Alone look it up in Webster's dictionary and it gives you the words to describe how it feels but words like separated and lonely, forlorn, and my favorite desolate. All fail to really capture the feeling of alone. Your mind in utter chaos of the whirling dervish of emotions of woe and longing for the hole to be plugged so you don't lose all of you through the sucking vortices of grief, longing, sadness, and desolation. No life raft in this place, so you drift in restlessness inconsolable grief for the loss of something or someone held  so dear. My mind is trapped and isolated in this place with no one to talk to not outlet for its emotional upheaval. Alone five letters strung together to describe a feeling that is a conqueror of even the greatest minds but these letters this word really can't convey the feeling of being alone. The vortex is steadily sucking my mind down into the oblivion of isolation and loneliness down down it goes and will it ever return to me? Someone please break the chains that are dragging my mind into the void of alone. My body is here but useless against all that is bombarding my mind in this island of dejection I am stranded on. Isolation is a torture that can happen in the middle of a crowd. And the vortex of alone whistles and moans as it pulls your mind down further and further into the vastness of Alone. 

Enter dream land focus on the girl by a stream . She sleeps and dreams of a guy she met a number of years ago, and Desired to get to know him Mind and Body. She smiles at the thought. He walks in her memories tall and tan with a smirking grin that turns to a sexy smile. She is but a child but something stirs within. Now it’s later in years and she has crossed paths with him again. The stirring starts again and she is the young girl again . She Desires to know his mind and body. Is he the same smirking guy that first caught her eye? She gets to know him partially but not as a whole. She thinks back and decides that she knows enough and the desire to know more of his mind and body is........it waning as she realized that he has grown into the smirking guy with the ego to go with that grin but he is now a arrogant Jackass that says all I have is sex to give to anyone. The sex not worth trying to get past the ego. She wakes and walks away from both him and the stream for good.

She lived Happily Ever After

with a new Guy

You have awakened something in me I thought long gone and buried. At first it felt so very wonderful and i was consumed by the rapturous feelings. But lo little did I know you would also awaken the sick sorted feeling of deep aching and pain of it all being just a game to you. Your pretty face and flattering words hid a nasty scheme of tricks and deceit. You lips dripping with venomous poison. My heart has stopped feeling my brain is numb. How could this have happened again! You two legged beast that roams around taking the very breath from your victims. How I want to turn the tables on you and make your long dead heart burn with the searing pain I feel. My brain says to walk away and I have to for my very sanity and life. Karma is going to have to hurry before I'm nothing but a pile of withering skin and bones. I am a strong woman and I will throw this off and rise again for you have also awakened the vengeful monster of anger and it will not be denied its hunger to go unsaited it will consume all of the pain and turn it back into strength to stand and move on and it will be turned back to vengeance. Upon you. You really made a big error in awakening the monster that I had buried deep it will take from you what was taken from me. You will suffer from this grievous hurt you inflicted on my very being. It will be a slow awakening for you into the world of shame and sorrow. You will slowly grow to understand that your game has dire consequences for the way you lied and played with another's heart and soul. The way you opened the floodgates of tears you will wish you could wipe away but they will not cease till I feel sated. You have awakened the wrong part of me and my very being. It could have been such a joyous awakening but you defiled something that could have been beautiful and turned it black and cold. I will conquer this in time but I will have the scars from this battle but so shall you! Beware of awakening something and almost destroying it with your foolish game. I am woman and I am stronger than the game. You are not.

As I sit down to have my breakfast it suddenly dawned on me as I gazed into my bowl of cold cereal this can't be the best of my life. I decided then and there it's time to teach my brain and heart to learn some new lessons. They need to Learn to work to together and not against each other. Now comes my dilemma how to accomplish this feat. I hit the www to see what's out there that might help. Very quickly I Learn that there is a lot of "Get better at communicating with your mate" " How to make him want only you" Etc, Etc...... I learn very quickly that all they want is your money. They deal in vagueness and simple things I already know. So I guess I did learn something about being your true self, but that's where my problem starts. I'm real and I guess too honest for almost every guy I meet. They seem to want you to be honest but when you give them what they ask for they don't know how to handle you. They freak out and withdraw making me wonder"Ok what's up" "Did I do something wrong". Well I've Learned that it wasn't me! He just likes the idea of Me but can't handle the reality of Me! So what can I Learn from this or any of the so called self help rigamaroll? Well for me I Learned that the male is a fragile delicate beast and most have No Idea what they want or need. They say one thing and do another. So what I have Learned is to be happy with me and my life and God willing I will meet that rare gem that understands me and I understand him. I am continuously Learning that I am a Great person and have a lot to offer and he will lucky enough to have me and not just what he has Learned over the years from just being male.Learn that it's ok to talk about feelings and be open with themselves and their mate. Then both of us will have our needs and wants satisfied and can weather any storms together. Learn to be open stop playing games and just be yourself. Learn that if the person you are with doesn't seem to grasp any of this then if you think he's worth it TEACH him . If he really cares then deep inside he know he can Enjoy Learning a new skill.

Once upon a time there was a woman that liked a man and that's how the tragedy so often starts. You meet sand he says let's get to know each other. Hope is dangled in front of you like a candy in front of a child. Eyes glow with a lite so bright only to be snuffed out when it could have been fanned to a wild glowing blaze . Hope how many times can one have them dashed before it is well and truly gone? Hope do I dare to trust the butterflies in my stomach when I think of you. Or do I douse it before it can be blown out by someone else. I Hope I can stand tall and not give up my Hopes. May not be you but I will Hope there is one that has Hope to burn as bright as mine and together we make one HECK of a bonfire. HOPE as the saying goes springs external?

You tried like HELL with all you lies and games but you barely scratched the surface of ME. Yeah gotta dent but not broken like you and your ploys and plots dashed upon the cliffs of my resolve to be happy. So go wallow in the mire of your fools game my heart has been strengthened with resolve to be much more selective with whom I let near. You can't know the joys of my heart and soul the depths of unfathomable pure Love and happiness. So go find another to play your games with ! I'm out.

Why me? You called and asked me over why? Will you be the one I can depend on or will you turn out to be a disgusting ass!? I have had enough of the jerks in my life. So will you be a lesson, blessing or a nasty scar HuH? Tell me truthfully is it just about getting a taste of me or something you can commit to? Yeah I went there not getting any younger and done being alone but don't want to waste time on you if you are a waste. Maybe someone else can fulfill my needs in and out of the bedroom. HuH ever think about that? I don't need any notches on my bed post I need a friend, lover a full-time partner. So get with the program ok how about that HuH!

As I have the full waves of this epiphany flow over me I feel I am drowning in a ocean of mediocrity in my life. Me an open book but one that few people will ever read let alone understand. I understand the tepid nature of they way the tip toe about all the while my pages exposed to their scrutiny. Me I think I shall close off several of my chapters until I find someone that will slowly read each scar and flaw and all the beauty that is me. You must take Me page by page and don't flip through like a blind man speed reading. Open your eyes SEE ME!!! I am ME. Can I trust you with all that I am? ME

#DEATH#fact. It was a beautiful nite the stars so bright shinning from your eyes or could have been mine as the locked with yours. I saw you in all your beauty and strength but a smile so shy how could you be the one that would change mine forever? Ha Ha the Fates and God’s laughed so mockingly on high she shall see and taste the pleasures of the highest high of Love’s sweet bliss but will sacrifice so much for this Life. Yes first comes the sweetness and heat of passion as promised by your eyes your lips and your touch.Then as the days turn into months and months into years and all is well on the surface but below the dark is ever rising with the passion. I knew none of this as all I could see was Love of this Life this person that had changed my live irrevocably. One plain ordinary night he tells me that I have saved him, saved his life by being in his and he Loves me and we shall grow older and wiser together. Ha say the Fates or gods Now we strike at the peak of happiness. Bam bam the life has been taken from me my Love has sunk beneath the dark River Styx and his heart no longer beats for us he has stopped it forever. No longer can I reach the potent passions I felt , no longer is the sun a welcome site nor is the moon with it’s haunting man looking down. The fates and God have played a wicked trick on me you see they took him away to another plain away from my touch , away from our heat. Now no longer is it a life it is the dark reality that Death has him and I no longer have. I can only hope that when they cut the string of my life we can once again meet and see if the death can be as wondrous as the life if he can stay longer and not pass on to yet another of the gods and fates next Death for us to have to endeavor to get through to find each other yet again . If the death allows this it truly will be heaven to be in this death if we can once again see the sparks in the others eyes as we come together once again beyond infinity together. The Death could it be more than The Life? Only by facing and embracing it with a open heart maybe. And this time no guns, no taking matters into your own hands I will not let you slip away again. I will stop you from taking what you told me was mine because you told me I saved your life from a time you wanted to go to the death right then. I will succeed this time when we meet again. My Love, My Life, and My Death are all intertwined and you have it all in the palm of your hand this time so you must save us from the next Death and parting.