QUIET TIME-

to understand the true nature behind my eyes, one must first spend a great deal of time looking into them. the uncomfortable silence or the thought process involved trying to calculate the integrity of said adventure, could be meaningful or meaningless depending on who's eyes your looking into. it very well could be the either the best moments of your lives or quite simply the most painful. would you get the chills and Pringles down your spine or the tears you didn't know were coming. would it be a shortness of breath or a subtle whimper. no one really knows what your connection is with the person who's eyes your looking into until your presented this face to face experience. do words always have to be used for communication. I believe they're not required when you love someone. the realization of the right look and nothing needs to be said. too much negativity is taken in through our eyes. it isn't necessary to ruin someone else's view by sharing negatively. use your internal filter or grinder to dispose the bad. some good things do derive from bad situations, hence the reason we use our filter. these thoughts I have and things Ive seen have shaped me into something special. I know this. I'm confident I will be able to share my insight with the right people here on out. because I know when I can be quiet.

Drawn to the what could be, or why haven't I. The bogs that fight each other for a place at the front of the line waiting for there turn to play Boggle. Why do I continue on. To what purpose do I find myself wanting a little bit more. Why am I getting bent out of shape over one person. To what means am I letting myself struggle. Is it my allowance. My allotment, my just due. I could most likely keep on about the do's and don'ts, and right and wrongs just to fill my quota of words. Or I could just let it be as they fall to the paper. Forever snared by my next reader's delight of wanting just a little bit more.

Running - within myself I see beauty and ugliness. battling each other constantly for control. what they should be doing is becoming one unique combination. without this inner struggling I wouldn't be who I am today. my thought process would be monotone. my conclusion would have one solution. all my issues would have one outcome. I could get over it that much faster. I'd be boring. but nothing about me is boring. I amuse even myself at times. laugh at my own jokes. find humor all day long when others can't even understand me. I see myself in a corner, in time out, nose in the corner touching the wall, smiling, waiting for another chance to cause mischief. wanting to be ugly on the outside. But then beauty is in that same corner fighting to stand up, trying to remain calm but can't. attempting to be calm, assuring the ugly it's better to be nice, life can be so much fun without the ugliness. beauty is trying to teach ugly how to transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly. letting him know there's a lot more to life than being grounded. telling him it's a whole other world out there when you can soar. float on the wind and enjoy life. go just about anywhere and be accepted everywhere. but ugly wants to be accepted as ugly and no matter how much beauty wants to be beautiful it wouldn't need to be both. this, I don't need to be like you is a misconception. because I am you. it took being looked down on for many years by everyone around me ( cocoon ) to be transformed and renewed ( butterfly ) by living with values I found by letting God work in my life. I have become unique to his design and his making. it's my turn to thank him with my actions.

BENEFICIARY

When it comes to the spiritual life, God will do things to you before he does things through you. The more time you spend with Him, in His Word, and pursuing His intentions for your life, the more he prepares and transforms you for the work ahead. God uses your past experience so that through you others can benefit. Who's your beneficiary? Mine iseveryone I witness to and share my testimony with. My spirit leads me to people all the time and the conversation is always inspirational. just hearing another story about how God changed their lives. The way God reached out to me and I at first didn't comprehend it. How each time He was attempting to make Himself known to me. Each instance a little more powerful than the last. Nothing this flamboyant had ever happened to me before. So I started to train myself to pay attention to these instructions. To pay attention to the signs. To hone in on the timing. There's nothing more powerful than finally realizing that I wasn't alone. That the forty plus years prior to these events, was just the training I was given by God to help me walk out a life with Jesus.