Tonight has been one of those nights that if I tell any other human being what happened they would most probably not believe me. In that case, I decided to write to you, my trusty journal. You know journal, you never cease to amaze me. Always willing to listen even though I sometimes feel like you have no choice. Any way, back to what I was saying.

It was around 9pm when I went upstairs to my room. Just an average room, you know. No frills, a few posters on the wall, a mirror surrounded by light bulbs – yeah my mom wanted me to get into this pageant thing, that never happened. I put some music on and then went into the bathroom. Got some wipes out from the packet on the counter and started taking off my overdrawn eyeliner. I looked down into the sink, I don’t know why, I just did and I had this sensation that I was being watched. I turned around and checked the bathroom window. I couldn’t see anything but I closed the blinds just to be sure.

I turned back to take the eye make-up off when I saw her, or should I say me. Yeah. Freaky as fuck. I was staring at my reflection, the only problem is that it somehow wasn’t me. I mean, it was me it was just a different me. Fuck. I don’t know how to explain it, this bitch wasn’t moving or even breathing. I was! Any way, I stood frozen for a few seconds, I didn’t really know what else to do, I mean, should I blink, should I talk to her, should I ask her whats up, should I tell her that she looks absolutely ridiculous with only one eye of make up, I mean what? And then, out of the blue the bitch winked. SHE WINKED! Not blink, you know where I could be like – ok maybe that was me because it’s 9pm on a school night and I might be tired, nah ah she WINKED.

So my dear journal, what did I do you may ask? I did what any normal seventeen year old would do. I smashed the mirror. Hmmm yeah, bad idea, I know that now, but hey that’s why we live and we learn and we learn from our mistakes. Note to self; don’t smash mirrors ghostly figures live in because they will get pissed off and run after you.

I pee’d myself just a little and then I bolted for the door, only this one-eyed-racoon freak ghost thing knew my move, I mean, she’s me so what did I expect so she slammed the door shut with her “powers”. That’s pretty cool. For a minute I got distracted and pictured myself walking down the hallway to third period slamming lockers closed with my mind. Go on, admit it that would be awesome. Any way back to the nightmare that was playing off in my room. I fell against the door and screamed, yes. I screamed like a little bitch for my dad. Not that I thought he was equipped to be dealing with a demon but he was used to making me dinner when I’m on my period and that’s kind of the same thing. He had a little experience like, when you fill out those questionnaire’s and they ask if you see yourself as a beginner, intermediate or advanced, he was between the beginner and intermediate. Leaning more towards beginner.

Side note; I know I’m completely off topic but my toe nails really needs a fresh layer of paint. Any way as I was saying, I had my back against the door, literally and this black dust, smoke type of thing was just hovering above me. And yes, I will admit that for a second or five I heard my mother’s voice saying “I told you smoking is bad for your health”, I mean come on I’m seventeen I want to experiment everything so I know. And then, again out the blue, this ghostly-bitch took human (I say human lightly) form and stood right in front of me.

Again, I pee’d myself but I wanted to ask her what her freaking deal was. So I did.

“Hey! What do you want”! I screamed. Secretly hoping my dad would march up the stairs asking me what the noise was all about. The one time I wanted him to swing my door open and enter without permission and he was NOWHERE to be found. Thanks dad, we will have a discussion later.

And then this thing, did the unthinkable, she replied.

“I want your soul”

Bitch what! I lost control of my bodily functions and I think I got kidney failure right there and then because I was scared shitless. I was kind of an emo kid but I didn’t want to die, are you for real.

Again I plucked up all of my courage, looked this bitch dead in the eye, I say eye because she (we) still had one eye full of eye-make up and one eye not so it was really hard to focus on only the one, any way, I looked her dead in the eye and said five words that absolutely mortified her.

“You and me both hun”.

Oh what? You were expecting me to say something cool like “Bring it on bitch” or “Over my dead body”. Yeah no, I panicked and good thing I did because right after that she disappeared into thin air. Poof, just like that.

You can imagine my frustration, after fighting off an evil one make-up eyed ghost finding out that this all was just a sick dream and while I thought I went into the bathroom to take off my make-up, I decided to check Instagram and fell asleep instead.

The ghost lady left when dad decided to walk in unannounced and woke me up for dinner.

So, journal, that’s the story. I’m now headed to the bathroom to take off my eye make up and I’m pretty darn tempted to just go to sleep with it.

If something happens, I’ll update you in the morning.

Signing off. PEACE!

It started out like any other Tuesday morning, in fact, it started out like any other hell-type of morning. In my zombie-mom-mode I stumbled to the room of the two little demons as I sometimes (most of the time) like to call them. Waking them up for school is about as difficult as finding gold at the end of a rainbow, chances are more likely you'll end up being stabbed by a unicorn. 

After pleading, fights and finally hidings we were in the car, seated and on our way to school. For a single mom of twin boys I was doing one hell of a job, even if I do say so myself. It was a misty morning, which was odd but not odd enough to distract me from the noise and fighting going on behind me. Sometimes I felt like killing them, and yes, I'm a bad mother for saying that. Sometimes I just need a break!

"Can the two of you please behave until we get to school." I shouted over the Frozen theme song blaring over the speakers.

I turned my head around for a second, a split second and when I turned back to look at the road the 16-wheeler truck came out of nowhere. It was as if things were moving in slow motion yet I didn't have a spare second to tell my boys I loved them before the impact. Images flashed through my mind, not good ones, ones where I was screaming and yelling for them to pick up their toys, to eat their food, to brush their teeth. Scolding them for getting mud all over the brand new carpet in the living room. I felt ashamed and heart broken.

The car flipped, it must've rolled four or five times and then came to a halt on it's roof. I wanted to scream and ask them if they were okay but the words couldn't leave my body. I was frozen. And then, the unthinkable happened. I heard my baby cry. I heard him! It was the most beautiful cry I ever heard. I started struggling to get my seat-belt loose but it wouldn't budge. I heard emergency vehicles in the distance. 

"They are coming to save us honey just hold on" I finally pushed out of my mouth and it hurt to talk, to breathe.

I first smelled it and then I saw the smoke. I knew we had to get out of there. A firefighter appeared next to my window. He was dressed in grey and yellow and had an oversized helmet on his head. My God we are not infected with some earth-ending virus I thought.

"Are you alright ma'am"? he asked, concern in his eye

For a second I wanted to be sarcastic and ask if I looked alright. I didn't.

"My children, get them to safety first" I pleaded.

He nodded and ran off and I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I woke up in a soft hospital bed. I first thought it was heaven with the bright lights above me but quickly saw the horrible material used for curtains. A nurse walked in on que and checked my IV. A doctor (his name badge said so) came in after her and pulled a chair closer to my bed.

"Mrs Kemp, how are you feeling"? he asked.

I blinked and swallowed a few times.

"Where's my boys"?

The doctor looked down to the piece of paper he had in his hand. I frowned. What was going on. Finally he looked up. His face said it before he did.

"Mrs Kemp they...they passed away at the scene, my deepest condolences".

Condolences? He could take his condolences and stuff it. I wanted my boys. The emptiness I was feeling was overwhelming. I knew at that exact moment that I had taken them for granted and now, now I was going to have to live with the consequences. How could this happen? This is the type of thing you read about in newspapers, tragic hitting families, you never in a million years think it could ever happen to you.

But it did. A week later I was discharged from hospital. I had to go back to our home, now my home and arrange funerals. I was hurt and I was angry. How could God take away the only being that ever made me happy? 

To me it felt like my world was ending. If I could go back, I now know not to sweat the small stuff, to live like everyday is your last and to never ever take someone for granted. Today could be the last day they spend with you on this earth.

*Dedicated to my grandmother who passed away from cancer 29 October 2014. I miss you so much every single day.*