The following is based off of real life events. When I was about twelve at the time and a bunch of my friends were doing psychedelics so of course I wanted to join the group, so the one night im over at my friend Jane's (fake names for the purpose of these people) house and she says that she has acid and asked if I wanted to do some and at first I said no but eventually she convinced me to do a tab so I did and at first I had no clue what I was doing so she walked me through it and keep in mind there was seven of my other friends there who have and haven't done it. About an hour in, im not feeling anything, so Jane says she has to go to this one person's house, so we all go instead and halfway to this person's house which was about a 4 mile(6.43738 km) walk, halfway through everything hits me at once and of course we were passing around blunts, bowls, carts(THC oil), bongs, taking dabs(THC wax), we were drinking a lot as well and a lot of us had vapes and/or cigarettes so at janes house everyone was smoking something.

This acid tab just starts to kick in and we're walking to this person's house and I don't even know the person. While were walking I'm kind of sitting here tripped out I'm seeing a bunch of shit, then I start seeing a clown behind us every couple steps we would take. I go ask for my one friends vape and that's when everyone sees it and their first reaction was to run, well I didnt know they were running yet cause I was staring at this clown trying to see if it was actually there or not. Few moments later a get a text from my one friend Emma(again fake names) asking where I am and I tell her where I am and that the clown had left. When they came back however, thats when the night began to escalate. No sooner we get to this person's house we see the clown again. Jane starts banging on this person's door after they don't answer for a while. I'm looking back and furth to see where the hell this clown was and next thing I know the front door is wide open and Jane is nowhere to be found, so the other eight of us walks into the house thinking thats where she probably went.

Walking into this house was so scary and dark. Everyone kept assuming that we were going to run into Jane but we walked around this house for what seemed to be three hours. Finally we heard some movement coming from down the hall. If your wondering if we followed it of course we did because we were like twelve, so we walk down this hallway and come to this empty room and again no one is to be seen...

Where's my happily ever after

They say you'll find the one

but what if I don't

what if Im lonely forever?

That's fine

who needs somebody anyway

Maybe I just like the idea of that person

Maybe i want to be perfect and fit in with everyone

What if we wake up one day and everyone is the same?

Is that what it takes for people to realize that other people are hurting too?

Nobody cares until it's too late but whats that matter anyway. Exactly. It doesn't.

Everyone puts pressure on you

Like a balloon, put to much pressure on it and POP!!

Sometimes it's hard to get threw days

Everyone has bad days they say

Everyone doesn't have bad days every damn day

I haven't even made it past 16

I feel trapped consistently

Searching

Waiting

Scanning

Confused

My thoughts every and all day

She is hurt

She is dying

She is alone

She is lonely

She is a mess

She is judged

She is ignored

She is suicidal

She is stressed

She is confused

She is fucked up

She is depressed

She is misunderstood

She is tired but still living

She is hurt but won't show it

She is screaming but is silent

She is in pain but still smiling

She is me

Roses are red,

violets are blue,

sugar is sweet,

and perhaps so are you,

but the roses have wilted,

the violets are dead,

the sugar bowl is empty

and your wrists stained red,

the sun isn't shining

the sky isn't clear

there is no silver lining cause you're no longer here

Rain keeps on pouring,

there is no end in sight,

you're laying there frozen

so far from the light

your beauty's unreal

your smile is the sun

but time can't be turned nor your action undone

the words that you wrote that I only read,

"I love you so much please don't cry when I'm dead",

A bond that was formed,

a love that ran deep

a friend I could keep

I wanted to hold you

wipe the tears from your eyes

been there for thmoment you said said your goodbyes.

I want to forget but most times I don't

I want to let go

but I know that I won't

tears on my face

memories burned in my head,

the roses have wilted,

the violets are dead.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I feel the blade,

But I don't think you do,

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

the blood in my wirst,

Is red too

Last night I was on this app called Omegle and if your not firmilliar with it, its basically an app where you can talk to complete strangers, I got to talk with this older woman who was twenty-one, who need advice on her life decisions. She had two boyfriends and didnt know what to do, I explained that I was only fifteen and wasnt very expericenced with her situation but I would do my best to try and help her. I explained to her that if she thinks that she can't live without a male figure in her life then she needs to take some time for herself and focas and her and what she wants in her life and she kept stressing that she feels upset when she isn't with someone. I told her the pain it feels when a person finds out that they got cheated on and trust me it doesn't feel very good. She agreed to take some time to herself but the whole point of this was I just needed to get off my chest on how bad it feels to get cheated on and I don't care who you are if you cheat on someone you should be basically dead because its just not fair to either person. I just needed to get this off my chest.

What if you weren't with her?

What if you picked me?

What if we moved in and started a life together?

What if we lived in a house with no care in the world?

What if you wanted me?

What if we never met?

What if i wasn't alive?

Would you care?

Would life go on without me?

Probally. Maybe? Mostlikely.

What if you didn't hurt me every time I saw you?

What if...?

The possiballity of so many things but nothing ever happens,

im to shy to say anything to you about how i really feel,

you want her and i think that's clear enough for me to understand.

Do you ever think something like why did I wake up today or why am I still alive. I have an answer for you, you wake up because there is going to be one person that loves you and wants to be with you and enjoys your existence and they want to make you feel loved and appreciated and when they see or in my case hear you even a little bit upset they start to get upset. I've been talking to this guy for a couple weeks now and he makes me feel happy and honestly because I know that he's probably not going to see this but no matter how many times he says it every time he says it I start to get closer and quite frankly im terrified. I act like everything is fine and he told me that he loved me and honestly I'm almost positive that I love him too but he doesn't want to start dating until we can hangout more and I get where he is coming from but he doesn't exactly know what he's getting himself into and im scared because I feel like once he sees the real me for me he's not going to like it and just leave me for someone better. I tell him everyday and every time we talk and I feel like he blames himself for how much I hate myself and please don't tell me that i shouldn't hate myself but it's not about that and it's not about my mental health and he tries to convince me every time we talk that he´s ugly and every time I start flipping out on him and if he somehow sees this I just want him and everyone else to know that the reason I feel this way about myself it has nothing to do with you and more importantly I want to say that you have a purpose I don't care how old or young you are if you are thinking about ending everything please call the hotline and talk to someone about it because if you don't talk to someone about it then shit can get so much worse and you might even end up taking your own life and there are people whether you realize it or not there are people who get excited to see you and I know this isn't usually what I write about but sometimes you just need someone to talk to about and I know damn well that everyone on this site can one keep a secret and two I can trust you not to go off and report me and I will be flat out with this I am seeing a therapist and I am getting an out-patient rehab services so I can limit my drug use some more even though I am only 15 I don't really care because it is my life and no one else's and I can do what I want to it when I want to as I've told my mom and other people. I guess I will close this off with don't try to be someone that your not because eventually when they find out who you really are they will find out and they will leave you for being fake and for trying to be someone else but that's it for right now i'm starting to get emotional in school.