He had tore down all of her defenses in a matter of minutes, he was the first man who even got that close to her. She never felt  vulnerable before in her life, depent on someone, trusting so completely and openly at all. She had built her defenses up along time ago, she had started building them up since she was a little girl.

When the first defense fell she didn't know what to do, she wanted to run away and hide somewhere until she had repaired her defense. But he made sure that there was nowhere she could run and hide to, he wanted her to always run to him for everything. For the past seven years he took a sledge hammer to her defenses knocking them down even the new one's she would build in place of the old one's.

For the first time in her life she had started to feel safe, happy, loved and almost wanted. Her defenses we're completely destroyed by him, she can't picture herself without him. She knows that she can never make it without him by her side, he was the first man who made her feel like she could be stronger, unbreakable and untouchable to the world.

He gave her the courage to stand up to her family, he gave her the strength to fight and never give up. She was starting to get really  comfortable in her life with him, she was starting to think that all of her dreams was going to come true. She never wanted to leave or lose this happiness that she never thought or imagined of ever having,

Never even dared to hope for, speak out loud about or even dream about in fear that she would never have it. Now that she has had it she is running around like a chicken with her head cut off, because he tore down her defenses in a matter of minutes and then in a fluid motion he broke her heart into a million pieces over and over again; he has almost broke her soul and spirit along with her heart.

How much more abuse can she take in her life, he told that she was safe with him, that he would protect her, defend her and support her in whatever she wanted to do. Her only down fall was believing in him, trusting him with more than just money. She had completely, unconditionally and willingly gave him the key to her heart, now for the millionth time he has broken her heart.

Now the only question she keeps asking herself is can she stand on her own anymore, can she rebuild her defenses but this time stronger and higher up so no one can ever get through again. If she even managed to rebuild her defenses up again against him, and he chose to keep her with him because he realized that he can't and won't live without her. His love for her is stronger than his reason for wanting to break up with her. If she manages to rebuild at least half of her defenses higher and stronger up, will he be able to knock them down again in a matter of minutes.

Does he enjoy making her feel safe, loved, wanted, vulnerable, dependent towards him, having trust in him and daring to dream and hope once more with open arms. Does it make  him feel thrilled to know that she is completely and unconditionally under his spell, does he know how much power he really wields over her.

Does he get off on the fact that he causes her so much pain and hurt, especially when he tells her that other women look fine as hell. In his mind it doesn't mean anything but to her it means that he thinks she is ugly and not worth touching at all, he stopped telling her that she was beautiful completely.

When they first got together he never went one day without telling her that how beautiful she was to him, or how she made him feel with so much longing and wanting her. Now he makes her feel ugly, unwanted and useless, he puts her down in front of people. He makes people think that everything is her fault and he is innocent of everything.

He gets to keep secrets from her like the secret of being on every dating app on his phone, who he texts and talks to on the phone. She isn't allowed to ask him any questions regarding his phone or messages from people, when he leaves the house and doesn't come back until the wee hours of the morning she isn't allowed to get upset about it. He told her that if she can do it then he can do it to, but she doesn't do anything like that.

She would catch hell if she ever did that to him, she doesn't try nor does she want to control him. He has control over her and he makes sure she  knows who runs this house, he broke her defenses, then broke her heart into a million pieces and to add topping to the cake he told her that she is to become his sex slave.

He thinks he has complete control and power over her, because she does everything for him, so that she doesn't piss him off. He knows how much she loves him and would do anything for him. Even if that means making her feel like a whore, making her have sex with him and other people. Or even putting her through embarrassing potions, just so he can have a good hearty laugh at her.

By: Vera Rice!

He once had begged her never to leave him, he once stated that her couldn't and wouldn't live without her. He twice declared that he had chosen to be with her, because he loved her that much. He begged her to come back home to him when she had to take care of somethings back in her hometown.

Which was in another state she kept telling him that she was coming back home to him once her business was taken care of, ture to her words towards him. She came back home to him two months later, he promised her that everything was going to change for them. Things was going to start being better for them, after two days of being back home with him.

She found out that he had told her another lie nothing changed at all, she had brought a truck for them while she was away from their home. She lent her family money to bring her truck to her, she didn't even have the truck for no more than four days. When he let another woman borrow her truck and that woman stole it from her, all he could say was that he had trusted that woman that he had just met above the woman he had claimed to love.

She kept waiting on things to get better for them and between them, but since she came back home from her hometown one year ago. He has broken up with her almost every two days, after one day of being broken up.with her. He would take her back because he refuses to live without her, he refuses to see her with anyone but him.

Now a week ago he had broken up with her again, then three days later he asked her to become his sex slave for one week and after that one week he told her that they might get back together.

She has been treating him with a cold shoulder, since then she still does what he tells her to do. Including the sex slave stuff, they have sex and she walks away afterwards like nothing really happened between them at all.

She wonders if he even realizes how much pain and hurt he has caused her, by breaking her heart repeatedly. He has accused her of lying to him constantly, but she has done nothing but tell him the truth. About her feelings, worries and even her stress that she has that won't let her rest at all..

She has even expressed how much she is suffering from her depression, but it seems to fall on deaf ears so one morning he woke her up at six in the morning to fix him some breakfast. He even accused her of doing something that she hadn't done at all, she had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand while playing a game.

He also accused her of calling him a liar and he wasn't going to put up with that at all, so he broke up with her over something so stupid.

It made her wonder once again if men can't handle the truth or they don't recognize the truth when they are being told the truth..

Her ex boyfriend before him couldn't recognize or handle the truth at all when she told him. Nothing but the whole truth she finally had a enough of her ex boyfriend Yelling at her for calling his married girlfriend a liar. She asked her ex if he wanted the truth or a lie, he demanded the truth and when she told her ex the truth he didn't believe her at all. Finally completely fed up with her ex boyfriend not believing the truth when she told him.

She eventually told her ex that she had called her mother from his married girlfriend's phone while they was at the store shopping for food. Her ex had told her see doesn't it feel better to tell the truth huh, to his surprise she yelled at him that she had just lied to him and he believed it completely because he doesn't know the difference between telling the truth and lying. She wasn't even shocked or surprised at all, now she is faced with the same stuff with the man she is in love with, it feels just like it did when she was with her ex. Like he doesn't know the difference between the truth and a lie also, she doesn't know what to do anymore.

By: Vera Rice!

He once had begged her never to leave him, he once stated that her couldn't and wouldn't live without her. He twice declared that he had chosen to be with her, because he loved her that much. He begged her to come back home to him when she had to take care of somethings back in her hometown.

Which was in another state she kept telling him that she was coming back home to him once her business was taken care of, ture to her words towards him. She came back home to him two months later, he promised her that everything was going to change for them. Things was going to start being better for them, after two days of being back home with him.

She found out that he had told her another lie nothing changed at all, she had brought a truck for them while she was away from their home. She lent her family money to bring her truck to her, she didn't even have the truck for no more than four days. When he let another woman borrow her truck and that woman stole it from her, all he could say was that he had trusted that woman that he had just met above the woman he had claimed to love.

She kept waiting on things to get better for them and between them, but since she came back home from her hometown one year ago. He has broken up with her almost every two days, after one day of being broken up.with her. He would take her back because he refuses to live without her, he refuses to see her with anyone but him.

Now a week ago he had broken up with her again, then three days later he asked her to become his sex slave for one week and after that one week he told her that they might get back together.

She has been treating him with a cold shoulder, since then she still does what he tells her to do. Including the sex slave stuff, they have sex and she walks away afterwards like nothing really happened between them at all.

She wonders if he even realizes how much pain and hurt he has caused her, by breaking her heart repeatedly. He has accused her of lying to him constantly, but she has done nothing but tell him the truth. About her feelings, worries and even her stress that she has that won't let her rest at all..

She has even expressed how much she is suffering from her depression, but it seems to fall on deaf ears so one morning he woke her up at six in the morning to fix him some breakfast. He even accused her of doing something that she hadn't done at all, she had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand while playing a game.

He also accused her of calling him a liar and he wasn't going to put up with that at all, so he broke up with her over something so stupid.

It made her wonder once again if men can't handle the truth or they don't recognize the truth when they are being told the truth..

Her ex boyfriend before him couldn't recognize or handle the truth at all when she told him. Nothing but the whole truth she finally had a enough of her ex boyfriend Yelling at her for calling his married girlfriend a liar. She asked her ex if he wanted the truth or a lie, he demanded the truth and when she told her ex the truth he didn't believe her at all. Finally completely fed up with her ex boyfriend not believing the truth when she told him.

She eventually told her ex that she had called her mother from his married girlfriend's phone while they was at the store shopping for food. Her ex had told her see doesn't it feel better to tell the truth huh, to his surprise she yelled at him that she had just lied to him and he believed it completely because he doesn't know the difference between telling the truth and lying. She wasn't even shocked or surprised at all, now she is faced with the same stuff with the man she is in love with, it feels just like it did when she was with her ex. Like he doesn't know the difference between the truth and a lie also, she doesn't know what to do anymore.

By: Vera Rice!

   We might have lost you here on earth but the good father above gained some wonderful souls, we will always miss you, love you and think about you everyday. But we know that your in a better place now and pain free we will always remember you, we also know that your watching over us everyday even through we can't see you.

  There are new family members that you haven't met or held in your arms we know that you have came to see them, the little ones will be told about you. Of how loving and caring you always was we will always remember you. We might not be able to see you anymore but we can still feel your love all around us everyday, we have our memories of you that we can talk about anytime we want to.

    We also have a lot of stories to tell our children about you, like how funny you always were. Plus spending Christmas and other holidays with you, we will always remember you. We will always keep your memory alive so our children will know who their family members was and where they came from, they will know and honor their family history like we do. They will be proud like we are about our families background and history, we will always remember you.

By: Vera Rice!

He has on more than one occasion told her that he choose her above anyone and everyone else, including a ex girlfriend that he would normally run off to have sex with, even his ex wife didn't know that he ran off to have sex with that girl. He had told her that he choose her above that one ex girlfriend who he so enjoyed cheating with on his ex girlfriend's and his ex wife with.

His statement made her heart burst with over enjoyment, but now he has crushed her happiness into a thousand pieces by breaking up with her just so he doesn't have to commit to her like he on so many occasions confessing to only wanting her, no other female but her. Claiming that he couldn't picture hisife without her in it, stating he would see her dead before she was with somebody else, down right claiming that she belonged to him and no one else.

She was his own personal property and no one was going to steal her away from him, what changed all of a sudden in him to make him forget that he had claimed her as his and his alone. What changed  him all of a sudden to just let go of her, to stop cherishing her, worshipping her or even obsessing over having her for his very own.

Her once happy life as turned to a dark gray over cast life filled with depression and loneliness, something she hasn't had to experience since she was a young girl at the tender age of twelve when her mother had ripped him from her then. How will she ever smile again in her life, or laugh with her whole heart anymore.

She will never find joy, love, happiness or even a glimmer of the life she once had with him. He was her world and he torn it to pieces with one flick of his words he held the power to rip her heart into a thousand tiny glass shards that could neve be put back together again.

By: Vera Rice!

    If my heart was a violin then you played the last string, you promised forever and I fell for your lies, I ain't gonna fall for them anymore you keep coming back with your arms open wide, but I don't need you so turn around and walk away.

    I've already said my final goodbye, I've cried my final tears for you I won't cry for you anymore I have someone new to cry for and love, somebody other than you someone to lean on someone true. Someone to take away all the pain, someone better than you.

    My wounded heart has found someone new it found completion and love in somebody's arms other than yours, my heart's already healed and found someone new. Someone better and true someone who wants me, someone who will fight for me.

      Someone who took my wounded heart for their own someone who will protect it with their arms and love. That someone is braver than you so turn around and walk away and find someone else's heart to play, mine found someone new I really don't need you so leave my heart alone.

    Because it belongs to someone else, my heart won't pound for you anymore. It pounds for someone new someone other than you, so don't come back to me because I won't even look your way anymore my eyes will only look at my somebody new.

By: Vera Rice!

   He was everything she ever wanted or dreamed of in a man he was honest, trustworthy, charming, caring, loving, loyal and most of all hardworking. Plus he would encourage her to pursue her dreams, to her surprise, it didn't take her long to fall in love with him after all he was her dream come true.

    She was everything he ever wanted and dreamed of in a woman she was kind-hearted, loyal, honest, trustworthy, daring when she wanted to be, sassy if she had to be and hardworking. But there was one thing he found so fascinating about her that made him happy beyond belief, she only had eyes for him and him alone.

  When he fell in love with her without any doubts what so ever in his mind about his strong feelings towards her, after all, she was his dream come true also. All their close friends, family, and strangers they meet on the street they all are so envious of their love for each other. They all just wished and prayed for a love like theirs, their dreams come true.

By: Vera Rice!

I tried every day to run away from my ghost, that Haunts me in my dreams and when I'm awake. What did I do so wrong to have lost such a precious gift? I have tried not to blame myself for losing another baby inside my body, I have done everything I can not worry about it.

  Even though I'm scared plum out of my mind, for the baby I'm carrying now I pray every day and night that everything is perfect with this precious Angel. I will keep trying not to worry about my ghost that is always haunting me.

  The times I have to fight and face my ghost by myself is getting more and more each day I'm reminded of it more and more each day, It keeps coming to the surface reminding me of my pain and guilt all over again.

I'm sick and tired of pretending that I'm not hurting inside over my ghost, my pain and most of all my guilt, what's so funny is that nobody can help me. It's my cross to bear alone forever, so I'll patch up the holes that got ripped open anew again.

  Where it made me feel my pain and guilt as well as facing my ghost again, I refuse to burden anyone with my ghost because it's mine to deal with, and I will suppress my pain and my guilt.

  When I feel like I'm finally on equal ground with my ghost I will steel myself firmly and mentally to overpower my ghost, so I can lock it back up in the deepest and darkest place inside my body.

  Not even my pain or guilt will be able to bring my ghost back to the surface again, it won't be easy to get rid of my ghost but I'll try my hardest not to worry or stress over my ghost anymore.

By: Vera Rice!

  In the blink of an eye I went from being called the wife to now being called whore or slave, it really hurts and cuts me all the way down to my soul. I once was important to you and now I'm just scum under your feet, I went from queen of the castle to the maid of the castle.

  I gave you my heart freely without questioning your motives, I bared my deepest, darkest secrets, my weaknesses and my fears to you. You are the only one who has seen straight through to my soul, the only one who knows what's locked up inside of me buried deep within me wanting to escape it's a prison.

  I showed you respect, you had my trust and I did whatever you told me to do. I have stood beside you as we lost two homes, I have been there for you when you kept going to jail and I made sure you always had money on your books if we had any. I have suffered with you through losing a baby, my little girl and your children getting adopted out.

  I have snapped on other people for putting you down, people would come and tell me that you were having sex with this woman and that woman, but I wouldn't believe them. In one of your mind playing tricks on you fazes you told me that you didn't want me, that you didn't love me and you left me at someone's house by myself, everybody was hearing what you were saying to me but I was reading your eyes.

  Which they were saying, 'I need you, I want you and I love you.' I bet you never knew that I've almost left you twice but I would stop and listen to what my heart had to say and it told me to stay so I did, and eventually things started to get better for us again. You were out of jail and you were clean until all of your old friends started hanging around you again. The last time you went to jail on me, they also took my ass with you.

  The whole six months you were in jail, not hardly ever did you not have money. I gave you all the money while I starved and ate out of the park's trash can, not once did I ever think about leaving you.

  I have always been by your side through the bad times we had together when our good times came about they were a blast for us. Now we have hit another bad time when you ripped my heart out of my chest and broke it into a million pieces and then stepped on it to boot.

   I will literally run myself rugged just to please you, even if I ended up sick or close to death's door in the progress of trying to make you happy. Hell I even had your back then and I still have it now, and what was my reward in return you break my heart into a million pieces and stepped on it to boot.

I was so happy to be your queen but now I'm just a piece of shit beneath your feet not even worthy enough to step on.

By: Vera Rice!

    When I kissed your hand my heart was finally complete when you looked up at me with your beautiful eyes my whole world was lit up bright. When I heard your cry it was the sweetest music to my ears I won't let anyone have you or hurt you, I will always protect you no matter what.

     I knew from the beginning that I loved you and I will always be there for you, I want you to know that you can tell me anything I will always listen to you no matter what so don't ever be afraid to tell me anything.

    You look like an angel you feel like one also, you will always be my sweet angel, please don't ever forget that my beautiful baby girl. I will always fight for you no matter what, your life will always be sweet I'll make sure of that my beautiful baby girl.

    Even if I have to hurt someone over you I will that is mommy's biggest ultimate promise to you, my beautiful baby girl.    

I love singing, dancing and reading to you as well as hearing you sing to me, you have a beautiful voice that makes mommy want to cry.

   Your a very smart, bright and gorgeous girl who makes her mommy proud every day. I can tell you a lot but I know you don't want to hear it, so I will only say one thing to you, I love you, my beautiful baby girl, when I kissed your hand.

By: Vera Rice!