Looking in the mirror trying to analyze my figure.

I'm not perfect and you want perfect. I fell too hard.

I loved you when I didn't love myself.

You rocked me so hard, you played all your cards right you played with my heart.

When I fell you let me hit the ground.

Still, feel alone around you.

I loved you when I didn't love myself.

You said you love me but you only love yourself.

Drink liquor till the head gets consumed by the pint. Not caring about my health I’m just trying to numb the pain, love, and hate, but it all just feels the same.

I get drunk till I can’t feel

The loves fake the pains real.

I’ve tried every drug on that shelf, but it didn’t help.

I feel like I’m losing myself.

I was trying to focus on us in the future but you were only focused on my past.

If you left, I’d lose my soul.

So many times I’ve said imma change just to turn around and do the same.

I know I’m the one to blame so I get drunk till I can’t see.

I love you but I hate me.

I’m trying to be someone I can’t be and I just haven't been myself lately.

We use the drugs they gave to us to replace the love the world takes from us.

I guess I just feel like I’m losing myself.

I laugh, she sobs.

I talk, She's silent.

I'm confident, she's not.

I'm outgoing, She hides.

These girls are special. Would it surprise you if I said their the same girl?

We've seen it in the movies, but how about in real life? Maybe you're friends with her or maybe you are her.

A double life.

One person sees you one way, another sees you another way. One thinks your hilarious and just this happy person. Then one pitties you, sees your pain sees you're not ok.

Two lives.

It's hard for her to balance them.

She's at the top of the peek right now.

She feels like she's going to fall without anyone there to catch her. She had someone, but she lost them.

They got lost looking for her. They gave up on her.

Her eyes burn, heart feels numb. She feels as if she could be hurt again but won't feel it this time.

She feels as if someones holding her head underwater. She's drowning right now and no one knows it. She can't breathe.

She screams underwater "HELP!", but it just comes out as a mumble from the top. They can't hear her no matter how loud she yells. It always comes out as nothing.

She has nothing now.

She lost herself again.

This Girl

This girl fell.

There was a big bang that got everyone's attention.

Pity is all she sees from anyone now.

Stress is written all over her mother's face.

Scary is what her father becomes when he takes a swing of that liquor.

Ashamed is what she feels when her brothers see her.

Disgrace is what she hears from her sister's lips.

Suprised is what she really feels.

She finally got a taste of air.

She caught her breath once again in a long time.

She saw hope.

She saw someone who left, who destroyed her.

He returned.

He didn't stay very long though.

Only a few "Hellos" and "Goodbyes" were exchanged.

Then, poof, he's gone.

Her head is back underwater.

This time she's fighting the pressure holding her down.

She's trying to escape this torture because she realized she's wanted in this world.

Her mom then told her "Did you know that God gave his best soldiers the hardest missions, and they ain't leaving until they accomplish them."

This girl was given a difficult mission.

I lost him and now I’m lost in these drugs. I took 9 pills today and I’m feeling fine so imma keep taking more till the pain is numb. He was the guy I saw in my dreams at night but, I somehow always found a way to hurt the people I love because of my pain. All the people that I hope to stay, are the ones that fade away. I couldn’t decide on loving you or myself at the moment. I hate how my soul got so attached to yours, I can’t be me without you. I don’t want to feel anymore, so I try to numb the pain with these drugs. I feel like I lost touch of the real me again. I’m drinking until my feelings fade away at this point. Mama then told me”This ain’t the way to live.” But, when you feel what I’m feeling that’s just the way it is. He would lift me up and I held him down. I’m living in a world so fake that I’m so desperate of something real. My anxiety is suffocating me I’m barely breathing. It’s raining outside, and I’m inside hoping the rain just stops because it’s reminding me of the day you said you’re leaving me. I run from my past. That’s just who I am, I’m a coward. Sometimes we numb ourselves hoping it lasts because when the people we love and need at the moment the most are never there.