I stand here...

A man who's learned to manage his fears

And abandon his tears.

Do you notice my thorns?

Gold has formed in a soul that is torn.

The noises in my head have damaged my ears.

You must forgive the way I hear.

Your voice is fragile like the swaying and clashing of a chandelier.

But your words still aren't clear.

Both of us bullied by the winds of tomorrow.

We forgot what it meant to be here.

With similar lenses, we remember the sorrow.

We'd rather share how our dreams died.

And the time our first puppy died from Parvo.

Searching for the things we know will never return.

Fueled by each others' failures.

Our memories clash.

Moved by energies from the past.

We are but two broken people afraid to ask.

Afraid to demask.

Living in peace while our minds roam through days of war.

Thinking of all the occasions our kind waves were ignored.

Made invisible by the sword of doubt.

People are trying to read our minds, so we turn our thoughts down.

Once good guys.

Our good side died in a lost town.

I grew up as someone I don't know.

In a place that I can't remember.

The burning desire to reach my highest potential

Was frozen in some childhood winter.

Mother's hamburger helper tasted like shelter for a sinner.

I miss her voice when she used to call me home.

Before I had a phone, her voice rang in the hollowness of my bones.

Moving around the bruises earned on the road to belong.

I remember how good it felt when it was all going wrong.

I ran away from a home that knew exactly who I was.

I kept running.

Until I ran out of love.

Deceived by the false freedom of a dark dove.

My heart needs a hug.

My spark needs a plug.

Don't let me die on this motel rug.

Don't let me drift back into who I was.

Hold it in like medicine.

And let it take you to a place you've never been.

As your soul floats from your skin.

You should know this is as close to heaven as you'll ever get.

Watch your problems transform into a cloud of mist.

I know the world is mix-and-match.

And your life is tick-for-tac.

But you finally found a fix.

After tonight you won't remember that

Or think of this.

Just twist the pipe with light hits.

And look into Crystal's eyes.

When they ask why your lips are so chapped.

Just say your livin' life.

And when you lose your job.

Just say you're allergic to mice.

And when you run out of cash.

I'll spot you a bag.

And if you can't pay.

Well, that's okay.

You can sell some ass.

And years from now when you want to change.

Everyone will still smell your past.

And I'll exploit your pain.

Until you see me as your dad.

Then we'll refill the pipe and take endless drags.

Oh! How good it feels to be livin' bad.

Hold it in like medicine.

You were twenty-seven then...

I’m running from tomorrow

And hiding from today.

I can’t look you in the face.

I’m afraid of what my eyes

will say.

I don’t need the world.

I need time to pray.

I’m feeling violent today.

I noticed this chip on my shoulder.

It grew as I got older.

Now I’m carrying a granddaddy boulder.

I know you hated growing up,

Hated showing up, playing tough, waiting for the bus.

Wishing for a car but your mom didn’t make enough.

Graduation sucked.

You watched it from afar in a hooded jacket.

They never understood the passion.

I remember the love in your eyes.

The bed bugs and tongue hugs as we gazed outside, watching the good days skate by.

I caught the tears that trickled off your chin.

We scored our favorite drug to escape our own skin.

Just another name on a long list of brave men enslaved by sin.

Counting my friends and matching my scars with the places I’ve been.

Is it fate that everything breaks in the end?

What happens to your soul when you become who you pretend?

I love you but I hope I never see you again.

I see them through my mind's eye.

Skating through the nighttime.

Doing whatever it takes to escape their right mind.

Thick spirits with coarse hair.

Blowing with the wind like cheap porch chairs.

Toxic words live at the center of their tongue.

Their numb,

So dumb.

No longer touched by the things they've done.

I'm raw about how it turned out.

Memory lane is the hallway of a haunted house.

They started attacking me when I wanted out.

The flow of the water is a river of doubt.

Contaminated is the very spit that drips from their mouth.

I moved to the roof.

In this place, I can taste the grace of being aloof.

From this view, I can see that I am living proof.

Birds of pride soar the skies of my ego.

My words could save your life,

But I’m no one’s hero.

I’m cold as ice, loaded with bad advice, rolling dice in black street clothes.

I watched myself let my dreams go.

Sinful strangers lounge in the landscape of my mind frame.

They’re looting my thoughts.

I used to get brave and tell them who’s boss…

But times change.

Loss after loss,

I learned how to shine in the rain.

Dinner was served.

A family of five.

The night was young.

Crows lurked outside.

“Pass the butter,” mother cried.

A blanket of tears choked her eyes.

Father stood and choked, grabbing his throat, he fell and died.

One by one the children dropped like flies.

The eyes are warning signs.

Dying on the edge of reality.

Thoughts of tomorrow grabbing me..

As I’m washed away with the morning tide.

Rushing to live because we’re born to die.

The mind is a minefield.

Memories explode into vivid clips making it hard to forget how dark times feel.

Our energy combined gives me spiritual spine chills.

I know it was God when your wine spilled.

The universe is my gym.

Lifting supernatural weights in a dark and distant realm.

At war with demons.

I got a few sores but most of them

are missing limbs.

For the sake of long lost Tim.

Our white, long, sweeping meat-butcher coats shake in the wind.

Would if tomorrow never came?

I'd rather swallow the truth than choke on my shame.

When I wake up.

I peek at the mirror and hope I'm the same.

When we lock eyes

Something ugly grows in my brain.

Who is to blame?

They carry my name in chains.

While the black mystery of the ocean buries my pain.

Life isn't fair.

It's just warfare.

Of course, there's tension in the air.

But I can't afford to care.

So I lend a thoughtful stare.

Please...

Stay right there.

I'm in a peaceful nightmare.

Somehow, someway I'm being dried by raindrops.

I'll call back, one day

When the pain stops.

Like when a dope needle makes a vein pop.

And the addict experiences pure bliss

Right before his life stops,

You can hear the night talk.

How I view the world is molded by my reality.

My reality molded by my experiences.

My window of life isn’t clear at all.

Its a dark lens.

Dirtied by all the places my heart’s been.

When I speak or grab a pen,

My words are shifted by the sadness within.

And all the bad things living under my skin.

Small occasions enlighten my soul.

Like having a cold soda on the highway home.

Or taking a poop while using my phone.

What are we chasing?

What am I after?

Fancy cars speed past, carrying someone who’s life is a disaster.

Driving to a place that doesn’t matter.

To mingle with people who live off their ego and are masters at fake laughter.

….Bastards.

The birds chirp.

Its a song of hope when the world hurts.

The sky smiles like a shy child.

And I laugh knowing it’s okay to die proud.