Desert winds picked up and all I could feel was the loneliness that swallowed the city around me. The quietness and I didn’t even know if I was actually alone in this bigger than life city.

Heebies’s barks jumped back and forth between the glass buildings that glared the sun back at me. Her happy face was waiting for me just a few steps ahead of me.

My body started shaking.

"Miss, are you okay."

Honking cars started ringing around me and the city filled in around me. The sky and a woman with dyed pink hair and a nose ring filled the vision above me.

"Yeah..."

“Are you anrgy?”

Irritated yes...Angry...

“No”

****

“Are you angry?”

Do I have a right to be angry?

“No”

****

“Are you angry?”

Should I be angry?

“No”

****

“Are you angry?”

Dissapointed...do I have a right to be dissapointed?

“No”

****

“Are you angry?”

“No”

****

“Are you angry?”

“No”

Yes but I don’t know who I’m more angry at myself or the circumstances because I know I’m not angry at you.

*****

I open and reload youtube hoping for some new content I like.

I don’t find anything so I end up just reloading the same old videos I’ve been watching for the past few days because I don’t want to pick something new and not like it.

Nothing new in days and I want to write but nothing is coming to mind.

I have stories and ideas, characters and scenes that play in my headspace using my time like putty.

I don’t think I understand the world the same way everyone else does and I know is that in thinking that I’m probably like everyone else in the world who thinks they’re special because they don’t feel the same way as everyone else they know does.

I want someone I can trust with the parts of me that I don’t even trust and I know that isn’t going to happen till I trust myself enough to let go of my reserves on not wanting to be disappointed because everything seems easier if you just play backseat driver to your emotions.

I know if I get it out of my head it will feel more real than it does now and I’ll be able to think about all of this with some perspectives.

Cry, baby. Cry your tears of crystals that you shed so easily. Cry baby, just cry tears of jewels and stones down your porcelain features. Cry and cringe in streams of crushed dreams that hold onto your heart and soul like a death grip. Rubies and emeralds don’t compare to the worth of the pain that claws at the muscles and fibers around your body. Cry babies are a dime a dozen but you are distinct in your smile of fool’s gold and crystal diamond eyes.

The lights rose into the sky as lanterns left people’s fingertips. The smell of lilac became a cloying scent as the life in the shadows took form and stepped up to my side.

An icy pale grey black veined hand took my hand and without ever looking up I knew that it was my time. My heartbeat slowly but my breath seemed to still as my struggle hold back from spinning around.

“Can you answer a question if I don’t have a question?” The quietness in my voice surprised me as did the swell of tears that pricked to my eyes.

Looking up I was met by the woman who wore a dress of black feathers that fell to her feet and trailed behind her turning to smoke and shadows the further away from her it was. Around her neck was a small silver chain that gripped her neck with an aggressive feel to it. The black veins that crawled up her neck, shoulders, arms, and face showing the intimidating nature that was her appearance. Her pure black eyes couldn’t show the same depth of sadness and pain that was echoing in mine but when I looked at her I could see her pain as clear as if she had spoken it.

She opened her mouth then closed seeming unable to speak to me.

“When I was a kid my mom used to tell me all about the City of Music. That it was better than the compound.” The glow of the lights from the streets below and from the boats sitting at the docks made the sitting look like a beating heart of warmth. The rhythm and sounds of the people singing in the streets drifted like the wind all around the buildings. “I grew up under closed gates and inhumane soldiers. All she wanted was for me to survive but not because she loved me...because I was her family, her blood, and you look after your blood.”

Looking at Morganna I could see the tense strain that was on her jaw making her veins bulge und her skin. “I grew up in this city, I bet you were disappointed.”

“If I wasn’t who I was I would probably be quite thrilled with the city but I don’t in.” She let go of my hand to turn me around and grip my shoulders. Black tears trailed down her skin and stained her skin.

Pain dug into my skin and reached into my bones. My heart burned and contracted and my muscles spasmed. My knees hit the ground and her hands moved to my head. I felt my blood run down the sides of my face from my ears and over my lips from my nose.

She leaned down as my body laid down on the ground. Her lips pressed against mine and the contrast of her icy temperature to my skin didn’t seem as bad anymore.

The clock ticked to five-thirty but I felt like it pounded at each movement of the hands.

The sound of the air conditioner felt like the noisest thing in the world as we tried to make as little noise as possible. Just hoping that maybe....just maybe they could forget that they arrested us in the first place.

I just want all of this to go away.

I want to reach out to Emma...who has been so strong through all of this even though she could lose everything. Who stood by me even when all I wanted to do was the wrong thing.

I needed to reach out to my boyfriend who doesn’t deserve being here at all. Who loved me for me when even I hated me for me.

I want Freddy to know that I wish I could give him a hug and tell him everything was alright now.

But all I can do is sit here and hold onto what little sanity I have left.

It sucks and all I want to do is scream all the air out of my lungs.

***********

The clock ticked to 6 pm

“Personally I think the kid in the red sweatshirt did it.” One of the officers watching over us motioned softly with his thumb to Marcus.

The officer who had been looking down the hallway turned back and craned his head around one of the beams holding the ceiling up to get a look at who Officer Collins had been talking about.

“Faye’s kid? Nah...he’s too much.....of a goodie two shoes to pull something like this off but I think he knows who did it. Once we talk to him we’ll know who did it.”

Officer Collins snorted, “If he’s such a goodie two shoes he would have squealed the minute he found out who did it.”

Emma’s blonde head had been hanging in between her legs since we got here and for some reason, it was this that made her look up and turn to me with this look of anxiety, despair, sadness, and terror.

I wanted to mouth to her that everything was going to be okay.

Even though it wasn’t going to be okay.

I wanted to tell her that maybe she should go to the bathroom and splash some water on her face.

But all I could do is stare and feel like I was being choked by my guilt.

*************

The tap of a pair of heels echoed down the hallway and I knew who it was going to be even before I saw the disappointment on her face.

She didn’t even look at me.

“Detective, what is she still doing here. You said she would be released soon.”

Soon...

Released....soon.

How long have you been waiting in the foyer unable to come and even be in the same room as me?

“We still have to question and based on the answers we received from Miss Divya Narang, there are going to be a lot of things she will have to have answers for.” Detective Maden looked up from the paperwork he was filling out on his desk to look at my sister Pricilla.

He stood and motioned for her to follow him out of the room as he walked around his desk to stand a few steps behind her as she started to walk back up the hallway.

“Thank you miss for your corporation and patience with this matter as we move to find the person or peoples who are primarily responsible for the crime.”

Their shadows disappeared and after I heard the click of the hallway door closing I knew she had left.

What has Divya done?

**********

“Miss Fox please stand.”

Officer Collins motioned for me to stand and wrapped his hand around my arm as he escorted me to the interrogation room.

I caught Marcus’s eyes as I was walked away and I could tell that all he wanted to do was get out of here and all I wanted to do was do everything in my power to get him off the hook.

Officer Collins’s hand felt sweaty and big on my arm.

I looked up to find his face just an inch above mine...

Damn, he’s short.

I looked back to where we were going, into the interrogation room to speak to the detectives about what happened and why.

I saw a woman in dark red slacks, a loose white silk blouse, and a dark red jacket walked in the room ahead of us.

I stepped in and heard Officer Collins close the door behind me as I was faced with probably one of the most serious things I would ever have to do in my life.

Anxiety filled my stomach and I felt the sweat in the middle of my back pull my shirt to my back like it was being suctioned to it.

“Hi, Angela...did my sister call you?”

She nodded and took my arm as she leaned down a bit to talk to me.

“Don’t answer any questions without my permission. They can’t offer you any deals, that’s not their job. Only a prosecutor can do that and they won’t have one in the room because as of right now they don’t have enough actual evidence to prosecute anybody. They have enough to hold you all because they have enough evidence to suggest that it was one of you. They were skeevy and waited to call you all in once they had the most likely suspects booked for smaller definitive charges.”

“I was arrested and so was Ethan.”

“He’s being questioned right now for the crimes surrounding the one they know he committed.”

“Is all of this legal? Why are they even doing it? It didn’t take long for them to do the actual work to get us in the system. The thing that has been taking forever is everyone getting questioned.”

She turned her head to look over her shoulder and see what the detective was doing as she while she was explaining things to me.

“No and Yes. It’s technically legal but it can be argued as unlawful.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Just because you can argue something doesn’t mean it will go over the way you want it to. Your other question, why are they doing it. They are doing it so they have your prints in the system so if they find any fingerprint evidence they have something to refer to.

Remember everything you say and don’t say can and will be used against you so stay calm and do..as..I..say. Now let’s get this over with so we can get you home.”

“I thought it was just what I do say?”

“I wish it was.” She let go of him.

*********

The room felt really cold which made the metal seat really uncomfortable.

“Miss Josey Fox, can we call you Josey.”

I nodded.

“Josey, I’m Detective Maden and this is Detective Kielan. We only have a few questions for you.”

Detective Kielan opens up a small notebook and flips the pen around her fingers.

“Where was on...October 13, 2015?”

She taps the pen on her notebook and focuses on me, waiting for my answer.

I meet Angela’s eyes and she looks to the detectives.

“I was under the assumption that this questioning had to do with the crime committed on March 7th, 2017, is this not the case?”

Detective Maden leans back in his chair, a salt & pepper curl falls into his line of sight, as he looked as he spoke.

“It is, but based on evidence and information gained through a previous questioning we have concluded that the two crimes are most likely not connected but committed by the same person.”

A bead of sweat slipped into my making me want to cry or itch my eyes. I settled for the latter as bursting into tears right now wouldn’t be good.

Angela leaned towards me and turned so my face was hidden by hers.

“Where were you?” she murmured letting her hair fall in front of her mouth as she spoke.

“I was at Divya’s house from 2 am that day to 5 pm the next day. We were marathon watching The Mentalist and practicing our Halloween makeup. I fell asleep after we finished eating the pizza we ordered around 8:20 maybe 8:30. I woke up at 9:25 AM the next day.” My voice low and it felt like I was losing air making it hard to talk. I knew exactly where I was without ever having to really think about it.

She nodded and sat back up to look at the two detectives who had been watching the exchange of information with interest.

“My client will answer this question.” She looked at me briefly and nodded.

Detective Kielan was writing at rapid speed while I was relaying what I just told Angela.

The next question came shortly after she was done writing down my reply.

Detective Maden slid a picture of a Latin-American teenage boy across the table.

“Based on a previous statement we have from you about an incident that required police intervention, you said that you had no other affiliation with Oscar Riveras other than that he was a friend of your boyfriend and that it was at this party that you first met him. Is this statement correct? If you need further clarification on what incident we are speaking of please let us know.”

I could almost see the air of smugness that surrounded Detective Maden as he waited for my answer to his trap.

Detective Kielan looked at me held her pen above her notepad.

I turned and saw Angela shake her head.

Her voice rang out steely towards Detective Maden as she spoke on my behalf, “My client will not be answering this question.”

“Under what grounds will she not be answering this question?” Detective Kielan focused all of her attention on Angela.

“She needs no grounds to answer. You have no right to any of the information or lack of information she has. If she doesn’t want to answer, she doesn’t have to.”

My nails bit into my leg just enough to hurt but not enough to break skin through my jeans. I wanted to correct them. I had said that I had never seen Oscar before that night but that wasn’t true.

I let my head fall briefly and my sight turns into a blank gaze as I stared at my shoes against the floor. A shiver ran through my body and a trail of sweat slid down the back of my neck.

Why is it so cold in here?

How am I still so hot?

The questioning went on for at least two hours according to Angela’s watch. It was on a cycle of them asking questions and me not being allowed to answer most of them. If I was allowed to answer it was because it was a clear yes or no answer with a non-incriminating answer.

“What were you doing at the Sunnydale gas station at 11:25 PM on October 15, 2015?”

Detective Maden’s eyes pierced into me and it felt like he could see into my soul. It felt like he was trying to peel me apart piece by piece to understand something that wasn’t his to understand.

It felt like he was prying and it made me sweat.

“Josey...please answer the question.” His icy dark blue-grey eyes held my brown ones in a way that was almost against my will. His fingers moved up and down making a soft sound as they hit the table again...

.....and again

......and again.

I felt my already present headache increase to a pressure that almost made me want to cry. Sweat slid down my forehead and into my eyes making my sight momentarily hazy as tears flooded my eyes and slid down my cheeks.

God this must look so bad. I probably look so damn guilty.

My temples throbbed as blood rushed to my head making me feel even worse.

I knew what Angela wanted me to say before she ever shook her head.

“I'm not going to answer that.” I could have found a better way to say that but it has already been said and there is no going back. Angela should have said it and used all of her lawery words to make it sound...more...professional? Put together. Like I’m not a giant fumbling fool who can’t make a elegant sentence.

Can a sentence even be elegant? Is it more correct to say that she could have made the sentence flow better? Does that even convey the same things I was trying to convey with elegant? With the word elegant not just the concept of something being elegant. What is the concept of something being elegant? Is it like

“Josey!” A few quick snaps and a shout dragged me out of my head and back into the cold interrogation room.

“Yes,” My voice sounded weird to me. Like it came from someone else. It didn’t sound how I think that I sound. I sounded hoarse and quiet but at the same time too loud for a room that was so quiet.

“Would it be appropriate to call Marcus LeShae your boyfriend? Would it be correct to say that you two have been together for about two years and some months?” Detective Kielan had set her pen down to push a cup of water over to me as she asked me what should have been two simple questions.

Simple questions have simple answers right?...right.

“Yes it would be appropriate to call Marcus my boyfriend and we have been dating for two years and by tomorrow, five months.” The answer flew out my face before Angela was even able to motion to me whether or not I should answer this question.

It was a simple question with a clear answer.

I just didn’t want to know what their follow up was going to be now that they had this information.

Luckily I didn’t have to find out because Angela cut Detective Maden off before he even had something to cut off.

“My client has been here for over two hours and you haven’t shown that you have any information worth keeping her here overnight so I am going to politely ask you to let us leave and if you don’t let us...” She paused to glare into the eyes of both detectives, "I’ll be taking this into court before you have any reason for us to need to be there other than that you think she might maybe have something to do with something you obviously aren’t sure even happened.”

Even though she had stood up I couldn’t bring myself to move. It felt like I had weights holding my feet to the floor and on top of that, I was pretty sure if I stood up I would puke so I was pretty thankful for the weights so I wouldn’t rush to my feet in my eagerness to leave the cold concrete room filled with traps.

“It seems that your client does not agree with your decision.” Detective Maden broke eye contact with Angela to give me a look at observation.

I was soon taller than he was as my legs rose up from a seat on their own violation because I was sure as hell that I didn’t want to get up till I was sure I wouldn’t puke all over the tile floor. However, if you were going to puke on the floor tile would be the best surface to puke on. Then hardwood, then cement and never puke on carpets because if you feel any sympathy towards the person who’s going to have to clean that up just don’t.

This room could use a good scrub anyway. It looks like some spiders have made a home in one of the corners, the air vents are dusty and dirty, there are weird stains on the parts of the cement walls that connect with the tile. The tile alone could use a good moping. You could see the shoe prints from people who have been the room before me.

Angela’s hand was soft, and cold on my flushed, goosebumpy, and sweaty arm as she moved me towards the door further moving me away from where I felt like the rest of me must be.

It felt like I was having an out of body experience where I could see myself walking out the door, down the hallway and around the odd three desks that were set up around the benches the rest of my friends and boyfriend were sitting on. I could see myself almost yank my arm out of Angela’s hand to get her to stop for a moment while rested my hands on my legs and hung my head down. It felt like I wasn’t there and I was all at the same time.

It felt like I was rushing and I couldn’t stop spinning. My head hurt and my stomach was tying itself up in herculean knots as I looked at the floor hoping it would stop moving so much. I felt like my shirt was trying to sink into me with how close it felt, it felt like it was confining me, trapping me in my place of disarray. I couldn’t move and everything around couldn’t...wouldn’t stop moving. I need some fucking clarity. I need some space.

And why is it so damn cold in this fucking building!

A pair of dark red sneakers entered my view and I knew Marcus had made his way to me. His hand felt uncomfortably hot on my skin when I felt like I was too cold and too sweaty to be touched. It only took that little bit extra of uncomfortableness before whatever was holding back the puke went away. I jolted away from Marcus and ran to the police station’s bathroom.

I didn’t even stop to look around the bathroom. I just threw open one of the stall doors and fell to my knees next to the toilet. My stomach turned and twisted, writhed and coiled as I looked at the ripples in the water that were formed by my spit and vomit. I wanted to lay down but the last place you want to optionally lay down is on a public bathroom floor however I don’t think I can make it an entire ride back to my sister’s house....my home...

but I’m going to have to.

My murky yellow reflection stared back at me from the toilet with a look of disgust.

************

I wanted desperately to talk to Marcus but he looks quite busy with his mom as she gripped him in a hug that looked suffocating. I saw Emma being led into the interrogation room just as my vision of the rest of the station was blocked by Detective Kielan.

Her stern and suspicious face looked me up and down like I could be hiding all my untold truths on my person. Her eyes relaxed and narrowed quickly as she further observed me.

“You told us close to nothing but don’t think that just because you didn’t tell us anything that we won’t find out the truth...whatever that is.” She spoke in even tones without ever putting inflection on any of the words.

“Are you threatening me? You know that’s illegal don’t you?”

“Why would I need to threaten you?” She smirked well at least I think it was a smirk. If I’m honest it just looked like a shitty attempt at a smirk.

I felt my stomach do another turn and tie itself just a little bit tighter.

Sweat trailed down my spine in transparent rivers.

I smelled Angela’s cinnamon and raspberry perfume as she stepped up next to me and grabbed my left shoulder. Her hand fitting unevenly around me.

“My client and I will be leaving now and if I see you threatening her again I will be filing for a restraining order.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little extreme.” Detective Kielan shook her head in what looked like disbelief and amusement rolled into one with just a sprinkling of cocky bravado.

“Not at all when the person threatening my client has a gun, a taser, and a badge.” She stared Kielan down before grabbing my arm and practically dragging me towards the door.

I didn’t even get to talk to Marcus.

“You’re sister wishes to speak to you when you get home.”

Fuck...oh well...

"Welcome Miss Bartel, take a seat."

My watch ticked on marking yet another hour spent in the station.

Another hour that could have been spent doing anything else.

I’m serious...

Anything else.

But no...detectives need to ask me questions they could answer themselves just to see if they could get a damn reaction out of me.

I soft sniffle escaped my lips

Play it up...

Tears filled my eyes

That’s what my dad always told me

My sun gold blonde hair fell in a mess in front of my face.

You’re a small blonde girl.

I started to tremble as I met Detective Kielan’s eyes

People will protect you because you look like you need it

“I was just trying to help. You have to believe me...I was just trying to help.”

Tears tend to push people out of their comfort zone and will turn their compassion towards you.

Wetness trailed down my face, to my throat and stopped at my collarbone.

“Miss Bartel breathe. In...out.” Detective Kielan was kneeling beside me rubbing my back as I cried in an attempt to calm down my sobs and shaking.

Detective Maden came back in the room with a cup of ice water and some kleenex.

The water went down my throat and I could feel it making me more awake.

All this crying and calming down this quickly was giving me that feeling I always had after I cried of just being wiped out and dry. It was almost like I had no more tears in me.

Fuck...now for the rest of this I’m going to hear that Ariana Grande song in my head.

**********

“He called and said he needed help and I mean come on, have you seen him and we’ve been friends for like ever.” My hands felt warm against my face as I hid behind the kleenex they gave me.

An officer came in the room with a honey bun on a plate and some more water.

“Here this will help you calm down.” He sat the items in front of me. Looking up at the pudgy middle age officer I recognized him as the officer who had been left with us when Collins had taken Josey away for the interrogation.

“When did you first realize something was wrong with him?” Kielan leaned forward in her chair and looked over at her partner.

Maden’s eyes were squinting but his body language suggested that he was relaxed and the rest of his face said that he felt some type of sympathy for me but I couldn’t tell if he was trying to play me.

The door closed and I let a shaky breath fog up the cold metal table. My blurry reflection stared back at me and disappeared as I pulled the honey bun in front of me.

“I didn’t want to admit anything was wrong with him. I wanted it to be just a one-time thing but...he started to change so much after that night. We had been friends for so long...all I wanted was to help a friend out. I ignored the...those little things that would have altered me that something was up.” Chewing through the bread and feeling the icy water drip down my chin turning my head to look at Maden’s eyes.

He was watching Kielan take notes on what I was saying.

“Where is he?”

“At the Riveras house under the rose bushes.”

Their heads whipped to look at me.

“Under the rose bushes?” Kielan and Maden spoke at the same time in almost the same emotional tones too. “Young lady, what do you think this is some kind of joke?”

“You’ll find proof that Ethan killed him under the rosebushes.”

“If you’re wondering why you can’t get a date maybe it’s because YOU REFUSE TO PAY ATTENTION TO PEOPLE!” My voice boomed across the room to the officer who had been watching me since Detective Furutani had left to get some information from the two detectives who had probably interviewed Josey and Divya.

The door swung open revealing the curly platinum blonde hair and Cheeto tan police officer.

“Watch your tone young man and by the way that was a private discussion.”

“Conversations stop being private when you start having them right in front of other people,...Officer Luverne.” I could feel my face burn up and I used the chair as a way to put some space between me and the officer.

“Look kid just wait here quietly and you’ll be out of here pretty quickly.” His entire face just oozed exhaustion and irritation. The door shut closing me off to the rest of the station.

Shoving my chair into the door I noticed that I could see Detective Furutani yelling at one of the officers through the small window in the door.

The muffled sound of his voice reached me through the thick door so I could only imagine how loud it must be out there.

Shoving the chair away from the door I pressed closer to the door to see if I could see anything else out of the small window.

Marcus was being led somewhere by his mom, I couldn’t see Emma’s feet but that..hopefully...didn’t mean she wasn’t out there waiting to interrogated.

(Author's Note: Similar to my Uncovered posts this something I found but either didn't finish or just didn't like but I'm going to post it anyway. Sorry for the incomplete chapter.)