The sun comes up,

If I’ve gone to sleep,

Then I wake up in panic,

Where the fuck am I,

Who am I,

Where’s my exits,

Where’s my weapon,

Everyday I ponder a simpler life,

Less full of mental issues and strife,

I wonder what could’ve been,

The relationships and women leaving,

The drug use and alcohol abuse wreaking,

Numb is all I know,

In my destroyed and ruined relationships it shows,

But I don’t ponder too long,

No one could’ve known that living suffering went this low,

But I never took the largest blow,

They say death comes in threes and I’m inclined to agree,

The names forever branded and always will be,

Die not in vain but forever with me,

Live I will for you and for me.

You know how people say, kill or be killed, laugh or be laugh at, use those kinds of phrases to refer to the world, to life, to school? So I've been thinking, very hard about this (I posted a few posts like these, all under 'paradox' as the title, at least I think so)... Is there no in between, (not in the posts, but in real life context)?

Where in real life, we don't need to crush people, step on the toes, to climb up the step ladder, to be a little higher on the pyramid called hierarchy... just do your own part, in pushing yourself further and challenging yourself?

I guess, I forgot that, it was something I learnt in my last year in primary school, don't push other people down, to get up, stop being competitive, the only person you should compete against, is yourself, help people get up, not push them to the ground and step on them like a step ladder.

I think, the world isn't always fair, and there is a lot of toxicity and betrayal, and stepping on other people's toes, but that doesn't mean I have to be like that. I just have to be the most difficult thing to be, but also the easiest and most natural, me. And challenge my worst enemy, myself, with my best soldier, me.

Why do I push myself and limit myself between these two options in real life, kill or be killed, when there always is a million other ways to confront anything?

So just what am I doing? (*scoffs)

I think I’ going to do one of these every thusday but bare with me.

This week’s recommendation is going to be Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi.

For those of you who like fantasy novels, I hink this ones for you. This is one of my favorite books hands down. The plot line is so great and there is a good amount of build up. The story follows three characters, Zelie, Amari, and Inan as their worlds become intertwined. I solomly swear that this book will not disapoint you. And if it does, it's your fault for listening to me.

That's all

Poptar_Addict

I am flowers in meadows,

The bright shining sun;

The end of a book

When it's wrapped up and done.

Victorian dresses

With ruffles and frills;

The notes of a flute

That trembles and trills.

A drizzle of rain

As it falls on the street;

The whispers of people

I have yet to meet.

The roll of the dice

Against the smooth wood;

All I can't do -

With courage, I could.

I am.

I am a breath of air on a cold winter day.

Bitter and jagged and painful to swallow.

I claw at your throat

You threaten to choke.

But you couldn't survive another way.

So you yearn for each gasp to follow.

Can’t you see?

I am but a metaphor.

a broken past,

a downcast future,

a stain you can’t erase,

I am

Sprawled out bones,

blood-stained armor,

left by a war without a victor,

I am

Look and see!

I am just a metaphor.

a busted marriage,

a dream forgotten,

a source of someone’s sorrow,

I am

Cadaver of a bygone marriage,

offspring of infidelity,

Out, damned spot! you plead,

I am

To be my own person,

not an emblem of withered love

and hope adrift,

I dream

The world is like a library. Every person has their own story.

I'm like the tiny classic novel in the corner, with a green-leather cover, hidden by the colorful YA novels and Graphic Novels.

You may notice me, but ignore me.

If only you had opened me. You would have learned so much more.