his metal case.

"I've done that for the past three years, mate. I brought her that Egyptian cartouche the first year, then that cool clock I got that master horologist from the 55th century to build her. That was to symbolize the timelessness of our love."

Both men paused to remember the clock. It was about half a meter tall and although ornate in its working, was simplistic in design. Traveler liked that because it reminded him of the woman herself. Uncomplicated outside but an ornate assemblage of working parts within.

This is when what to do struck him.

"Rae! I got it! Head us back home. I know what I'm going to." Traveler was so immediately excited he knocked his sunglasses askew ashing his smoke. A smile spread across Readis' silver face.

"What'cha thinkin' pal? Got ya all excited, whatever it is." he chuckled. "Ooh...and give me one of those smokes." he added. Once Traveler composed himself, he handed a cigarette to his friend and began to explain.

"I'm gonna make her some music! I've never done this. Can you believe that!? Three years, almost four, we've been together and I've never made her a single song." he shook his head, self-admonishing. "Unreal..." he trailed off then got over himself and with a wave of enthusiasm said: "Take us home, Rae! I've got some time to spend in my studio! I'm going to make her a whole album's worth of devotion!"

Traveler clapped his hands together as if sealing his decision. He then flicked his cigarette out of the window and fished a dubious looking joint wrapped in translucent green paper from his coar's inner pocket. He slid the window all the way up and sparked the joint with an ancient Bic lighter. It was blue and he had snapped a rubber band around it. Within a few drags, the inside of Rae's little car was filled with pungent weed smoke. Both men inside were giggling like little boys not much longer after that as Traveler's powerful pot got them mad baked. "Good idea, man." said Raedis before switching some music on in the car. As they made their way home Traveler was already assembling beats in his brain.

He couldn't wait to see his Lady. He missed her scent, the sound of her laughter and the way she looked at him with her piercing, icy blue eyes. He saw her in his mind and it caused a jolt of electric arousal to course down his spine, igniting a fire of desire in his loins like a lightning strike in a dry wood.

Raedis caught a sideways glance at his best friend while clearing an intersection. He chuckled silently at the man's expression. It was one of joy, happiness and excitement. No one but Lisa ever elicited such an expression form the time traveler.

Rædis spoke a lot of languages. Thousands without even counting dialects and slangs. But being a machine, he could suss them all out, organize them, study them in his mind and find connections and such that made learning and mastering new tongues even easier.

     Sometimes to hear a new language and to gain specific insight he would travel to visit a certain linguist who was a sort of language savant. She certainly knew many more languages than her machine friend but would never say how many. And, even though she was an organic being, she could somehow use not only her actual vocal organs and all one needs to produce sounds to levels of extreme and precise degrees, but would also incorporate her limbs, a small musical keypad she carried and often various objects in the room for those that she couldn't.

     However, she did not posses the almost instantaneous and thorough ability to mentally organize and convey her vast knowledge into the seamless expression of thought into sound that constituted somewhat intelligible speech. This was not a problem when she was speaking one language or even slipping back and forth between several when say, in translating. She was a savant, after all, with unparalleled ability.

     The difficulties arose when she would speak in her own tongue. Not her native language but rather a wholly unique form of communication resulting from the fact that she knew so very many. When extremely comfortable and relaxed, alone, speaking to her cat, under stress or intoxicated, she would lapse into an indecipherable amalgamation of sounds and getstures that formed an unfathomably complex language that only she alone knew and could speak.

Her cat understood her, of course, but lacked the means to convey this other than purring away affectionately when sitting in her lap.

     Her true name would take even Rædis a fortnight to pronounce properly so he shortened it a bit and simply called this astounding lady 'Noh'. Which in Japanese meant 'talent' or 'skill'.

(Corrected edit.)

Traveler was hopelessly mired in traffic and it was pissing him off because he was supposed to be dining with the love of his life, Lisa Hole.

He was in 'City Sector 7' of Raedis' big-ass world ship. Since they had begun taking in whole racing teams and their families while following certain classes on various worlds, the sector had changed from a nice place to hang out into an overcrowded, sprawling mess of a burgh. Often Traveler would go for a drive through it and perhaps even have lunch in one of its many idyllic municipal parks. However, taking aboard large groups of people had overcrowded the city space. He definitely needed to bring this up with Raedis. His thoughts returned to the present as the high pitched hum of a punk little kid on an electric scooter whizzed passed his open window as he smoked a cigarette. It was just a normal smoke that he lit with the tiny, jet-like flame of a lighter fueled by butane. The kid waved to Traveler as he passed having recognized the distinctive car the man was trying to drive at anything faster than the pedestrian pace he was plodding along at presently.

Traveler was in his 1972 red DeTomoso Pantera and he'd be loving it if he were able to drive it faster than a kid on a scooter. He looked down his arm to his fingers which were holding the cigarette upright between them. He took a long drag and exhaled it through his nostrils impatiently then looked at it again after flicking ashes from the tip. They blew right back at him, however and landed in his lap.

"Fuck." he said aloud to the empty car. Of course he was wearing thin, black trousers that now bore a pinhole burn in their upper right thigh in the middle of a grey smear of ash.

City Sector 7 was becoming a crowded, very unmachine-like sprawl that he was definitely now going to bring up with his best friend.

Whenever he got out this traffic. A three lane river of slow moving metal crept along. Traveler looked at the cigarette burning between the tips of his fingers. The sunlight simulating lights that shone from unfathomable heights were currently throwing down a depressing flat light that cast no shadows. Traveler sighed and finished his smoke. As he put it out though, something clicked in his complex brain. He pushed the thought aside for now. The group of cars he was stuck among began to move forward.

A wave of red brake lights receded, replaced by a surge of motion. Traveler gunned the Pantera's big motor and scared two little kids in a nearby car. They were oggling his Pantera when he urged the fearsome noise from the machine. He then took maximum advantage of the opportunity to move once it presented itself and with a little skill, found a space within two groups of cars to cruise in.

He finally arrived at his rendezvous with Lisa. She was a welcome sight to his eyes which were literally sore from the drive.

She saw it on his face as soon as he climbed out of a gorgeous red machine. There was such a contrast between the jovial red of the cool car and the misery on her man's face she couldn't help but snap a photo of him as he looked at her. She raised her phone and quickly snapped a shot before he could move. She smiled when she saw that it was perfect.

Her smile was so wonderful to him that his foul mood evaporated like breath on a window.

"Why this face, baby?" she asked and turned the phone so he could see the picture she had taken. He ignored her phone and took her wrist. In an elegant sweep of a maneuver he was behind her, kissing his way from her wrist to her elbow. He bypassed the jagged scar of a racing injury knowing she did not like it to be touched.

"I was annoyed by the traffic around here. It's gotten out of hand." he finally told her. He could feel a certain kind of heat reserved for him now emanating from her body with his dance like move next to her.

"Perhaps the city needs to be expanded? Anyway, who wants to talk about the traffic? Let's go eat." she suggested. There was a delightfully mischievous look in her icy blue eyes that told him not to listen to her would be folly, so he did.

She insisted on driving and he did not refuse. She was currently wheeling around in a quick, agile little sports coupe and he also very much wanted to see how she handled the current city traffic.

They got into her slick, red coupe and she switched it on. It hummed to life with a powerful throb. Its dashboard lit up with holographic displays that Traveler watched her quick eyes look over. She appeared satisfied at what she saw. Other drivers' process when starting up a vehicle alway intrigued the man. Doubly so when he was in love with said driver.

She caught him checking her out with a sideways glance, leaned over and found his lips with great precision. She kissed him for a long time and when she finally disengaged said: "Everything is operational. Ready to see how driving in traffic is done?"

"At your leisure." was his slightly winded response. She grinned almost savagely as she floored it from her parking spot to seek out some traffic. She didn't have to drive far. Within ten minutes after leaving her place they were merging into a ton of traffic, slowly.

"Right then. Here, as you can see, is the problem. I know you've noticed it before." Traveler said.

"Of course I have. But you, of all people, have the ability to change this for the betterment of City Sector 7." she said back. In her mind she was lacing a route through the traffic. When it was set she adjusted her hands on the wheel and started her run. Traveler watched with amazement as she made leaps of intuition in spots that only seconds before she took it over contained another vehicle. The ire of many other drivers was sounded in their horns as she wove her way through the traffic. Their irritated notes seemed to fuel her skill and daring. She pulled moves Traveler would reserve for a race and his strict adherence to local traffic laws of the planets and times he's visited kept him from such bombastic displays of vehicular motion.

Lisa, however, didn't seem to give a toss about the other motorists muddled around them or the regulations that were intended to keep them from moving like they now were. Traveler tightened his safety harness as Lisa dove onto the shoulder, around a long cargo truck.

"Hey! Going off the road doesn't count." Traveler protested and yet could not stop grinning. Her style and skill were dazzling. Her bravery, was enough to make Traveler obtain an even tighter grip on his safety restraints. He also spaced then placed his feet firmly on the fairly flexible flooring of the speedy little coupé.

"It's the fastest way around that dumb, slow truck! C'mon, baby!

This isn't a race..." she said as the grin returned to her face after pulling another daring passing maneuver that caused Traveler to clench a bit in his seat. "We could get another car for our time together and go to the racing sector of the ship." she said and, having to stop behind another car, looked at him long enough to arc a thin black eyebrow provocatively over a dazzling blue eye. He loved that look and she usually got her request whenever she employed it on him. They both knew this so she didn't abuse the wiley power.

"Let's talk about it while we eat." was his reply.

"Sure!" she said. She was happy their destination was close and got them to it much quicker than Traveler thought she could given the traffic. Lisa stopped them in a vacant spot before a small café.

"Nice work through the traffic." Traveler said looking behind him at the crowd of cars stopped in the street they had just turned off of. He snapped back around to watch her egress the vehicle. This was a motion that he never tired of watching for, to him, watching Lisa Hole exit a vehicle was one of the most balletic actions he'd ever seen a clothed woman complete.

In one fluid motion the woman would guide her knees under the steering linkage and pivot. She set her stylish blue shoes on the tarmac one at a time as if to first make sure the ground and, depending on the situation, her legs were solid under her for often times, they were not. Finally, she would emerge, usually with a stretch because she was a tall woman and sports cars were crampt vehicles, at best.

Lisa knew this action of egress garnered his attention so she deliberately made a more elaborate and somewhat seductive show of it when they were alone together. Traveler never suspected that she knew he watched her do all this and she grinned when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw him totally checking her out.

Lunch was served to them at the little café in a cardboard box the interior of which was stained with a bright orange grease. The contents of the box were taco-like treats accented with colorful vegetables which the pair devoured while chatting about where to go next before getting back in the car.

Overhead the lights demarcating day from night began to take on an early evening hue. Traveler was back at the wheel and the traffic was noticeably lighter. They agreed to stay at one of Traveler's favorite places. He knew how to get there from where they were. Now it was Lisa who was observing her man's wheel work. Sure they had competed against one another so she knew how he raced but their love affair contained surprisingly little time together in cars. She noted how cautious and courteous he tended to be. He was nothing like he was on the racetrack.

She also noted the amount of courtesy he was granted by other motorists and how he seemed to ease the tension of drivers around him as he progressed. This was something she would have expected more from from Raedis and she could feel the influence of Traveler's best friend in the man's amicable actions.

As Lisa Hole studied him, she was also totally going to use everything she learnt about his driving against him the next time they had to race against each other.

Red brake lights halted their progress and flooded the small car with light. It threw the two lover's features into sharp contrast as they looked at one another.

"You...are so rad." he said to her with enough time for a quick kiss before he had to roll them forward a few feet. He totally knew she had been devising racing strategies against him every time she let him drive. So, since she was gaining knowledge about him he made sure to drive contrary to how he really would were they in competition. He too was studying her just as much when she was at the wheel.

And so it went for the rest of their time together. For five days they spent driving one another from place to place each of them gearing up psychologically for the next race. When their time came to an end and Lisa had left, Traveler made sure he had a detailed talk with Raedis about his observations on the status and size of City Sector 7.

(This scene appears after a little downward scrolling in a slightly different version. Still, though...enjoy anyway.)

         Madrian looked exactly as Rædis and Traveler imagined a man with such a moniker would. Tall, whip thin, quick moving but never in a rush. His jet black hair was wet-look crazy, slicked back along the sides and hung in points well below the collar of the glossy brown leather jacket he habitually wore. The top of his do was shaped into a magnificent crest and from any angle was visible the finely spaced lines of lines of a comb one never actually saw him use.

        He viewed his world with hazel eyes shaded by amber tinted shooting glasses, the frames of which, were gold and perfectly perched, immobile on the bridge of his prominent nose. His thin face was perpetually clean shaven save for a wide set of mutton chops that were edged with laser precision.

     He was wearing a pair of tight, green corduroys that flared out over black, pointy toed boots, a white silk shirt with a wide collar done up half way with glossy green snaps ringed with silver. His wide leather belt had silver embossed holes down its length and a large buckle of brushed chrome. Around his neck hung two chains of rhodium and platinum. From one of them dangled an ornate medallion that flashed under the lights of the club they were in.

        "That's the guy we're looking for." Rædis said pointing him out from where they sat at a floating table littered with odd shaped glasses of half drained exotic drinks and small ashtrays full of colorful cigarette butts.

        "I'll bet you anything that gold 1969 Mercury Cyclone 428 Cobra Jet in the car park is his." the machine said over the terrible music thumping through the creepy, futuristic discotheque.

         Traveler hated places like this. As a master of sonic design he couldn't stand how they sounded, even if the music was good, which it almost never was. As one of the most fashionable beings, literally of all time, he could usually only scoff at the pathetic attempts at any semblance of style the denizens of these crowded, badly lit, social

hell holes attempted to pull off.          This man was different, however in that his choice of couture was in such deliberate opposition to what was considered in style where they were that he was, with the exception of Traveler himself, the most stylish person in the large room. 

        "How can you be sure?" Traveler shouted back as he tried to get a better look at the dude through the haze of various kinds of smoke, ill lighting and laser effects.

        "Seriously?" Rædis said back. He could somehow modulate his voice to make it much easier to hear over the din without having to shout. It sounded to Traveler like he was right next to him speaking normally in a quieter and smaller room. The robot's friend always found it an impressive and useful trick. "Trust me, I'm sure it's his. None of these other posers would know to ever get their hands on something that unique let alone be actually able to do it. I mean, look at him!"

         "I'm trying!" Traveler hollered. "How would he have gotten something so rare and unusual?"

         "That's what we're here to find out." Rædis answered more testily than he normally would. The awful nightclub was beginning to get to him too. "But I'm sure that's the guy." he said confidently.

         "Well shit man, works for me. Let's introduce ourselves!" Traveler yelled to which Rædis finally replied:

"You don't have to shout, Trav. I can hear you fine, you know."

        Traveler realized this instantly, of course, and understood he was only yelling because that's what one always ends up doing in such obnoxious venues.

         "I hate these fucking places." he grumbled.

        "Let's just wait for him by his car." Rædis suggested. They left the club for the car park to await the man called Madrian and marvel at his amazing automobile.

(An early short scene about a few details of Traveler's time machine...)

Traveler's time machine kind of sucked in the fact that it could move in time but not in space. He had always meant to take it some place in time advanced enough to incorporate it into some kind of cool vehicle but there was problems with this.

         One was the practical problem of building a machine around another machine that was really only there some of the time. Another was finding someone who could actually do it. For although Traveler was very, very clever and could comprehend things beyond the scope of normal beings, he refrained from fiddling around with his time machine because he didn't want to break it and strand himself in whatever when he was in at the moment.

        He had no idea when or where the incredible thing had come from. He had found it in the hold of a spaceship that was more or less given to him by a stranger he'd met after discovering his cloaked ship in a field near a city he was living in at the beginnings of his wanderings through space and time.

        The time machine looked like it had not been used in years and Traveler initial  mistook it for an unused set of small rooms before realizing what it was. On the outside, it was a featureless, uninteresting, rectangular box made of dull, tarnished metal the color and texture of cast iron. Rust streaked it's pitted surface. It was about the size of a large shipping container and had two doors at either end of it.

        Inside it was divided into three small but comfortable rooms. One was the control and habitation section the other contained bathing, emergency medical and toilet facilities. The final was outfitted as a sleeping compartment. It was luxuriously appointed in fashions that could easily be altered, added to or designed to suit the needs and tastes of the operator.

        Traveler had spent many hours trying to figure out its systems in order to safely utilize its amazing capabilities. He taught himself how to replace certain filters, fluids and circuits that periodically required it but as far as how it actually ran and what powered it had yet to be discovered. Fortunately the machine was able to communicate with great precision and clarity to its pilot even over long distances. It kept its traveler abreast of its condition and status in detail. Which is really what you want when embarking on voyages containing the unique difficulties and challenges posed by traveling in time.

(An early story featuring Traveler and Rædis that I just found. It is actually an important scene in their history together...)

"Fuck!" Traveler hollered, wishing he could slam the door of his time machine open rather have it slide open with a quiet whine. Instead he kicked the shit out of a small maintenance robot unfortunate enough to happen across his path at this moment. He destroyed the machine with his boots and scattered its remains across the deck as he stormed from his machine. The sounds of his anguished cry followed by the demise of the hapless robot echoed off the walls of the hanger space.

        Rædis had gone down to where Traveler liked to park the machine to meet him. Traveler had only been gone a few hours but that meant nothing with regards to time travel. Weeks, months, years could have passed personally for his friend in the few hours of his absence.

        Since becoming friends, Traveler was much less apt to go off on his own like this. Rædis was soon to discover why. 

 Whenever he did however, Rædis was very wary and concerned over the state his friend might return in. Traveler was not  naturally born to move freely within time and found his personal homeostasis vulnerable to the rigors of such a remarkable thing. One of the most susceptible aspects of this to damage was the man's mind and though he'd never admit to it, his heart.

         Over the years he'd spent cruising the fourth dimension, Traveler  had come to rely on a somewhat loose but substantial regime of chemicals and various drugs from times across history to sustain the life functions ravaged by traveling in time, both physical and mental. The more the man used his machine, the greater his dependancy on these chemicals. Rædis could immediately discern by the condition of his friend that he had been using the machine extensively.

        "Welcome home, Trav." was all he ventured to say. Traveler kept walking. He passed the beach chair Rædis was sitting in and the robot smoothly got to his feet and caught him up.

        "How long?" he asked of his friend eager to know how much personal time Traveler had taken on this solo trip.

        Traveler tore off his aviator sunglasses and threw them over his shoulder. They clattered to a stop on the shiny floor behind them. The left lens now cracked. He stopped and looked at his friend. His eyes were bloched as if he'd been crying recently and his pupils were so wide almost no color showed around his irises. He instantly wished he'd not removed his glasses.

        "I'll tell you later." Traveler said and went to his quarters. Rædis did not see him again for four days. When he did, Traveler looked much better. He was clean shaven and smelled rather good. He was dressed as sharp and as interesting as usual. The metallic fabrics of his clothes giving him a bright appearance, almost an aura of rainbow light surrounding him as it reflected off his suit. Rædis himself was in his natural, robotic form. His bright eyes tracking Traveler as he entered the lounge that enveloped them in spacey oppulence.

         "Hey Ræ." he said as he went to a small cube of a refrigerator for a drink. He withdrew a can of cherry Coke and popped the top. He switched one of the lounges screens on just to hear someone else talking besides himself for a change. This was a signal to Rædis that his friend was about to get serious. He had waited patiently for days to learn what had happened to Traveler. He leaned forward on the sofa he was sitting on.

       "Traveler." Rædis said in greeting but that was all.

        Traveler took a sip of his drink and lit a cigarette he had tucked behind his ear. He exhaled ordinary, gray smoke and looked levelly at the living machine.

        "Eighteen months." he said. Rædis had thought his friend's recent excursion in time would have been a lot longer given the state he was in when he first got back.

         "Tell me about it." Rædis simply said.

One of the things Traveler liked best about Rædis was he could launch into conversation with him without preamble or prologue. The machine wasn't big on small talk and had a limitless attention span. They could not speak for days and pick up conversation very easily.

        "There was a world in trouble. I have some good friends there. A cool kid, a family of local animals that lived in a tree..." he paused. "...maybe a woman."

        Rædis gave him a sarcastic look.

        "Okay, maybe two." he admitted sheepishly.

        "The point is their planet was about to get smacked by a killer comet out of deep space. Their science had seen it coming for years but they were powerless to do anything about it. They had tried to knock it off course but the thing was huge and they only managed to alter it enough for a glancing blow. It still would have destroyed their world, their civilization, everything. I knew I could save them. All of them, not just my friends." he took a drag from his cigarette.

        "And you failed?" Rædis asked, sliding an ashtray across the coffee table between them. It was musical and played the jingle of the beer brewer that was labeled on the thing. Rædis instantly regretted doing this but it didn't disrupt his friend's tale.

        "No! Of course not. It was a simple matter of celestial mechanics. Like playing billiards with really big balls." Traveler

replied.

        "I thought I worked out all the temporal repercussions. That was the hard part. But I'm good at that..."

        And he was. Really good at it. He could project his mind along multiple pathways through time. He could calculate outcomes and possibilities to exponential numbers. Even Rædis marveled at how his mind worked and the things he could do with it. As a machine, Rædis' thought processes were far too linear and logical to even begin to understand the twisted, abstract and plain fucked up things the way Traveler could.

        Traveler continued...

        "But I forgot about the cat." He sighed heavily and ashed the smoke.

        "There was a cat?" Rædis interrupted. He loved cats.

         "Yeah. There was a cat." Traveler said testily, in no mood for Rædis' cuteness.

        "It was apparently more important than I reckoned." he said, crushing out the cigarette. He took a seat next to Rædis.

        "In some way I missed, the cat needed to be in a specific place at a specific time, you know...the usual temporal bullshit that I have to take into consideration on these types of missions."

        Rædis nodded. He had been made well aware of certain fundamentals of time travel through his association with his weird friend.

        "But I didn't. And when I got back to the world, my friends were gone. Lost in the pool of time I can no longer find." Traveler's eyes welled up with tears but not a single one fell. He would not allow it. He'd been moving through time for far too long to shed tears of regret. His former tears were spilt out of anger and frustration. However he was still a man and not totally as heartless as he presented himself. Not by a longshot.

        Traveler wiped his eyes and regained his cool exterior but the mirth he usually expressed did not return to his face. He settled back into the plushness of the couch and looked dejected.

        "But you saved them all." Rædis said, offering consolation but his words seemed to bounce off his friend. Traveler said nothing, just sighed again and swallowed hard as if eating his own loathsome feelings. They sat in silence for a long time. The chatter from the screen the only sound save for Traveler's periodic, contemplative sighs.

        Rædis concluded as he had before that being a time traveler is resigning oneself to a very special and cruel kind of isolation. While everything changes around a time traveler, they alone have to continue on with the knowledge of events that now never were or never may be.

         Traveler turned just his head, met his best friend's eyes and finally spoke.

        "Rædis..." he began then searched for the words he wanted to say.

        "Yeah?"

        "I promise I'll never use the machine again without you along. I couldn't take it if I ever did something to lose you in time.  I..." he hesitated. "...I appreciate your consistency."

        As soon as he said this he realised it was among the greatest of compliments he could have paid the living robot. Rædis beamed. The lights behind his odd eyes ticked up a several levels in luminosity. He smiled and said:

        "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, my friend."

Rædis realized it was not only because they had such fun together but Traveler needed a companion who kept the same time as him. He valued the machine's perfect memory and overall durability especially when it came to adventures in time.

         "Do you want a hug?" Rædis asked the time traveler. Traveler's lips quivered until he could contain his grin no longer. He laughed.

        "No." he stuttered through his chuckling. "I need a vacation!" He sprung up from the sofa with renewed vigor. "Let's go somewhere fun!" he said as he made for the lounge door with a spring in his step, heading for the bridge.

         "That's the spirit!" Rædis smiled and stood up to follow. In his time spent with his friend, Rædis realized the one thing nature abhorred more than a vacuum was a paradox and that it would be merciless in keeping one from happening and do unspeakably strange things to somebody who tried to, willingly or not, create one. A thought occurred to him as he entered the bridge. Traveler was already creating a particularly bawdy holiday with the ship's computer.

         "Traveler..." he said. "...you know anything is possible. You may find your friends again. And I'm sure they know it was you that saved them. They must still exist in a reality just waiting for us to discover." Traveler snapped his fingers and pointed at Rædis without looking from the monitor he was fixed on.

        "Good thinking. I like that. Thanks pal." said Traveler with genuine cheer. His relentless optimism was returning.

         "What'cha planning over there?" Rædis asked curious and relieved his friend's bouts of time addled depression were relatively short. 

          Traveler fixed him with a mischievous grin.

       "You up for a race?"

Traveler was hopelessly mired in traffic and it was pissing him off because he was supposed to be dining with the love of his life, Lisa Hole.

He was in 'City Sector 7' of Raedis' big-ass world ship. Since they had begun taking in whole racing teams and their families while following certain classes on various worlds, the sector had changed from a nice place to hang out into an overcrowded, sprawling mess of a burgh. Often Traveler would go for a drive through it and perhaps even have lunch in one of its many idyllic municipal parks. However, taking aboard large groups of people had overcrowded the city space. He definitely needed to bring this up with Raedis. His thoughts returned to the present as the high pitched hum of a punk little kid on an electric scooter whizzed passed his open window as he smoked a cigarette. It was just a normal smoke that he lit with the tiny, jet-like flame of a lighter fueled by butane. The kid waved to Traveler as he passed having recognized the distinctive car the man was trying to drive at anything faster than the pedestrian pace he was plodding along at presently.

Traveler was in a 1972 red DeTomoso Pantera and he'd be loving it if he were able to drive it faster than a kid on a scooter. He looked down his arm to his fingers which were holding the cigarette upright between them. He took a long drag and exhaled it through his nostrils impatiently then looked at it again after flicking ashes from the tip. They blew right back at him, however and landed in his lap.

"Fuck." he said aloud to the empty car. Of course he was wearing thin, black trousers that now bore a pinhole burn in their upper right thigh in the middle of a grey smear of ash.

City Sector 7 was becoming a crowded, very unmachine-like sprawl that he was definitely now going to bring up with his best friend.

Whenever he got out this traffic. A three lane river of slow moving metal crept along. Traveler looked at the cigarette burning between the tips of his fingers. The sunlight simulating lights that shone from unfathomable heights were currently throwing down a depressing flat light that cast no shadows. Traveler sighed and finished his smoke. As he put it out though, something clicked in his complex brain. He pushed the thought aside for now. The group of cars he was stuck among began to move forward.

A wave of red brake lights receded, replaced by a surge of motion. Traveler gunned the Pantera's big motor and scared some kids in an adjacent car. He took maximum advantage of the opportunity to move and with a little skill, found a space within two groups of cars to cruise in.

He finally arrived at his rendezvous with Lisa. She was a welcome sight to his eyes which were literally sore from the drive.

She saw it on his face as soon as he climbed out of the gorgeous red machine. There was such a contrast between the jovial red of the cool car and the misery on her man's face she couldn't help but snap a photo of him as he looked at her. She raised her phone and quickly snapped a shot before he could move. She smiled when she saw that it was perfect.

Her smile was so wonderful to him that his foul mood evaporated like breath on a window.

"Why this face, baby?" she asked and turned the phone so he could see the picture she had taken. He ignored her phone and took her wrist. In an elegant sweep of a maneuver he was behind her, kissing his way from her wrist to her elbow. He bypassed the jagged scar of a racing injury knowing she did not like it to be touched.

"I was annoyed by the traffic around here. It's gotten out of hand." he finally told her. He could feel a certain kind of heat reserved for him now emanating from her body with his dance like move next to her.

"Perhaps the city needs to be expanded? Anyway, who wants to talk about the traffic? Let's go eat." she suggested. There was a delightfully mischievous look in her icy blue eyes that told him not to listen to her would be folly, so he did.

She insisted on driving and he did not refuse. She was currently wheeling around in a quick, agile little sports coupe and he also very much wanted to see how she handled the current city traffic.

They got into her slick, red coupe and she switched it on. It hummed to life with a powerful throb. Its dashboard lit up with holographic displays that Traveler watched her quick eyes look over. She appeared satisfied at what she saw. Other drivers' process when starting up a vehicle alway intrigued the man. Doubly so when he was in love with said driver.

She caught him checking her out with a sideways glance, leaned over and found his lips with great precision. She kissed him for a long time and when she finally disengaged said: "Everything is operational. Ready to see how driving in traffic is done?"

"At your leisure." was his slightly winded response. She grinned almost savagely as she floored it from her parking spot to seek out some traffic. She didn't have to drive far. Within ten minutes after leaving her place they were merging into a ton of traffic, slowly.

"Right then. Here, as you can see, is the problem. I know you've noticed it before." Traveler said.

"Of course I have. But you, of all people, have the ability to change this for the betterment of City Sector 7." she said back. In her mind she was lacing a route through the traffic. When it was set she adjusted her hands on the wheel and started her run. Traveler watched with amazement as she made leaps of intuition in spots that only seconds before she took it over contained another vehicle. The ire of many other drivers was sounded in their horns as she wove her way through the traffic. Their irritated notes seemed to fuel her skill and daring. She pulled moves Traveler would reserve for a race and his strict adherence to local traffic laws of the planets and times he's visited kept him from such bombastic displays of vehicular motion.

Lisa, however, didn't seem to give a toss about the other motorists muddled around them or the regulations that were intended to keep them from moving like they now were. Traveler tightened his safety harness as Lisa dove onto the shoulder, around a long, cargo truck.

"Hey! Going off the road doesn't count." Traveler protested and yet could not stop grinning. Her style and skill were dazzling. Her bravery, was enough to make Traveler obtain an even tighter grip on his safety restraints. He also spaced then placed his feet firmly on the fairly flexible flooring of the speedy little coupé.

"It's the fastest way around that dumb, slow truck! C'mon, baby!

This isn't a race..." she said as the grin returned to her face after pulling another daring passing maneuver that caused Traveler to clench visibly in his seat. "We could get another car for our time together and go to the racing sector of the ship." she said and, having to stop behind another car, looked at him long enough to arc a thin black eyebrow provocatively over a dazzling blue eye. He loved that look and she usually got her request whenever she employed it on him. They both knew this so she didn't abuse the wiley power.

"Let's talk about it while we eat." was his reply.

"Sure!" she said. She was happy their destination was close and got them to it much quicker than Traveler thought she could given the traffic. Lisa stopped them in a vacant spot before a small café.

"Nice work through the traffic." Traveler said looking behind him at the crowd of cars stopped in the street they had just turned off of. He snapped back around to watch her egress the vehicle. This was a motion that he never tired of watching for, to him, watching Lisa Hole exit a vehicle was one of the most balletic actions he'd ever seen a clothed woman complete.

In one fluid motion the woman would guide her knees under the steering linkage and pivot. She set her stylish blue shoes on the tarmac one at a time as if to first make sure the ground and, depending on the situation, her legs were solid under her for often times, they were not. Finally, she would emerge, usually with a stretch because she was a tall woman and sports cars were crampt vehicles, at best.

Lisa knew this action of egress garnered his attention so she deliberately made a more elaborate and somewhat seductive show of it when they were alone together. Traveler never suspected that she knew he watched her do all this and she grinned when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw him totally checking her out.

Lunch was served to them at the little café in a cardboard box the interior of which was stained with a bright orange grease. The contents of the box were taco-like treats accented with colorful vegetables which the pair devoured while chatting about where to go next before getting back in the car.

Overhead the lights demarcating day from night began to take on an early evening hue. Traveler was back at the wheel and the traffic was noticeably lighter. They agreed to stay at one of Traveler's favorite places. He knew how to get there from where they were. Now it was Lisa who was observing her man's wheel work. Sure they had competed against one another so she knew how he raced but their love affair contained surprisingly little time together in cars. She noted how cautious and courteous he tended to be. He was nothing like he was on the racetrack.

She also noted the amount of courtesy he was granted by other motorists and how he seemed to ease the tension of drivers around him as he progressed. This was something she would have expected more from from Raedis and she could feel the influence of Traveler's best friend in the man's amicable actions.

As Lisa Hole studied him, she was also totally going to use everything she learnt about his driving against him the next time they had to race against each other.

Red brake lights halted their progress and flooded the small car with light. It threw the two lover's features into sharp contrast as they looked at one another.

"You...are so rad." he said to her with enough time for a quick kiss before he had to roll them forward a few feet. He totally knew she had been devising racing strategies against him every time she let him drive. So, since she was gaining knowledge about him he made sure to drive contrary to how he really would were they in competition. He too was studying her just as much when she was at the wheel.

And so it went for the rest of their time together. For five days they spent driving one another from place to place, each of them gearing up psychologically for the next race. When their time came to an end and Lisa had left, Traveler made sure he had a detailed talk with Raedis about his observations on the status and size of City Sector 7.

(I don't know if it is because of the update or the 'new look' or whatever but all of my posts have all been left justified for whatever reason completely doing away with any form of proper syntax. For a website for and about writing I find this to be a most heinous violation of the rules of writing. Not to mention it's fucked up all my stories.

The following short is my literary protest to this bizarre left justification of the text.)

Because of the emmence size of Rædis' worldship, he avoided traveling within the glittering space lanes that connected the developed systems of the greater galactic community. Also, the tolls for such a vessel would be astronomical.

      It was while circumventing a stretch of these galactic highways the worldship encountered a region of space that neither Rædis nor Traveler had never experienced before. The effects of this space on the giant ship and its inhabitants were quite profound, inconveniencing and ridiculous.

      Traveler and Rædis were preparing excellent new suits for wear to an awards ceremony they had been invited to by their friends, racing drivers Jenny Gumballs and Lisa Hole. The women had just won a series of races resulting in a first place championship within the particular division they were currently participating.

      Traveler was, of course, absolutely elated to see the love of his life and Rædis was happy to be there to celebrate the triumph of their exceptional friends.

      Rædis was happily going through a selection of patterns and colors to the holographic tie he was wearing as Traveler was doing up the laces on a shiny new pair of boots he was eager to wear.

      "What do you think about this pattern?" Rædis asked as he double checked it against the vest he was wearing.

      "Looks great." said Traveler without bothering to look.

      All of a sudden and without warning everything in the large dressing room they were in that was not bolted down or secured in some way was all gently but abruptly shifted to the left. Rædis and Traveler found themselves flattened against the left wall of large, mirrored room along with hundreds of small, loose objects.

      "What the fuck!" hollered Traveler in alarm.

      "Computer!" hollered Rædis.

      "Rædis." it said.

      "What in all hells is happening right now?" he asked it.

      The ship's computer anticipated this question and had already begun working out an answer.

      "I'm not quite sure yet. I do know that this is a ship wide occurrence and seems to have only affected items up to a certain mass."

      Rædis and Traveler were pressed up against the left wall of the dressing room. They weren't held there too hard and were able to slide their limbs and bodies about but they could not, despite all their physical effort, free themself from the smooth, reflective surface of the mirrored wall. Even Rædis with his greater than human strength was unable to push himself off the wall.

      He wisely decided not to give it too much effort in the event it would crack the surface and cause even more problems. Traveler, whose head was facing his friend said to him after sliding a jar of pomade out of the space between them like moving a magnet on a refrigerator:

      "Well...this is something new."

      Even his breath on the mirror lingered longer than it normally would before eventually evaporating. Rædis' head was turned away from Traveler but he was able to move it to face him with some effort.

      "This is bad. I really hope whatever is going on doesn't fuck up the ship in any detrimental ways." he said. His bright eyes reflected off the mirror. "Computer. What is the greatest mass effected by this weirdness?" he asked it.

      "Nothing greater than ninety kilograms is effected by the phenomenon." the computer replied.

      "Well that's good. At least we don't have to worry about our vast collection of various vehicles all piled up against one another among their parking places." said Traveler but no sooner had the words left his mouth than he was struck by a terrible thought. "Ræ! The other people aboard the ship! There is no doubt injuries and accidents. We should dispatch whatever help we can right away."

      "Shit, man. That's a great idea except if this 'left shift' has effected the whole ship than I'm not sure what kind of help we can render." said Rædis. "Computer, give me a damage and injury report. Like, is anything on fire, did anyone die, stuff like that."

It was odd having to issue such orders. In all his years of travel aboard the magnificent vessel, never was there such a bizarre or down right emergency of this magnitude to deal with.

      "There are no major fires and all cooking activities have been suspended for the duration of this..." the computer actually hesitated as it looked for the right word to explain what was going on. "...event." is what it went with. "It is definitely due to the region of space we have entered because outside of where the ship is currently located this 'left shift' does not seem to be happening. I have launched several probes in various directions to confirm this.

      As far as injuries are concerned, there are many. Most of them more inconveniencing than life threatening. The majority are concentrated around City Sector Seven."

      "Well, do what you can, computer and if possible, reverse us out of this 'left shift' and back into normal space." Rædis instructed.

      "Got it." the computer confirmed.

      While his friend was dealing with the computer, Traveler  had worked his phone out from his waist pocket and was slowly sliding it up the mirror so that he could place a call. Once it was in a workable position, he rang up their chief racing mechanic, Mr. Bright. It took several tries before Traveler heard the voice of the man through the phone. He was rightfully alarmed.

"Trav! What in all the hells is going on!? Everything is a mess down here!"

Before Traveler filled him in he asked a very important question.

"Where is little First Light and is she okay?"

Mr. Bright's daughter had come to mean a lot to Traveler. He had taken the form of a super cool uncle to her who let her get away with things the other adults in her life would frown upon. He delighted her with unique gifts from his journeys not just around the galaxy but from different points in time.

Whenever he presented her with one of these little temporal trinkets he always told her the tale of its acquisition. Her young imagination would soar as she pictured in her mind what he described for Traveler was very excellent at telling stories.

"She is okay, yes. She was in her room with her tutor when whatever this is happened. She and Mr. Spacemin, her tutor are currently stuck to the left wall of her room. They are uncomfortable but safe." said Mr. Bright.

"And you and your wife?" Traveler asked after breathing a sigh of relief knowing the child was safe.

"We are okay too. We're stuck against the living room wall along with a variety of small items oh...and the cat."

"The cat? Cripes, it must be freaking out." Traveler said as he tried to picture the small animal stuck to the wall of the Bright's living room.

"Actually, it's asleep." Mr. Bright reported. Traveler laughed.

"Okay well, you all hang in there. Me 'an Ræ are trying to figure out how to fix whatever this phenomenon is ." Traveler's wordplay was not lost on the mechanic.

"Ha ha... Hang in there. You're very funny." he then ended the call.

While Traveler was checking on the Brights, Rædis had the computer dispatch emergency services to the ship's population. As the Left Shift only affected items up to a certain weight an army of service droids above the limit were able to move freely about the ship to tend to those that needed help.

"Okay. I've done what I could to help the city sector, now we need to work our way out of this weird part of space. How are our friends?" asked Rædis.

"As good as can be given what's happening. First Light is okay." Traveler reported. Rædis breathed an electric sigh of relief then got back to the problem.

"Okay, let's first see if we can move off of this wall and work our way around the room." he proposed.

"Right. Good plan." said Traveler and began to slide himself along the mirrored wall towards the nearest corner of the dressing room. It was easy enough but upon reaching the junction of the two walls he found that when he reached out to try and touch the other wall his hand was drawn gently but inexorably back to the wall he was stuck to.

Rædis watched this. His expressive face went through a series of looks from confused to intrigued and concluded with frustrated.

"You try." Traveler suggested. They then began a complex series of motions to switch places. It involved Traveler working his way up and over his friend while Rædis slid under him. Rædis then also tried to reach out and touch the other wall. His efforts, despite his great strength, produced the same effect.

Both friends looked at each other. Rædis' bright eyes gave off a light of frustrated confusion. Traveler shrugged. Both were at a loss for ideas.

"Well. This certainly is one of the more stupider things we've ever encountered." said Traveler unhelpfully.

"Hey computer..." Rædis called. "What do you make of this space? You said you launched probes. What else have they found out besides the boundaries of this left shifted space?"

Before the computer could answer, however, Traveler reminded his friend of the shipwide announcement he had yet to make. "Oh! Yes, of course. Ummm...what should I say?" he asked.

"Tell 'em like it is, man! And let them know we're doing what we can to normalize whatever this weirdness is." Traveler said to Rædis as if it were obvious.

Rædis thought for one of his mechanical moments then instructed the computer to activate the shipwide intercom. He had never used it before because he never had a reason to.

A tone signified that he could now address the ship at will.

"Um...hello everyone." he began. "This is Rædis speaking. You may have seen me around the ship before hangin' out mostly in City Sector Seven with my friend Traveler. Uh, you also may have noticed we have encountered a unique and rather inconvenient problem. We think it has something to do with the region of space the ship is currently passing through..."

As he launched tentatively into his announcement Traveler rolled his eyes next to him but did not interrupt.

Rædis continued...

"We are working to return to normal space as quickly as possible and I'm asking everyone to please be patient and try to remain calm and not panic. Service droids not affected by this weird problem have been dispatched to assist the wounded and help out as best as they can.

Again, I promise you all me, Traveler and the ship's computer are working to restore normality as quickly as possible."

He concluded his announcement and instructed the computer to repeat it two more times. Traveler rolled his eyes after Rædis' address.

"Very reassuring, Ræ. I'm sure that put everyone's mind at ease." he said sarcastically. He then imagined what it must sound like to hear his friend's voice throughout the giant ship. He then got the irresistible urge to make an announcement of his own. Rædis could tell by the look on Traveler's face that he really wanted to.

He sighed an electric sigh.

"Fine then. Make your own announcement.Go ahead. Say what's on yer mind." he told the man. Traveler grinned a happy grin.

"Awesome. Thanks!" he said to Rædis then instructed the computer to switch the intercom back on. Once it did, Traveler began his own speech to the small population of the worldship.

He said: "Hi everyone! Traveler here. Listen, I know there's a bit of weirdness currently going on but all of you stay calm. Help is on the way. Stay chill. Like Rædis said, we are making for normal space with all haste."

Feeling satisfied that his voice had been heard throughout the populated portions of the vessel, he told the computer to switch the intercom off then looked at his friend. "Right. Now what?" he asked.

"That's pretty much the same thing I said. You just wanted to hear your voice broadcast around the whole ship." Rædis said. Traveler smiled.

"Duh dude. Of course!" Despite their situation they both laughed. When they were done Rædis got back to business.

"Computer. Have you determined the boundaries of this bizarre left shifted space?" Rædis asked it.

"Yep." answered the computer. "I have also engaged the engines to drive us out of it as fast as we can move as well as dispatched a whole bunch of warning markers out to said boundaries for other ships so they don't fall victim to the same problem."

"Good thinking computer!" Traveler said, commending the machine on its foresight and initiative. If the thing could smile it would be.

"Thank you, Traveler. Now, let me get your collective asses out of this strange space as fast as possible before you people have to piss or something. It is going to take enough time to clean up this place as it is without having to add biological mess to the problem." said the computer. Traveler laughed at the remark.

"Good point." he said. Both friends then heard the worldship's massive motors engage and ramp up to their maximum speed as the computer began to drive them out of the 'left shift' and into a more rational region of the galaxy.