You look at me

I look away

This couldn’t be

But I want to stay

This feels so wrong

But I have to ask

Is this where I belong?

Should I lower my mask?

I’m in love with you

And you with me

Until now, had no clue,

But some things are meant to be

You reach out and take my hand

My breathing hitches, I want to run

But now is my time to make a stand

To prove I’m not just staying for fun

I now have to prove what I feel

Not in word, but in deed

All these emotions inside of us are real

It is time for us to listen and heed

I must start anew.

My craft was ruined by a large being, torn apart, ripped to shreds.

My creation, my hard work, my daily life now wraps this figure and is pulled to the dirt.

A vantage point saved me from the same end,

but, exasperation feels worse.

I crawl to where once lied an amazing, entangled maze of pure beauty,

and sigh.

Alas, I must start anew.

I always grew up,

in the church, in my home, at school,

I always grew up being told

"you live to make others happy"

so i did

I held my head high.

I said the nice things I could

I held the people who needed it

I listened to the unheard

i was told that made God happy

but what about my happiness?

I lived in a neighborhood house

I was told to be grateful

In a house full of too many dogs

Going to school smelling like dog shit everyday

i was told that made God feel loved

but where was my love?

i hate the way i look and talk

i was told i was selfish for thinking about myself

for caring about others, for taking care of others

for ignoring myself

i was selfish

i was told that someone taking their life was the most selfish thing anyone can do

that god hates and punishes those who do it

so i decided, what the hell

i'll be "selfish"

my depression and anxiety didn't matter to anyone

my love and care didn't matter to anyone

my pain and sadness everyday didn't matter to anyone

i didnt matter to god

i didnt matter to anyone

so i decided, what the hell

i'll be "selfish"

no more "what about me"

no more "where do i fit in"

no more "where is god?"

no more "what about me"

i'm going to take care of myself, for once

hold me, as I melt in your arms,

like tears made of iridescent wings.

haunting sirens, forgotten alarms,

just to wear your paper rings. 

tell me, that the world isn't cruel, 

as you sip on ruby blood.

and you pick me out, jewel after jewel,

till it flows furiously, as a flood.

my fire never burnt you,

as you were always made of ice.

darkened by horrors untrue,

and so you rolled the dice.

to haunt me until I fell for,

your game and tilted stage.

you whispered to me and swore,

that we were on the same page.

I'm just like you, both the same 

thick as blood and light like water,

the difference is the way we play the game,

in the eyes of those I slaughter. 

you were fine as you walked away,

armored with the fire from my eyes,

and left only the cold and gray,

then promised me your striking lies.

the walls came crumbling down,

and in the rubble fell the key,

and even though you got the crown,

darling, what about me?