My heart screams in pain as it throbs,

The feeling unsilenced by my sobs.

My mind shouts thoughts of love,

Only to be drowned by fear , not enough.

My sould aches to bursting,

Am I the only one thirsting?

Can nobody feel me?

Can nobody see?

A seed without water,

Will nobody bother?

Living without,

Inside this drought.

My salty tears don't do,

I feel I'm screaming,

but it's just a whisper to you.

HRH

My heart screams in pain as it throbs,

The feeling unsilenced by my sobs.

My mind shouts thoughts of love,

Only to be drowned by fear , not enough.

My sould aches to bursting,

Am I the only one thirsting?

Can nobody feel me?

Can nobody see?

A seed without water,

Will nobody bother?

Living without,

Inside this drought.

My salty tears don't do,

I feel I'm screaming,

but it's just a whisper to you.

HRH

This path I trod

God! God?

I'm nothing

My knees are dirty lord

What must I do?

Sodom and Gomorrah flow from my eyes

I dare not look, but feel demise.

Where for art thou, too cliche?

Mayday! Mayday!

How loud must I silently scream?

I need you to show me what u MEAN!

So confused, abused and incomprehensive

Just living to live

Can you not feel the brokenness?

It's to big !

Why can't I lie in the grave I dig?

What must I learn from the suffering you give?

God! God?

This path I trod

God! God?

I'm nothing

My knees are dirty lord

What must I do?

Sodom and Gomorrah flow from my eyes

I dare not look, but feel demise.

Where for art thou, too cliche?

Mayday! Mayday!

How loud must I silently scream?

I need you to show me what u MEAN!

So confused, abused and incomprehensive

Just living to live

Can you not feel the brokenness?

It's to big !

Why can't I lie in the grave I dig?

What must I learn from the suffering you give?

God! God?

This path I trod

God! God?

I'm nothing

My knees are dirty lord

What must I do?

Sodom and Gomorrah flow from my eyes

I dare not look, but feel demise.

Where for art thou, too cliche?

Mayday! Mayday!

How loud must I silently scream?

I need you to show me what u MEAN!

So confused, abused and incomprehensive

Just living to live

Can you not feel the brokenness?

It's to big !

Why can't I lie in the grave I dig?

What must I learn from the suffering you give?

God! God?

I slash my soul to spill the ink I need to spill on paper.

My hand glides quickly,as my lungs inhale the vapors.

Coughing out the blackness,watch it spatter on the white.

The form of pictures in the words that haunt me in the night.

My fingertips clawing at blurry blue lined notes,

grasping as though it were the choking in my throat!

I slash my soul to spill the ink I need to spill on paper.

My hand glides quickly,as my lungs inhale the vapors.

Coughing out the blackness,watch it spatter on the white.

The form of pictures in the words that haunt me in the night.

My fingertips clawing at blurry blue lined notes,

grasping as though it were the choking in my throat!

I slash my soul to spill the ink I need to spill on paper.

My hand glides quickly,as my lungs inhale the vapors.

Coughing out the blackness,watch it spatter on the white.

The form of pictures in the words that haunt me in the night.

My fingertips clawing at blurry blue lined notes,

grasping as though it were the choking in my throat!

Battle Scars:

I feel the need to write it out,

Long gone the days of scream and shout.

My battle weary arms at side,

Some would find in victory pride.

What victory have I on my knees,

Begging ,praying God help me please?

See ?this was my everyday!

Outside strong,inside mayday!

I built my walls so strong and high,

Noone could break them!noone but I!

I rested awhile as my wounds turned to scars,and the bricks I had laid Sat in their tars.

Alone with myself and my father God,

I learned to love me in my concrete pod.

I sat content with the blessings I had,

For once in my life all was not bad.

I tired of echoes ,the thoughts in my head,

I wanted to live where I once felt dead.

Content ,but scared as a child alone,

My comfort layed in my walls, my home.

Realness I cried is all that I want!

Reflection without mirrors can truely haunt.

day in and out I had held sword and shield,

Much too long after the battlefield.

Once I finally put it aside,

This warrior,just a child I cried.

Nobody had to know to see,

This was true and this was me!

Finally at peace I sat and waited,

Promising to never again become jaded.

I sang a song within my heart,

A smile within never again to part.

Then all of a sudden a call I was hearing,

Confused and baffled I began fearing.

My safety , My peace,I've fought so hard!

I contemplate danger !Don't come in my yard!

Although I know my walls are strong,

Their destruction I have not feared for long.

My spirit was shaken down to its core,

My real fear being to Love once more.

I hear him out there singing my name,

I sit in my walls shaking ,feeling so lame.

I freeze and I panick ,

Run circles so manic!

I start to hyperventilate,

Flashback to battle dates!

I sit with once hidden tears in my eyes,

no will of pretend strength,

It was all lies!

Here I am just freaking out!

Yet he sits patiently ,Lulling me out.

Resist!I say,you'll trick me not!

I paid a hefty price for this peaceful lot!

You can't break these walls so don't even try!

get to know me from whithin or just say goodbye!

I waited thinking I'd scared him away,

But no he was there ...everyday.

I found myself in awe ,then came denial,

What does he want?what's behind that smile?

My wall held strong ,but I had to find out,

It was different,real,I could no longer doubt.

This perplexed me ,I took time to think,

Realizing this time I was the kink.

I gathered my wits ,left sword behind,

I slowly to quickly began my climb.

In no time my solitude was no more,

I conquered my walls for what I could adore.

Finally I cried,a man that understands!

Not here to take,or make demands.

You saw saving wasn't needed but heart,

The only way to reach me,what kept me apart.

I didn't need brute,nor a prince,

But someone to be real ,

make some sense.

Someone to stay when they had no reason,

Someone to weather out the season.

Someone to talk without needing replies.

Someone who persisted to comfort my cries.

The one who waited ,who felt,who saw,

Who cared enough to give their all.

The one to show the battle was over,

Just there waiting for me to climb over.

Truly have I met my match!

Love is not a game ,there should be no catch.

Sometimes just aknowledgement of

That hidden gem of a soul....

That's enough to make one desire,create,want a role.

Love unseen ,unfelt,unheard...

It tends to invert ,to hide,feel absurd.

l thought I was content breathing in my death trapped walls

but you so patiently waited out my downfalls.

It's then that I Finally knew.

I was also waiting for you.

HH