I wake up every morning

With the new hopes to beat

Old me

I realize I am the same person

I used to be

On the way to find some changes

Which could make me new

I hurt this innocent papers

And pen through what I exactly feel

Though in number it's so few

I don't understand

Where does it come from

All the way with the silence

Not as a noisy drum

There is no timing

It comes like a wave

And goes back

Hoping to come back again

There are no words limit

Actually no word can exactly express

What you are going through

Like a baby doll wearing dress

You might leave today, my love.

But always remember,

This world is a very small place.

And we will meet once again.

Remember me then, as the girl who gave unconditional love, even when she knew that her love would remain unrequited.

Remember me then, as the girl who forgot how to love when you left all those years back.

Remember me then, as a girl who's heart wept in silence every time she saw you.

Remember then, that you never knew all of this.

Realise then, that all this was a secret kept away from you.

No one's born talented

It's something you aquire.

You can be what you want to be

It's not something in your genes.

You have to explore

And learn what you love.

So you can write, draw, sing, dance or talk

But you'll have to learn it.

No one's born a great whatever

They've tried and tried and gotten better.

So start explexploring

And try new things

And find who your really are.

Even the clouds hide daydreams 

Of jet plane rides that from down here

Are so far away they're hopeless 

Yet hopelessly, romantics still dream 

I know that the possibility of tomorrow

Can never be as tempting as 

Yesterday's "could've been" 

Because I can taste yesterday 

I held yesterday 

I labored on the foundations of yesterday 

I'm not going to talk about the millions of fish in the sea

Who always seem to be sidetracked by anything shining 

They're desperate to be hooked 

Shallow fish in an endless sea

Waters I've chartered 

By heart and stars

And prayers upon stars 

Already 

I look to the sky

Not for the future 

The past 

The clouds hide

How many nights did we lay 

At the end of this runway counting jet planes

How many times did we say it would be us

One day

We gave names to the people inside 

We sent them to exotic places 

On adventures of love and discovery 

Across the globe they'd find their hearts 

Reconnect with parts of them they'd lost

Realizing answers to questions 

They never knew existed 

We laughed! 

We lived their lives for them 

Better than they did

Somehow 

We abandoned our own 

Daydreams got the better of today 

Grounded by the reality of just how far away they really are

More work 

Than we both had ever known

But I want you to know

That my head is still in the clouds

And my heart is up there

Somewhere 

Still tumbling around

My darling, you have

A propensity for describing

Who we are,

And I don't know

What I can do to make known

In a manner delicate enough

That I don't care for you.

I cannot list my distaste

At your romantic attempts

When I myself fail

To desire your attentions.

For now, I'll allow

Your world to spin around me

And you to picture me just so.

For your unrequited love

Will be your own downfall.

A phrase comes to mind,

I jot it down; then, add to it.

An energy is buzzing in my head.

I can’t, don’t stop myself:

Write, write, write.

Yes, that phrase; no wait.

That’s not quite right.

Go back to it, over and over again

Until it feels right. Yes, feels right.

The buzzing ebbs and flows telling me which words to choose.

Continue to change until the energy wains.

Read, re-read, and read it, again.

It comes to me for someone else.

Never sure to whom but it doesn’t matter.

I’m just the conduit and the energy tells me I’m “on.” Write, it’s time.

I know it’s finished, it’s ready to share,

when the energy stops; no more buzzing.

I didn't lie to make myself seem better, or even more likable. I almost wish I had, for at least that would be a slightly better excuse for my deceit. In truth, I lied to make myself simpler, to make myself easy. I wanted to seem transparent, to be someone who you could always count on not to be complicated. I didn't want to have real problems, or even real depth. I wanted to be the solid, silent companion. I wanted to be the person who listened but never spoke, who answered but never asked, who gave help but never needed it. I wanted to pass the time happily, ignoring my truth and my pain and being little more than a cheery helper.

But then I fell in love with you. I don't know how you felt about me, or even how I wanted you to feel about me. All I knew was that I had to leave. All that I had ever been - all that we had ever been - was a lie, an illusion. A harmless one, perhaps, but still not an easy one to explain.