In Lamplight
In lamplight, I remember you.
Like a backwards memory, fast forward. We were
A carousel of raven feathers,
Curling smoke from an abandoned cigarette
How could I forget that we
were a disaster waiting to happen?
We were untouchable.
Stop, stare out at the watchers.
Laughing in their faces.
What happened to you? A girl
She, was prettier than I
And you thought you could be in love
with the two of us at the same time and
be perfectly fine
The girlfriend (I) and the friend (she); I
Unaware of your advances, she
not wanting any of it.
She told you that I belong to you.
A reminder of friendship.
What happened to you?
What happened? Well, a boy
thought he could love two girls
at once, hold one at a distance, admire her from afar
and love the other closely.
This is not a poem of the woman scorned but the women
scorned.
We were both fooled, she into friendship and
I the lover.
He kissed her, in lamplight.
Under an endless sea of stars, the great moon casting
her soft rays upon them.
He could have thought this was perfect.
Until she shoved him away, climbed out
of the mustang. (the ironic chariot)
Cast herself into a house of watchers.
He called me,
I laying in my bed draped
in lamplight; the same moon and sky outside my open window.
The dancing pieces of Luna's love on my cousins carpet floor
Your confession ripped through me,
shattering everything.
I hated you then.
And now, in lamplight, I remember you
the memory sealed into my skull,
unable to forget your ultimate betrayal
I loathe you more.
(edited because I forgot the title)
Open jaws
1. I remember falling in love with you.
2. The first prayer I ever said willingly was asking God if you could love me just as much as I loved you.
3. I am sure he did not hear me.
I do not believe in God.
4. You said you did not mean it.
I'm not sure what "it" was. Abuse is not just one thing.
It is a number of things tied together with thorns.
It is meant to draw blood.
5. I refuse to accept an apology.
I refuse to climb back inside your jaws and let you swallow me whole.
I refuse to feed my body to those who do not love me.
I refuse to die by your hands again.
6. When you said no one could love me like you did, you were right.
I do not let them.
7. Maybe my faithless prayer was heard after all.
8. I do not love you anymore.