you see I was always told that one day I'd find what I was searching for, to never settle for anything else. but with you, I found something better. You mightve not been what I was searching for but I knew I needed you. Everything before you just tormented me, I never lived a moment in peace. Before you, I didn't know if I was capable of serenity. When I'm with you all the stress and anguish I've felt disappears. You saved me from a loneliness that I had been enclosed by for so long. I never envisioned actually being with someone like you, when being with you became more substantial than just a dream I panicked. I had never felt this way before, you changed me. It wasn't just any kind of change. You've been the only one who has made me willingly put my pride aside. You didn't just change my personality or my view on life. You touched my heart in a way no one could and ever will. You were the one who had not become overwhelmed by my feelings , unlike everyone before you. A love that wasn't unrequited. I always protected myself but with you I didn't want to hide. I was emotionally tired of myself and mentally fatigued from words like love and promise. I'm a complicated person, even through the hours you've heard me endlessly talk, you don't know me well, you don't see my faults like I do . and when I fell for you I noticed so much about you, you're very withdrawn and as much as you attempted to put up the emotionless wall, I know there's something behind it that I havent seen and you don't have to tear it down I don't expect or want you to until you want to. Tell me all the terrible things you've ever done and let me love you anyway. I love everything you aren't and everything you are. I love the way your voice changes towards each person, because with me it has a soft tone that warms my heart like nothing else. I love how big your hands look when they're in mine. I love how your lips feel perfect pressed against mine. Ever since the first kiss I knew I would never want to kiss anyone else. And with every I love you, I know I never want to let you go. You're a perfection that I never thought I'd obtain. but now that I have you, I know it's all I'll ever need.

It's been 8 months. 8 months since I stood in front of my mirror uncontrollably crying telling myself that it was over. Even when I told myself that I could never chase you out of my mind no matter what. I tried , I forgot about you when I was out when the warmth of the sun kissed my skin. You were no where to be seen. But when night hit. The moonlight wasn't enough to burn you out of my head . I didn't miss you but I just thought "how is he". After everything I still thought about your well being. After you ignored mine. You made me physically ache, with you I truly knew what heartbreak is. but yet here I am 8 months later wondering if you're okay.

It's been 8 months. 8 months since I stood in front of my mirror uncontrollably crying telling myself that it was over. Even when I told myself that I could never chase you out of my mind no matter what. I tried , I forgot about you when I was out, when the warmth of the sun kissed my skin. You were nowhere to be seen. But when night hit. The moonlight wasn't enough to burn you out of my head . I didn't miss you but I just thought "how is he". After everything I still thought about your well being. After you ignored mine. with you I truly knew what heartbreak is. but yet here I am 8 months later wondering if you're okay.

there are moments like this where I can't find what I want to hear. I can't find what I think I need to be fulfilled. I'm a special case. Always living in the past but worried about the future, unwilling to face what's in front of me.  I'm standing at the crossroads among everything, protecting myself, because if I choose the present or the future I am unaware of what I will face. I take comfort in knowing the pain I had. I greet it like an old friend and miss it when it's gone because its visits were so long. I don't know how to live without it anymore. I get curious. I want to know what the other paths contain. I'll do anything for a simple glimpse of what awaits. which in the end is worth nothing, when I can't let go. One hand is shielding myself while the other is holding on to you.