The room was empty, and I was alone. 

The ground is raw. How did I get here?

Walking pasts people with no faces, I see the doorway to bliss.

Walking in, punched by shouting and clashing.

You were there, but you were frozen. 

Time was frozen still, but the noises kept lunging at me. 

The other room was dull. That was the room from before. 

Sheer. Black. Where am I? Could it be, me, in that room, all alone? 

Time played on, but frozen, was I. Stopped by the blanket of judgement,

and jealousy, that you had laid on top of me. 

She came back for me, though. You tried stopping her. 

That's when the scene hit play, and the noises came back to life.

There you were, with her. The clashing and shouting. The jealousy and despair. 

That left you, but never (left me).

What is life but his heart ever so enticed,

His creation from the bees made such fresh honey.

Lips blazen with Autumn’s warmth and its spice,

In I breathe the wine that eminates sweet.

Solace as we lay through tangled limbs,

His eyes withhold the flower and its thorns.

Set ablaze my hearth the fire within,

In the familiar hums of a house untorn.

But the quiet was soon to be unbecoming,

Can't death be failure against our defiance.

I wait for my bones to stop their shaking,

I watch the world and all of its silence.

Such sweet memories that remain in dreams,

I dare not be stolen ever from me.

Madness is my happy

I show myself when I’m mad

I think less

I worry less

I am me more

I love the Madness

I fell in love with Madness

I fell in love because of the Madness

It makes me happy

That’s important it me

I’m constantly searching

For happiness

It is my goal in life to be happy

I need it

The madness gives it to me

I don’t know what I would do without it

So now, I thank it

I would be a mess without it

Thank you, Madness

You’ve done so much fo me

I know many search to be rid of it

I search for the opposite

I search to be further consumed by it

I love my happy place, my Madness

I wouldn’t give it up for the world

Before I begin, I must admit that this has been a very hard challenge for me to come up with an idea for. We have been taught to focus on the parts of ourselves that need fixing rather than the perfect qualities we already have. I have spend time thinking about what to write for this. I have just been waiting for the inspiration to come, and finally, it did. I was asked to my school’s dance today by my crush, and my reaction to it has led me to realize what I believe is my best quality. I have this incredible ability to feel things. I’m not sure if this happens to everyone sometimes, but sometimes, when things like this happen, this awesome wave of pure happiness comes over me and I turn into this happy, fun, loving person that I believe, at least, is just fun to be around.

I’m not sure if this is the best part of myself for me to experience or if other people enjoy it when I’m like this too, but I have rarely been around people who you can just tell are entirely happy in that moment. Sure, I’m sad a lot. I don’t think anyone would consider me a happy person on a day-to-day basis, but I think that’s part of what makes it so great. If I were like that everyday, there would be nothing special about it. When I’m just happy, I’m not worrying about all the repercussions of what is going to happen. There is absolutely nothing “bad” on my mind. I feel like I’m dreaming and for once, I am completely in the moment. These are the best times of my life, and that, I think, makes it my best quality.

i’m ready

to fall in love

with places,

to light my heart

with memories

of oceans

and alleyways

and balconies

above shadows moving

in the shapes

of strangers

i’m ready

to fall in love

with places,

to ink my soul

with poetry

of distant skies

and open roads

and homes

i’ve only known

in my dreams

of falling.

Dearest One,

You tell yourself you failed

But, let it go, that ship has sailed

Nineteen years ago, this very day

You meant the very vows you did say

You WILL love him till your very death

Just can no longer smell the boozed breath

To live authentic didn't break vow

It is time you show your daughter how

To live a life of kindness, serenity too

To be authentically, wholly you

Your head, this day, begs a second guess

This letter seeks to put that second-guessing to rest

Be at peace, you're doing the best you can

Know that he, flawed and beautiful, is just a man

Sleep well, know with each exhale

Letting go, you did not fail

Suicide

The definition

Is you

Being involved with you

The demons

Emitted from your mouth

From your soul

Kills me more

Each day

Breathing is tough

Engulfing me with your hate

Tears will eventually dry

Limits will be pushed

On a brink to extinction

My life is dampered by you

Surging my blood to boil

You give me every reason to die

Inside of me is hollow

It echoes to no return

Brittle to my bones

A disease plaguing my existence

How can I overcome another breath

Trying to exist is impossible

Negotiating how many heartbeats

I can last

K.j.a. (c) 2017