I was summoned to see the head of the Department. I went directly there. I'd only met him once, socially, with the other graduate students on our first day. I couldn't imagine what he wanted with me.

He offered me a comfortable chair and picked up his tablet.

“Your requested research project is denied. Choose another venue.”

“I thought Professor Adelman was handling that. I mean, you're--”

“Too important to bother? Not when your topic comes up.”

“What's wrong with it?”

He read from my proposal. “'Locate the son of Mary and Joseph at his birth and contrast with the reports of the birth of Jesus in the New Testament.' It's denied.”

“But why? Jesus of Nazareth is one of the great figures of history. Or is it something wrong with me?”

“You're as fit as anybody who's gone after Jesus of Nazareth.”

“As to that, where's their reports?”

He leaned back. “There are no reports on Jesus of Nazareth.”

“But you said--”

“I said they went back in time to find him. Nobody has ever returned.”

I stared at him.

“Nobody returns. 100% failure rate.”

“But, but time travel is supposed to be safe!”

“Drones make the journey all the time. We send a human being, they don't come back.”

“But—that's surely the discovery of the century!”

He looked at me, and frowned. “You're a young man. Have you considered, seriously considered, the importance of temporal research into the Christian Messiah?”

“It's obviously of tremendous importance to explode --”

“Aha! You haven't thought it through.” He seemed very old and tired. “What if—what if it was true?”

On aching feet my smile stands

I've grown a crutch to hold my grin

but when you're here it isn't planned

my joy is yours a full cup brim

Who are these souls

I call my own

I clock bell sings and rings and tolls

telling me what I've long known

All things working

and yet they stall

when earth is green and sun is lurking

you do not notice the cold at all

The love is empty and so I roam 

but only air is there to blame 

when will my heart see you home

when will I rest in what was the same 

I couldn't seem to find myself

I felt completely lost

So I looked in the fridge

Evryday and always

Ten times a day

Sometimes even twenty

And Evry night I were dying of cancer

Or a heart attack

Because my heart would simply just stop

So I tried really hard to find myself

So I would not die

And I loomed

In books and brains

And crazy theories

So that my head would make sense again

And every night I would find a new lump

In my chest and neck and face

And my lungs would collapse

And my throat would tighten

And I couldn't breathe

Nor sleep nor rest

So I looked for myself again

In clothing ads

And in housing magazines

I chopped of my hair

Got a pair of new glasses

And painted my nails in different colors

Yesterday

and everyday

and always

- Because maybe that's where she'd gone

And the days went by and by

And every night

I kept on dying

Finding new lumps

Crying

Because cancer would eat me alive

So I kept on looking

In cupboards

And thousands of cups of coffee

I redecorated my house franticly

Three times 

four times

Even Five times

But my baby was gone

And won't ever come back

And still I can't seem to find

- Myself 

You tore me up bit by bit,

had a taste of me,

just enough

not to seem too greedy

You licked my face, and removed layers of tiny clothes,

caressing my cheeks with trembling hands

While I...

I hid in the corner and slept away long days,

But you needed my flesh.

So you pushed me out in the cold

so that my bare wounds would burn with guilt and shame

before you with too warm fingers

ripped off frozen pieces of my skin

All while...

You laughed at my infirmities.

You smiled while you shredded my tear ducts to fragments of dust,

sowing together bleeding wounds with empty words,

so that I would not rot.

Frostbitten...

Nearly picked to death,

Did I hold tiny hands over my gender

whispering;

- Not my innocence, do not eat me there.

But people blinded by magnificence will always want more,

so you greedily stuck your quivering fingers towards the forbidden

and filled my mouth with your manhood

so that I would not speak

not ever

again

That's when you stole the light

from my eyes

and replaced them

with reflection

of emptiness.

One sincere moment;

-I do...

Their future

started

at

ten

I am the selfconfident fairy

of unstable dreams

Running with defiance

stabbing down nightmares

Unholy sacrifised schemes

Your breath yearns for justice

Injustice is hatreds name

And in the questionable

blue skies of eternity

We all hate those who loves

For we are the unfulfilled ones

The emptiness is filled with lies

I take the valium dance

Prancing in thy lords

white skies

Screaming in demise

Yearning for love hating lives

The echoes of what might be

In unfulfilled justice

We scream

Your blue eyed

Black hearts 

Dream...

I cant write one single line

that is shattered enough,

to unveil the sorrow

That roars deep within 

The pieces of my broken dreams