Who I thought you was

Man she had me blushing cheeks as rosy as the red lipstick on her lips , the excitement u gave me the feeling of hope in loyalty and trust , all I saw was a beautiful girl in my eyes with all her flaws as perfection, until you took that from me , u was a monster made in disguise , that charming smile and laugh was all a game , u tore me down and broke me into so many pieces like the grains in the sand , but u didn’t care u turned ur back like a coward you are , who I thought you was .. was not to be the women who I seen , the agony u had towards me when I have been nth but Subtle to you , but that’s not who I thought you were , u came to be a night mare come true .

Hope is never give up ,to alway keep going ,

But it doesn’t feel so much like hope when ur beat and tired , this game of hope burns you like a deep wood fire , when’s there so much pain in my eyes and I seek for hope ... hope has caused me to disappear and love my self again , I seek for the better cause hope is really all I got but when that hope lets you down u crumble , it’s ok to believe and hope but alway remember reality is not some word it’s a dreadful awakening to life , but where’s your hope then ? Lost cause the power of pain has started to over come you ...... some can believe and some can’t but trying can cause u so much more pain then just choosing , but u need to go and reach out side this box , and be that hope to others and let them believe cause what we got to lose in a life so cold as the bottom of the ocean floors ? , NOTHING , NOTHING , BUT HOPE AND EAGER TO SEEK !

When ur trapped and can’t get out , u have no one there to talk to all the time , it’s like u don’t exist u start to feel invisible but u learn u don’t need anyone but ur self .

It still breaks you at the same time cause ur a nobody , no one sees you no one hears you , I can yell from the top of my lungs and still feel so silent like if I didn’t say a word ,

U get so used to being the nth anyone sees us people let it be are excuse to why we can’t face the world , I’m never ashamed of being alone but it do get lonely when u can’t share what’s on ur mind cause u the only one who believes in you ,

Being alone u have to be very strong cause u have only ur self to depend on and only ur self can see ur self for who u are and it’s ok to be trapped , it’s ok to be invisible , it’s ok to be nth anyone pays mind to , cause u won’t have to worry about the pain the outsiders bring in .

Being trapped in a box suffocating with only my thoughts and me , it’s a scary dream that u can’t wake up from till it chooses to be done .

ALONE ALONE ALONE

TO BE ALONE IS TO BE OK

That sharp pain , oh what a sharp pain ,

It feels like someone pounding a sword into my beated heart , a pain I felt the moment I closed my eyes an trusted the greater part of you ..

That sharp pain , oh what a sharp pain ,

It’s driving me insane , the pounding in my head like if I’m banging it .... maybe I should have ....

That sharp pain , oh that sharp pain ,

When I saw all the light in you and believed u shut me down with the dark and reopened my ugly scars , the stabbing didn’t end to I gave up and I fought and fought but maybe I should have ...

That sharp pain , oh that sharp pain ,

When I close my eyes I think to my self is this what a women deserves and as soon as I close my eyes ur in my head making me feel power less like I was underwater choking to survive, maybe I should have .....

Maybe I should have ... done many things to stop this dreadful pain that’s never left me alone feeling like ima burst into flames of agony , fighting it and fighting it , till the stabbing is wat I make of it and not what it makes of me .....