time, and the lack of it
You have such beautiful skin.
Well, help yourself, love.
Don’t mind if I do...
That night everything fell into place. Me, him. The time. The place.
My hands searched for him, I wanted to get him as close as possible, and he let me, with eagerness. The way he touched me, where he touched me. It messed up with my mind. His fingertips sliding against my skin set everything on fire. I couldn’t have stopped him even if I wanted to. And I didn’t. If it was up to me, we would have stayed in that room forever. But we didn’t. Time was running out and he would soon leave.
So I took whatever I had left with him and made the best of it. I made it good. I let him play with me, amuse me. I let him make my dreams come true. I was losing him soon. So I also had to lose myself with him. It wasn’t a hard thing to do. He was my everything.
The way his fingers traced the lines of my body, the way he followed the map of my thighs. He knew exactly where he was going. I arched my back and closed my eyes.
Ready to experience all that he had to offer. All that my senses were ready to take... and so much more. I screamed that night with a fire that smoldered me up, that turned me to ashes. I was his completely, and enjoyed every minute of it... right until he was gone and all I had left, were the sweet, sweet memories of him and the things he could do to me.
He left and I already wanted him back.
Maybe, just maybe, one day I would have him again.
the red waves
anger it fills my veins
anger it sips through my arteries
anger when it reaches my heart
I can't deny it
I can't control it
it overflows me
even if I know the tidal wave
will soon disappear
it clouds my brain
it weights on my head
it overflows me
like the rain
that threats to be a flood
I am underneath it all
I am under the sea
the waves clash against me
as I hit the rock bottom
I am tired of being
scorned by the same things
over and over again
I am the tidal wave
I am the shipwreck
I am the last straw
and yet I breathe
and yet I conquer
I emerge from
the dark depths
of my prison
I survive
no matter how tall
are my waves
I don't fight them
I embraced them
the anger fades from my system
and I calm my monsters
from the depths
I inhale as I once again resurface
I live to see yet another day
It's alright... it's alright
I will be fine once more
just not today
mine
hello, darkness
I embrace you with kindness
I touch your heart gently
as the ground shakes and swallows me up
I don’t fight your strong arms
I let you run your fingers down my spine
your kiss is madness
yet it soothes my senses
your love may seem cold to others
yet it warms my insides
I embrace the darkness
because it’s a part of you
I pull you closer
because I feel the light breaking through
it lights my path
as I stumble with each step
what you have
makes me whole
so come closer
yes, closer
I do not fear the bad in you
I accept this pleasure
and take my time
so I can experience
all of the good
that you always hold back
but baby, I got time
and I see all of you
even when darkness pretends
to cover it up
I fear nothing
when you hold me close
My sweet savior
with a black soul
but darling haven’t you heard?
black is the new white
so let’s share this light
as you hold me close
because I am yours
and you are mine
come closer
yes, closer
tired
I wish my anger was of the healing kind,
not a force shredding my soul
a sharp blade piercing my skin
every time you forget
your bruises
and bones broken
happily falling off a cliff
of what you think is real
I can feel the rage clouding my mind
and the sharp pain under my ribs follows,
makes my eyes tear up,
the blade goes in deep
I'm tired of picking you up
from the ground,
I am tired of being the glue
to your heart
What's the point?
What's the meaning here?
and yet,
after all, said and done
I can only find my way to you
I would leave
but I can't,
I struggle to keep you warm
but my body is so cold
It falls apart
every time you jump off that cliff
hands spread out,
a smile of hope on your face
Can't you see that there are only
rocks there waiting?
there is no flow of love
to keep you intact
please don't go there again,
please stay here,
with me
I'm tired of being the glue
to your heart
when my own started to fall apart
when the good fades
I tried to convince her_ I tried to make her see
but it's no use
she ain't gonna love you no more
you talked so much about your lonely days_ that you didn't notice
no, you never even saw
how broken up she really was_ and that she needed a home
you should have invited her in,
make her stay
warm up by your fire
and dream
instead of yelling_ how cold you felt inside
you should have made her your home
instead of leaving her with the frost
_
red on the soul
.
should I pull you away from my thoughts?
should I I hold on to the weak strings until you leave my heart?
the cords ripped_ the memories cut
or should I just scrape you away with a wooden spoon?
until I am empty_ hollow_ with the bottom visible and left raw
all the signs of you pushed
to “nomore”
and then when there will be nothing left_ and my spirits will hit the glass surface
and the walls will break_ I will cover myself in the pieces
that no longer hold meaning
I will build an armor_ I won’t feel the pain
no you_ no us_ no pain
common lust?
I lusted after you
even if I never expected for it to be true
I visualized how it would be
the taste of your lips
the touch of your skin
the smell of your wounded soul
in my warm embrace,
I didn't want to share
I wanted you for myself
my mind filled with pictures and sensations
of my fingers against your thighs
and your hands against my back
nails digging in
and passion filling us both
the unseen bruises under your skin
felt like bonded courage that only my soul could respond to
I lusted after you
and when I close my eyes
I know that I still want you like that
I am full of this sin that burns so good
red flames, guiding me your way
flash against flash
sin against sin
those soft lips of yours calling me in
but is it a sin to love you like that?
in that way?
maybe... perhaps
but sinners are just like that
remind me, how soft, did you say they were...?
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